Forever and Always

Sophie,

Nine years ago

Aged Eight.

"Where are we going, Mummy?" I asked as she held my hands gently, guiding me to the car. I wasn't supposed to leave yet.

"Sophie!" Chelsea my very best friend, was standing at the fence watching me go. Her hands were holding real tight to the metal bars. "Where are you going?" she shouted. I sat next to Chelsea in class. We were always together. School was no fun when the other wasn't there.

 I shouted "I don't know!" 

 Chelsea ran along the fence following our car until, Mrs Claris came and made her go inside.

 When the school was out of sight my mummy said, "Sophie?" 

 Yes, Mummy? I replied 

You know Grandma has been living with us for a while now?"

 I nodded my head. My Noona had moved into the room opposite mine a while back. My daddy had said it was because she needed help. My Grandpa had died when I was only a baby. My noona had lived on her own for years, until she came to live with us.

 "Do you remember what your daddy and I told you about why?

Why Noona could no longer live by herself?"

 I breathed in through my nose and whispered, "Yes. Because she's sick. "My stomach flipped over as I spoke. My grandma was my very best friend. Well, her and Chelsea were tied at the absolute top. My noona said I was just like her.

 I knew my noona was sick, but she never acted sick. She always smiled, she gave tight hugs and made me laugh. She always said she had gladness in her heart and sunshine in her smile. Noona told me that means she was happy.

She made me happy too.

 But over the last few weeks , noona has slept a lot, she'd been too tired to do much of anything else. In fact, most nights I would read to her, as she stroked my hair and smiled at me. And that was okay, because grandma's smile were the best kind of smiles to get.

 "That's right, munchkin, she is sick. In fact, she's very, very sick. Do you understand?"

 I frowned, but nodded my head and said,"she explained. "She's waiting for you. She wants to see you. Wants to see her little buddy."

 I didn't understand why my mummy had to bring me home early to visit my noona, when the first thing I did every night after school was go into her room and talk to her, while she lay in bed. She liked to hear all about my day.

 We turned into our street and parked in our driveway. My mummy didn't move for a few seconds, but then she turned to me and said, "I know you're only eight, munchkin, but you have to be a big brave girl today, okay?"

I nodded my head. My mummy smiled a sad smile at me. "That's my girl."

 She got our of the car and walked around to my seat in the back.

Taking my hand, my mummy guided me out of the car and towards the house. I noticed there were more cars than usual.

As soon as we were through the front door. I saw my aunts and uncles sitting on the couches, and my cousins sitting on the floor of the living room, playing with their toys. My aunt Alice was sitting with my sisters Elizabeth and Susannah. They were younger than me, only four and two years old. They waved at me when they saw me, but Aunt Alice kept them sitting on her lap.

  I was confused.

 Hey, Sophie," my aunt Clara said, but I could see that her eyes were red, and her voice sounded funny. Aunt Clara looked at my mummy and said ,"You go on with Sophie, Rebecca it's almost time."

  We walked to Grandma's room. Just before mummy opened the door, she said, "grandma's in there, munchkin, and Betty, grandma's nurse is in there too."

Mummy pushed open the the door to Grandma's room, and my daddy got up from the chair beside grandma's bed. His eyes were red and his hair was all messy. Daddy's hair was never messy.

 I saw the nurse at the back of the room. She was writing something on a clipboard. She smiled and waved at me when I came in. Then I looked to the bed, grandma was lying down. My stomach flipped when I saw a needle sticking in her arm, with a clear tube leading to a bag hanging off a metal hook at her side.

 I stood still, suddenly frightened. Then my daddy moved towards me and my noona looked my way. She looked different to last night. Her skin was paler, and her eyes weren't as bright as before.

 "Where's my little buddy?"

 Giggling at my grandma, I rushed to the side of the bed. "I'm here! I came home early from school to see you!"

  Noona lifted her finger and tapped the end of my nose. "That's my girl!"

I smiled real big in response.

 "I just wanted you to visit a little while. I always feel better when the light of my life sits beside me and talks to me some. 

  "Noona, are you okay?" I asked and leaned forward to press a soft kiss on her cheek. She normally smelled of tobacco from all the cigarettes she smoked. But I couldn't smell the smoke on her today.

 Noona smiled. "I'm tired, girlie. And I'm...." Noona sucked in another breath and her eyes briefly squeezed shut. When they opened again, she shifted on the bed and said , "...and I'm gonna be going away awhile."

  I frowned. "Where are going, noona? Can I come too?" We always went on adventures together.

Noona smiled, but shook her head . "No, girlie. Where I'm going, you can't follow. Not yet. But some day, many years from now, you'll see me again."

