Chapter Two

STACY

I was still looking for what to say even after a minute had passed.

All the talking was going on in my head. He had Patricia’s strong gaze, though his manifested in dark, blue orbs. His facial structure, the perfection of it was also something that ran in the family.

It was nearly impossible for Lisa to have any issue with contouring her cheeks while I struggled with mine. When you had a perfect jaw and a diamond-shaped face, you didn't have to bother about some things, unlike my face structure which was slimmer and longer.

I could have stood there all night and watched him while picking out the things about him that made him a Lewin, I could have become familiar with his body and his mannerisms without knowing who he was, I could have done it so well that he wouldn’t feel like a stranger anymore but with every second that passed, concern flooded his stare.

Confused concern.

I closed my mouth and tightened my grip on the granite surface beside me.

I had to start from somewhere. “Who are you exactly? A cousin? A Brother?”

He was fast to answer. It was either the had reharsed it a thousand times or he was saying the truth.

“Brother and son. Now are you going to tell me who you are?”

I welcomed darkness for a second by shutting my eyes. “I’m a friend of the family’s. Lisa’s friend.”

“Ohh.” There was an amused smile tugging his lips. “You’re that friend,” he concluded.

I was interested in knowing what he meant. “What friend?”

“Stacy, right?”

“Yeah. What did you hear about me?”

“Nothing you haven't heard about yourself.” He shrugged.

“So tell me.”

He had moved to the fridge when he spoke. “Lisa said you are mostly here because of some family issues. That's all.”

“Lisa talks to you about my…issues?”

“I’m her big bro. Just because I'm not around most of the time doesn't mean I dropped my role.”

“But like…she shouldn’t go around telling people that I have family issues.”

He shut the fridge with a loud thud. “She didn't go around telling people,” he said, gesticulating with his yogurt bottle, “I'm not people. I'm her brother. You see that's what family do.”

“You…” I forgot what I wanted to say when I recalled that I didn't know his name.

He knew my name and knew I had family issues. He probably already knew what my favorite food was and how I loved my sandwich.

“What’s your name?” I asked him. It was only fair that I found out his name at least.

“Jerome.”

“Jerome?”

“Yeah. Your dad’s namesake. Weird right?”

“You know my dad’s name?” What else did he know? My birthday?? My favorite color???

He walked by me, patting my shoulder briefly. “It’s just a name. I’m not as shitty as the man, I promise you.”

His hand touching me was what it took to remind me that I had a reason to be angry. It shot up from there.

I expected him to touch me and get me red. Red in a good way.

Red in a desire and passion way but this was rage.

This was boiling rage.

“Lisa has no right to be telling you my personal business.”

“Would it help if I told you mine?” Jerome didn't wait for me to answer. “Two years ago, I was in a car accident. My girlfriend died and it was all my fault. Now every time I’m looked at, I am looked at with pity and treated with extreme caution and care. I'm also being blamed too. That guilty is the worst thing to live with which is why I like to stay away from my beloved family out there.” He nodded his head towards the door.

“Oh.” I was at a loss for words.

At first, I finished my water, then I threw the bottle in the bin and sighed heavily. “That was a lot.”

“Yeah. Let's make a deal.” Jerome stepped forward, reminding me that he was the guy with the perfect hair. “I don’t treat you like damaged goods and you don't treat me like damaged goods. You’re allowed to make fun of my predicament, light fun though, and in turn, you’ll let me do the same to you. Trust me, it helps more than therapy ever would.”

I was just meeting him but we were about to have our thing. Something in my chest was unfolding from the intimacy in that.

He was Lisa’s brother. He was meant to be like a brother to me but there was already something about him. Something intoxicating about his eyes, his confidence, his twisted humor.

And his perfect hair. How could I forget that?

“Alright, that's fair. Jerome.” I mentally winced from saying the name.

He noticed.

“You’ll get used to the name.” He rubbed the top of my head like I was a little schoolboy who had just done something right and was getting praised by his coach.

That was the act that made me tuck the inappropriate ideas away since he didn't share in it.

He may have been in my space so many times today but it meant nothing to him. I was ashamed thinking of how far my mind had wandered.

“Is that…Jerome?!” Lisa was at the door when she saw Jerome. She ran into his arms and he picked her up and twirled her, just like Flynn does.

“Mom! Your runaway son’s here!” She announced.

And the rest of the family trooped in and gave their greetings, each one being unique.

Declan shared a handshake with Jerome that ended in a side hug, Patricia hugged the crap out of her son before she tipped his chin and kissed his cheek, Flynn just offered a curt nod and a handshake but he was clearly happy, chuckling, and bursting with smiles.

All the while, I stood there waiting to be remembered again.

How was it that they've always had an elder son and I never knew? How was it that he knew everything about me but I knew nothing about him?

The questions were endless.

How old was he? He looked really older than Declan and Lisa. I was guessing there was at least a five-year gap. Where had he been all these while—I had frequented this house for two years and never had I gotten an idea of his existence.

Jerome Lewin. Even his name sounded unreal.

But he was real and he was smiling at me as he answered his mom’s questions.

Lisa hooked her hand in mine like all was normal.

Perhaps it was normal to her to have her brother return home.

It wasn't to me. A minute ago, he didn't exist in my world.

