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44. A Game On Me.

DIANE

I feel like shit.

Leo was right. We can lose anyone we love at any moment. He is also right in saying that it is important for us to always be present and available for the people we love as much as we can.

He is right, and I am feeling like shit because my mum wasn't there for me. She was never there during any of my rehab withdrawal crises, or even blinked an eye about that night when I almost lost my life. No matter how hard I try to push down the bile now climbing up to my throat from my stomach, it just keeps building and rising along the tunnel of my throat, fighting to erupt out with a scream of anguish and pain.

My fists dig tighter into the softness of my pillow underneath my head as a tear freely slips out of my right eye and sinks into the foam. A part of me still misses my mother, still wants her back in my life, even if she hasn't cared to call me or respond to any of my previous texts until now. That part of me still wants her to love me properly.

But she doesn't.

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