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Chapter 365: Losing Myself (Ryder's POV)
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2024-11-26 23:57:57Related chapters
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 1: F*ck You, Liam
I stomped along the deserted pavement, my mood as dark and brooding as the fast approaching storm clouds overhead. The library had been my escape from the overhyped Mating Celebration, but even the quiet rustle of pages and the familiar smell of old books hadn’t been enough to calm my irritation. The pack's obsession with this archaic tradition grated on me more than I cared to explain. That, and the fact that my family had booted me out of my home in Colorado and shipped me off to stay with my aunt here in Oregon almost a week ago now.The distant sounds of laughter and music from the celebration drifted through the air. It annoyed me. I couldn’t understand why everyone put so much stock in finding their 'destined mate.' The whole concept felt oppressive, like we were all just pawns in some preordained plan. The idea of 'mates' meant that there was no room for freewill, and that was something that just never sat well with me.My phone buzzed in my pocket, pulling me out of my thought
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 2: The Closed Door
"I guess it's lucky we're in the bathroom then," I mumbled sarcastically, causing him to chuckle."Do you wanna come out?" the voice suggested hopefully.I sighed, pressing my back against the cool wall, and feeling it's chill seep through me. "No. Not yet. I just... I need a minute," I replied before blowing my nose."Fair enough," he conceded, then I was certain I heard him sit down."Um... Are you staying then?" I asked tentatively."Yeah, if that's okay. I mean, you did say it was a good thing we were in the bathroom if we might throw up..." he tried to justify his presence."I mean, I guess..." was all I managed in response, my tears on pause for the moment as I tried to deal with this weird turn of events.I unrolled another length of toilet paper, crumpling it into a ball and dabbing at my nose, which continued to run. Then I took a deep breath as I tried to regain my composure."Shouldn't you be at the Mating Celebration?" I asked, unable to disguise the bitterness in my voice
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 3: The Big Reveal
“So, what kind of music are you into?” he asked, a playful note in his tone.“Metal, mostly,” I replied casually. I could almost hear his eyebrows rising in surprise. “Metal, huh? I’m more of a classic rock guy myself,” he responded seemingly unfazed.The conversation meandered through favourite foods, movies, and hobbies. I found myself divulging details I hadn’t expected to share, drawn in by the anonymity the door provided.“Okay, so random question – are you a virgin?” he asked. His tone came across as if he were trying to deliver the question as a joke, but there was an unmistakable hint of curiosity in his voice.I laughed, caught off guard. “That's a very forward question for a first date, don't you think?” I quipped, evading the question."So this is a date, huh?" he asked, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. I was grateful for the door between us as I felt my cheeks flushing with embarrassment at my blunder."Well... I mean... It sort of feels like one," I admitted as m
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 4: Heading Home
My phone suddenly rang, cutting through the charged atmosphere and snapping us both back to reality. Tyler cleared his throat while I patted myself down, finally finding my phone in my back pocket. I checked the screen before answering. There was no chance I was taking a call from that moron, Liam, now. Fortunately, it was my aunt Mara."Hi Aunt Mara," I answered brightly, giving Tyler an apologetic look. He gave me an understanding smile and gestured for me to carry on, but he never took his eyes off me for a moment, as if my presence was somehow captivating.Aunt Mara was calling to find out whether I'd stayed for the Mating Celebration after all. When I'd left for the library this morning, I'd assured her in no uncertain terms that there was no way I'd be attending the celebrations. So, I guess she had every right to be worried that I wasn't home yet. The library had closed hours ago and for all she knew I could have been kidnapped by a wily pack of rogues. I ended the conversatio
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 5: The Alpha's Son
I don't know how I eventually managed to fall asleep, but I did. Opening one sleepy eye, I gazed at my phone. I'd fallen asleep with it in my hand, clutching it like it was some kind of lifeline, and I saw now there was a light blinking to indicate I had a message.With absolute urgency I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes as muted daylight streamed through a crack in my curtains. My fingers worked as if they had a mind of their own, opening the text message, desperate to see who it was from. I was certain it was Tyler and beamed with excitement when I saw his name come up on my screen.The message was simple, but still managed to make my heart race and my breath hitch.Tyler:Morning 🌞 Hope you slept well.My entire body felt tingly as I read the words, thinking about our unexpected meeting the day before.I'd spent a good chunk of the night trying to justify the feelings I'd felt with him and reconcile these with my denial of the 'mate bond', but I'd come up short. There was s
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 6: The Heart Emoji
"I guess it makes sense why he was so evasive now," I mumbled, thinking back to our conversation the night before.Aunt Mara watched me, her expression a mixture of curiosity and concern. "Are you okay with this?" she asked gently."I mean... I don't know. I guess it doesn't really change the way I feel about him," I explained, trying to make sense of my feelings.Aunt Mara nodded understandingly. "It's a big deal, being mated to the Alpha's son. It comes with a lot of expectations and responsibilities."I groaned, feeling a weight settle over me. "I just wanted to get away from all the drama back home. Now it feels like I'm stepping into a whole new kind of drama here.""I'm sorry, hun," Aunt Mara said softly, giving my shoulder a reassuring rub."Maybe you're wrong. Maybe it's a different Tyler," I reasoned hopefully. "I mean, there were like 4 packs here last night. He could have been from any of them.""You're absolutely right," Aunt Mara said with a smile. "Now how about some bre
