STACY
I was still looking for what to say even after a minute had passed. All the talking was going on in my head. He had Patricia’s strong gaze, though his manifested in dark, blue orbs. His facial structure, the perfection of it was also something that ran in the family. It was nearly impossible for Lisa to have any issue with contouring her cheeks while I struggled with mine. When you had a perfect jaw and a diamond-shaped face, you didn't have to bother about some things, unlike my face structure which was slimmer and longer. I could have stood there all night and watched him while picking out the things about him that made him a Lewin, I could have become familiar with his body and his mannerisms without knowing who he was, I could have done it so well that he wouldn’t feel like a stranger anymore but with every second that passed, concern flooded his stare. Confused concern. I closed my mouth and tightened my grip on the granite surface beside me. I had to start from somewhere. “Who are you exactly? A cousin? A Brother?” He was fast to answer. It was either the had reharsed it a thousand times or he was saying the truth. “Brother and son. Now are you going to tell me who you are?” I welcomed darkness for a second by shutting my eyes. “I’m a friend of the family’s. Lisa’s friend.” “Ohh.” There was an amused smile tugging his lips. “You’re that friend,” he concluded. I was interested in knowing what he meant. “What friend?” “Stacy, right?” “Yeah. What did you hear about me?” “Nothing you haven't heard about yourself.” He shrugged. “So tell me.” He had moved to the fridge when he spoke. “Lisa said you are mostly here because of some family issues. That's all.” “Lisa talks to you about my…issues?” “I’m her big bro. Just because I'm not around most of the time doesn't mean I dropped my role.” “But like…she shouldn’t go around telling people that I have family issues.” He shut the fridge with a loud thud. “She didn't go around telling people,” he said, gesticulating with his yogurt bottle, “I'm not people. I'm her brother. You see that's what family do.” “You…” I forgot what I wanted to say when I recalled that I didn't know his name. He knew my name and knew I had family issues. He probably already knew what my favorite food was and how I loved my sandwich. “What’s your name?” I asked him. It was only fair that I found out his name at least. “Jerome.” “Jerome?” “Yeah. Your dad’s namesake. Weird right?” “You know my dad’s name?” What else did he know? My birthday?? My favorite color??? He walked by me, patting my shoulder briefly. “It’s just a name. I’m not as shitty as the man, I promise you.” His hand touching me was what it took to remind me that I had a reason to be angry. It shot up from there. I expected him to touch me and get me red. Red in a good way. Red in a desire and passion way but this was rage. This was boiling rage. “Lisa has no right to be telling you my personal business.” “Would it help if I told you mine?” Jerome didn't wait for me to answer. “Two years ago, I was in a car accident. My girlfriend died and it was all my fault. Now every time I’m looked at, I am looked at with pity and treated with extreme caution and care. I'm also being blamed too. That guilty is the worst thing to live with which is why I like to stay away from my beloved family out there.” He nodded his head towards the door. “Oh.” I was at a loss for words. At first, I finished my water, then I threw the bottle in the bin and sighed heavily. “That was a lot.” “Yeah. Let's make a deal.” Jerome stepped forward, reminding me that he was the guy with the perfect hair. “I don’t treat you like damaged goods and you don't treat me like damaged goods. You’re allowed to make fun of my predicament, light fun though, and in turn, you’ll let me do the same to you. Trust me, it helps more than therapy ever would.” I was just meeting him but we were about to have our thing. Something in my chest was unfolding from the intimacy in that. He was Lisa’s brother. He was meant to be like a brother to me but there was already something about him. Something intoxicating about his eyes, his confidence, his twisted humor. And his perfect hair. How could I forget that? “Alright, that's fair. Jerome.” I mentally winced from saying the name. He noticed. “You’ll get used to the name.” He rubbed the top of my head like I was a little schoolboy who had just done something right and was getting praised by his coach. That was the act that made me tuck the inappropriate ideas away since he didn't share in it. He may have been in my space so many times today but it meant nothing to him. I was ashamed thinking of how far my mind had wandered. “Is that…Jerome?!” Lisa was at the door when she saw Jerome. She ran into his arms and he picked her up and twirled her, just