Glimpse 14: Impulsive Decision

Diane’s P.O.V.

After what I heard from Lorenz, hindi na ako nakapag-concentrate pa sa klase.

Simula niyon, paulit-ulit kong tinanong ang sarili ko kung tama ba ang naging desisyon kong sagutin agad si Liam sa kabila nang katotohanang hindi ko pa siya lubusang kilala? O kung tama bang pinairal ko ‘yong instinct ko na dahil lang sa magaan ang loob ko sa kanya, enough reason na ‘yon para hindi ko na siya kilalanin pa?

I couldn’t understand, but it came to a point that I even accused myself for being an easy to get woman!

Hindi naman importante sa akin ang nakaraan. Siguro, marami lang talagang tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon... most especially, he was my first boyfriend. I must admit, a part of my expectation was somehow ruined.

Kasasagot ko pa lang sa kanya and that was the reason why I didn’t want to doubt him as much as possible. God knew how much I loved him but now, I got so confused. I was also curious about what really happened to him before.

As what Lorenz had stated, it was only a rumor. There was no such evidence that it was all true. Pero bakit kinailangan pa niyang umalis ng Pilipinas? Bakit kailangan niyang lumayo at pumunta sa America?

Hay naku, Diane! Ikaw? Napaka-nega mo talaga! Go and ask him for you to find out.

I used to be an overthinker at ngayon nga ay mukhang mababaliw na naman ako kaiisip. Ang dami ko na ngang iniisip, dadagdag pa ba ‘to? Sana pala ay hindi muna ako nag-boyfriend kung ganoon!

I was currently sitting on one of the waiting benches here at our school’s parking lot, until someone dragged me out of my reverie by kissing me on my left cheek. Pagbaling ko ng tingin, isang nakangiting Liam ang bumungad sa akin.

Nagpalit na siya ng damit at mukhang bagong ligo. Naka-stripes siyang polo na kulay blue, kung saan bukas ang unang tatlong butones nito at nakatupi ang mga manggas hanggang siko.

“Hey, what’s the problem?” Agad niyang napansin ang tila pananamlay ko kung kaya’t naglaho agad ang mga ngiti niya. “Are you sick?” Hinawakan niya ang aking leeg at noo para damhin kung mainit ba ako.

Umiling lang naman ako. “Liam, can we talk? Pero huwag dito.”

Inayos ko na ang bag at mga libro ko na nasa gawi kong kanan. Pagkatapos niyon ay saka ako tumayo at naunang naglakad sa kanya kahit hindi ko naman alam kung saan siya nag-park. Nagtataka man ay wala siyang nagawa kung hindi ang sumunod lang sa akin, hanggang sa naramdamam ko na lang na hawak na niya ang kaliwa kong kamay.

He led the way papunta sa kotse niya. Pumasok kami roon at saka niya binuksan ang makina ng sasakyan.

“May problema ba tayo, Diane?” tanong niya habang nagmamaneho. At some point, I caught him glancing towards my direction. “We can have dinner somewhere, but where do you want to go?”

“Hindi ako nagugutom... but I would like to go to your place,” wala sa sariling sabi ko.

Ni hindi ko na nga nasagot ‘yong unang tanong niya. Simple lang naman ‘yong problema. Actually, hindi naman talaga ‘yon problema... pinalalala ko lang.

“You mean, in my pad?” nagtatakang tanong niya. I could see frowns all over his forehead kahit nakatingin siya sa daan.

Tumango lang naman ako at saka tumingin sa labas ng kotse. “Yeah!”

Pagkatapos niyon, buong biyahe na kaming hindi nag-usap. I could feel that he was hesitant to bring me in his place at first, but he did not argue with me anymore.

To give what I asked for, dinala niya nga ako sa condo unit niya. It was located at one of the famous condotels in Quego del Mar — The LC Towers. His unit was situated on the twelfth floor. Pagdating namin doon, bigla na lang akong kinabahan sa tapat ng pinto.

Relax, Diane! You have to fully trust him kaya mo ito gagawin. Being to the place where he lives at is one way to know him more. He’s your boyfriend so there’s nothing wrong!

Napaka-simple lang ng condo unit niya. Halatang lalaki talaga ang nakatira because it was only plain with black and white patterns — walang gaanong interior design. The large white sofa with a glass table was located at the center and at the back of it was the stairs that would take you to the second floor.

On the left side were two doors. The first one might be a comfort room while the other one might be a guest room. I wasn’t really sure. Some paintings in grayscale were prettily hanged in the wall.

On the right side was I think a small corridor that would lead you to the kitchen. The right half of the first floor doesn’t have an interior as it doesn’t have anything as well. I guessed, it was just a large tiled floor covered with a carpet.

“Make yourself comfortable. Consider this as your unit as well because everything under my possession are also yours,” he told me before kissing my forehead... and that simple gesture made my heart melt.

