Chapter 5

5 - Mia Lauren Hudson

But if you have someone who will be there for you, someone you can count on, you'll be okay. Do you have someone like that?

– How I Met Your Mother

Kayla and I were sitting in a café near NewScene, one of those cozy places with large windows that looked out onto the snow-covered street. People rushed by, wrapped in heavy coats, trying to shield themselves from the biting cold. I, on the other hand, was struggling to swallow the hot coffee, trying somehow to warm the ice that seemed to settle inside me. Each sip was a desperate attempt to ease the frosty atmosphere forming in my gut, but I wasn’t sure if the cold I felt was due to the snow outside or the weight of the decision I knew I would have to make in the coming hours.

The mixture of euphoria and regret gnawed at me. It was a confusing and overwhelming duality. On one side, there was a part of me that felt alive, pulsing with the adrenaline of finally doing something that went against everything Bradley expected of me. It was as if I was about to break the invisible chains that had held me for years. But at the same time, there was another part of me filled with remorse. I knew I shouldn’t be there, that I shouldn’t be disobeying Bradley, but there I was, sitting in that café, ignoring the impending consequences.

I had never confronted Bradley before, not even once. Never. He had always had the last word in everything, and I wondered, as I distractedly stirred the coffee with a spoon, which version of him would greet me when I returned home. Because Bradley wasn’t just one man. He was many versions of himself, and none of them were easy to deal with.

Of all the versions I had faced, none of them were understanding or kind. He was never the husband who listens and tries to understand your feelings. No. He was... Bradley. The authoritarian, controlling man who had a subtle, yet cruel way of making you feel small and insignificant. Every word, every gesture from him, always carried a weight that crushed me.

The coffee in my hands trembled slightly, and I wondered what it would be like to face him after what I was about to do. Would he look at me with that cold disdain, his gray eyes piercing me like blades, or would he choose silence, that oppressive silence that made me feel as if the air had been sucked from the room? Or, perhaps, he would launch into a verbal attack, using his skill with words to make me feel guilty for every step I had dared take outside the line.

I glanced at Kayla, who was observing everything with a serene face, but her eyes betrayed her concern. She knew the weight this decision carried for me, knew that every second I spent there was like a silent scream of rebellion against everything I had come to accept as normal. She also knew that, as much as I wanted to escape this invisible prison, the fear of facing Bradley paralyzed me.

"Are you okay?" Kayla asked softly, interrupting my thoughts. Her fingers slid over her cup of tea, but her eyes were fixed on me, as if she were trying to read what was going on in my mind.

I hesitated before answering, looking down at the coffee that had now cooled in my hands. The warmth had disappeared, just like the security I used to find in following Bradley's rules, even though it destroyed me little by little.

"I don’t know..." I murmured, my voice faltering slightly. "I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’ve never... I’ve never disobeyed him." The words came out low, almost as if they were a secret I was revealing for the first time.

Kayla looked at me with a mixture of sadness and frustration. She had tried so many times to show me that Bradley’s control over me was unbearable, but I always justified it, always found an excuse not to face the truth. Today, though, I knew I couldn’t run away anymore. There was no way to ignore the weight of that choice.

"And you’ve never confronted that," Kayla said gently, as if stating the obvious. "But, Lauren, you need to understand that not living under his control isn’t disobedience. It’s freedom. You have the right to make your own decisions, to live your life without fear." She held my hand for a moment, her warm touch contrasting with the cold I felt inside.

I wanted to believe her words. I desperately wanted to cling to the idea that I could be more than this, that there was a version of myself that didn’t depend on Bradley's approval. But every time I thought about confronting him, about going back home and facing his gaze, fear consumed me. What if he lost control? What if he became an even crueler version, one I had never known before?

I knew the answer was inside me, hidden somewhere deep down, but at that moment, in the cozy café with the world outside covered in snow, all I felt was uncertainty. The choice I would make in the next few hours would change the course of my life, and the version of Bradley I would face when I returned home would be a direct reflection of that choice.

And that terrified me.

"What are you thinking?" Kayla's voice pulled me back abruptly from my thoughts. I blinked a few times, returning to the present, and just shook my head, pretending it was nothing.

Kayla was the only person left in my life, the only one I trusted blindly, but there was one thing she hated: my husband. Talking about him at that moment wouldn’t bring peace to either of us. And, even without saying a word, she knew me better than anyone.

"I don’t understand why you insist on this mess," she said, her voice laced with growing irritation.

I looked at her for a moment, trying to avoid the confrontation. Her bright blue eyes, shining like a summer morning, were fixed on me, serious, demanding an explanation. Her hair, dyed a platinum blue, mixed with white streaks that silently accused me. I needed to say something, but the words wouldn’t come.