like Flynn does. “Mom! Your runaway son’s here!” She announced. And the rest of the family trooped in and gave their greetings, each one being unique. Declan shared a handshake with Jerome that ended in a side hug, Patricia hugged the crap out of her son before she tipped his chin and kissed his cheek, Flynn just offered a curt nod and a handshake but he was clearly happy, chuckling, and bursting with smiles. All the while, I stood there waiting to be remembered again. How was it that they've always had an elder son and I never knew? How was it that he knew everything about me but I knew nothing about him? The questions were endless. How old was he? He looked really older than Declan and Lisa. I was guessing there was at least a five-year gap. Where had he been all these while—I had frequented this house for two years and never had I gotten an idea of his existence. Jerome Lewin. Even his name sounded unreal. But he was real and he was smiling at me as he answered his mom’s questions. Lisa hooked her hand in mine like all was normal. Perhaps it was normal to her to have her brother return home. It wasn't to me. A minute ago, he didn't exist in my world. “I never knew you had another brother,” I said as we both watched him. “I know. Sometimes I forget too.” “He really is your brother? This isn't a joke?” Lisa took a deep breath before she answered, beaming with pride. “Yes!” Then she shrieked beside me, like his return made her the happiest person alive. *** “You can’t be drinking alcohol,” Jerome said. He popped the beer bottle open, two of them, and handed one to Declan. Lisa’s legs dangled across the chair’s armrest, her back nestled on the opposite side. “I drink alcohol. I just don’t do it at home.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her legs. We were all back outside again and the night had continued like every other night. Flynn had finished making the sandwiches and barbecue and a good portion of it was finished, Patricia had gone back into the house and Flynn had followed her, not before he asked a question that got the air still. “When are you going to see Marilyn’s mom?” Everyone noticed how Jerome’s throat had bobbed as he tried to swallow whatever heaviness was lying there. I understood immediately who Marilyn was. She couldn't be any other person but the dead girlfriend and hearing her name made the story more real. She had a name, she had a mom, she had a life and now she was dead. Perhaps what I had to live with, deadbeat parents, was nothing compared to the guilt Jerome had to live with. “Do I have to see her?” Jerome had asked. “Yeah. It's the least you can do. Infact, it's all you can do.” Jerome had agreed. “I’ll visit her but I don’t want to think about it tonight.” and to that, Flynn had let it slide before he followed Patricia inside. Now it was just the kids outside, watching the stars as the fire dwindled out so the night’s chill could wrap us even better. “Who gives you alcohol?” Jerome asked Lisa. Once again, I was present but absent. I could hear them and tell what was happening but I had not yet said a word. I couldn't help but wonder if my dad had come home yet. I left the house two nights ago and though I always told myself that I didn’t care for the man, I still found myself wanting to see him when he was around, wanting to run into him so I could have a new reason to be mad at him, so I could remember why I loathed him so much. “It's not me,” Declan said. He and Jerome occupied the two recliner seats that their parents normally sat on. I was sitting on one of the red plastic chairs but not in the same way as Lisa. I was hugging my knees to my chest and every ten seconds, I had a reason to hug it tighter as the temperature seemed to be dropping by the minute. I could go in and curl in Lisa’s bed but I wanted to be here with Lisa and her siblings. I didn't want to retire for the night and end up behind the sad and pitied girl they talked about. If I was here, I could feel like I was a part of their family though I wasn't and would never be. How can you be part of a family if you don’t know everyone in the family? “Stacy?” I looked up at the call of my name. “What?” I was too lost in their conversation make out why Jerome was calling me. “Are you the one giving my baby sister alcohol?” “Oh. No.” “It's more like the other way around.” Declan laughed and tipped his beer bottle. Lisa took my hand. “Hey, girl. Are you good? You've been distracted all night.” “Yeah. I'm fine.” “Sure?” Lisa asked again. “Maybe y’all should call it a night,” Declan added. “And Stacy, if it helps, Andy is a piece of shit.” “What did Andy do?” Lisa was sitting up. “Who is Andy?” Jerome threw his question in. Now all eyes were on me. I didn't like that. A minute ago, I was invincible and I thought I didn't