chapter 6

While Tammie waited for me, I grabbed a jacket and put on my shoes in silence. We bought a test within thirty minutes and were back in my room. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest, and I felt like throwing up again, only this time because of nerves. I paced the room as we waited for the minutes to be up, and when Tammie's alarm went off, I felt my heart stop. My hands shook with anxiety.

"I can't look," I said tearfully to Tammie, and she nodded.

She checked the test I had placed on a chair on top of some toilet paper, and her face told me all I needed to know. I checked for myself, picking up the stick and seeing the two lines sealing my fate.

"I must have done something wrong," I said, shaking my head.

"Jade-"

"I've heard these things sometimes give you a false positive."

The test had to be wrong, I told myself. There was still a chance that we would laugh about this tomorrow; this was just some fluke.

Tammie gave me a sad look but nodded. "It's okay. Let's get a different brand."

We made the short walk to the pharmacy again and got a different test, together with a bottle of water. I drank my water quietly as we walked back home, the denial strong and real in my head. We said nothing until we got home, and I did the whole process again, getting the same results as before.

There was nothing false about the positive result in my hand. I was pregnant.

"I'm pregnant," I said, feeling numb even as I said the words.

This was happening. It wasn't some cute story about Michael and our night together anymore. It was the result of that night together.

"Oh, Jade," Tammie said, coming to hug me.

She held me like that for a few minutes while I cried. Never in a million years did I imagine that I would find myself in this situation. I already had enough on my plate with raising my sister and taking care of my father, all while working and trying to get back to school. A child was the last thing I needed right now, but that's what happened when one lost control because of sexy strangers.

"We have to find him," Tammie said, drawing back and looking at me.

"How?" I sobbed. "I don't have his number, remember? And I don't even know his full name."

"We could check with the hotel where he was staying," Tammie suggested.

"They won't give out private information about their guests. And I called the hall once before, and they couldn't help either."

"You never told me that you tried looking for him.”

"Well, I was having a bad day and decided to take a chance, which didn't help anyway."

We were quiet for a while, and I placed a hand over my stomach. Michael and I had made little human, but I had to deal with it alone. I had thought the worst thing Michael had left me with was a wounded heart, but it seemed I now had a more permanent issue to worry about. Pregnancies didn't heal like broken hearts.

"I can't do this alone, Tamz," I whispered, tears in my eyes again.

"I'll be here every step of the way, no matter what you decide to do."

"I'm scared, Tamz. I don't know what to do."

"Shh," Tammie said, pulling me into a hug. "We'll figure it out. Tomorrow morning we can go to Planned Parenthood and know the options."

I nodded and later drifted off to sleep with one thought on my mind,I hope this is all just a dream.

It turned out that this was the reality, and as the counselor laid out my options before me, I felt overwhelmed. I had woken up feeling better until I entered the room, and the counselor shut the door before me. She'd said I couldn't bring Tammie in, which had made me panic for a second. But now I understood why. This was my journey, and there were some hard truths I needed to face on my own.

"Would you like a glass of water?" She asked gently.

"Yes, it seems to be the only thing I can stomach right now."

"Ah, I see. Crackers also help with morning sickness."

I drank the cold water in one go and felt a bit better. The counselor didn't rush me as I asked all my questions about the options she had provided me. I knew deep in my heart that termination was not an option I wanted to look into, which left adoption or going through with becoming a single parent. She had mentioned many support groups for young single mothers that helped, but I wasn't sure I was ready for that. We talked at length about adoption, and I was surprised to learn that so many couples were ready and willing to adopt infants.

I walked out about an hour later with brochures about adoption, and Tammie took me straight home. I had asked my boss for a few days off, and luckily, Tammie was available as well to be there to support me.

"So, did it help?" She asked, and I nodded.

I felt a strange calmness in my heart now that I knew my options. All I had to do was make a decision, which was way better than not knowing what to do.