Eleven

I groggily wake up from my slumber my eyes feel heavy and instantly I knew the cause of it. I had cried myself to sleep earlier this morning. I rub my eyes with my two fingers as I sit up on the bed. I stand from my bed and move to the mirror, I was right my eyes do look quite puffy. I didn't have the time to start making remedies for puffy eyes so I just left it that way, the puffiness will reduce soon. I glance at the little clock that is by my bedside table to check the time, it's eleven am. As I get out of my room with my phone in my hand —in case Andrea calls— and go to take a bath, I keep my hopes up that Andrea would be in the living room but sadly she wasn't. I enter the bathroom and immediately turn on the tap to fill the bathtub with water, as the warm water pours into the tub I pour in my scented shower gel and lavender oil. The bathroom begins to get a little steamy and now has a fresh scent of oranges and lavender. I take off my nightclothes, get into the water and start to get comfortable. I tried relaxing in the tub but I can't. Getting slightly agitated and frustrated, I come out of the bathtub and let the water down the drain, as the water drains I begin to pace around the bathroom slowly and take my phone to call Andrea. She doesn't pick. I call her again and again. She still doesn't answer. I let out a heavy sigh and just turn on the shower, getting into the bathtub again. I don't mind the remains of the foam still in the bathtub. I take my sponge, wash my body and rinse it off, the remains of the foam go out with the water. I grab my towel and get out of the bathroom, drying myself while I walk to my room. I go to my mirror and check my eyes again, the puffiness has lessened. I move to lay on my bed –not minding that I am still in a towel– and close my eyes.

On that night after the ambulance had arrived, the firefighters whisked away my sister's body and also guided me out of the burning building, I came out with lots of scratches, burns and bruises. I see my parents rush towards Marilyn's body they do not even spare me a glance. “Oh my Marilyn, is she going to be okay”. My mom asks the paramedics who were hurriedly wheeling my sister towards the ambulance. My father pulls my frantic mother away and holds her tightly trying to calm her down. She struggles to free herself but he doesn't give her room for that. “Calm down Nancy and let them do their job, Marilyn would be fine”. I could hear the fear in his voice, he is trying to put up a facade and be strong. None of them still acknowledge my presence. “Calm down?” She wails as she fell to the floor with his arms still around her. “Did you see her body Richard, her skin is torn, my baby must be going through a lot of pain right now”. She turns around to face him, he is squatting now.     “Please Richard I want to go meet my daughter please”. She pleaded I am her daughter too. My father reluctantly let's go of her and she rushes to the ambulance where the paramedics had put my sister in, my father looks at me, eyes me from head to toe and walks away without saying anything, following my mother to the ambulance. At least he knows I am right there. I thought sadly. My phone rings immediately pulling me out of my reverie, I snap back to the present and search for my phone. I find it close to my bed rest. I pick it up and immediately check the caller ID and hope again that I would see Andreas’ name there, but I didn’t. It is Mariquita calling. I accept the call. “Hey Mari what’s up?” I hear some shuffling in the background.

   “Oh, Anna how are you doing, this isn’t a bad time to call right?” I hear more shuffling. I giggle. “I should be asking you that Mari, it is as though you are pretty occupied with something”. I hear her laughing on the other end.

   “Yeah actually I am very busy right now I called to let you guys know that I wouldn't be able to make it today. I'm sorry”.

   “Oh, it's fine. Andrea is not around and I have a study group that I am supposed to be meeting up with today”. I lightly smack my forehead. I totally forgot about the study group.

   “That’s better. I'll see you guys on Monday”.

   “Yeah till Monday. Take care of yourself”.

   “You too baby girl, bye”.

   “Bye”. I say and end the call. I try Andrea's number again and it goes straight to voicemail. Feeling very annoyed now I throw my phone on the bed and get ready to go for my study. “She can ignore my call all she wants”. I mutter angrily as I put on my blouse. I wear my trousers, put on my Crocs, carry my bag and leave the house. I take a cab to the park where the study session would be holding. When we get to my destination I pay the driver and dial her number again. She still doesn't pick. I heave a sigh –I really have been sighing a lot today– and send her a text while I go to meet my study group. “Please, come home”.   

                            ◉‿◉◉‿◉◉‿◉

It's evening by the time I go back to the house, Seven pm to be precise. I open the door to our apartment half hoping to see Andrea but I don't and for the third time today, my hope is being crushed. She doesn't reply to my texts or call back even if it is to let me know that she is alright. I begin to get worried and wish that I could go back to this morning and take back what I said or not even say it at all. Andrea has been there for me through my hard time and I through hers, so keeping this from her must really hurt bad I know but I just can't tell her and have worry over me throughout the night every day. I am not used to that. I wish that I could go back to that night and prevent that fire from happening, that fire that caused my frequent nightmares. We've had discussions and arguments about my nightmares but this time around it was quite different, today is the first time that she got angry with me over it. She got so upset and now she's avoiding me. I angrily pick up the vase that is on our centre table and throw it to the wall, the glass shatters and I stare at the broken pieces. The more I stare at it the more I realize that there is no difference between the broken shards. I  scream and fall on the floor as I clutch my chest. The pain was becoming on bearable, I start to cry again. Heavy sobs leaving my lips. At that moment I wished that it was my body that the paramedics were wheeling towards the ambulance that night and not my sister's, Marilyn. Maybe then I wouldn't have to feel this much pain.

