You Dirty Girl

MILES

"Wait, so let me get this straight. When you disappeared last night, you were trying to find your way out but ended up in the garden. Then in the garden you ran into the asshole that threw the money at you and you ended up fucking him? And then you went to dinner today and found out that same asshole who you just fucked last night will be your new stepbrother?"

I left out the fact that I had a panic attack because I didn't want her to worry.

"And I'm pretty sure he has a vendetta against me now."

I stared at Kenzie, who sat across from me on her bed, waiting for her reaction to the chaos of my recent events. After dinner, my mom drove only a few blocks away before kicking me out of the car because she had 'things to do.' I'd never been more glad that I wore simple flats instead of the heels she bought for me. I walked straight to Kenzie's house because I had to unload.

She looked back at me with suspicious eyes. "You still wanna fuck him don't you?"

I didn't respond, casting my eyes downward and toying with a peice of string popping out of her comforter. She gasped. "Miles, you dirty girl!"

"Well, I'm not gonna!" I protested.

At least I thought I wouldn't. I didn't want to go there. He was going to be family, plus he was a major asshole.

Kenzie laughed her big belly laugh. "I don't believe you for a second! I'm not gonna judge, though. It's not like you share blood."

I shook my head. "Don't encourage me, Kenzie. It's a very, very bad idea. Besides, I'm getting out here soon. With or without a scholarship. My academic record will follow me wherever I go, so I just need to save enough. Or maybe try to apply again. I have enough money saved up for an apartment and three months' rent. I just want as much as I can get before my birthday next week."

I kept my eyes on that string. I knew Kenzie supported me. In fact, she even offered to give me her paychecks from her job. I declined, of course. She was my best friend and I could never take from her.

"I'll miss you, ya know." I glanced up at her then, pouring my love for her in my expression. I gave her a nudge.

"Nothin is set in stone just yet. I have a plan, but it doesn't mean it'll go through," I told her.

She shrugged. "She'll have no say," responded Kenzie, sensing my worry. "You'll be 18, and if all else fails, we can get an apartment together."

"I love you the most, you know that?" I smiled.

"I worked hard for that spot in you're heart so of course I know!" She boasted, threading her bare toes with mine.

"Ugh, don't start with your weird toe holding! Your feet are always so damn cold!" I protested.

Even though I said it, I didn't pull my feet back. If there was anyone who stood beside me, it was Kenzie. She was my polar opposite but loved me for it. She didn't care that I didn't like people or that I mostly kept to myself. She didn't care that I buried my head in books because that world was better than mine. I didn't doubt she was my soul mate in another life.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I snorted. "When have you ever asked permission to do that?"

She squeezed my toes between hers. "It's a serious question, okay?"

I simply nodded.

"Why don't you hate her?"

My body tensed up. I wasn't surprised by her question. I had asked myself the same thing over and over again. Sometimes, I wanted to hate her, but... she was my mother. Maybe it was naive of me to think this way, but if she truly hated me from the bottom of her heart, why did she give birth to me? Why keep me in her clutches?

"I... I don't hate her because I stupidly have hope that one day she'll know the way she's treating me is wrong and then maybe... she'll tell me why she felt she had to. Being a single mom isn't easy. I know she struggled, and I know it's not an excuse, but I-"

I couldn't finish. Rather than hate her... I loved her. I still had memories of her before she became a bitter woman. She wasn't always that way. I didn't know how to hate her. But I did know how to fear her.

Kenzie reached out and held my hands in hers. "It's okay, you don't have to explain. She's still your mother, and if she did one thing right, it was having you."

Damn it. She was going to make me cry, and I did NOT cry. So I did what I did best and swallowed my tears.

"I definitely hate her, though." She said crisply.

Gasping, I lightly swatted her. "Kenzie!"

"What? She's not MY mother. I probably would have laced her cranberry juice with rat poison like, forever ago."

"You're horrible."

She shrugged. "So they tell me. You've got a bleeding heart, Miles, but I'VE got a demented one."

"Alright," I sighed, "it's time for me to go to work." I tapped her hand and got up, pulling out the extra set of work clothes I kept in her closet and began to change.

"I'll drop you off. It's already dark out, and you shouldn't be catching the bus on your own." Kenzie said, getting up to start her car.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, mother."

***

"Hey Kenny, slow night so far?" I asked as I entered the 24-hour diner. There were only a few people seated. The real rush came around two in the morning when drunk college students came in to try and sober up. Fridays and Saturdays were the money makers, and I was ready to tire myself out, so I couldn't think of anything else but work.

Kenny's chocolate brown eyes shifted from me to the floor, looking uncomfortable. "Miles, I didn't think you would be coming in today."

