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22 | I need to call 911.
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2024-10-29 19:42:56“So, Brianna, do you have a boyfriend?” It’s been about fifteen minutes since Mrs. Porter and I have been chatting.
Or rather, she keeps asking me questions while I keep answering, hoping to escape as soon as possible.“Good, good, the boyfriend is with someone else!” I hope that by using my terrible jokes, Mrs. Porter will stop inviting me to her house.
Now that I think about it… what is Mrs. Porter’s first name?
I have no idea.It’s almost normal talking to her when she’s not rambling on about her husband.
“Did you see Mike? What did I tell you? Boys today aren’t as faithful as they used to be.”
Scratch that.
Then she turns to me. “You know, Brianna? Before I met Mike, I was with a guy I thought was really the love of my life. And do you know what he did?”
Someone please pull me out of this conversation.
I shake my head in denial.
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Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 23 | Ambarabà ciccì cocò, how much bad luck I have!
I'm comfortably lying on my bed, face down with my legs bent in the air, and I have no idea what to do.Today I was only supposed to work in the morning, and now I’m just bored.My parents have come in at least twice each, saying that instead of lying around doing nothing, I could do my homework. It goes without saying that I laughed every time.I decide to text Carly since, now that I think about it, it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Apparently, I’ve been too caught up with the Reid family.I try to video call her, but she doesn’t answer, and after about thirty seconds, I hang up. I try several more times, but she never picks up.How strange; Carly is usually glued to her phone.Then I check the time and realize it’s the middle of the afternoon, and it’s summer.Carly is probably sleeping.I look around for something to do, and my gaze lands on the computer.If this
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 24 | Maybe I shouldn't be so impulsive.
I stretch out on the table to grab the bottle of wine and fill my glass, then down the contents in one go.I can’t go on without alcohol.This dinner has gone downhill.Paul and my dad are talking about soccer, or basketball, or football; I’m not quite sure which sport they’re discussing, and they’re practically shouting.Julie and my mom are talking about cooking, and my mom is bragging about how good she is at making apple pie, the very pie that I made.Skyler couldn’t come because she’s sick, and Connor is at a friend’s house.James hasn’t put his phone down for even two seconds, and I’m deeply bored.At one moment when we were all distracted, Aisha grabbed Paul’s beer bottle and took a sip, and I think she got drunk because she started laughing nonstop, so Julie made her drink some water and managed to get her to fall asleep.But can kids get drunk?Maybe she&
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 25 | Goddammit, to my mom and her killer hugs.
«Ho un'idea!» esclama James, alzandosi a sedere di scatto sul mio letto.Alzo la testa dal cuscino. «E sarebbe?»Mette una mano sul mio braccio e inizia a scuotermi come una pignatta. «Organizziamo un pizza party!» urla.Stacco la sua mano dal mio braccio e gli lancio un'occhiata assassina. «Smettila di scuotermi, non sono una pignatta.»«Scusa» farfuglia. «Comunque», riprende a parlare, «organizziamo un fantastico pizza party. Io, tu, Connor e Sky» propone. «Tu che ne pensi?» mi chiede.Faccio finta di pensarci su, anche se so già la risposta, e poi mi alzo d
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 26 | The pizza party has turned into a sad party.
"She can't die. If only she hadn't acted so rich and had eaten less, they would both have been on that piece of wood." Sobbing.James looks at me in shock. "You can't be serious! She's not fat; you're just saying that because the guy is hot," he retorts.I glare at him. "Regardless of how beautiful young Leonardo DiCaprio is, that piece of wood from the ship was big enough for both of them, and not just Rose, so Jack could have been saved."James scoffs. "If Jack had climbed on, the piece of wood would have sunk, and they would both have drowned. It's better that only Jack died, rather than both of them."I open my mouth, deeply shocked by what he said, and I throw a cushion right in his face. "Do you want to see how I drown you, huh? Jack didn’t deserve to die! Hot or not!" I sob loudly.Carly turns to me, and I see that her mascara is running under her eyes from crying. "You're right, Bry, Jack didn't deserve to die. Rose was cruel
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 27 | I've never been woken up by a thunderstorm.
JAMESI feel something violently hit my ribs, and my breath catches in my throat.I moan in pain and turn to the other side, but it doesn’t help, as now I’m struck in the back.Oh my God, I can’t feel my spine anymore.I feel an arm hit my head, attempting to stretch out, and then it ends up on my neck, choking me and blocking my ability to breathe and live.Oh no, no.What kind of shitty wake-up is this?I grab the wrist and jerk the arm away from my neck, taking a deep breath afterward, but then I’m hit in the head again, and now I have an arm on my shoulder.I glare at the arm and huff in annoyance, then I push it away and turn back to see who is trying to take my life.Bad idea.As soon as I position myself on my right side, I’m hit by a mass of very light hair that prevents me from seeing anything.Some hair gets in my mouth, so I spit a bit and move it asid
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 28 | Shit, she recognized me!