Umupo muna ako sa sofa habang ang mga mata’y gumagala pa rin sa buong paligid. Si Liam naman ay dumiretso sa corridor na tingin ko ay papunta sa kusina. Pagbalik niya, may hawak na siyang dalawang baso ng iced tea. Kinuha ko ‘yong isa dahil nauuhaw na rin ako.

“Thanks,” halos bulong ko pagkatapos ay uminom na ako.

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at masuyong hinawakan ang dalawang kamay ko. “Now... what’s bothering you, sweetie?” he asked as I felt the warmth of his hands. I looked straight into his eyes and saw that he was still calm.

Lumunok muna ako bago nagsalita. “D-Did you know someone like Lorenz Villadares?”

Tumango naman siya. “Hmm, from Villadares Group of Companies? It’s one of our partnered business companies. Yeah, I think I know him... he might be the son of Horenz Villadares. Why?”

“He’s my classmate and one of my best friends,” pagpapatuloy ko.

“Then?” he questioned. Some lines could be seen on his forehead. It looked like he doesn’t have any clue as to where our discussion would go.

“Liam, I just want you to be h-honest with me.” It was hard but I needed to question him, because curiosity was killing me.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya tatanungin hinggil sa bagay na nalaman ko. Paano kung tsismis lang naman talaga ‘yon? Paano ko nga ba sisimulan ang isang negatibong bagay hinggil sa nakaraan niya? Paano kung matagal na niya itong kinalimutan at ayaw na niyang maalala pa?

Ngumiti siya sa akin sabay hawak sa kaliwa kong pisngi. “Diane, you’re killing me. Please go straight to the point. Kinakabahan na ako sa kung anong gusto mong sabihin eh.”

I heaved a deep sigh. “Y-You are here in the Philippines three years ago, right? B-Bakit ka umalis?” Hindi ako makatingin nang diretso sa mga mata niya. Feeling ko, nagi-guilty ako dahil malinaw na pinagdududahan ko siya.

“I went to the States to study MBA in Harston University and to take care of our business there,” kalmado niyang sagot sa akin bago uminom ng iced tea.

“I’m sorry, Liam. H-Hindi kita dapat pinagdududahan.” Yumuko ako at kinutkot ang mga kuko ko.

“What are you trying to say?” I looked at him and he was frowning. It looked like he was still clueless.

“Please... promise me na hindi ka magagalit kay Lorenz. He told me that there was a certain r-rumor before—”

Natigilan ako. Parang hindi ko na kaya pang ituloy ang sasabihin ko. Pakiramdam ko ay nanginginig at pinagpapawisan din ako. Ayoko nang ganito.

“Ah, okay. I finally got it, Diane. So you want to know the truth about that rumor?” Nawala na ang ngiti sa mga labi niya dahil sumeryoso na ang buong mukha niya.

From there, alam na niya ang gusto kong sabihin sa kanya. Napayuko na naman tuloy ako nang dahil sa hiya.

Ano ba ‘tong ginagawa ko? Tama bang pagdudahan ko ang taong mahal ko?

“I promise not to be mad at Lorenz for telling that to you, but promise me first na hindi magbabago ang pagtingin mo sa akin.” May bahid ng lungkot ang boses niya.

Napatingin ako sa kanya. Nakita ko ang pagsusumamo sa kanyang mga mata, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang akong kinabahan. Mula sa kanya mismo ay malalaman ko na ang buong katotohanan.

But am I prepared for this?

I kissed him on the lips as I interlaced my fingers with his. “I promise.”

Uminom muna siya ulit ng iced tea at ganoon din naman ang ginawa ko.

“It was a long story, Diane. But to cut it short, I was celebrating my twenty-third birthday three years ago. Since my friends were bullying me for still being a virgin at that time, they brought a woman here in my condo — a very beautiful and sexy girl. My friends also mixed sex drug in my wine and as a result, I acted strange and ended up having sex with her. My parents sued my friends for what happened. Since it was proven that I was also a victim, I was not arrested. And since the rumor already spread like a fire that I was a drug addict, it was one of the reasons why we flew to the States. Did your feelings for me change after hearing this?” He was teary-eyed.

Umiling ako. “No, I just loved you more for telling me the truth.”

I was supposed to be in shock but I loved Liam so much that I wanted to understand him. Not even a single inch na nagbago ang pagtingin ko sa kanya. I knew and I could feel na inosente siya sa mga nangyari.

In just two days, he showed me how special I was for him. His love and affection could testify that he was really a good guy. Everything that happened in the past could never be changed... and all that he needed right now was my trust and understanding.

Niyakap ko siya. Mamayamaya ay narinig ko siyang unti-unti nang humihikbi. “Hey, you have me. My feelings for you did not change, not even a single inch.”

I was gently tapping and massaging his back over our embrace as I felt his tight clasp on my torso, leaning for support. His face was on my left shoulder.

“Diane, God knows na hindi ko sinasadya ang mga nangyari. God knows how much I already repented for that sin. I might look strong on the outside pero buong buhay ko, pinagsisisihan ko ‘yon. In fact, one of the reasons why I came back here was to search for her. I owed her an apology. I wanted to apologize to her personally. Kahit makulong ako, tatanggapin ko... mapatawad lang niya ako.” Humahagulgol na siya. Ramdam ko na labis niyang pinagsisisihan ang mga nangyari sa nakaraan niya.

