I couldn't stop the shivers that rose up inside me after washing myself with icy cold water even though I had just eaten lunch and attended a small party in the middle of New York City's extreme winter.Something has to erase this memory. Today takes me back to a few years ago. That was the last day I saw someone else's blood splattered on my face. Hot water spilled from the faucet, tangling my hair against my face and shoulders. I imagined this was paint—red running down my body and swirling down the drain. If only guilt were so easy to shake off.I close my eyes.A scream. Cold barrel against my temples.One second, two seconds.BangMy eyes flew open.The shot is in my mind.I closed my eyes, swallowed heavily, and opened them to stare at the snow coming in the night. My breath seemed to be floating in my lungs, and I tried to balance it, using the breathing technique that everyone always does to calm myself down.There was a knock, and I stood from the edge of the bed to open it.
This morning I was neat in a black midi dress with long sleeves. It was Stefan De Sanctis' funeral, which, rather than grieving... a celebration would be more fitting.Not a single face was streaked with tears. His parents just showed up looking as relaxed as ever with funerals at the hands of their murderous family members or because Stefan de Sanctis was as annoying as Nicholas said he was until all that was seen was the faint pleasure on his family's faces.I sat beside Gallena, who looked even more beautiful and elegant. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail with a floral bow, adorable and a little quirky, a little thing that fits her personality. I leaned back in my chair, flanked by Gal and Elena, who had been solemnly observing the people in the church, saying absolutely nothing.Everyone here is very dangerous despite their respectful and polite looks, while my gaze fell on Pascha since this morning, he caught my attention because there was a punch mark on his jaw, and I al
My eyes widened as blood streamed down my face when I saw who I didn't expect was in front of me. His hand had left my mouth, turning to cup my face with his hands.My heart raced with anticipation."What are you doing here?" his voice is low, and his blue eyes stare at me with intimidation that sends chills up my spine with terror.But I swallowed his influence that rising up inside of me. Block anything that makes me helpless. I can be hopeless about life, but I can't look afraid in anyone's eyes, especially him.Nicholas de Sanctis, someone who has become my death."None of your business." I kept my face away from his touch.He lets me go, but his face hardens, his eyes full of a mist I'm reluctant to know. I seriously bet that he really didn't like my response. After all, why would he be here? Why can he always be wherever I am? It didn't please me. I felt like my movements were always under his watch."I have to go. Reiner is waiting for me.""You will come with me."I didn't hav
I've always done is to let whatever happens ... happens.I'm trying to steel myself even more and walk out of it when possible. Despair has been my friend for too long, and hope has been my worst enemy four years ago. But now I find myself hopeful. Cheap and ridiculous hopes for the future. I swallowing, confused at the feeling that stopped me in my tracks. A feeling that bloomed like hope and, at the same time, withered like despair.Somewhere between the ages of twenty and twenty-eight, I forgot what longing felt like."Are you okay?"And that something is dangerous, thing to watch out for is always written in my head like a skin tattoo that will permanently be imprinted there. That's why I buried it deep inside of me, not letting my guard down again after how I let go of the night with my sister's forbidden fiancé.While he already knew everything, I let him. And, for now, I don't know what else to think of to get my attention and my heartbeat away from him, so I take the path I be
I was at the end of the hall, pushed into a corner by some hideous predator, even though I was in a public place. The man in front of me is one of the reasons, Tristan Volkov.. who would have thought that the younger brother of the man I love was observing me with complete calculation.All the aura within him was completely like complete darkness, just like Nicholas, but he had nothing to hide. The danger that was in him, he reflected on everyone who was near him; it made anyone tremble with terror.The effect was different from what Nicholas had given me. I'm not afraid of Nicholas, even though he could destroy my life with his crushed hands. Even though I know full well that Nicholas is more dangerous. But the man in front of me, Tristan Volkov, is like a bomb that can go off at any moment it doesn't want, impulsive and messy.He's the second child, so I may have never heard Ivan talk about him. I've listened to from Tara that a member of their family was forbidden to speak about so
Louis took me to enjoy the sunset on the banks of the Thames. It's fun.I am trying to remember when I started to be a sunset connoisseur. For me, the color of the violet sky when the dawn begins to disappear in the sky always gives a feeling of awe to nature. I often take the time to see the sunset on the way home from work or at home. Our mansion, located in an exclusive area of New York, offers a beautiful view through my bedroom window, and the Hudson River decoration is a plus point. In Moscow, where we are not close to the city but a pine tree forest with houses far away, the sunset there is also equal; it is decorated by the scenery of large trees, which makes everything even more beautiful. Well, the only thing that made me feel lucky was the view of the house, nothing else. But the Thames keeps a beautiful silhouette.This afternoon as the sky began to turn red, Louis and I hastened my steps along Tufton Street towards the banks of the Thames. Louis and I enjoyed snacks at T
