A Glimmer Of Hope

Elena's POV

Hope... That is the only thing that has been keeping me alive these days, that and a lot of pain and anger. I was angry about a lot of things but most of all at myself. I felt like a failure, like I had failed my village by not being able to keep their Alpha alive, I had hope in that someday, I would find a way to bring him back, now that I know that there is actually a way to do that, I have new found hope, one that is filled with light, with joy and happiness. 

I don't even know why Jonathan and I haven't imprinted yet because we are a perfect for each other. It has been an emotional month. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I don't remember missing someone as much as I do now. I am laying in bed and I am supposed to be sleeping, I tried to sleep but only ended up waking a few hours later. I don't know but I have been feeling this energy around me ever since I went to the willow tree. It has been a while since I went there.

Jonathan and I got married under that tree, it was a monumental event, and to think that I almost didn't go through with it. I guess he knew, Jonathan always that we were going to end up together. I laughed a bit at the memory of our first meeting, how I vowed to kill him in his sleep, I guess it's a good thing that I did not know my own strength at the time, I fear that I actually might have. I took a deep breathe and closed my eyes. I had memories of my wedding when the Willow tree shined in all its glory and blessed my marriage and my magic.

That was the beginning of our story and I refuse to believe that this is how is ends. I got out of bed and I went to my closet, I took out his shirt, the one I had with me when I tried to summon his spirit under the willow tree. I was not able to summon him but I think that this might have helped me a little bit, especially since I have this new found aura around me. I went to the window and looked out and took it the beautiful city of Rome.

This place had an energy of its own. One I can't explain. I tried to use my magic to close the door earlier on but nothing happened. I don't know why or how but I am certain that something is blocking my magic. I don't know what it is but all that I know is that this can't be good. I don't want to tell Mason or Kathryn that I can't use my magic. I am determined to get that Grimoire and nothing is going to stop me from getting it. I looked up and saw the beautiful stars and the moon, everything looked great and once again I appreciated the beautiful wonders of this beautiful world I have grown to love so much.

I don't know how long I stayed there but I think I stood long enough to hallucinating. I was standing and looking through the window when I saw Jonathan's reflection on the window. He was standing next to me. I looked back and realised that there was no one there. I looked at the window again and I saw his reflection again. He looked so sad. 

"Jonathan.... Baby is that you?" I said with tears running down my eyes as my hand to the reflection, I touched the window and his reflection disappeared. 

"God... I think that I am losing my mind. " I said and went back to bed. I took my phone and dialled Kathryn's numbers. The phone rang and went on unanswered. I hung up and called Mason. He answers on the second ring.

"Good morning beautiful..." Mason said.

"Hey... Are you up?" I asked him .

"Yeah I didn't get much sleep, how was your night?" He asked me.

"I don't know... I kept on having these memories of Jonathan and me, I think that I am losing my mind Mason." I said with a heavy heart.

"Don't be too hard on yourself Elena, you just lost your husband, your mate... I guess you are just missing him, like the rest of us." Mason said. It was in the way he said it, it felt like he had more to say to that. I then realised that I might have been selfish when it comes to Jonathan and what happened. I had Isolated everyone and never once did I think about how the rest of the house was feeling about this whole situation. I knew that I had to make this right. I have been all but selfish, as if I was the only one with a connection with Jonathan, when we got married, he got connected to the rest of the pack as well. We all carry him with us, this is not only my loss but a loss to everyone else.

"I know and I am sorry... Not once have I asked you how you feel, I mean you too lost your brother." I said.

"I'm glad you asked. I haven't even taken time to deal with my feelings when it comes to Jonathan because we are all focused on your mental state and trying to bring Jonathan back home, I haven't even dealt with that." Mason said.

"I'm sorry that I have been so selfish... We should have been in this together like the family that we are but instead I shut everyone out as if I was the only one going through this loss, I can't change the past but I am sure that I can make the future a better one." I said.

"I know... I'm just glad that you are finally out of the house and I am glad that you said No to the memorial service, I don't think that I am ready to say goodbye to Jonathan just yet but I must admit... It's creepy that you are keeping him in a coffin." Mason said and we both laughed. 

"I don't know but I couldn't exactly lock him away in a closet, I keep him there with an open casket because I know that he is still alive somewhere... You know... I saw a reflection of him in the window, he seemed so upset... Mason am I going crazy?" I asked him.

