Chapter four

It was a very fine morning. The sun had just risen with radiant hot air. The morning sun had pushed the coldness in the aura to the periphery and the atmosphere breathed a good life again. Troubled by my own thoughts, I rose from bed to attend my daily chores.

 The morning weather was doing wonders to my dull body, after slipping into my clothes I edged out to enjoy the good sunshine before I settle on what I wanted to do next. I sat on my verandah where the sun rays were plentiful and for moment I felt quite away from the coldness.

 Before long I saw Mary coming out of the house and I quickly instructed her to prepare tea while I relaxed my tired body a bit on the sun. The sun suddenly grew hotter and I was forced to move inside to occupy myself with whatever I cloud lay my fingers on. Immediately I stepped into the house, my heart leaped instantly when I saw the photo of myself and my husband holding hands at one wall of the house. I was attracted at once to look at it. It had taken long for me to have any keen interest in the photo and in most cases I had not been conscious of its presence.

However, today I felt a great urge to look at it with keen observation. In the photo, I was wearing a black shirt with a white blouse which had a black dotted marks. I looked wonderful in the photo and I could at least realize how jovial I was in the it. My husband wore a navy blue suit with a red tie.  Here we were in our prime of age. Though we hardly married for five years, but the photo reminded me of how we fell in love for the first time. 

I could recall very well how I met Jim for the first time.  I was from my evening classes in the afternoon when we accidentally bumped on each other.  I had seen Jim before many a times as a neighbor but a little thought of being close to each other had never occurred to me. Even this time when we met at this narrow pathway, I knew that it was just an ordinary encounter. But I was wrong in my own judgement. 

The first thing I noticed in him was his sharp clothes that drew my heart towards him. The moment he uttered the word "hello," I found myself almost collapsing inside my heart. It was like a bewitching magic that had struck my soul with a pang. I was pulled drastically towards him by strange forces which made me confused at the same time. 

The next few conservations we had with him though casual were deep and provocative to my heart. I realized that he had a big authoritative voice which had made my heart to surrender to what he had to say this morning. 

“Please, I am happy to meet you. I have been seeing you around and we haven’t talk much. Can we allocate a few minutes today to discuss our academic matters.”

 I was a bit surprised, my blood glowed with excitement. I was enchanted with his voice. I knew the man as a young handsome boy who always dressed sharply as if to add another layer in his physical appearance. But when it came to matters of academics, I had nothing to talk about. I knew that I was not good in any discussion and his presence before me would just pricked my soul with expectations.  

I had just finished my forth form and was looking forwards to receiving my results with a beating heart. But now was someone was talking about academics just when it the least I wanted to discuss before my exams were out. It really puzzled me. However, I concealed my frustrations fast to compose myself. After that brief moment we went our own ways but I was greatly affected. 

That brief moment had made thing worse for me.  At every distance I made, I could guess how his dress smell with the best perfume in the world. His handsome face, tall body and slim physical appearance were all wrapped together in one piece. Then came the boom from his voice that had drained all the breath out of me. I quickly realized that Jim was meant to possess women and had designed his voice to paralyze his women victims just with a mere crack of his voice. I went home totally in chaos. If this man could just manage me with his own voice, how many young women had he killed their souls with frustrations of his voice? I wondered as I surged home with a lot of things racing into my mind. 

At home I found mom outside doing her domestic chores. After knowing how I had progressed in school, she left me to settle down before I cloud be assigned any duty, but little did she know that I had date that I had to honor. After laspse of a few minutes, my mother then told me to tidy the house while she was just standing near me to watch how I carried my duties.

 “Saoja that table is still untidy please do something on it.”

 Then a moment soon my mother would burst again, “Please young women learn how to spread chairs and tables.” 

“I would feel irritated by every command of her voice, but I knew that I was too weak to raise a voice. When I felt I was completely cornered, I would just say, "Ma'am please just give me a moment, I will work on it.” 