“Ssh, don’t worry! We will search for her, okay? We will find her and when that time comes, I will help you apologize to her. Hindi ka makukulong. I know in my heart that she will forgive you, Liam.” I released him. I was smiling while convincing him that everything would soon be alright.

Ngumiti rin naman si Liam pero patuloy pa rin siyang nagkuwento, “When I woke up the next day, wala na siya sa tabi ko. I must admit, Diane... she was drop-dead gorgeous. And I think, I had fallen for her the night before that sin happened. But believe me, nakaraan na ‘yon. Ikaw na ang mahal ko ngayon.” He pulled me closer bago niya ako hinalikan sa noo.

“I know... and I don’t care about your past, Liam. What matters is what we have now. I believe you and thanks for telling me the truth. Hindi ako nagkamaling sumama sa’yo at itanong kung ano ba ‘yong gumugulo sa isip ko ngayon. Thank you for being so honest to me.” It was true that communication was the key to any relationship. Ngayon, mapapanatag na ako dahil sa kanya na mismo nagmula ang totoo.

“No. I should be the one thanking you, Diane. Thank you for understanding me, for believing in me and for not leaving me. Most of all, thank you so much for loving and trusting me,” malambing niyang saad. We locked eyes bago siya unti-unting lumapit sa akin at hinalikan ang aking mga labi.

Damn, I really love this man!

Muli akong nagpatianod sa kung ano mang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Weird mang sabihin pero lalo ko siyang pinagkatiwalaan, to the point na magiging handa ako sa kung ano man ang posibleng mangyari ngayon sa aming dalawa.

Wala akong pakialam sa kung anong nangyari sa nakaraan — nangyari na ‘yon at ano man ang gawin ko ay hindi na ‘yon mababago pa. Ang mahalaga lang sa akin ay ngayon at ang kinabukasan. At least, hindi nagsinungaling sa akin si Liam.

We remained kissing as passionate as we could. It was long before I found our tongues playing with each other. After a few minutes of staying that way, I felt his shaking hands started to unbutton my blouse. I just let him do that.

Dahan-dahan niyang tinanggal ‘yon, pagkatapos ay isinunod niya ang aking sleeveless blouse at bra. Pagkatapos niyon ay unti-unting bumaba ang mga labi niya at nagdulot ‘yon ng kakaibang init sa buo kong katawan.

His lips traveled down from my jaw and neck leaving a remarkable pleasure that I only experienced today. I didn’t know what to feel when he reached my cleavage. I held his head and pushed him more to my breasts. I heard him moaned while caressing my peaks using his lips. He even bit them fervently.

Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang aking sarili at maging ako ay napaungol na rin. Ang ulo ko naman ay hindi ko na rin alam kung saan ko ibabaling.

I was ready to give in pero bigla na lang siyang napatigil sa ginagawa namin. “I’m sorry, Diane. This is wrong! Hindi ko ‘to dapat ginagawa sa’yo, but I just couldn’t help myself lalo na sa tuwing hinahalikan kita. I respect you, but I felt like I’m always being tempted whenever I’m with you.”

“So, nagsisisi ka sa tuwing hinahalikan mo ‘ko?” medyo mataray at taas-kilay na tanong ko. It was ironic that here I was, half-naked in front of him and yet, I didn’t even lend time to cover my breasts that were already exposed to him.

“Of course not. I just don’t want you to think that I am taking advantage on you.” He was telling me those words and yet, he couldn’t help but stare at my mountains.

“Then, just c-continue what you are doing.” I told him.

I knew I was being far from Diane that I used to know, pero alam ko ang mga sinasabi ko ngayon. Hindi ko na rin kasi kaya pang pigilan. I never knew something like this existed within myself and it was just brought out because of Liam. Nainis pa nga ako dahil binitin niya ako sa aking nararamdaman.

Bahagya siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko. “Are you sure? We might end up in bed.”

Tumango naman ako bilang pagsang-ayon. “I’m sure. Unless, you don’t really want me...”

He let out a deep breath. “Please, Diane... don’t tempt me. I might ravish you the way I want... and if I take it now, you will never get it back.” He might be referring to my virginity.

Halata kong nilalabanan lang niya ang kung ano mang gusto niyang gawin sa akin. Pinipilit niyang huwag magpadarang sa tukso, ngunit bakit ba parang ‘yon ang gusto kong mangyari sa mga oras na ito?

“Damn it, Liam! Just take me!” Maging ako mismo ay nagulat din sa nasabi ko.

I didn’t know the reason why but I just wanted to feel him inside me. If this is what they called lust, then I’m lusting over him now.

Silence reigned the whole area.

After a few minutes, he gave up fighting his urge. “Okay then... as you requested, Diane.”

Pagkatapos niyon ay saka niya ako kinarga at dinala sa tingin ko’y kuwarto niya sa itaas.