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 7: Tyler's Admission
I raced out of the house, hurrying to meet Tyler, who was in all likelihood already waiting for me. If it hadn't been frowned upon to shift in the streets, I would have done it, desperate to get to him before he could think that I'd ditched him. Fortunately, one of the perks of turning 18 and shifting was enhanced abilities. One of those being extended endurance. And thank God for that, because running definitely hadn't been my strong suit before. It still wasn't now, at least not in my human form, but there definitely had been some improvement. I approached the park, clueless as to the time and how late I was as I jogged towards the restroom we'd met in the evening before. He was already there, impossible to miss with his tall frame and tousled brown hair. He saw me and smiled broadly. Then he started heading towards me, so I slowed my pace and tried to walk casually in his direction so that we could meet somewhere in the middle. "Hey," he said, still smiling. "I thought for a se
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 8: A Secret Spot
Tyler gave an understanding nod, then continued deeper into the forest with me close in tow. "You haven't asked me anything about being the future Alpha," he remarked after we'd been walking in silence for a bit. "I figured you'd tell me when you're ready," I replied with a shrug, having already made my decision in that regard. "Well... I guess there's a lot, and I know we need to talk about it. But can we just have this day not to think about it?" he asked, his tone almost pleading. "Sure," I replied, giving him a reassuring smile. "Whenever you're ready." He sighed, clearly relieved. "Thank you," he murmured with gratitude. As we continued deeper into the forest, the sounds from the park became a distant memory as they were replaced by wild birdsong and the buzz of bugs. The forest floor was carpeted with fallen leaves that crunched under our feet, adding to the symphony of nature. "Tell me about Colorado," Tyler suggested, as we meandered through an area with a nasty thorn b
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My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 365: Losing Myself (Ryder's POV)
(Ryder's POV)I sat at the desk in my studio, one leg bouncing with restless energy as I stared at the clutter of notebooks, picks, and tangled wires.One of my guitars was propped up against the wall just behind me, a silent reminder of the hours I’d spent in here, chasing riffs and mixing sounds while everything else just faded into the background.But tonight, the space felt different. Heavier.Dinner had been… a lot.We'd been having dinner together a lot more than usual these days, and Mom had insisted on cooking. Her skills in the kitchen were limited, to say the least, but she had given it her best shot and while her meatloaf was nowhere near as good as Shelly's, we all appreciated her efforts and could see that she was trying to anchor the family together.The family dinner also gave me the perfect opportunity to let Mom and Dad know about my little change of heart. As expected, Mom had cried, leaping up in the middle of dinner and insisting on a hug as she wiped tears from he
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 364: A Change of Heart (Katelyn's POV)
(Katelyn's POV)The house was too quiet.I had paced the living room so many times that I was pretty sure I’d worn a groove into the hardwood floor. Outside, the sky had faded into shades of amber and lavender as dusk crept in, and still, Ryder and Tyler weren’t back.When Tyler had messaged me earlier to say he’d found Ryder, I had felt relief wash over me, but it was short-lived. Found him where? Doing what? Had he said anything? No, Tyler’s message was frustratingly vague, and if I hadn’t been worried sick all day, I might have been annoyed.But now, with every passing minute, my anxiety was back in full force. I glanced down to check the time on my phone again and to see if maybe there was a new message, even though I knew there wasn't. There had been no notification sound and upon checking the time, it was confirmed that not even a minute had passed since I last checked.This was so frustrating and the seconds seemed to tick by with the most obnoxious lack of urgency.I was fairl
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 363: Letting Go (Ryder's POV)
(Ryder's POV)"It's not too late," Tyler murmured, his voice soft as he shook his head.But I wasn't convinced and the weight of the conversation hung over me as I stared at the still surface of the pond. It reflected the gray clouds overhead, shifting and churning in the sky above, their movements mirroring the turmoil inside me.I felt like I was staring at some part of myself. Some dark, roiling, chaotic mess that teetered on the edge of release. But I wasn’t sure whether it would end in a furious thunderstorm that would rage until it had nothing left to give, or a gentle drizzle that might wash everything clean and give life to something new.I dragged a hand through my hair and let out a long, shaky breath, figuring I had already passed the point of no return. "I don’t want to let people down, Ty,” I admitted softly. The words felt like they were being scraped out of me and like they were pulling shards of glass along with them.Tyler shifted beside me, but he didn’t say anything
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 362: Too Late (Part 2) (Ryder's POV)