My brows furrowed. "Why not? I called yesterday saying I would come in late since I had an important family dinner, remember?"

"Yes... but we decided that we are no longer in need of your services."

Well, that was sudden.

My frown deepened. "..... are you firing me? Have I done something wrong? I talked to Momma Jay yesterday, and she -"

"No, Miles, you haven't done anything wrong. We just don't need another person, and we can't afford you anymore."

I didn't understand. Momma Jay's Diner wasn't hurting for money. They hired me specifically because they were too busy and needed help managing customers. I'd even handled the end of day balancing, so I knew just how much we could make in a single day. It just wasn't making sense.

"Can't I at least work until Thursday like we planned?" I pleaded.

Kenny rubbed the back of his head, making his short black curls ruffle, his eyes flashing with regret. He did that when he was taking something into consideration, and I let my hope shine on my face. But he shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Miles. Please turn in your apron." He said in a low voice.

I searched his face, making sure this wasn't some bad joke he was playing. He was always going around and pranking Momma Jay and I, but instead of that playful glint, I saw pleading. A desperate stare asking me to understand.

Nodding, I removed my apron and handed it to him, and turned to leave. I made sure to drag my feet in hopes that he would change his mind, but I made it all the way out the door and in the parking lot. I walked on the side of the road until I got to the bus stop. It wouldn't be here for another hour or so, and I didn't want to call Kenzie to pick me up and inconvenience her. The diner was a good twenty minutes from town.

I sat on the bench, resting my head on the glass shelter.

It didn't make sense. They already knew I only had six days left, so why cut it short? Should I have asked for a lower pay?

Kenny looked like he didn't want to fire me. He said I didn't do anything wrong but was insistent that I did not work for them anymore. I was a great worker. In fact, I remember how Momma Jay said she'd die a happy woman if someone like me took over her diner.

I closed my eyes, running through the past few work days, trying to figure out what the real reason was when suddenly my mother's words flashed in my mind.

'Get the fuck out. I have things to do.' she spat. I got out, but before I closed the door, she said, 'Oh, and have a good night at work.'

My eyes snapped open. Could she have...?

I shot up and ran back to the diner. When I entered, Kenny's eyebrows shot up as I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the break room in the back.

"Miles, I was in the middle of taking an order. You know you can't just -"

"What really happened?" I asked, cutting him off. He was exceedingly tall, making me crane my neck to look at him.

He bit his full bottom lip before turning eyes toward the ceiling and placing his hands on his hips.

"Tell me the truth, Kenny. Please."

A few more long seconds passed before he sighed and finally met my eyes.

"A woman came by earlier saying she was your mother. She said that if we didn't fire you, she'd get her fiance to shut the place down. Momma Jay wasn't worried at first, but then she said it was Maverick Black."

I honestly didn't know why I was shocked. I always knew something like this could happen but to take it this far and threaten to shut down a business? Why the hell would she do that?

"I'm sorry, Miles. We really didn't want to, but we couldn't take the risk."

I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'm sorry you and Momma Jay had to go through that." I turned to leave, but Kenny grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. I breathed in his familiar smell of pancakes and cinnamon. He had always been kind to me, as was Momma Jay. Though Kenny and I had only ever had sex once, he never pressed me for more of it. He didn't ask about it either, which I was glad about since I was at a low moment in my life, and I wanted to find an escape. I had used him and he let me. He had fucked me as hard as I wanted him to. I told myself that I wouldn't use him again.

Working with him was always a treat in my shitty life. He always welcomed the customers with warmth and comfort. His heart was made of gold, and I wouldn't stain it with the dark ink of mine.

He was an attractive man, just two years older than me. His caramel skin complimented his black hair perfectly, and his square jawline was to die for. Some lucky girl out there with the same heart of gold would fall for those deep brown eyes of his and make him happy. It would never be me.

I knew he liked me, but that just made my resolve to keep our relationship strictly platonic even stronger. He could have made me happy, but I'd never be able to give him the same.

"You can still come by and grab a bite. I'll make you your favorite cinnamon French toast and buttered coffee. Free of charge."

I let myself relish the soft puffs of air on top of my head from his sweet words and the sound of his heart beating erratically from our embrace. It was nice to know I made someone's heart race.

"I'll go now," I told him, ending our hug. "You've gotta take those orders."

He looked stricken, so I patted his chest with a smile on my face. "I'll definitely come for free food."

He smiled, and I took a mental picture and filed it in my brain. "I'll be waiting then." He said, his tone hopeful.

I almost told him not to hold his breath, but then he would have caught me. It was the first and last lie I would ever tell him.

My poison had touched this place, so I couldn't come back anymore.