“I never knew you had another brother,” I said as we both watched him.

“I know. Sometimes I forget too.”

“He really is your brother? This isn't a joke?”

Lisa took a deep breath before she answered, beaming with pride. “Yes!”

Then she shrieked beside me, like his return made her the happiest person alive.

***

“You can’t be drinking alcohol,” Jerome said.

He popped the beer bottle open, two of them, and handed one to Declan.

Lisa’s legs dangled across the chair’s armrest, her back nestled on the opposite side. “I drink alcohol. I just don’t do it at home.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her legs.

We were all back outside again and the night had continued like every other night.

Flynn had finished making the sandwiches and barbecue and a good portion of it was finished, Patricia had gone back into the house and Flynn had followed her, not before he asked a question that got the air still.

“When are you going to see Marilyn’s mom?”

Everyone noticed how Jerome’s throat had bobbed as he tried to swallow whatever heaviness was lying there.

I understood immediately who Marilyn was. She couldn't be any other person but the dead girlfriend and hearing her name made the story more real.

She had a name, she had a mom, she had a life and now she was dead. Perhaps what I had to live with, deadbeat parents, was nothing compared to the guilt Jerome had to live with.

“Do I have to see her?” Jerome had asked.

“Yeah. It's the least you can do. Infact, it's all you can do.”

Jerome had agreed. “I’ll visit her but I don’t want to think about it tonight.” and to that, Flynn had let it slide before he followed Patricia inside.

Now it was just the kids outside, watching the stars as the fire dwindled out so the night’s chill could wrap us even better.

“Who gives you alcohol?” Jerome asked Lisa.

Once again, I was present but absent. I could hear them and tell what was happening but I had not yet said a word.

I couldn't help but wonder if my dad had come home yet.

I left the house two nights ago and though I always told myself that I didn’t care for the man, I still found myself wanting to see him when he was around, wanting to run into him so I could have a new reason to be mad at him, so I could remember why I loathed him so much.

“It's not me,” Declan said. He and Jerome occupied the two recliner seats that their parents normally sat on.

I was sitting on one of the red plastic chairs but not in the same way as Lisa. I was hugging my knees to my chest and every ten seconds, I had a reason to hug it tighter as the temperature seemed to be dropping by the minute.

I could go in and curl in Lisa’s bed but I wanted to be here with Lisa and her siblings.

I didn't want to retire for the night and end up behind the sad and pitied girl they talked about.

If I was here, I could feel like I was a part of their family though I wasn't and would never be. How can you be part of a family if you don’t know everyone in the family?

“Stacy?”

I looked up at the call of my name. “What?” I was too lost in their conversation make out why Jerome was calling me.

“Are you the one giving my baby sister alcohol?”

“Oh. No.”

“It's more like the other way around.” Declan laughed and tipped his beer bottle.

Lisa took my hand. “Hey, girl. Are you good? You've been distracted all night.”

“Yeah. I'm fine.”

“Sure?” Lisa asked again.

“Maybe y’all should call it a night,” Declan added. “And Stacy, if it helps, Andy is a piece of shit.”

“What did Andy do?” Lisa was sitting up.

“Who is Andy?” Jerome threw his question in.

Now all eyes were on me. I didn't like that.

A minute ago, I was invincible and I thought I didn't like it .

I hated this moment more than anything.

“Andy is her boyfriend—” Lisa was saying.

“Ex boyfriend.” Declan took another swing of his bear as Lisa’s eyelids pierced through him.

“And how would you know that?”

Declan chuckled. It was quickly turning into another banter between the siblings while I and Jerome were forced to just watch.

I wasn't just watching. To me, the little left of my life was slowly falling apart.

It was going to backfire at me.

I had not told Lisa about the breakup yet but I had told Declan. He had suspected and I couldn't exactly lie to him when he walked in on me sitting in the dark living room, nursing my eyes with a box of Kleenex.

“Stacy told me.”

Lisa had an incredulous look when she faced me. “You and Andy broke up?”

“It's not a big deal.” I shrugged it away hoping it was that easy to push things aside.

It wasn't.

“This is going to be interesting,” Jerome snickered.

“It is!” Lisa was paying her brothers no attention as she tackled me. “And you told my brother instead of telling me, your bestfriend?”

“Lisa, please.”

“Why?”

I stood up. “I didn't tell you about Andy and I, you didn't tell me you had another brother—”

Lisa was stopping me already. She got on her feet and waved her fingers in my face.

This was quickly turning into a fight.

“They're not the same thing.”

“It is, Lisa especially when you tell Jerome about my fucked up life when I don't even know he exists. It is and I don’t want to talk about it.” I stormed out with the rage still active in me.

“You know what?” I said, taking a full turn and returning to the cooler. “I get to drink alcohol and no one stops me because I'm the fucked up kid with daddy issues and a pretty messed up life. Goodnight, Lewin family.”

The beer bottle was the coldest thing I had touched all night but I held on to it like my life depended on it, twisting my fingers around the glass.

There was no way I could crush it, after all.

I was done with everything. Tomorrow, I was going to return to my house where no one had enough time to look my way or give me pity.

It may be shitty but it was the shit I've grown up with and I was more than used to it.

Now I just needed to get through this night in Lisa’s room.