like it . I hated this moment more than anything. “Andy is her boyfriend—” Lisa was saying. “Ex boyfriend.” Declan took another swing of his bear as Lisa’s eyelids pierced through him. “And how would you know that?” Declan chuckled. It was quickly turning into another banter between the siblings while I and Jerome were forced to just watch. I wasn't just watching. To me, the little left of my life was slowly falling apart. It was going to backfire at me. I had not told Lisa about the breakup yet but I had told Declan. He had suspected and I couldn't exactly lie to him when he walked in on me sitting in the dark living room, nursing my eyes with a box of Kleenex. “Stacy told me.” Lisa had an incredulous look when she faced me. “You and Andy broke up?” “It's not a big deal.” I shrugged it away hoping it was that easy to push things aside. It wasn't. “This is going to be interesting,” Jerome snickered. “It is!” Lisa was paying her brothers no attention as she tackled me. “And you told my brother instead of telling me, your bestfriend?” “Lisa, please.” “Why?” I stood up. “I didn't tell you about Andy and I, you didn't tell me you had another brother—” Lisa was stopping me already. She got on her feet and waved her fingers in my face. This was quickly turning into a fight. “They're not the same thing.” “It is, Lisa especially when you tell Jerome about my fucked up life when I don't even know he exists. It is and I don’t want to talk about it.” I stormed out with the rage still active in me. “You know what?” I said, taking a full turn and returning to the cooler. “I get to drink alcohol and no one stops me because I'm the fucked up kid with daddy issues and a pretty messed up life. Goodnight, Lewin family.” The beer bottle was the coldest thing I had touched all night but I held on to it like my life depended on it, twisting my fingers around the glass. There was no way I could crush it, after all. I was done with everything. Tomorrow, I was going to return to my house where no one had enough time to look my way or give me pity. It may be shitty but it was the shit I've grown up with and I was more than used to it. Now I just needed to get through this night in Lisa’s room.JEROMELisa brought the bedsheets from the store and she helped me dress my bed. She was tucking the last piece of the sheet when I walked in.I didn't come back with much stuff, just a small-sized duffel bag seeing as I was only going to be here until after Thanksgiving which was just tomorrow.Knowing Mom, she would make me stay till after the weekend and I was going to object to it at first before I would say yes. That way, I'll be making her feel like her efforts mattered but in truth, I needed this break.I had thought of it before boarding the plane home.I needed to be here with my family and to be reminded that I was surrounded by so much love that sometimes it felt overwhelming.They were my home and no matter what, there was no place and no people like them.“You are taking the couch downstairs,” Lisa said when she faced me.She gathered her hair and held it up.The pink singlet she had on was one of my gifts to her when she turned fourteen. It was such an important year in
JEROME STACY “You followed me here?” I couldn’t believe my eyes. “I leave your house, have a fight with my best friend because of you and you follow me home? Haven’t you done enough already?” Elena grabs my hand and holds on to it. “Stacy—” “I’m not here for you, Stacy.” Jerome stepped forward, stopping at the foot of the stairs. “As much as I owe you an apology, I’m not here for you.” I didn’t just want him to keep his distance, I wanted him to not be here. It was just this morning that I returned home. It was because of his presence that I couldn’t stay at the Lewin’s house even after Lisa apologized this morning. I would have had a less depressing Thanksgiving at their house but here I was, crossing the road every ten minutes because Mom was so terrible at being a mother, she didn’t even remeber where half of our kitchen utensils were. “Stacy, you know Jerome?” My brows drew together as Elena’s questions settled. She was asking me if I knew Jerome and she was waiting for
JEROMEStacy was walking towards Elena’s house. I knew this because I saw her leave her house in anger.And I knew this because I had continued to stare out the window at every chance I got.Stacy didn’t even glance back for a second as she matched forward, each step filled with purpose.I was glad that she was coming here, don’t ask me why. I also didn’t want her to change her mind so I went to get the door before she even knocked.Elena was telling me about how she wanted to get a pet but couldn’t choose between a dog and a cat.She has just cleared our plates and her voice traveled from the kitchen to the living room.“They’re not as independent as cats. But they are extra loving. They need love.”“Cats are loving in their own way,” I was saying as I turned the knob and pulled.As soon as I opened the door, Elena appeared at the doorway.“Are you trying to run away?” When she saw Stacy, she settled for a small expression. “Oh.”“Ca
