Chapter 6: ELENA

"I can't believe you did all this in just a week and a half. This is unprecedented, and I'm so proud of you. You did good, chicklet." Sydney wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug. A hug that I didn't know I needed as much as I obviously did until now. It made the last few days of manic obsession so worth it. And the fast pace I'd put myself through had paid off from the sound of it.

I had no reason to doubt her words as she's one of the best in the business, both as a singer and as a songwriter, so the real pleasure I saw in her face helped ease the knots in my stomach. I was still reeling from the fact that I'd done it all in ten days, more or less.

I'd had to do some lying and fast-talking to find the time to do it on my own without interruption. In the mornings, I'd feign not wanting to get out of bed, allowing my family and Rachel to believe that I was still down from the outing on the day of the interview, something I'm not proud of.

But I knew they wouldn't have given me a moment's peace otherwise if they knew what I was really up to because the last time I'd tried going into the studio, I'd had a massive breakdown that had landed me in the hospital. Just the sight of the room where we'd spent so much time together had been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, and it was too much for my poor, fractured mind to handle.

That whole scene was a blessing in disguise, believe it or not. I'd done a lot of healing there, shut away from the outside world and all the white noise. But the hurt and pain will never go away. I will never be whole again, and it took a lot of therapy to get me to a place where I could accept that.

It's not easy living with the thought that the whole universe is against you. One minute your boyfriend is marrying someone else, and the next, while you're still reeling from the blow, you lose your ever-loving shit, only to be stricken not long after that mental fuck with a rapidly growing form of cancer that leaves you debilitated and weak, scared and alone. What's a girl supposed to think?

There were days when I just wanted to give up, just throw in the towel, and be done with everything forever. But somehow, in my darkest moments, even though he was the cause of all this, I'd see his face behind the closed lids of my eyes, and it was as if I could hear his voice begging me to hold on.

Hold on, for what? That is what I'd ask myself at those times, but still, that glimpse of him in my mind would somehow give me the strength to pull through to the other side, and I'd live to see another day. Bleak and dreary as it was.

Now, it was as if those days were long gone, far behind me, and I had a new lease on life. The past three years had been the hardest of my life, sure, but now I had this new urge to get back out there and do what I do best.

Sure, the whole world might still be laughing at me, but I wouldn't know since I'd made everyone swear to keep everything away from me. No social media, no tweets, nothing; I'd blocked it all out and had made those around me do the same, at least while in my presence. It was the only way I could think of to preserve my sanity.

I'd cried myself out too many times to count, not only because of the love I'd lost but because I didn't have my best friend, the man I thought was my soulmate, there to hold my hand as I faced the hardest challenges of my life to date.

But throughout it all, I'd kept myself shut away from the rest of the world. Bunkering down at home behind the high walls that protected me from the outside getting in.

It had been years since I heard anything about what was going on in the outside world, not since those first few months after the incident when I couldn't help but search for any and all information about it. I didn't have to look far since it was all anyone could talk about back then.

My life had been the running story on the front page of every tabloid and newspaper from here to Europe for months while the rest of the world burned. I doubt anyone ever gave a second thought to what that would do to me, not that they even cared. Gossip sells the tabloids; after all, the juicier, the better.

People had chosen sides, and there was a whole uproar, an outcry over the injustice of it all, but none of that had brought him back to me. Nothing had fixed the gaping hole his betrayal had left in me. The worst part of it all is I still have no idea why he'd done it. That was the thing that I couldn't let go of, the not knowing.

We'd been going strong after years of ups and downs, about to finally get married, and then, disaster struck. I kept replaying our last conversation in my head, and there was nothing there to give me any idea as to why things had happened the way they did.

It was just all so sudden, and even when I spent nights screaming into the dark, asking some unseen force why he had done this to me, there were no answers. No one knew, and as much as I searched, I still could not find the reason.

That was one of the reasons why I'd put myself through the torture of scouring the headlines in the beginning. I'd read every little blurb that had to do with us, hoping to somehow figure out why he'd left me the way he did, but he'd never said a word.

Even though the sight of them together had been the most awful thing I'd ever endured, I put myself through it for the sole purpose of getting the answer to that resounding question; why?

"Where did you disappear to in your head again? Nope, we're not doing that. We need to get your team together asap. This shit needs to be streaming like right now." Sydney nudged me out of my flashback.

"Are you sure?" Now that she was saying it, I felt fear rumble in my gut.

"I'm not sure about this. What if no one listens or buys my stuff?" Even I could hear the sickening fear in my voice.

"Are you kidding me? Your fans have been dying waiting for you to get back on the scene."

She put both hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "Trust me; you have to do this. It will be the comeback of the century, I promise."

"I'm not sure...."

"Look at me, you're doing this, and I will be there with you every step of the way."

"No, you have your own music to work on; I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not asking, I'm offering, and I can get back to mine anytime; this is about you. My best friend. So, what do you say?"

I studied her eyes as I felt that first bead of hope as it unfurled like a flower petal in my chest. "Okay, let's do it." Our screams as we held onto each other jumping up and down like the two teenage girls we'd been when we first met, brought the others running.

When we told them the news, everyone was excited and supportive, except Rachel, who seemed a bit hesitant. I knew she was coming from a place of friendship, that she was only worried about me falling into the deep end again, but sometimes her disagreeable reactions made me doubt myself when they weren't making me livid like it was now.

Sydney, seeming to catch on to what was coming, took over and led me away and back upstairs to my studio, leaving the others behind. And that is how, twice in the space of a month, I let my best friend talk me into leaving my comfort zone. It was the best decision of my life.