Whatever happens...happen.Lying on my side, I stared at the glass wall that showed the atmosphere of London in the morning while two hands tied my stomach from behind. It was skin to skin touch as we were both naked. I should have been getting ready to head back to New York today, but the man behind me wouldn't let me go. Never had the power to refuse, I followed what he said. Laying down for fifteen minutes after I woke up from my sleep staring at the London landscape being showered with snow. Feel how Nicholas' warm breath on my skin. Keeps me warm.I've never ended up like this with any guy. The only man in my past always never did this. Always touch me according to my permission, hug me only when I sleep and leave when I wake up. He never touched me over the edge and had very good respect for me.And now.... I'm sure he's going to be disappointed no matter where he is. Cursing me for not having self respect for myself that I could end up like this with my sister's fianc
Since then, I have not stopped squeezing my fingers. Anxiety came like a tsunami that hit my body on the beach.I couldn't find peace in the twelve-hour drive from London, England to Venetto, Italy. I don't know what he is doing or what will happen if one of his family sees me; I don't know how to face them. Should I pretend to be Gallena? But Nicholas didn't suggest that at all. His face remained relaxed and showed a cheerfulness I never expected to come from him.What's really going on in his head?I sit up, just got out of bed, and can only do it in two hours. That, too, must be helped by him; he hugged me like we were real lovers who go on a trip to introduce his girlfriend to his family. Pretty romantic, right? But we're not on that page at all. This forbidden story is always the dark side of the romantic story itself. Something that will never turn into something good.The open brown door distracted me from the clouds in the window. Nicholas entered, already wearing a long black
Nicholas really took me away. It was a long trip because we were on a plane, and I only found out when the pilot told me where we were going."Spain?" I asked, looking at Nicholas sitting beside me with so much surprise.He nodded. "Put your seatbelt on, baby."I shook my head. "I don't want to go anywhere. I want to go back."Nicholas shook his head with a frown on his forehead. "I'm sure you'll regret it.""Then tell me where you're taking me!" my voice rose an octave.He only raised an eyebrow and let out a long sigh. "Gallena."My eyes widened."I'll take you to Gallena's place."My heart was beating so fast with emotion that I almost fell forward as the plane began to take off. He clucked, wrapping one arm around my waist. "Put your seatbelt on." He growled.I put it on quickly. Leaning against the seat as the plane began to take off. I turned to him with a twinkle in my heart. "Do you mean it?"Nicholas nodded."Is she in Barcelona?""She's in Ibiza, I think it's a safe place f
Flashback :The hollow emptiness going on inside me didn't fix anything. It was empty and frozen. I've had many losses, and I don't know what could break me more than this one. It consumed me more than any previous loss.My baby...I haven't even had a chance to see what my baby looked like before it left me.And...Why my baby?Why wasn't it just me who died?I huddled under the thick blanket that was not familiar to my nose. A hospital bed, pillow and blanket. Which was unfamiliar because I had never experienced a hospital stay. It was excruciating, and I didn't want to come back here again. But this was still better than Mikhaelovich's death house if I could choose. It was a good thing I'd been expelled, strange because the relief seeped through me like water in a dam that was never released.I stroked my stomach, something I always did these days, even though the pain seemed to split me in two.A click came from the door behind me. I didn't need to turn around to see who had just
Two Months Later Time seemed to fly by until the church doors finally opened wide, the warning of the bride's arrival making everyone look impatiently toward the entrance. I stared at the beautiful woman in a bone-white wedding dress with a high bust. After my challenging debate with her, I finally won. Of course, with a very effective tactic: making her unable to walk with our long sex and making her surrender. And I have absolutely no regrets. She was so beautiful, gorgeous, and fabulous. My heart swelled stupidly. Like the mellow atmosphere of those cheesy romance movies she always liked, but different from those stupid movies, I liked what I felt now. Enjoying everything in every part of her. I love her. Loved her so much that I thought I would kill myself when she was in pain. That agony was behind us, and I learned my lesson. We both did. Learned to be better and accept each other. My mom said it's love and doesn't always go smoothly. All we can do is stay together and go