"No, you are not. I know how much you love him and I suppose you miss him too much. " He said. I smiled a bit. I was happy to hear him tell me that I was not going crazy. 

"Thanks brother... I needed to hear that." I said.

"Well Kathryn and I came up with a plan, we should meet up from breakfast and I can tell you about it." He said. 

"Well I hope that plan of yours is not going to involve ant magic." I said.

"Not that I know off.... Why is something wrong?" Mason asked me.

"I don't know... We'll talk about it at breakfast, I can't wait to hear your plan." I said.

"Alright then, I'll let Tabitha know." He said and hung up the phone.

I didn't know what plan they had but I had my own plan to get that Grimoire and now that I can't use my magic, I think that I might have to find another way, although I often improvise and actually get results, I can't take a chance, not when my husband life is on the line. It's funny because two years ago, my father and I were having a conversation about the future, looking back I realised that he knew that his time was short. I still remember the conversation like it was yesterday.

I had gone for an early run, I often do that to clear my head. I remember thinking to myself and wondering if any man would actually be brave enough to ask me out. I was a werewolf, one that was stronger than any werewolf in our pack, I was bigger too and still that didn't stop my father from training me very hard, much harder that he did with anyone else. He liked that his daughter could anyone's ass at any given time of the day, I was proud of that too but that strength threatened a lot of men, especially those that were in my pack. 

As if that was not intimidating enough, he always told the men in his pack that his daughter would never marry a man who would never best her at a dual, I guess the guys thought that they had no chance with me, especially since I was next in line to take over my after my father. You see the werewolves do things a bit differently, my father's family have always been the ones with the strongest bloodlines. Each and everyone of us was strong. My sisters too, only if they had any interests in the fights but they are only interested in making clothes and looking pretty.

I was tired and sweaty when I came in, I went to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. I turned and saw my father coming down the stairs with a cup of coffee in his hand. He has this robe that my sister bought him, it was a Versace gown, black and gold. I swear my dad loved that robe. 

"Hey poppy... Back from your run already?" He asked me as he made his way into the kitchen.

"Yes... Dad, you are up early." I said and drank my water.

"That's because I wanted to talk to you, alone." He said. He meant that this was a secret meeting, one that my sister's shouldn't hear about.

"Sounds serious..." I said as I took a seat.

"It is..." He said.

"Okay then... What's up dad?"

"You know, ever since you were born, you had been told that you are one day going to take over this pack, it's not going to be easy for a strong woman as yourself, baby girl I want you to know that you can't do this on you own, it's a tough world out there, especially if you are alone. 

I can promise you one thing though, dead or alive, I will make sure that I find you a man worthy of a woman like you, a man who will change your world into something incredible and powerful than anything. All I ask is that you open your heart to love and know that I would never pick a man not worthy of your love." He said and held my hand. 

"Dad I am not saying that I don't want to have a husband someday, all that I am saying is that you are going to have to search far and wide for a man who will be strong enough to want to have me." I said. 

"He is out there baby and I know that he is worthy." He said. I remember thinking that my father was partly delusional if he thought that any werewolf would want to be with me, especially one who can't beat me. You see we are primal and dominant creatures, naturally a man has to be stronger than his wife, back then I never thought Jonathan existed. 

I never in my wildest dreams thought that I could even get married to a man someday. My father told me that some of my mother's ancestors especially the females were lesbians, he also said that it was not strange or hereditary but I wondered if I was like them, if I would end up without a husband or children of my own. Then Jonathan came along and he swept me off my feet and now I simply can't imagine life without him. He is my first in everything, my first love and only love of my life. I have to get him back.

I went to the bathroom and took a long and relaxing bath. I needed it, in that moment I felt I was finally finding myself again. I must also admit that Kathryn's vision scared me straight. I do not want to be the person I saw in her vision. I knew that I was going on a downward spiral and that I had to do better. I also took in what Kathryn told me. I have to lead my people in my husband's absence. I finished up and I got dressed and went downstairs. I was the first one to arrive at our table.

I was seated on a corner table next to the window, I looked out and I saw Jonathan's reflection again, at this point I was sure that I was surely losing my mind, I don't even want to tell anyone about it, I can't risk them thinking that I was going insane. I briefly closed my eyes and opened them again. Jonathan was still there, I felt a cold breeze flowing through me. I looked my arms and saw goosebumps. I was definitely feeling something, I just didn't know what it was.