STACYIn the past few days, I’ve learned more than I wished to know. From Elena being Marilyn’s mom to Jerome’s fresh injury and my supposed decision to go to California Uni.Was I going to the University of California? I’m not sure.Am I thinking about it? Yes and yes.I’ve burdened myself with the thought while being holed up in the same house with Mom and Dad and so I haven’t made any decision but I imagine getting ice cream with my favorite person, Lisa, will help me come to a conclusion.“Uhm…” Lisa eyed the poster from the service counter. “There is vanilla, chocolate, peanut butter, strawberry—”“Strawberry and chocolate toppings.”“O.K.” Lisa taps her finger against the corner of her lips as she mulls over a decision. “This is hard.”She always does this.“Take your time, Lisa, while I fix your friend’s order,” Nathan assured her, sneaking in a wink.I waited till he had turned away and walked to the other end of the counter befor
JEROME“Hey, Ladies.” I slid an empty chair over and sat down at their table.Two pairs of eyes stared back at me, one gave me an uncomfortable stare, the other, I wasn’t so sure.Knowing Lisa, she was asking me to get up. She didn’t know if it was okay for me to join them the way I did, and to choose seating beside Stacy.Lisa blinked more than twice as she desperately tried to yell the words ‘GET UP!’ without yelling them.“Stacy and I are tight now.” I threw my hands around Stacy’s shoulder and pulled her to me. “Aren’t we?”She rolled her eyes, exhaling the anger.She wasn’t really angry with me, she just didn’t want to show how excited she was that I was intruding in their moment.“Stacy, I didn’t tell him we would be here.” Lisa tried to vindicate herself already.She wasn’t taking my word for it.“Yeah, she didn’t,” I backed Lisa. “I just happened to run into you guys at the ice cream parlor on a hot Sunday afternoon. You didn’t ha
STACY I paced the length of my bedroom, biting my nails as anxiety crept up on me. If I’m being real, It didn’t really creep up on me. It has been here since I returned yesterday. I lowered myself onto my bed and looked around. My room was scattered with boxes of clothes and half-hung lilac curtains. My bed was a mess. I had thrown my clothes on it, trying to decide if I could do this, if I could afford to go to California. The one place I hadn’t checked was the box in my drawer. I’d saved money at every chance that I got. Just like my Mom was a hard worker, I tried my best to be the same thing. I took jobs at the library, I took babysitting jobs and I worked overnight shifts at Burgers Crown. I don’t think i’ve made a substantial amount of money to fund my school but it could be used to get new clothes. It could be used to buy a new shoe, maybe get a new haircut as well as fund my transport on campus and the likes of that. But I’ve not checked it out yet. I had a fear that
JEROMEI watched the city go by through the window, head pressed onto it. It was alive and bubbling, the way it’s always been, the way I love for it to be. It was my city and it was my new home.The place that brought me the most peace.It was no one’s fault that Ohio felt like dark clouds and rainy days, it was no one’s fault that every second I spent there made me remember her.It was just my fault. Mine alone.And if I never existed, if we never existed, she would still be here and life would be plain and easy, with nothing to haunt me at every slight chance.The driver dodged a crack on the dark road, taking a turn and getting onto the last street before mine.I straightened when I could see the top of our building. Brown zinc shooting up.Because of my job at the college, I had to live close enough to make it in time for my lectures and appointments. It was a ten-minute ride from my house to the school and on days when the streets were filled with more cars, it took at most twent
STACYUNKNOWN: Hi, stranger.I stared at the message, reading the words over and over again.The number didn’t look familiar at all.I could put my phone in my pocket and return to the party but it was so difficult to tear my eyes away from it.When I looked up, it was to find Lisa.I gave up before even trying, crossing my legs and reclining on the couch.The last thing I was going to do was leave here. Someone stood up and I smiled as I adjusted.The empty space didn’t exist for long. Another person squeezed their way in as they dived into some questions about who was getting in the pool.Maybe the pool was where Lisa was at.I checked my phone again to see if there was another message from the new number.I had only taken half of my beer but I could already feel it kicking into action. I’ve always been the light-headed one.Another message came in.My phone was all the distraction I had. Without it, it was just me, sweaty b
