Chapter Five

Simon

    I don't know what I am doing, but I hope to God I made the right decision by asking Marcus to stay with me. I couldn't, with a clear conscience, send him on his way while he was still messed up. He looks much better today, but I know he still has demons he needs to deal with before he can even begin to be ok. Last night was scary. I keep imagining what could have happened if I hadn't happened to go for a walk across that bridge. I shudder as I remember the lost look on his face as he tried to take that leap into nothingness. I am going to have nightmares about that for a long while. I had held on to him instinctively, and when I had looked at those huge liquid sad brown eyes, I had felt a fierce need to protect him. He reminded me of another boy that had lost the battle to despair; I had not been there to save him, but I could save Marcus; I just hoped he would let me.

   Yesterday had been surreal; saving him from certain death left me unsettled, but what happened afterward was waging a battle in my conscious. While it had been amazing being his first in such an amazing way, I felt a prick in my consciousness. Had I taken advantage of him in a vulnerable state? I know he had needed that human connection, but maybe we didn't need to have sex for it. we could have cuddled until he was in a better state of mind to make the decision. I will have to be careful going forward on how I handle this because there was a real possibility one could get hurt. I peep from my coffee cup and find him worrying his lip with his teeth; he looks like he is struggling to say something. "what is it? you know you can ask me anything," I tell him as I put my cup down. He is so attractive with that curly hair and long lashes that look like they have been drawn; he was too slender, a by-product of being homeless, but it was hard to miss just how beautiful he was. "I just wanted to say thank you for letting me stay…I will find a job as soon as possible, so I can give you your space back…I don't want to impose more than I have" he doesn't make eye contact with me as he says this. "You are not imposing, and I really want you to stay. But first, let's get you settled and comfortable. I think we should start by buying you some clothes, and yes, I know you will pay me back when you can," I interrupt as I can see what he wants to say from the alarmed look on his face. He sighs and nods. I clear my plate and cup and wipe my part of the table. "Go on take a shower I will bring you your clothes. There is a bathroom in the spare bedroom; you can use that if you want" he nods and heads upstairs as I head to the laundry room.

      I retrieve his dry clothes; they are tattered and worn, but they will have to do for now. It's good that homeless chic was a thing, though I don't really get today's fashion. I knock on the spare bedroom, but there is no answer as the shower runs. I let myself in and placed the clothes on the bed. I take a moment, listening to Marcus hum to himself as he showers, making me smile. I remember all the noises he was making while writhing under me last night, and I can feel my loins stir. I feel like such a perve lusting over such a vulnerable person,yes i know its a little too late but still; he looks so young, I have him pegged at 22 years though he could be slightly older.

     I shake my head and go downstairs to my home office. I need to rearrange my work schedule now that I have had an unexpected visitor. Although I mostly work from home, I have an office in town that I go to twice a week. Being mostly freelance was great for flexibility, and the money wasn't so bad either. he comes down after a while looking so young and shy and vulnerable. Now that it was daytime, I could see all his features clearly, and he was beautiful to look at in that fragile way only a twinks can pull off, but I am sure he doesn't realize how good he looks. The few times I have complimented him, he had looked shocked to be considered attractive. "Ready to go out? 'I ask, and he nods as he fidgets with his hands. "Relax, ok? It will be fine, I promise" we get into my car, and in a few, we are at the local mart; it's not the greatest place to shop, but I just knew he wouldn't be comfortable shopping somewhere more expensive.

    He is not picky about what we buy, and in a short while, we have a pile of underwear, undershirts, henleys, jeans, and some pajamas. I could see his face pale when we got to the cashier, and he saw the price, but honestly, it's barely noticeable for me I have shirts more expensive than the whole haul combined. We also shop for some personal effects and finish with a haul of groceries, I had tried asking him what his favorite foods were so we could add to the cart, but he had been adamant that he was ok with whatever I got; the only consession was him picking a box of the sugary cereal when he saw my plain bran choice. By the time we got home, he was looking tired, and I guess all the emotional stuff from yesterday was just now catching up with him.

     I drive home and tell him to nap while I finish some work in the office, or he could curl up on the sofa and watch some tv if he wanted. He opted to watch tv, but twenty minutes later, when I went to check up on him, he was dead asleep; he looked so peaceful that I felt myself chock up just a bit. This kid was doing things to me, and I didn't know what to do about it. I made myself busy making lunch instead of being a perve and staring at him. I  made a salad and sandwich and put his in the fridge while I took mine to the office. I needed to talk to someone about this, and I just knew exactly who.