Chapter 5- When it Rains

Amaija

“Oni chan!” I whine. It’s been a week since I found out Xoi is a two-timing piece of shit. Since then, Jaden has discovered that the apartment he films in he, well I own it, he bought it with my money, signed my name on the mortgage, and lives there with his girlfriend of 5 years.

I was the queen of idiots in this relationship, but the worse part of it is that I miss him. How do I miss someone who lied to me and used me? I feel the tears coming again, but I push them away. He’s not worth my tears.

“Oni chan,” I call Jaden again.

“Imoto?! Are you okay?”

 “Yeah, can you pass me the remote?” He frowns but grabs it.

  “Imoto, I have a lot of work to do,” he tells me.

 “Oni Chan, l need a hug,” He sighs and sits beside me on the couch, and pulls me into his comforting arms. He pulls away slowly.

“We changed the locks on your apartment,” he informs me.

“Good.”

“We also served them an eviction notice,” adds Jaden.

“Good, I can’t believe he was such a piece of shit,” Jaden bites his lips and turns his face to the tv; I can tell he’s holding back.

“You can say I told you so, don’t eat your words on my account,” I nudge him.

 “I won’t say I told you so; you’re already hurting. But, what I will say is that I informed you there was a high probability that he was a f**k boy,” he lovingly tells me.

“Aren’t you too old to be using the word f**k boy?” I ask.

Jaden laughs but turns serious as he replies, “Definitely, but back to the topic of the f**k boy in question, you have to talk to him eventually, Imoto, you’re still pregnant with his baby. So you’ll need to work out visitation and child support etc."

 “My baby doesn’t need him.”

 “I don’t like him, but he’s still father,” says Jaden, sighing. I know he’s right but talking to him would be too painful now.

 “I know Oni; I’ll talk to him soon,” I assure him.

“If you need me, I’ll come with you. I owe that prick a couple of punches.”

“So do I.” I grit my teeth. I’m annoyed I didn’t get to punch his face in. Jaden chuckles as the doorbell rings.

“Are you expecting anyone?”He shakes his head as he walks to the door. He peeks through the peephole.

Jaden turns to me and whispers, “mom,” then opens the door. 

“Where’s my baby?”She enters and kisses his cheek.

 “Mommy…” I call her. She hurries over to me with some shopping bags.

“Baby, I’m so sorry; I flew back from Japan the moment I heard. Your father had a meeting he couldn’t miss, but he’ll be back tomorrow.”She wraps her arms around me; I feel the flood of emotions return as the tears that I’ve been fighting comes finally flow.

“Mom, you were right; you guys were right.”She pulls away and wipes my tears.

“I didn’t think he was right for you. I didn’t know he was cheating on you, or I would’ve cut him,” mom tells me. I chuckle, wiping the tears that flowed down my cheeks.

 “Mom, why are you and Aunt Kenya always trying to cut someone?” I ask her.

 “Only the people who hurt our babies. I’m so sorry, honey, cry your heart out and then move on; you’ll find your person,” She wraps her arms around me again. I feel so safe; I never want to leave. I don’t want to go out in that big world and feel pain like this again. I probably would never find my person, and I am okay with that.

I pull away, eyeing the bags in her hands. She seeks me, looks at them, and grins.

“I baked you three pumpkin pies and a dozen pumpkin empanada.”She baked all my favorites; I’ve loved all things pumpkin since exiting the womb. Of course, mom always blames dad’s side; she says no black woman eats that much pumpkin.

“I love you, mom,” I tell her.

“I love you too, honey, eat and be happy. Don’t worry about that loser; let me handle him.”

“Mom...”

 “Come on, just a little stab,” she is pushing it. I laugh; it’s the first time I’ve laughed since that day.

Jaden interrupts us from our moment, “Mom, I’ll do it. I can’t have you going to prison.”

 “Don’t encourage her,” They both start laughing. Finally, mom stops and cups my cheek.

“How are you and the baby?” she asks.

 “We’re fine.” I rub my stomach and smile; even if my life with Xoi was a lie, my baby isn’t.

“We’re going to be just fine, baby,” I say, talking to my baby bump.

“You will,” mom assures me.  

“Yeah, you have us,”Jaden says, agreeing with her. I look up and smile at my family, heart still broken, but I’m ready to take on this life alone.

“Yeah, I’m stuck with you guys,” I tell them. I smile then try to stand up.

 “Baby, let me help you up.”

“I’m fine, mom; I can stand up on my own. He broke my heart not my legs."

"Sweetie." Mom gives me a sympathetic look. I smile, hoping to hide my pain.

"I'll be fine; I have to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay, baby,” I walk to the bathroom, close the door and pull down my pants. I haven’t worked in a day or two, so I’m behind. I’ll have to call Amy and have her get Vector to work on it, I prefer to do it myself, but I don’t know when I’ll feel good enough to work. Right now, all I want to do is rub my belly and eat.

 “You’re going to make mommy fat.”I stand and rub my stomach. I turn around to flush, I freeze. It’s red, my heartbeat quickens. I’m bleeding, dread fills me, no! My baby! I grab my stomach as I fall to the ground.

 “Mom!!!” I helplessly cry out.

****

I hear mom’s worried voice; I close my eyes as Jaden lifts me. I wake up in an ambulance; mom is holding my hand, she looks worried. Again, I close my eyes and I’m out again, I wake up on a gurney, Jaden’s answering questions; I close my eyes again, unable to keep them open.