JEROMEIt was a Tuesday morning, and I was expecting Lisa. She hadn’t been by in a while, and I figured it’d be good to catch up. I hadn’t been the best brother lately—too wrapped up in my own mess to notice hers, or anyone else’s for that matter. So, I cleaned up the house, cleared away the clutter of half-written scripts and empty coffee cups, and made a quick breakfast, nothing fancy. Scrambled eggs, toast, some fruit I’d been meaning to finish before it went bad. I didn’t expect anything more than a few hours of easy conversation and maybe a few jabs at me for being a workaholic.Work has been hectic on me and even on Nattie so for that reason, we had not found the time to catch up on lost times. What was even more crazy was the fact that Kingston had returned from his hometown.Normally, when ever stuff like that happened, we prioritized sitting down together and having lunch or dinner, even if it was at the staff loung
STACYThese days, spending time in our dorm room was something I tried to avoid. The air there always felt thick and heavy silence gave way to the underlying tension, lingering emotions pooped up here and there. lingering tension.But I couldn’t run away forever, and running away was a coward thing to do so here I was, in my dorm room, instead of hanging at the library after class.Lisa sat on her bed, legs crossed, scrolling through her phone. I was at my desk, pretending to organize notes from class but really just shuffling papers aimlessly. Neither of us had said much since we got back from dinner that night, and even though we’d kissed and shared those moments, it still felt awkward. More than awkward, actually—like something had shifted, and I wasn’t sure how to navigate it.The ball was in my court, really and that terrified me to shit.I kept glancing at her from the corner of my eye, unsure of how to start a conversation th
JEROMEI showed up to class earlier than usual that day, hoping to settle into a groove before the students started pouring in. My mind wasn’t exactly where it needed to be though I couldn’t place exactly where it was.This morning, I had randomly gotten a notification from Nattie and my eyes oddly moved to the date. Today was the thirteenth day of October, the day we got into the accident, the day Marilyn died.Then there was Elena with her surgery slated to happen tomorrow. And there was Nattie’s words to me about what I really wanted. I had been revising that question, spending time understanding myself.All of these issues were static in the back of my mind, being present while I did every little thing.If there’s one thing I’ve learned, is how life just keeps moving. No pause, no time to drop off and take a breather, we just keep moving.I’ve had to do everything without complaining. Go to the studio, pick up m
STACYI was having dinner with Lisa tonight and it felt out of this world. It wasn’t the first time we had gone out to eat together, but this time was different. She’d asked me out on a date, an actual freaking date.I didn’t know if I should crash out or crash out, all I know is my body could not contain the excitement and uncertainty moving around one another, becoming a flickering, present flame in the core of my stomach. “Let’s go out on a dinner date,” Lisa had casually said.I thought I didn’t hear well.After the kiss and her confession, we had not said much about that night again.Occasionally, she would lean into me and occasionally, I would do the same but we did stuff like this even when we were just friends so I wasn’t even meting myself think it out of proportion.Aft
JEROMEAttending church was not my thing to do, I honestly couldn’t remember the last time I hadn’t been to a church.For no reason, exactly, I just got busier with a lot of other things and it had never felt like a necessity to me, so today, when I woke up with an impulse to go, it confused me a lot.The feeling was something I couldn’t quite explain to myself.I just knew that i had to go, no matter what and that Sunday morning, I found myself walking into a church downtown.It was the kind of church with stained-glass windows and an old wooden sign out front.Not once last night did I make a plan to be here but as I approached the building, I aimed to understand why I was doing this.Elena and Marilyn, emptiness, sadness.I was going to church because I felt like a waste.As a teenager, when Marilyn and I were together, I had heard she abs her mom on different occasions talk about their faith and their love for God.
