Chapter Four

                                  Timika

                             5 Years Later

“Again!!!”

I’m yelled at for the 20th time this morning!

I groan in frustration as I get back up and take my stance. 

What is with me today?

He comes at me, and usually I would have moved quickly, and ducked the move, just to catch him off guard and knock him down. Yet, today, I’m slow, clumsy …useless!!!

“For Fox Sake!!” I let out with frustration!

I run over to the side, and vomit. Trying to hide my shame from Uncle Garren and Auntie Lil.

“Come on Kenzie, shake it off! Let’s go again!”

I nod my head, wipe my tears, and take a sip from my water bottle, to rinse my mouth out.

I take my stance once again. Trying to focus, but my mind is a mess! 

He comes at me and throws me to the ground. My body moving like a piece of cooked spaghetti, knocking the wind out of me! It’s like I have no fight in me, no fire, nothing…just emptiness.

I cover my face with my arms, still lying on my back. I break out into a sob, and just keep crying. I feel hot all over! I feel a deep pain inside of me! Anger, so much anger!

“Come on Ti….”

“Don’t!!!”  I yell at him.

Don’t you dare say it!!! 

I am so upset, angry and tired. I haven’t had a proper night’s rest in 3 days!

“Sorry Kenzie” Uncle Garren says to me in a soft tone. 

I nod my head but don’t make eye contact. 

“Let’s take a 20min break. You’ve been at this for nearly two hours.”

I just walk away. I know it’s not Uncle Garren’s fault that I feel this way. I also know he understands that I need some space right now, and he won’t take my outburst personally.

I walk up the little hill and take a seat under a large oak tree. I gulp down the cool water in my bottle, while just staring into nothingness. My mind is too foggy to even notice any detail that surrounds me.

I feel warm droplets drip into my collarbone. It’s only then that I realise I’m crying. The tears won’t stop. Maybe I just need to let these flow, I’ve been holding them in for so long.

It will be my 16th birthday in two days.  I will most probably have my first shift and meet my wolf. But I don’t even feel excited. Because my birthday has not been a happy once since I turned 11years old.

This just reminds me of them. This reminds me of wat happened just after my birthday. How nothing will ever be the same. How will I ever feel complete or happy again?

I close my eyes, taking in a shaky breath. I feel so alone. My heart is hurting; my whole body feels like it’s in pain. I feel like a piece of my soul is missing.

I remember her crystal green eyes, her soft smile and airy laugh. Her scent of roses, her sweet voice, I swear I can almost hear it. Her warm, loving hugs.

Goddess, how I need one of those right now.

Sniff!

I remember his warm smile, his dark blue eyes, and his musky, wet soil scent. The scent of ‘HOME’. I haven’t felt that feeling in such a long time!

I open my eyes. I wipe the tears from my face and let go of a breath I feel like I’ve been holding in for such a long time. I guess sometimes we all just need a good cry.

My heartrate is slowing down, my head feels like it’s finally clearing up. For the first time today, I take in my surroundings.

It’s such a beautiful day.

Something catches my attention, and I see a small yellow butterfly. It flutters all around me, and I swear I can hear my mothers’ sweet, angelic voice singing…

“I promise you there will come a day

Butterfly fly away…”

I haven’t touched my guitar or sang for quite a few years. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it. 

The little yellow butterfly flutters to my right, my eyes follow it. It settles down on a dandelion. I haven’t seen a dandelion in such a long time, yet, to my right there seems to almost a be a field of them. How have I never noticed this before?  

I reach down my chest and gently pick up my dandelion necklace. I rub over it with my thumb. 

‘The necklace, my little blossom, is a reminder that we never want you to ever stop wishing or dreaming. Always follow your dreams!’ I remember my father’s words.

I pick a dandelion, and study it.

If only I could go back in time. If only they were still here. What I would give to have it all back, but that’s not how life works. So, what will I wish for then?

I think this over for a moment. A soft breeze brushes by, making my sun-kissed, caramel hair blow in the wind.

I close my eyes and make a wish.

‘I wish, to be happy again.’