“Happy thoughts, fill your mind with only happy thoughts Annalia”. I whisper and cradle myself as I try to forget the pain even if it is for a little while.

 ANDREA’S POV

I remembered what my therapist told me before I came to Bayweach College. “Make sure that you try your best to walk away from anything that makes you really upset and try to keep your anger in check”.So, heeding to his words I angrily leave the house in order to prevent something ugly from happening or saying something that I would regret later. I have no idea of where I am going to or even had a destination in mind, I just needed to get out of that house. Annalia is too fragile and I doubt that she would be able to swallow in the harsh words that are running through my mind right now.I walk down the road aimlessly, I don't even acknowledge the stares that people who were jogging are giving me.It's a few minutes to six o'clock in the morning and I am walking on the streets in nothing but my night shorts and a hoodie. I needed to calm down before I go back to the house and it would take some time.Walking and breathing in the fresh air helps my anger dissipates most times and I needed to stay off anything that would trigger my anger. I was doing just fine until this morning, I couldn't believe that she would say that to me. I mean we have been through lots of stuff, and now she finds it hard to tell me about her nightmares all because of a silly reason. The more I thought about it the angrier I got. I kicked a pebble that is in my way so hard that I feared it might have hit someone. Annalia‘s parents disgust me, I understand that they lost their so-called ‘favourite’ daughter a few years back but that doesn't give them the right to treat the other one like a piece of garbage. Do not get me wrong I do not have anything against Marilyn we were very good friends while she was still alive and to be frank I do miss her too. It is a really painful sight to see a daughter who loves her parents so much and then that love still isn't reciprocated. I mean they are in Hungary while she is in California and she still wants to abide by there silly words. It is really sickening.I am feeling angry and sad at the same time. Angry that Annalia is still dwelling in the past and finds it hard to move on and she still doesn't want any help. Sad for the same reason as to why I am angry. I exhale and continue to walk. It would definitely take sometime before I go back home. I really wonder how she is doing.I take a U-turn still having no idea of where I am going to, I just want to walk until I feel that I am calm. I've been known for having trouble with managing my anger and honestly it really isn't a pleasant sight. It has broken most of the friendships and relationships ships that I have had in the past, most at times it always gave me the confidence I needed to say some very ugly words which were quite unpleasant if someone is on the receiving end. I just had a very terrible aggressive way of letting out my anger which includes hurting other people. Many of my friends avoided me because of that even in high school. I and my mother's relationship is hanging on a thin thread because of it. Funny right. It all happened when I was sixteen years old, after the fire incident that happened with Annalia and before I went for anger management therapy.I had wanted to go see Annalia in Egypt where her parents had sent her to go live with her aunt after the death of Marilyn. I was feeling quite lonely in our big house and because of that, I needed to go see her. We had only seen twice after the traumatic incident, once was at the hospital and the second was at the funeral. Ever since I met with Annalia at the fair in South Africa six years ago, I always wanted to be with her partly because I didn't have any siblings and the other part was because she always treated me as though I was a part of her family. She treated me like she treated Marilyn. She treated me like a sister. When my parents and her parents found out about our closeness they had always allowed us to visit each other, the expenses never really mattered.This time I told my mother that I wanted to go visit Annalia because now she'll be all alone and she is going through a tough time. My mom refused to let me go telling me that this isn't the right time to go visit her. Ever since that incident, my mom found it quite hard to let me leave. “Listen, Andrea, instead of you going to visit her she can always come here, by the way, she is part of the family and I don't think her aunt would like it if you go visit. You are not really her favourite person you know”. My mother had said to me trying to convince me but I didn't listen. “Well I don't care if aunt Beatrice likes me or not, I want to go see Annalia and not her. You know it would be quite hard for her to come over here from Egypt, I'm not sure that her aunt would give her the money for flight tickets”. Annalia could come if she wanted to but her aunt is the one who is managing her bank account and taking care of the money that is being sent for her by her parents. So it would be quite tough for Annalia to get access to some money without the knowledge of her aunt. “Her parents send money for her every week. She could take a part of it or I could send some money for her if her aunt doesn't let her. It is no big deal”. “I am missing her and I’m feeling quite lonely here”. I was beginning to get angry, this was the first time my request to visit Annalia has been nullified. “I do not care Andrea. She can come to visit or you don't go at all. It is for your good”.Fuming, I took the glass of juice which she was drinking and smashed it on the floor. She gasped and rapidly stood up from the couch. Yes, I was a spoilt child. “What insolence is this Andrea?” She shouted. “I said I wanted to go visit Anna, and I'll do just that. You wouldn't be able to stop me, Mom”. I could see the shock on my mom's face but I didn't care at all. Before I could walk away she held my arm tightly. “I do not care about your silly anger issues right now but this disobedience and that action of yours” –she points at the already broken glass cup– “is uncalled for. You are in my house and you will abide by my rules. It's either she comes or you don't go and that's final”. I dragged my arm away from her holds. She was hurting me and I wanted to make her feel the same pain that I felt. So I decided to tread her most sensitive subject.