Chapter 4: Tainted Dreams

“Well, you have to listen to me attentively.” 

His finger pointed to me, firm and bold. “You have to stop coming here. I don’t have plans to have you in my bed anyway.” The way my right hand instantly flew to his face made a clapping sound in the air. 

But he’s still chuckling.

My fist turned into a ball of flaming fury after that, and I saw the redness on my skin as it sting me painfully. 

His jaw clenched, but there was still the amused face I beheld minutes ago. “I was just helping you and—” I spoke to him in a louder voice now. “I hate you. I hate you so much!” 

“My pleasure. My name is Zarion by the way.”

With that, hot tears pooled down my cheeks and I found myself running away from him. Again. But this time, I know I’m not going back to that cabin anymore. 

Not after what he said to me. Never mind if that is my own cabin, I will not return there again whether he leaves or recovers. That’s not my problem anyway.

Yet…I still found myself—telling myself—that no matter how hurt I am with his vulgar gestures and words, I will still be at Zarion’s side. 

What he said to me yesterday was like shooting a bullet directly at my heart, yes. He thinks I’m a pathetic kid who’s just bored and doesn’t know what to do with her life. He even asked why am I doing it to a stranger, and concluded that I have a crush on him.

“Hell no!” I shrieked, covering my face with pillows. Damn my soul if Mamita heard me.

I’m getting aggressive, and now… I’m feeling guilty. And angry, and sad. I don’t know why. He’s making me uncomfortable every time I go there, but I couldn’t help my body to go near him. It’s like my body is always drawn to his like a magnet.

‘Get a good grip of yourself, Cassidy!’ I scolded myself silently.

“You’re not going out today, honey,” my Mamita leaned by my door as she gestured to me to get down for our breakfast. I don’t know how she did that but she always appears and disappears in places I least expected. In places I never expected she’d be. 

After finishing breakfast, since I’m grounded, I decided to watch television in the living room while eating homemade popcorn my grandmother made. 

Unfortunately, she managed to find out that I sneaked out last night. My eyes are still not peeling away from the rope dangling in her hands that I used yesterday. 

“It’s cold outside,” I defended.

“Even if there’s a blizzard, you still went out.”

“Do you want me to?”

Mamita smiled and shook her head. She heaved a deep sigh and sat beside me. “What’s with the gloomy face?”

Pouting, I shifted on my seat and looked at her. “Is it that obvious?”

She nodded and grabbed my hands to put it on her thighs, rubbing her thumbs on my delicate skin. “I actually…” I trailed off, staring at my grandmother’s face, because if I told her about what I’ve seen in the cabin, she would definitely freak out. Who would want their granddaughter to spend her leisure time with a grown man in a secluded place?

“Cassidy, are you okay?” she asked, face wholly looking concerned.

“Mamita, what do you think about adopting a dog?”

“We have a lot of it already.”

“But I want another one,” I tried to remain composed. 

“Have you found one?” she challenged, tone raising.

My eyes bulge out, feeling guilty all of a sudden. “I didn’t!” 

She gave me an exasperated look. “I promise, Mamita. I didn’t!”

Yet, it was no use. My grandmother knows me too well, and I can’t say I’m a good liar—a liar enough to fool her. But I wasn’t; I am not. 

Mamita squeezed my fingers and sighed again. It’s like she’s been wanting to talk about this all along. “Was that the reason why you keep going there, Cass?”

“Yeah, but I did not see him anymore,” I lied, even though deep down, I hope he never left.

“Why not bring that dog here in the castle?” She puts emphasis on the word. I shook my head side to side. That’s impossible. The dog is not there anymore. It was replaced by a strange man. And it’s obvious that I can’t bring that strange man inside our castle.

 I will get enough grounding of my mamita for sure.

“Mamita, how did you find out you like Papito?” I asked, referring to my deceased grandfather. Her eyebrows furrowed but she answered anyway. “Well, your Papito was a good person. He was wanted by many girls in our hometown, but he still chose me.” She paused, pointing a finger in front of my chest. “Do you feel the same thing there?”

My heart started beating rapidly. One look on her face and she knows the answer already. Zarion’s face—the man’s face and body—flashed on my mind. He keeps on appearing in my dreams actually, even when I’m awake. 

Believe me, I want it to stop. The only thing is, it’s only me who can actually will it to stop.

My innocent thoughts were tainted because of him. My daydreams become images of his powerfully-built body. Even when I’m sleeping, it’s him I think of.

This isn’t me. This is so not me.

 I have never felt like this before. It feels so foreign to think about a guy all the damn time. I want to make it stop. Yet, I cannot.

“Yes, it’s something like that, Cassidy. You’re now a grown-up woman. You should know that anytime soon, you’re going to fall in love and marry someone whom you wanted to spend your life with.” My mamita smiled, teary-eyed. “That just means I’m becoming older,” she let out a shaky laugh and squeezed my hands. I looked at my mamita and returned her smile with all my heart.

I’m still pissed off at Zarion. I never managed to go to the cabin like my usual morning routine. Instead, I cleaned most of our castle because cleaning would always clear my mind. 

Yes, it did work for only a few hours. I never thought about Zarion—until now. Until when I fall on the comfort of my bed to get a good sleep after a long and tiring day. 

It seems like he loves to keep appearing in my dreams.

“Does he have some sort of magic or superpowers?!” I bellowed, my voice bouncing on the walls, vivid colors swirling.

In my fantasy, I could hear Zarion’s thoughts. He was the one dominating my body, soul, and mind. This is why I like to dream, my imaginations were unfathomable. Wild and passionate. He caught a faint strand of my scent. And it only gets stronger and stronger as he enters through the window of my locked room. 

I think he likes my scent: the sweet aroma of flowers entrancing him in a haze, the fragrant smell of freshness and youthfulness that even I can taste it myself. He eagerly lifts his head, trying to sniff out where the trail leads to. I saw myself sleeping in my bedroom as he made his way towards my bed. Each step getting closer and closer that I could feel his mighty presence. 

Something inside of me whined, urging me to hurry and go. His scent was driving me mad. Since when did the scent of a human make me obsessed like this? I was never like this before. Zarion changed everything. He has done something on my body, affected it in the least way. I’m sure of it, but I couldn’t explain how. 

My small, meek body heaved up and down slowly as I breathed. Eyes closed, I didn’t know how I could see Zarion’s body in front of me. It was like his image just flashed at the end of my bed, beckoning and seductively beautiful. His body tensed. Although I couldn’t see his face, I still know it was a comforting sight. 

Immense pleasure and tranquility, that was what Zarion laid at my doorstep as he stared down at me. So much so that he practically burned the image in my head and commanded me to get closer and open my eyes. 

Pushing him down in the depths of my mind, I found a small smile blooming across my face. 

“Cassidy…” he whispered my name erotically.

I stiffened, body tensing. 

Zarion’s thoughts of me made my heart beat rapidly. He described my face as beautiful contorting in frustration; eyebrows pinched together, plump pink lips pouty, and a small barely visible dimple showing. 

Heat rushed into my body from how needy he sounded. The pure husk in his tone as my name rolled off his tongue like a forbidden fruit. Alternately, Zarion envisaged that his skin burned with desire to touch me, to trace the lines of my body with his fingers. To feel the supple skin under his fingertips as they wander across my body like a constellation drawn in the night sky. He described my skin as a map where only Zarion could uncover and unearthed. 

My eyes were still closed as Zarion’s fingertips wandered around my skin. And from that moment, I somehow knew that…that he might be the one I want and need to spend my life with.