  My mummy let out a sob from behind me, she came in while I was sitting on noona' s bed, but I just stared at my noona confused. "But where are you going, Noona? I don't understand."

 "Home, sweetie," my noona said.

"I'm going home."

 "But you are home," I countered.

"No"-- Noona shook her head-- "this isn't our true home, girlie. This life... well, it's just a great big adventure while we have it. An adventure to enjoy and love just like you and Chelsea, "only Noona was aware of my silly on crush on Chelsea, although we are both girls but I can't help it" we have to enjoy to our heart's content before we go on to the greatest adventure of all."

 My eyes widened with excitement, then I felt sad. Really sad. My bottom lip quivering. But we're best buddies, Noona. We always go on adventures together. You can't go on one without me."

 "Aren't you afraid to go by yourself?" I asked, but my noona just sighed.

 "No, girlie, there's no fear to feel. I'm not scared at all."

 "But I don't want you to go," I pleaded, my throat starting to ache.

 Noona's hand stayed on my cheek. "You'll still see me in your dreams. This isn't a goodbye, it's simply see you later."

 I blinked, then blinked again. "Like you see papa? You always say he visits you in your dreams. He talks to you and kisses your hand."

  "Exactly like that," she said. I wiped my tears away. Noona squeezed my hand, and looked at my mummy behind me, she said, 

 "While I'm gone, I've got a new adventure for you."

  I stilled. "You do?"

  "Sophie, what is it that I always say was my favorite memory from my life? The thing that always made me smile?"

 "Grandpa's kisses. His sweet boy kisses. All the memories of all the boy-kisses you ever got from him. You told me they are the most favorite memories you have. Not money. Not things, but the kisses you got from grandpa-- because they were all special and made you smile, made you feel loved, because he was your soulmate. Your forever always."

   "That's right, girlie," she replied.

 "So for your adventure..." Noona looked at my mummy again. This time, when I did look around, I saw she was holding a big old jewelry box filled with lots and lots of pink paper hearts.

 "Wow! what's that?" I asked feeling excited.

 Mummy placed it in my hands, and my noona tapped the lid. "It's a thousand love from the kisses of the one who's dearly special to you. Or at least it will be, when you find the one that's special to you, then you'll fill them out." 

  My eyes widened as I tried to count all the hearts. But I couldn't.

A thousand was a lot!

  "Sophie," my noona said, as I looked up to see her green eyes shinning. " This is your adventure. How I want you to remember me while I'm gone."

 I looked down at the box again. "But I don't understand."

 Noona reached out to her nightstand and picked up a pen. She passed it to me and said, "I've been sick for a while now, girlie, but the memories that make me feel better are the ones where your grandpa kissed me. Not just everyday kisses, but the special ones, the ones where my heart almost burst from my chest. The ones that grandpa made sure I would never forget. The kisses in the rain, the kisses at sunset, the kiss we shared at our prom... The ones where he held me close and whispered in my ear that I was the prettiest girl in the room." 

  I listened and listened, my heart feeling full. Noona pointed to all the hearts in the box. "This box is for you to record your thousands of heart busting moments,

     All the kisses that make your heart almost burst, the ones that are the most special, the ones you want to remember when you're old and gray like me. The ones that will make you smile when you remember them in your mind."

 Tapping the pen, she continued. "When you find the one that will be your forever always, every time you get an extra special kiss from the person, take out a heart, write down where you were when you were kissed. Then when you're a noona too, your grandbaby-- your beat buddy -- can hear all about them, just like I've told you all about mine. You'll have treasure box of all the precious kisses that made your heart soar."

  "Her hand squeezed mine.

 My bottom lip quivered again. My noona shook her head. It's just a little pause in our lives.

 Noona's eyes flinched, and my mummy's hands came down on my shoulders. "Sophie, give noona a big kiss. She's tired now. She needs to rest."

 Drawing in a deep breath, I leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my noona's cheek. "I love you, Noona," I whispered. Noona stroked my hair.

 "I love you too, girlie. You're the apple of my eyes. Nevery forget that I loved you as much as a noona ever could love her baby granddaughter."

"Sophie?" Noona called, I looked back, and my noona was smiling. "Remember gladness at heart and sunshine in your smiles..."

   "I'll always remember," I said, but I didn't feel happy. All I felt was sadness. I heard my mummy crying behind me. ClaCla passed us in the hallway. She squeezed my shoulder. Her face was sad too.

 I didn't want to be inside anymore. I needed air turning, I looked at daddy.

 Daddy, can I go to the cherry field?"

 Daddy sighed. "Yes, baby. I'll come and check on you later. Just be careful. I headed for the front door, clutching my box of a thousand love to my chest. I ran out of the house. I ran and ran but never stopped.