“What are we cooking for lunch?” James asks, as he sprawls out on the couch, taking up all the available space.I raise an eyebrow and look at him skeptically, trying to figure out if he’s joking or not.He’s dead serious.Is he really serious?“Are you telling me you want to cook again, after we burned all the pancakes until the batter ran out?” I ask, confused.He looks at me. “And what would you like to eat? The chairs? And the pancakes burned because, while I was cooking, you distracted me,” he retorts.I open my mouth wide. “I swear, I’ll smash that chair over your head.” I cross my arms over my chest, offended. “And it’s not true that I distracted you.”“Yes, it is.”“No, it’s not.”“Yes, it is.”“No.”“Yes.”“And let’s hear it, genius, how
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 29 | Carly is dead.
A disaster.The living room is a complete disaster.There are feathers from the pillows everywhere, the couch has been flipped over so that the backrest is resting on the floor, and the vase that Amanda broke and that I glued back together piece by piece twice is on the ground, destroyed once again.I have no idea why we did this, but I'm pretty sure my neurons aren't the only ones that have committed suicide.Connor came up with the idea to play Don't Let It Fall, a game he clearly made up on the spot, which involved throwing that awful vase of my mother back and forth and trying not to let it fall.I don’t know how long we played, but we stopped when Skyler threw the vase to Carly who, instead of catching it with her hands, had the "brilliant" idea to head it like soccer players do, only she ended up falling to the ground, unconscious, and the vase broke.We are all frozen, staring at her body on the floor, when I wake up from my tranc
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 30 | We’ll annoy each other together.
“Do you know those moments of complete boredom when you don’t know what to do and you try to come up with an idea, but at the same time the thought of doing something bores you?Well.I feel like that right now.I feel hot, too hot, and lying on the bed certainly doesn’t help.I get up and touch the mattress, feeling the spot where I was lying soaked.I huff, cursing the summer, and head to the bathroom.I turn on the shower and jump under it, clothes and all.Finally, a bit of coolness.I turn off the water and quickly wring out my clothes and hair, then head down to the living room.I flop onto the couch and turn on the TV.I flip through the channels for a while before switching it off, finding nothing to watch.I lie on the couch for a while until I hear my phone ringing, signaling someone is calling me.I read the name on the display: James.I hit the green icon and answer.
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Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you Special - I want to live every day and all the days
Five years later...I’m lying diagonally on the bed with my head resting on James's stomach, which keeps making strange noises. "James, honey, just so you know, if you're hungry, you can go down to the kitchen."My boyfriend makes a face. "But your parents are downstairs. It embarrasses me to go down and act like it’s my house."I prop myself up on my elbows and raise my torso to look James in the face. "Are you serious? We’ve been together for over seven years. Seven! You practically have residency here. You even have a group chat with my parents where you exchange embarrassing photos of me, and you still have the nerve to be embarrassed."James puts a hand on my face and pushes me back down onto his stomach. "These are trivial details, Brianna."In response, I lick his hand to make him remove it. "Do you want me to walk you downstairs while holding your hand too?" I tease.James grimaces. "No, be
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you Special - Happy birthday
“Happy Birthday, Love!”“Happy birthday, love!” James yells in my ear.I mumble irritably, turning over in bed and burying my face in the pillow.“Do you remember what day it is today?”I blindly move my left hand until I find his face. “Shh. Go back to sleep.” I then press my hand against his forehead to make him lie down.He stands up and comes to my side of the bed. “You need to get up.”I take the blankets and pull them up over my head. “I need to sleep.”James huffs. “You need to move your ass and get up.”I poke my head out from under the blankets and turn onto my left side to see him better. “I’m sorry for you, but I never learned how to twerk. I’m not as good as my grandmothers.”James stares at me without blinking.I stare back at him, waiting for a reaction.I shouldn’t have done that.
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 40 | Never go to the tattoo artist if bad luck is following you.
A year and a half later.I watch little Jeremy staring at me curiously while he has his fist in his mouth, drooling like a Saint Bernard. He’s lying on the changing table, waiting for me to put a clean diaper on him.How was it done again? The YouTube videos make it seem so easy...“Well, little one, what if I took you to church naked? You’re so small; kids get forgiven for everything.”“Do you really want to let him go around naked?” James leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. “You don’t remember how to put on a diaper, do you?”I give him a dirty look. “Don’t stare at me like that. It’s difficult, okay?”“He’s been home for months, and you still haven’t learned?”I throw a clean diaper at him. “Why don’t you do it?”James catches the diaper in midair and approac
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 39 | The next time, I will read you like a roast.