"He’s my husband, Kayla," I murmured, as if that phrase could soften the throbbing pain in my chest. The constant pain of knowing he didn’t fulfill the role he promised.

"Exactly." She crossed her arms, firm. "He’s your husband, but he’s not your owner. You’re so blind that you submit to him without realizing it. You know this, Lauren."

I let out a long sigh, feeling the weight of the truth in every word she said. It wasn’t exactly like that, or maybe it was, I didn’t know anymore. I wasn’t submissive, not on purpose. I was just afraid. Afraid of what he might do, of what he would say if I didn’t follow his rules. But did that make me... submissive?

"You don’t understand." I pushed the coffee cup aside, unenthusiastic. "I can’t just walk away from this. I got married for life, and... I love him."

I lowered my eyes, ashamed of my own confession. Love, deep down, was the excuse I always used. I loved him, yes, but why? I didn’t even know anymore. Maybe I was stuck to an empty promise, to the dream of something that never really existed.

Kayla shook her head, letting out a long sigh of frustration. I knew she couldn’t blame me for loving someone, after all, who could? No one chooses who they fall in love with. It’s like an invisible force that pulls you, and before you realize it, you’re in the middle of a storm, fighting against the winds. Every time I heard his name, my heart raced, and that was undeniable.

"You need to be happy, Lauren." Kayla's voice softened, but it was still firm. "Really, tell me... Do you think you can be happy with him? Because happiness doesn’t exist where there is violence."

The word echoed in my mind. Violence?

"What?" The thought escaped from my mouth. "Bradley has never hit me. I’d never allow that."

A short smile appeared on her lips, but it wasn’t a happy smile.

"No, he’s never hit you. But he won’t let you cut your hair the way you want." She pointed out the obvious, something I had always wanted to do, but never had the courage. "He never raised a hand against you, but he won’t let you paint your nails a dark color, even though you love black. And, Lauren, you need to ask for permission every time you want to leave the house, every step you take near him is surrounded by fear. He doesn’t need to hit you physically to cause pain. I bet your heart is full of invisible bruises from the cold words and the control he exerts. There’s no excuse for that, and you know it."

I was speechless. Kayla was right. I knew she was right, but I didn’t want to admit it. I had never understood why he deprived me of small things that made me happy. It was as if he took a cruel pleasure in seeing me sad, with tear-filled eyes I never shed.

"And what do you suggest I do?" I asked, moistening my dry lips, facing her eyes that shone with an intensity that made me feel small. "Betray him?"

"Would it be so different from what he does to you?" Her words came out sharp as knives, cutting straight to my heart.

I knew. Deep down, I had always known that Bradley wasn’t faithful. He went out with other women, probably much younger and full of life. I knew it, but hearing Kayla say it out loud felt like a punch to the stomach. The raw, naked truth hurt more than any physical blow. I had never been enough for him, and that destroyed me. I did everything for my husband, even things I didn’t want to, but he never cared. It was as if he only saw the actresses in his studio, women who shined brighter than I ever would in his eyes.

I wished I didn’t feel this way. I wished I could see what Kayla saw, wished I were strong enough to leave everything behind and start over, but that went against everything I believed in. I was raised to be a one-man woman. I had waited my whole life for him, loved him with all my soul. How could I just turn my back on him?

“I’m sorry, Lauren,” Kayla murmured, noticing that her words had taken me far away, back to my painful thoughts.

“It’s okay, Kayla,” I replied mechanically, using the standard phrase but void of meaning. “I’m going to love myself now. I’ll try, at least, to see beyond this shadow that makes me feel smaller than anyone else.”

She didn’t understand. No one understood. For so long, I had been trying, but I never could. Fighting against my own feelings was like trying to stop a tidal wave with bare hands. In this internal war, defeat seemed inevitable.

“Well, I need to go,” I muttered, glancing at the clock on the wall to escape the suffocating conversation. “It’s almost time.”

A big smile lit up Kayla’s face as she stood and walked over to me.

“I wish you the best, my dear Lauren,” she firmly held my shoulders. “I wish for you to fly high and rise after every fall, but please, never give up on yourself. You are an incredible woman. Remember that. You are Mia Lauren.” With those words, she pulled me into a tight hug.

My eyes filled with tears I fought hard not to shed. I loved feeling special. It had been so long since anyone had said something kind to me, something that motivated me. Kayla’s words were a balm to my wounded heart.

“Now go,” she kissed my cheek and smiled. “Go and conquer your own world. Believe in yourself.”

So, I went.

And, surprisingly, as I left, I encountered the most captivating blue eyes I had ever seen. There was something in that gaze that made me feel... special. Even beautiful. But the most surprising thing of all was my heart’s reaction. It danced, light and carefree, as it hadn’t in so long. Unknown feelings began to seep through the windows of pain I carried in my chest, and for the first time in years, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could be happy again.