22.

I didn't want to smell my cum when my mother hugged me. 

That would be so disgusting. 

The thought. 

Literally the most mortifying thing ever. 

Oh. My. God.

Panic shot through me as I stayed very still, praying she wouldn’t notice, praying nobody would notice.

I tried to breathe.

Think of literally anything else.

“You were amazing today, Evelyn,” Mum said softly, pulling back to cup my face. “I saw what you did. How you stood up for me.”

I swallowed hard, nodding. “Of course, Mum.”

Her smile wobbled slightly. “You don’t know what that meant to me.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

Because despite everything, despite the years of struggling with her choices, despite the frustration, I loved my mother.

And I hated seeing her hurt.

So I forced a small smile. “You don’t have to worry, okay? You deserve this.”

She exhaled shakily, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Evie.”

I felt guilt claw at my chest.

Because just minutes ago, I had been on my knees in a garden, doing unspeakable things with a man who was about to be my stepbrother.

Who my mother was seeing like a son, who we would be living in the same roof as a family. Yet I had placed his dick in my mouth and sucked it like my life depended on it. 

Had him finger fuck me and wishing that it was his dick instead.

I cleared my throat, desperately trying to ignore the burning heat creeping up my neck.

“I—um, I should go freshen up,” I mumbled, stepping back slightly.

Mum nodded, oblivious, smiling at me like I was the perfect daughter.

If only she knew.

I turned and walked.

Fast.

Straight for the powder room, where I shut the door, leaned against it, and finally let out a silent scream.

What. The. Hell.

I had just given my stepbrother head at my mother’s bridal shower, and now I was standing here while she hugged me, telling me how proud she was.

This was bad.

So, so bad.

I needed to get my shit together.

I turned on the sink, splashing cold water on my face, taking deep breaths.

But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was Ryder—his dark eyes locked on mine, the way he had groaned my name, the taste of him still lingering on my tongue—

I groaned, gripping the edges of the sink.

This was going to be a long night.

****

I regretted it.

Oh my God, I regretted it.

Not because it wasn’t good—no, that was the problem. It was too good. So good that now I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Or him.

Or the fact that I had gotten on my knees for Ryder Caldwell, and he hadn’t even broken a sweat before making me fall apart in his hands.

I groaned, burying my face into my pillow as I sprawled across my bed. The events of the bridal shower replayed in my head like a bad movie I couldn’t turn off.

I needed to tell someone.

And that meant calling Elara.

I grabbed my phone and hit the call button, staring at the ceiling as it rang.

She picked up on the third ring. “If this is another ‘I did something stupid’ call, I’m charging you for emotional labor.”

I sighed. “I did something stupid.”

Silence.

Then a deep gasp. “Oh my God.”

“Elara—”

“Oh my God.”

“Elara, stop.”

“Did you fuck him?” she practically screamed through the phone.

My stomach flipped. “No!”

Pause.

“…Yet?”

I groaned, dragging a hand over my face. “Elara—”

“Oh my God,” she said again, whispering this time. “Okay. Okay. Breathe. Tell me everything. Every. Single. Detail.”

I chewed on my lip. “I—ugh. It was just a thing in the garden.”

“A thing?”

“I gave him head and he finger fucked me.”

Silence.

Then—

A shriek so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear.

“EVIE!”

“Shh!” I hissed, looking at my bedroom door like my mother was about to barge in.

“You sucked your stepbrother’s dick at a bridal shower? Your mum's bridal shower?! His step mum bridal SHOWER!!” she whisper-yelled. “Oh my God, that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I groaned, covering my face. “It was a mistake.”

“A hot mistake.”

“Elara, I can’t do this.”

She snorted. “You already did.”

I sat up, my stomach twisting. “I need to stop before this gets out of control.”

There was a beat of silence. Then, “Are you on birth control?”

I blinked. “What?”

She sighed like she was dealing with a child. “Birth control. Contraceptives. The thing that prevents babies when you’re having questionable sex with a Caldwell.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Mom, I’m on it.”

“This is such exciting news. Was he big?”

I groaned, my cheeks red, I wanted to die now. Why did I even call this girl?

“Come on tell me!!”

I groaned, “Yes, he had…maybe an 8 inches, when I did the calculations with my hand I think 8 inches circumcised cock.”

“Fuck. That's wow. Amazing, did it touch the back of your throat?”

“Okay enough.”

She laughed. “You sound happy though, I know you want to try it again.”

Oh yes I do want to try it again, but the rational me doesn't want to. 

“Hmm, silence.” Elara said, “If you do, are you willing to take the risk?”

I hesitated.

Because the truth was… no.

But that wasn’t what I told her.

Instead, I exhaled. “Before Mum’s wedding,” I admitted. “I just—I need this before everything changes.”

Elara hummed knowingly. “Oh, you need it?”

I groaned. “I want to spend this period with him, Elara. I want to know him more. Fuck him. And then…” I swallowed. “After the wedding, I want everything to go back to normal. Like we are just…family.”

Silence.

Then—

“Elara?”

She sighed. “Babe.”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t start.”

“I love you,” she said dramatically, “but you’re delusional.”

I frowned. “Excuse me?”

“You think you’re gonna spend weeks fucking Ryder, making all these dirty little memories, and then just walk away like nothing happened? Be family? What's this? A cliche romance movie. It's not. This your step brother and best of all, your first. He is going to ruin you. He would be your step brother, your ruin. You can't see anyone else apart from him.”

I opened my mouth—then shut it.

Shit.

“I can,” I said, but it didn’t sound convincing.

Elara just laughed. “Oh, sweet summer child.”

I groaned. “Don’t say that.”

“Listen,” she said, her voice softer now. “I get it. You want to keep this casual. Just… be careful, Evie. If this is just for fun, then fine. But if you catch feelings…”

I swallowed.

I already had.

But I wasn’t going to admit that.

So instead, I sighed. “I’ll be fine, Elara.”

“You better be.”

I bit my lip. “But if I do end up fucking him?”

She laughed. “Then enjoy it. And for the love of God, record it. I need something to get off to. Nothing like sweet amateur p**n”

I groaned again, throwing a pillow at the wall as she giggled into the phone.

This was so going to backfire.