JAMESI feel a foot come down on my backside rather unceremoniously.I groan in pain and try to move away, but as I turn, I fall off the bed.I snap my eyes open and sit up, massaging my cheek.I look at Brianna lying diagonally, taking up the entire bed.The passion for sumo hasn't faded.I hate waking up with her nearby because she always pushes me out of bed.Literally.I decide to take revenge.I go to Connor's room and grab one of those stadium horns, then I return to my room.I bring it close to Brianna's face and blow.She screams in fright, and I, not expecting that reaction, scream in fright too, and Mrs. Porter, my neighbor, screams in fright as well.Once we've all calmed down, Brianna looks at me in shock. "Let me get this straight, how many times did you fall off your high chair when you were little?"I give her a dirty look. "Only twice, unlike you."She n
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 38 | Do you want to be my magnet for bad luck?
I'm about to have a heart attack.My breathing is quick, my hands are shaking, I feel a trickle of sweat running down my forehead, and I'm sure my face is pale.Paler than usual, that is.James asked me out on a real date, and when I read the message, my heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. The date is at his house—thank goodness at least one of us knows how to cook—and I have no idea how it’s going to go.But that's not why I'm anxious. When I got James's message, I was in the kitchen with my parents, and when they saw me smiling at the screen, they asked me what was going on.But now my only question is: why did I tell my mom that the date would be at his house?Now, after calling Julie and discussing our "relationship," she's convinced we’re going to end up rolling around in the sheets since we’ll have the house to ourselves all weekend.But we haven't even rea
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 37 | Where could I take her for the first date?
JAMESI feel my heart beating faster than usual, my hands trembling, and anxiety rising.This morning, while I was going through the worst hangover of my life and felt like I had been hit by a car, my brother Connor came to wake me up and told me to get a move on, because apparently our parents had forgotten that we had an appointment.So, once I was awake, I had to reluctantly move Brianna's head off my chest; apparently, we had fallen asleep hugging each other.And now I’m terrified that she might think I left of my own accord because of our kiss or, rather, our kisses, and that she thinks I regret it.And right now, I'm feeling so many emotions, but regret isn't one of them.In fact, when I think back to what happened last night, a spontaneous smile spreads across my face.And it’s exactly while having these thoughts that, like a bolt from the blue, one single, burning truth flashes through my
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 36 | What will you do?
"I swear I will never touch another drop of alcohol again. I swear I will never touch another drop of alcohol again. I swear I will never touch another drop of alcohol again," I continue to mumble while lying on my back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.Yesterday, when I fell asleep, James, Sky, and Connor were here with me, but this morning I woke up alone.I hear my cousin and my best friend's voices coming from downstairs, but I doubt the other three are still here.James left before I woke up. Was he so remorseful that he didn’t even want to talk about it?The thought gives me a tight feeling in my stomach. I don’t want to lose him. But this time, I’m not regretting the kiss. I mean, I’m not saying I’m head over heels in love and dreaming of spending my life with James, but I simply believe that if two people kiss multiple times, even if they were both under the influence of alcohol, there has to be at least some attrac
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 35 | Eeeeeeeee, macarena!
At home, Skyler and Connor have also arrived, along with Paul and Aisha. Only my family is missing. We’re all in the kitchen chatting when Paul turns to me. “Do your relatives have problems with doors too?”Everyone laughs while I bang my head against the kitchen table. “Are you going to remind me of this for life?”No one has time to respond because the doorbell rings.I lift my head from the table and give a creepy smile, then I get up and go to open the door.“Jace!” I scream, while at the same time my cousin screams my name.I also greet Uncle Mark and Aunt Annie and bring them into the kitchen.My cousin walks over to my mom, holding up the pack of beer in his hand. “Aunt! I brought more alcohol!”Connor looks at us perplexed. “Isn’t there too much?”My cousin and I exchange glances before turning to Connor. “No alcohol, no party!” we shout
Never go to a tattoo artist if bad luck is following you 34 | It will be a disaster regardless.
Before the Party...Dad is at work and suspects nothing; Mom and I have already wished him well and given him fake gifts, because we’ll give him the real ones at the party.Mom has already started making the cake, and later Julie will come to help her decorate it since she decided to make a two-tiered cake given the number of people who will be at the party.I’ve already stocked up on alcohol with my cousin, who helped me and then went home to sleep, saying that this way he’ll be ready for dancing.We have crates of beer, wine to stay a little tipsy at first and not get drunk right away, bottles of vodka, and rum.Then for sure the grandparents will bring more wine and beer, so we’re all set.I walk into the kitchen, where I slip on some flour and fall to the ground.My mom peeks over the table and, seeing me on the floor covered in flour while I massage my butt, bursts out laughing."My