Some of the mistake I made were very silly that could not pass the attention of my mother. But I knew why all these were happening to me. Every moment I put my effort to concentrate on my duties, my heart got wrapped in chaos immediately. I lapsed in day dreaming. I could visualize the picture of the man standing before me, and that eroded every other thought that I could have. His deep and piercing voice was like a razor blade that cut my throat slowly but steadily. 

Soon I realized that my heart was in flames because of a strange man who had not said anything much to me except requesting to meet me in the evening for academy discussion. "What academic discussion was I going to talk about with the man who I don't even know his academic background.”

 However, at any given moment, I found myself confused and making several mistakes again. My mother was at a standby to correct me at every point. At one time I got concerned. 

“Are you out of my mind, why do you keep on repeating the same mistake every now and then?” 

At this moment reality sank into my mind. I was being possessed with an imaginary attraction. I quickly tried to rub all the weighing thoughts from my heart so that I could my mind my business once again. 

The time was ticking by and yet my mother could not give me any moment of free time I need most to disappear from her eyes. But things worked against me. Sooner than I thought my father arrived at home from his work and suddenly I heaved with disappointment. It was obvious that my meeting would not material after all.

I still stood next to the photo.  I held it and examined it keenly as if I was going take a new one right here.  I grinned and my face shown with delight at the sight of the two of us holding each other like a pair of doves. Just then a voice came from behind and my heart skipped a little.

  “Madam that photo is really wonderful.” Marry commented with simpering smile spread across her face. I shrugged with guilt. I felt ashamed to image my housekeeper had discovered my thoughts and wanted to help me. Just to please her, I said.

 “It is wonderful, I liked it.” Marry chuckled a little and her teeth spread in the open. 

Marry was now a grown up woman who might have tasted the sweet and deception of love. Though I had every little knowledge of her background, but the way she commented was enough to suggest that she had been involved in this tidy game of love herself or had an experience of the same elsewhere. 

I used the word dirty to describe love but anyone who may get this pieces in the future should go by his or her own words. But I had a personal reason to say that love is dirty and frustrating. The way my heart melted down the moment the man I am now staring on the photo captivated my soul with his voice was like a charm to me.

 But then after enduring all the suffering in my lonely place. I soon discover that I was deceived by my own thoughts. I look at the photo again and suddenly put it down and walked away to my bed room. But the impression the photo had left in mind was great. 

A moment too soon, I remembered Sammy and his lift he gave me with his car from the meeting and his aftermath phone call, and there was no doubt in my mind that big temptation was creeping into my life violently.

 When I was still on my bedroom brooding my wild thoughts, my phone rang. I rushed to pick it up and when I look at the caller, I was dismayed.  It was Sammy at this hour in the morning. It was just passed 8.00 o'clock. My face changed at once as I realized that I am being intimidated by this man. I had made it clear to him that I was married when we were in our board meeting but it seemed he never heard of it. This time I must remind him about that, I received the phone.

 “Good morning madam,”  

“Good morning Sammy, how can I help you?” 

“Madam I am sorry; I have dialed your number by mistake. I have realized it after the mistake had happened.”

 “It is fined.” I replied. 

"My friend, you seemed tired by the way you talk." He said.

 “I am just okay.” 

“Please don’t die alone, I am here to help you if you need my help.” He commented while laughing.

 "I will do that if I need it.” then I cut the conversation. 

Suddenly I realized that I failed to tell him to stop calling me. It was the worst kind of mistake I had ever made. I had betrayed my thoughts once again. Nonetheless, “what does he want from me?" I know I am attractive and always tore men apart but why would Sammy be possessed in our first encounter. My mind hated it. It was a bit too early for him to behave like that in the first place.

 His intent was not honest and tempting at the same time. I am not careful I may be heading to a trap and that would mean betraying the person I loved most. “I must react fast before things go out of control. I must tell him.” 

My moods were greatly interfered with the moment the the phone call ende. It was the phone call that I must avoid at all cost.