I blow the dandelion, untill all the little seeds are drifting off into the breeze.

As they drift away, I hope my heartache will drift away with them.

I sit back down, resting my head against the tree trunk. I close my eyes. I’m so tired! I feel my mind relaxing. Then, I’m hit with the memory, so vividly clear, as if it happened yesterday. I remember the day that it all happened….

*********************************************

                               Flashback

           2 Days after Timika’s 11th Birthday

It’s late afternoon. It’s been a calm and boring day. Xander has been busy with his friends, and training. Daddy should be home from his trip tonight, though. I can’t wait to see him!  I know it has only been a short while, but I’ve missed him so much!

I’m propped up against our famous, old oak tree in our garden.  I’ve been trying to write my first song, well more like attempting to.

‘Come on Kenz’, I give myself a little encouraging boost.

I have a few words that just keep coming to mind. I have no idea why. Maybe this is just how song writing works? I have written them down in my notebook.

Trust the process…

We all just have to take that first step and start somewhere.  We will never know or grow if we don’t start somewhere and at least give it a try, right?

Ok, now let’s try that with a melody.

I flick my fingers softly over the guitar strings, playing around with some chords, till I find something I like.

“There is a story written in the stars

That makes it worth it ….”

Oooh, I like the sound of that!

So, I place my guitar on my lap, and I write down the lyrics and melody, in my notebook. 

‘Hmmm……makes it worth…what?’ I ask myself. 

I ponder over this for a moment, while flipping my pen back and forth against my notebook.

Suddenly I’m shook from my thoughts, with an ear-piercing scream!

“Noooooooo!!!”

It’s Mommy’s voice!

I pick up my thigs, and rush toward the pack house. As soon as I enter the house I stop in my tracks …

My guitar, notebook and pen fall to the floor.

I take in the sight before me. It completely takes the air from my lungs!

There she is. 

Mommy, on her knees, clutching at her heart, and sobbing uncontrollably!

I feel like my heart is barely beating, yet at the same time, it feels like it is beating so loud in my ears, that I can barely make out her ear-piercing screams. My body feels like it is on fire, yet my heart and emotions feel frozen.

Reality hits me.

I know exactly what this is! 

I recognise the reactions she is having. I have learned this in my theory class about ‘Mates’. And now I know…. my Daddy is dead! 

No! This can’t be… 

My eyes swell up with tears, and they run down my cheeks.

Goddess, no! Please not my Papa!

I make my way over to my Mama.

“Mama” I say softly, while moving over toward her. I crouch down, taking her hand and kissing it gently. But she is unresponsive, she doesn’t acknowledge my presence. 

“I’m so sorry Mamma, I’m so sorry” I whisper against her head, and gently kissing her head.

It’s only then that I notice a figure to my right, none other than Uncle Zuko.

He is standing only a few feet away, his tall frame leaning against the wall. His hands are in his pockets, and he has his ever-stoic expression on his face. He is just staring at Mommy, his eyes not leaving her.

“Uncle Zuko, what happened to Daddy?” I ask through light sobs.

“There was an accident. Your father’s car was blown up, right after the Alpha meeting.” He states without batting an eye.

Then why was he already here? Why was he not with Papa?

Why does he not seem even the slightest upset right now?

As upset as I am, between me and Mama, I am the only one thinking clearly now.

For some or other reason I test the waters… something feels off…

“I’m sorry for the loss of your best friend, and Alpha, Uncle Zuko.” 

“Yeah…” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, life carries on, and so should we.” 

I frown. He is Daddy’s best friend and his Beta, not even faking a bit of sadness? Seriously?

Suddenly, I feel anger rise within me. Something feels off!

Something in me rises, and I get up, walking toward the man I considered part of our family, despite his introverted ways.

I look him in the eye, not breaking eye contact or even shying away, even when my tiny frame is nothing compared to him.

“Why was he alone? Why weren’t you with him? Where were you?” I ask in a loud, accusing tone taking a step toward him.

His eyebrows shoot up for a brief second, before turning into a scowl. It was such a brief reaction, I nearly missed it, but I didn’t! I saw the crack in his facade.