STACYI was probably the happiest when the show came to an end. After it all, we all spilled out of the theatre, Lisa and I, leaving Nattie and Jerome to be alone.We had all gone back stage at some point to say hi to the twins and now, we had plans of getting a spot to chill at for a while.They had done an amazing job, and I could still hear snippets of Jake’s deep voice as Prospero booming in my head. Jace had been equally mesmerizing as Miranda, playing the role with a graceful strength that seemed to captivate the entire audience. I was proud of both of them, and even though the tension with Jerome was evident all through the night, they made the moment worth it by giving us a hood play.Tonight wasn’t about that. It was about celebrating with my friends. There was one thing I could be grateful to, that they didn’t invite Jerome and Nattie to come with us.“Let’s grab a drink,” Jake had suggested as he bounded over
JEROMEAs the lights came up and the applause for the play died down, everything o had been feeling through out the length of the show returned a thousand times more. The tension, the discomfort, the need to break something, maybe even my head.They all knotted in my chest.Stacy and given up hee chair for Nattie, I noticed that.She didn’t want to be close to me, that was all my mind told me at the moment.Nattie was still pressed up against me, her fingers trailing along my arm, her hand slipping into mine as if to mark her territory. I tried not to pull away, tried to keep everything looking normal, but the truth was, I felt suffocated. Every touch, every glance she threw my way, felt calculated—deliberate. And with Stacy just a few seats away, it felt like the walls were closing in on me.
STACYI hurried down the sidewalk, heart thumping beneath my coat as I mentally ran through a list of things I may have forgotten. Today was Jace and Jake’s drama show and I had promised to be there, severally.Last night, Jace called to remind me.My relationship with the twin was something I could say I cherished. They’d been really nice to me from the day I volunteered for the talk and this was my first way to prove that I was really grateful.Jacket? Check. Ticket? Definitely. Nerves? Uncheck. For some reason, I was freaking out.This show involved me going to sit with a bunch of people I didn’t know, at the theatre hall auditorium.The good thing was Lisa and I were going to be together. I took some peace in remembering that.The scent of fallen leaves wove its way into my nose, filling the crisp air.I was hurrying to the auditorium, Jace and Jake had to see me before the show would start, but I couldn’t stop thin
JEROMEThe next morning, I woke up feeling sore. The sunlight filtering through the blinds woke me up before my alarm did. I squinted against the brightness, my head still heavy with sleep. For a moment, I stayed there, disoriented, trying to gather my train of thoughts about the day before, the day ahead and the present time.That’s when I felt the warmth beside me. Nattie’s arm was draped across my chest, her steady breathing confirming she was still asleep. That’s when the memories from last night came flooding back in a very heavy push.I turned my head to look at her and I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. A little bit of everything —guilt, regret, and confusion. We’d had sex. It hadn’t been planned; it hadn’t even been thought through. One minute, we were hanging out at my place, just talking like we always did, and the next, things escalated faster than I could’ve anticipated. And now, here we were—tan