I looked at Gretta, who was lying on the bed.In a quiet corner of the room, the serene atmosphere inside the hospital room was only interrupted by the regular hissing of breath from the bedridden Gretta. Her face reflected profound exhaustion and sadness as if a disaster had rolled over her like an endless storm. I sat beside her with a blank look. The miscarriage had robbed us both of the glimmer of happiness they had just begun to achieve.Everything that surrounded us was messing her up, messing me up. Us.The pain split me in two. Realizing what we had lost, the cause of my own carelessness. If only I hadn't come and thrown a bomb at her, if only I hadn't brought her to my apartment, if only I hadn't abandoned her.. that fetus would still be between us. That baby.. whether a boy or a girl, would have been a testament to our feelings. I loved her, damn it. I loved her so much that jealousy about her leaving me ruled me more than my trust in her. I should have known better than
My heartbeats shattered one by one, making my chest ache.My vision blurred behind the tears and the glare of the sun on the marble floor. Once the crying started, my tears flowed like I had just opened a dam that had been closed for years. I stood in the middle of a beautiful apartment and felt nothing but cold and empty. The emptiness expanded until it threatened to eat me alive.How accurate was my belief that Nico was an addiction because this felt like the worst kind? I began to realize that it was more than that-it was love and it was heartbreak.I went to the master bathroom, turned on the shower, went inside, and cried some more. My mind was spinning with desperate thoughts of how to fix it, but it all ended on a desperate note when I thought of her cold demeanor today.Nausea rolled around in my stomach.I've been trying not to fall for him, and I've fallen so hard that I'm physically sick from his rejection. I could have laughed if I still had the energy left to cry.I got o
"What are you going to do?" Baron's hoarse voice came into my ears."Keep it." I took a breath and let it out softly. Calming the chaos inside me. "I will tell Nicholas about this, but I will wait for the right time.""If he doesn't accept it..." Baron stroked my arm. " ... you know I will always be here for you, right?"I nodded, hugging Baron tightly."He's crazy about you, Gretta. I know that. He'll accept it. He won't dump you or do anything bad to you." He said as we broke the hug. "Everyone can see it. He's just too stupid to admit his feelings."Well, I hope that's true. I nodded. "I'm waiting for him." I looked down at the bracelet on my right hand, which I never took off. "I have to do something first to give my heart to him, Baron."Because I will never let go of the past if I don't let go of it myself."Are you sure that you've disappeared from his shadow?" asked Baron.I nodded. "I'm sure," I replied. My whole heart had flown away, and I was about to move back into my froz
I saw the news and couldn't imagine what was going on in my family. I was sure my parents were cursing me and Gallena, planning what would happen to their two rebellious daughters.I was the one who ran away from my fiancé's house and was with my affair. While Gallena ran away from home pregnant. They thought we should return the favor about all that they had given us, the luxuries and stuff, the limited freedom, and the damn convenience of staying in our rooms. Ironically, that's not the same as what most parents give their kids.So, now, what do I do? Do I stay here and hassle Nicholas until I can stand on my own, which... I don't know when that will be? Because I can't possibly depend on him entirely.What are we? We were nothing other than me having sold my body for my own gain and falling in love with him while he didn't love me back. I sighed.Or could I go back to my parents' house-because it had never been my home-take my things, and then go to Baron's place? They couldn't d
My control was hanging by a thread as I listened to my men. Lorenzo also seemed intent on easing our uncle's burden.Uncle Benito and Gerald seemed to be quarreling secretly, but I was sure they were planning to overthrow me behind closed doors. Benito is a coward, and Gerald is only slightly better, but eventually, they will act. Perhaps Gerald would send his remaining legitimate son to kill me."War is inevitable," I growled. "You know that as well as I do. Don't pretend you haven't been waiting for an opportunity to spill Outfit blood again." My Underbosses nodded, and so did most of my Captains. But not Benito and Gerald.My eyes were fixed on the high ceiling of the power plant. I had chosen it at every meeting of my Captains and Underbosses over the past three years to remind them of my bloody declaration. I felt their memories needed to be refreshed.Gerald banged his fist on the table, returned my gaze to him, and swatted away Uncle Torre's calming hand. "Enough," he muttered.
Being stuck with Nicholas felt different from being stuck with Louis. I realized this a long time ago.I couldn't even spend five seconds next to Louis; a strange and uncomfortable feeling always surrounded me when I was with him, even before he was forced to become my fiancé or before I knew all his secrets.But now, when I was with Nicholas, I had a different, disturbing feeling. It was as if all the storms were coming together, and I wanted nothing more than to be with him as long as possible, even though I knew he was in darkness and danger. His name is a disaster; you must escape him if you do not want to be destroyed.But here I am, and so is he. Instead of a disaster, he became one of the people who saved me from the real disaster. He's the one by my side, caring for me more than everyone who should do it for me. For the first time, I know what it feels like to be truly loved, although I don't know if he feels the same way about me.I found him in the kitchen after I'd had enou