“Well, Timika!” he says through gritted teeth.

“I retuned earlier as your dad wanted to meet up with another Alpha to catch up. You know I’m not one to mingle. Apparently when your father went ahead and got into the car, after his lunch, it was bombed. I would have been dead right now as well.” 

I feel something inside me that I have never felt before!

I know it’s the Alpha inside of me, rising! The title shifting to me by default, but even though I am too young to take it on, or for the pack to feel the link and bond to their Alpha, I could feel something within me strengthen.

“How convenient!” I state, staring him deadpan into his cold grey eyes.

I have never talked to an adult like this! I’ve been brought up to have polite manners and treat adults with respect. But I have a fire burning inside me, pushing me to show no weakness!

Then I see it!

It’s so faint, but I know it so well. I can’t miss it! 

He tries to cover it up, but I’ve caught him again. How have we never noticed this before? All rights he had to be called ‘Uncle’, are out the window! 

He gives me a look, no one else might pick it up, but I see it…. 

Disgust!

I know ‘disgust’… I’ve tried to give a smile, act like it doesn’t get to me, or even remain neutral with expression, while having to eat broccoli. It never works! Disgust is just one of those emotions, try as you may, but you will never be able to mask 100%.

He ignores me completely, returning his attention back to Mommy. He kneels and takes her hand. He kisses her knuckles softly.

What the ….? What is that about?!?

“Imka, I am sorry for the loss of your mate. I will give you a few days to morn and have a memorial service for the late Alpha. Unfortunately, there are no remains of the body to have a proper funeral. But Luna, we have a pack that needs guidance and a leader. Life goes on, we need to keep going.” He states with a tender, yet firm tone as he rises to his feet.

Mommy is still a sobbing mess. She has no reaction to anything being said to her, nor around her. 

Just then Uncle Garren and Auntie Lilura come rushing into the pack house. The whole pack should know by now Daddy is gone. The link and bond to their Alpha, broken now. 

They both slow down. Auntie Lil rushing to Mommy’s side. 

Uncle Garren comes and takes a protective stand in front of me, shielding me behind him.

“What happened? The whole pack is panicking!” Uncle Garren asks Zuko in his firm, yet calm tone.

“Tiberius has been blown up in a car bombing. I will give Luna Imka  three days to morn and have a memorial service for him. I will stand in as acting Alpha. In four days I will take my place as the new Alpha of Silver Mist, as Timika is too young to take the Title.” He says to the Gamma, with finality. 

“Got a problem with that?” he asks, stepping closer to our Gamma, one brow raised.

Zuko may be Beta but has never been an outstanding fighter. Uncle Garren could totally knock him out if he wanted to. He is our pack’s Top Warrior, only Papa could beat him with ease.

“No problem.” Uncle Garren says calmly. 

Why is he just letting Zuko get away with this?

“Good! Now get the Luna to her room and get her cleaned up.” He says dismissively.

Uncle Garren and Auntie Lil help Mama to her feet and take her upstairs, to her room. I watch them till they are out of sight. Then I return my focus to Zuko. 

“So, you are taking my title from me. What will happen when I become of age?” I challenge him.

“Well princess” he laughs manically. “We will just have to wait and see. I’m sure we can work something out.” He says, while tracing my face with his rough finger. He studies my face so intently. Suddenly I feel very uncomfortable, and he feels way too close to me. I flinch away from his touch.

He grabs my chin and closes in closer to my face, whispering in my ear….

“I, for one can’t wait till you become of age” he gives a wicked laugh and walks away. 

I feel like my heart just stopped beating and as if someone has dunked a bucket of ice-cold water over me. I feel so scared and now, so alone!

Then, I stare around me and I feel like my heart has just been ripped out. The warmth this packhouse once use to bid, now filled with cold emptiness.

How has my happy life changed, within hours?

I fall to the ground. I hug my knees and bury my face in them. Silent sobs are leaving me while my hair fall like a blanket over my shoulders.

“Papa…”  I call out, softly.

Why did you leave me… we need you!

“Papa…”

                         

                             End of Flashback

                          **********************