WHAT IF I'M?

∆IVORY∆

"I’ll think about it," I texted back, though I didn’t want to go. The last thing I needed was to see more people who probably pitied me. But deep inside, I felt that maybe going out to do something, anything, to take my mind off the growing void in my chest.

Sitting on my bed, I looked out the window, only to see a dark sky with nothing, just like my current life.

Tears threatened to spill, but I swallowed them back. I had cried enough for Jacob, enough for the family who never truly saw me.

I shut my eyes closely to sleep, despite knowing it's hard to sleep, the soft sunrays on my face woke me up, stretching my arms, I woke up and walked out of my room only to see the entire house filled with silence.

That made me realise Jacob has left for a business trip without even a single word, I’d been trying to convince myself it was just a rough patch. Maybe he needed time and space. But no matter how many excuses I made for him, the void in my chest can't be filled. 

My bestfriend has been messaging me again and again to attend get-together, to escape from her relentless nagging, I decided to go there.

With the invitation I walked into the club, the waiter escorted me to a private room, just before I opened the door, I heard a familiar voice, "Jacob?"

Those words left my lips, and I signalled the waiter to leave, as I need to collect my thoughts, "didn't he say he was going on a business trip, then how come he attended this get-together?"

I sneaked in, through the slightly half opened door, and my heart sank witnessing him sitting there with Jessica practically hugging his hand and almost closely attached to him.

"Let's talk about your love, Jacob, I heard you're marrying Ivory soon, congratulations man," one of our friends congratulated him.

I'm gripping my heart to hear his response.

"The only person, I love is, Jessica," he said with a firm tone, taking a sip of his drink, "I’m marrying Ivory only because my parents like her and insist on my marriage with her, if Jessica had been here earlier, none of this would’ve happened."

I felt the ground under me stumbling, the words which I never dreamt of hearing, finally I heard, I can hear the sound of laughter and the murmurs of his so-called friends.

My chest tightened with every word he spoke, anger rising within me, fighting against the sadness clawing at my heart. 

I couldn’t hold back anymore, I marched forward opening the door in one go, my heels clicking sharply against the marble floor. 

As soon as he saw me, his brows were furrowing in irritation, as if he was hating my presence in front of him, "Ivory, what the hell are you doing here?" His voice was loud enough to catch everyone’s attention in the room. "Don’t tell me you’re stalking me now? Following me to spy on me? How long will you annoy me like this?"

Before I could respond, my best friend, Pearl stepped in, with a defensive tone. "Don't be so full of yourself Jacob, I'm the one who invited Ivory, if there's someone who came un-invited to this place, it's Jessica, the woman you brought in." 

Jacob ignored her entirely, his face twisting in disgust. "Ivory, how can you be so shameless? You're making Pearl insult Jessica just to satisfy your ego, haven't you humiliated me enough?"

Humiliated, him? Was he serious? I could feel the anger in me crossing the limits already, my hands clenching into fists, I didn’t let him finish further, instead, I picked up a glass of wine from the table and threw the drink straight at his face. 

"You don’t have to force yourself anymore, Jacob," I said, with a shaking voice full of fury. "You’re free from today, I’m giving back your precious freedom to you, go ahead and do whatever you want."

I yanked the diamond ring from my finger and threw it at him. It bounced against his chest and fell to the floor with a soft clink, but the sound was huge enough in the stunned silence of the room.

Without another word, I turned and left, my heart pounding so hard it felt like it might burst. 

Pearl ran after me as I stormed out of the club. "Ivory! Wait!" she called out, catching up to me as I finally stopped in front of the cab.

The moment her hand touched my shoulder, it was over, I no longer could stop myself.

Pausing in my way, I turned to look at her, I couldn't even see her face clearly as my vision blurred with the ocean of tears. The anger, the betrayal, the humiliation, all of it came crashing down at once, as soon as I collapsed in her embrace.

"He said... he said he never loved me," I sobbed, clutching her like she was my lifeline. "Seven years, Pearl, damn seven years of my life, for what? Only to hear that I meant nothing to him!"  

Pearl gently hugged me, trying to console me, "That bastard doesn’t deserve your tears, baby, you’re worth so much more than this, leave that good for nothing guy, I'm here for you.

I don't know how long I cried like a fool in her embrace totally forgetting that I'm in a public place, finally I pulled back and wiped my face. "I don't want to go back to that place, not after this."

"Then we won’t," Pearl said with a grin. "Come on, we are going to a bar. Drinks are on me, and tonight, we’re forgetting every damn thing about Jacob the Jerk, and let's celebrate." 

We found a small and cozy pub nearby without any disturbance, it was dimly lit, while soft music playing in the background, and exactly the kind of place I needed to drown my sorrows without anyone intervening.

It's only two shots, and I can feel the heat passing in my veins, thanks to this alcohol, by the third one, my anger started bubbling up again. 

"Who does he think he is?" I slammed my glass on the table, nearly toppling it. "Jacob thinks I can’t find someone better than him? Is he thinking, I'm loyal to him because I can't find another guy? I was doing all these, for the sake of his parents, though I loved him, the only reason I tried my best to understand him is because of his parents, stupid guy!"

"Exactly!" Pearl chimed in, just as drunk as I was.

She pointed her finger in the air like she was making a grand declaration. "He’s an asshole, arrogant, useless sack of what’s the word? Oh yeah, garbage, no...no, a piece of shit, you’re too good for him, Ivy!"

"Too good," I echoed, nodding with a faint smile. "He thinks just because he’s rich and he saved me that one time, I owe him my life. Excuse me, Jacob, saving me does not equal owning me, you narcissistic man-child!" 

Pearl snorted into her drink, clinking her glass against mine. "Cheers to that, screw Jacob." 

"Screw Jacob!" I said, raising my glass high before downing the rest of my drink. 

Then an idea struck me. A brilliant, alcohol-fueled idea, I slammed my glass down and grabbed the bottle of tequila from the table. 

"You know what, Pearl?" I said with a mischievous grin.

"What?" she asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at my expression.

"I’m going to prove I can find someone better, right now and right in this place." 

Pearl blinked at me and looked at our surroundings. "Uh, baby, we’re in a bar full of questionable men, are you sure about this?" 

"I was never sure like this in my life," I declared, spinning the tequila bottle on the table. "Whoever this bottle points to, he'll be the guy, I'm going to make a move on, tonight."

I spun the bottle with full of confidence  and both, I and Pearl, watched it like it was the most fascinating thing in the world, however it slowed, slowed some more, and then finally stopped. My eyes immediately followed the direction it pointed, and there he was. 

A man in an elegant black suit had just walked into the pub, looking like he had stepped straight out of a k-drama. Dark hair, piercing eyes, and a jawline that could even cut a glass. 

"Him," I said, as if I'm drooling over him, "He’s my man." 

Pearl gasped dramatically at my selection, "baby no, he looks like he eats hearts for breakfast, and not in the sexy way, but in a dangerous way."

"Sexy way or not, I’m doing this," I said, wobbling slightly as I made my way toward him.

Pearl trailed behind, whispering protests I simply shrugged off her words and stopped in front of him and tilted my head up to meet that handsome, "excuse Mr. Handsome, are you single?"

He was too stunned even to speak for a minute because of my boldness, but after a moment, he raised an eyebrow, with a smirk, "What if I am?"