I wake up; I squint my eyes at the bright lights.

 “Honey,” mom calls me.

 “Mom? My baby? Mom, I was bleeding. Is the baby okay?”Mom wraps her arms around me.

 “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry..” she tells me.

 “Mom? No!!”She hugs me tightly as I sob cry. “My baby, I couldn’t protect you. Mommy’s sorry, I’m so sorry. My heart rips itself out; the pain is one I could never fathom, my baby. I’ll never get to hold you; I’ll never see your face.” I sob uncontrollably, clutching mom, trembling as the pains swallow, “My baby, my precious baby.”

-----

Amaija

One year later

After a long day of work, I enter the house and head straight for my room. I change into something comfortable and head to the kitchen. As I approach, I hear moans coming from the kitchen.

 “Oh yes, yes, Hani, I love you.” I recognize my mom’s voice.

 “Hmm, so sweet,” and that is dad. I stop and cover my ears, not again.

“Mom, Dad, please...”I hear scrambling and whispers.

“Give me my dress,” I hear mom instructs dad.

 “Shorts?” dad asks.

After a couple of minutes, Mom finally speaks. “You can come in, sweetie.”I peek to ensure they are both dressed, then walk in.

 “Mom, the kitchen?”

“We thought you were at work, sweetie,” she answers.

 “I just got back, and no excuses, that’s unsanitary, and you’re old,” 

 “You’re as young as you feel, honey, and your mom always makes me feel like the first time we met,” She grins as he kisses her; I roll my eyes.

 “That’s great, dad, but can you keep it in the bedroom? This is what, the 10th time I’ve walked in on you guys...,” I tell them.

“Sweetie,” mom tries to interrupt me.

“In the last month,” I finish what I am saying.

 “My love, I think it’s time,” dad says.

 “No, but she’s my baby,” mom disagrees with him. She grabs his hand, he takes it and kisses it, then turns to me.

 “Honey, we ...” dad begins.

 “Your father.” My mom is trying to oppose him on whatever this is.

“We! As in your mother, and I think it’s time you moved out,” dad blurts out. I look at them both, shocked. I had lived with them since my miscarriage a year ago. I needed the comfort of home, and they provided it. They allowed me to cry and mourn for the past year and slowly move back into the world again. It’s been two months since I’ve stopped crying about the loss of my child and even started working again. Still, I’m scared,  scared to live alone, meet someone, fall in love, and make the same mistake again.

 “Mom..” I look at her pleading my case, but the look on her face tells me I cannot win this argument. She approaches me and wraps her arms around me.

  “Sweetie, I love you, I don’t want you to go, but your father is right. You have to face the world on your own again.”I can feel the tears coming.

“Dad, you just want to have sex with Mom,” I accuse him.

“Of course I do,” dad retorts.

“Zayne ...” mom stops him.

 “I mean ...” dad is trying to find words to say. He then comes up to me and hugs me. “That’s not what this is about; we raised a tough, resilient woman. You’ve had some heartbreaks.”

“Losing my child isn’t a heartbreak, dad; you don’t know how that feels,” I tell him. I’m crying; I can’t believe they’re throwing me out.

“You’re right, I don’t, but I know that living with us won’t allow you to heal completely,” dad explains.

 “Honey, you’re ready,” mom is encouraging me.

 “Mom, I’m not; what if it happens again?”She pulls back and uses her thumb to wipe away my tears. “I do not wish for you to experience pain like that again, but if you do, you cry, you mourn, and you move on. We will always be here, baby; we are only a car ride away. We’re not abandoning you.”

 “Why does it feel like you are,” I still plead my way of staying in this house.

 “You’re just scared, baby, but I’m not; you’re one of the strongest women I know. I should know I raised you.” She smiles at me; her words comfort me a little.

“Hey, didn’t I help raise her too?” dad includes himself in the picture.

 “Of course, Hanibanchi,” mom tells him. She kisses his lips which makes him beam.

I don’t think I’ll ever find a love like you guys have,” I tell them.

 “No one loves the same sweetie, Aunt Kenya, and Uncle Jade, Aunt San and Uncle Q and Aunt Sam and Uncle Gin. We all have different connections, different love stories, but one love isn’t more valid than the other. You’ll find your perfect love when the time is right,” my mom assures me.

“I’m not interested; all I need is my career. A job will never hurt me,” I bitterly answer.

 “You’ll find your way there, sweetie. One day your heart will be whole again, and you will find someone worthy to give it to,” mom continues.

“Yes, baby girl, just like your mom did after spending two years with a loser,” dad haughtily adds.

“Zayne, you are fifty-two. Let it go, for god’s sake!”She turns and storms off.

“My love, I’m just playing,” dad explains. He kisses my cheek. “You’ll be okay, sweetie. Now, if you’ll excuse me, your mom and I are going to have some make-up sex.”

I groan. “TMI dad, TMI.”He chuckles before he chases after her.

I sigh. I should start packing. I haven’t been to my loft since I found Xoi cheated. The memories that the place held would have been too much. I thought of selling the place, but I love it too much to part ways with it. Any memory of Xoi now doesn’t hurt; the last time I heard, he got married to that woman. They probably were happy I lost the baby. The painful memory surfaces, but I push it away. I slap the counter and stand up. I guess it’s time to begin again, whether I want to or not. I have to do it.