(Ryder's POV)Tyler's belief in me should’ve felt reassuring, but instead, it felt like a heavy weight pressing down on my chest.“No,” I said again, more forcefully this time. “I’m just… It’s not me...”The conversation spiraled from there and we ended up in a shouting match with him trying to point out how good I had been at things like art and creative writing, as if that just somehow magically made me a more capable leader than I was giving myself credit for.It all just kept going downhill from there..."Fear of what, Ryder?! What are you afraid of?! It's sure as shit not being a disappointment because you've prided yourself on that fact for years now. So what is it? What are you so fucking afraid of?!" he snapped, his frustration and patience finally reaching its limit.“Of letting people down!” I finally admitted, the words bursting out before I could stop them. “I’m just—”But Tyler wasn't having it. Before I could even finish my sentence he spoke over me, his words tumbling o
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 361: Too Late (Part 1) (Ryder's POV)
(Ryder's POV)My eyes were focused on the ripples from my failed stone-skipping attempt, but I could feel Tyler's on me, waiting for a response.His question hung in the air and I didn't know how to answer it. I didn't know what to say.With a sigh, I dragged my hand down my face. “I’m just trying to figure shit out.”The answer was a cop-out, but I didn't know what else to tell him. I was torn between letting every word and thought pour out of me so that I could just get it out in the open or shutting down completely and internalizing everything until I finally imploded.“Figure what out?” he pressed, his tone firm but not pushy.Jesus... Did I tell him? Should I just spill the fucking beans and let the chips fall where they may? Or did I keep my mouth shut and deal with it myself?The silence hung over us, heavy and awkward as I struggled to make a decision. Why did this feel so fucking complicated?!He looked like he was going to ask again, to press harder for an actual answer and
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 360: Reflections (Ryder's POV)
(Ryder's POV)I sat on the mossy log, staring at the still surface of the pond in front of me. The air was cool and damp, the smell of earth and pine heavy in the air. I looked up as gray clouds swirled overhead, the threat of rain imminent.This was Tyler's spot, but I'd come here a couple of times before when I needed to get some space to think about shit. Back home, everything just felt so... consuming... overwhelming. Not that it was much better here. It's not like the problems just magically disappeared as soon as I stepped out the front door. But here... I don't know. It was quiet. There was no chaos.This wasn't exactly what I had had in mind when I left this morning, and truth be told, I had no clue how long I had been here. I'd turned my phone off, not wanting to have any distractions or interruptions.Kate had probably messaged, but I just needed this time to focus. To focus on this one stupid problem. A problem that shouldn't have even been a problem at all.There had been
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 359: Too Late (Part 2) (Tyler's POV)
(Tyler's POV) Before I had a chance to put together some kind of response, Ryder continued, “You’ve always been better at everything, Tyler. You could always run that much faster. You were always that much stronger. You always scored that much higher. Everything you ever did... Everything you ever do... You just do it better than me. You can even skip a fucking stone further than I can..." he went on, scoffing at the absurdity of it but I could see that it weighed him down.I bit my lip, still not knowing what to say. To some degree it was true, but there was so much more to it."And I don't hate you for it or anything, okay?" he said, as if trying to set the record straight. "It's not like it's your fault that I couldn't measure up. It's just the way things panned out, and that's fine. I guess the pack needs a leader and that's you. You were always the one everyone looked up to and I guess I just figured that the best thing I could do was stay out of your way and not hold you back.
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 358: Too Late (Part 1) (Tyler's POV)
(Tyler's POV)Ryder hesitated for a moment before shaking his head again and replying, "I'm just... trying to figure shit out.”“Figure what out?” I pressed, trying to sound curious rather than forceful.He was quiet for a long moment and I was almost one hundred percent sure he was going to give me the generic 'stuff' reply again, but he surprised me.“That empty feeling I told you guys about after the marking? Well, it’s still there. I tried to ignore it, figuring that The Elders being here was more important. I thought that maybe it would go away if I didn't think about it, but it hasn’t. It's just gotten worse and with all the shit that asshole Simon was saying... I just... I think… I think I might know why I've been feeling this way...” he trailed off.I frowned. “Why?”He hesitated, his hands clenching into fists. “It's the Alpha thing, I'm almost sure of it. I’ve been avoiding it for years, telling myself I didn’t want it, that it isn’t who I am. But now? It’s like it’s catchin
My Twin Alpha Valentines Chapter 357: Hiding Places (Tyler's POV)
(Tyler's POV)The Fortress was as busy as ever. People milled around the gym, sparring, chatting, working out, the usual. The faint smell of sweat mingled with disinfectant hung in the air.I scanned the room, hoping to see Ryder beating the shit out of a punching bag or leaning against the wall, smirking at someone’s terrible form, but there was no sign of him.He didn't come here often, so my hopes weren't high to start with, but it was still disappointing when he was nowhere to be seen.If he wasn't in the gym, he didn't really have much reason to be here otherwise. But even so, I figured I may as well make the most of it and do a thorough check of the building.Making my way down the hallway that led to all the meeting rooms and classrooms, I peeked into a few of the rooms where I knew I wouldn't be interrupting anything important. Along the way, I ran into a few familiar faces, but no one I asked had seen him around.With no sign of him here and no solid leads, I stepped back out
