The family lawyer is talking too much. I swear I want to punch him. Everyone talks too much these days when all I want is peace and quiet. Some time alone with my girls. I can listen to them blabber all day.
I push the divorce letters across to him, he shakes his head. “Expired. They don’t count anymore.”
Oh. I roll the letters and shove them into my pocket. El doesn’t have to know. Lamar drops his briefcase on the table and pulls out a file. I wave off the waitress who approaches us and my hands close around the mug of coffee I ordered earlier. Steam escapes the mug, I inhale and take a greedy sip of the coffee.
“What now?” I ask him.
Lamar pushes his sunglasses into his hair and tucks his pen in the middle of his notepad. “A redraft if you still want to go ahead.” He folds his hands on the table, his eyes scroll over my body. “The court can be avoided.” Writing on his pad for a minu
“Keep going,” I tell Brianna. I am all smiles as she tries to cover the distance between us in her Rollator. She pauses to catch her breath, sweat soaks the top of her gown and I raise both thumbs. I will cover the distance in a few strides but she is doing great. “You are almost here. You can do it, Bri. Come to Daddy.”Or, Uncle. Or, whatever the fuck I am.My hands jam together in an applause as Brianna bridges the gap. Sweat trickles down her temples, she breathes heavily. I tuck the hair sticking to her forehead behind her ear and ring the bell on the drawer.“Great job.” Leaning on the device for support, she smiles. My gaze darts to the door of her room, the starting point, it creaks open and the new caregiver steps in. We ignore her. “Do you want to go again?”“No.”Laughter trickles out of my lips. I smoothen her hair and she cocks her head to the side to a
Birthdays are awkward but Brianna’s is worse. We are here by the pool. One, I have never used the pool. Two, no one is talking. Music booms from the box speakers on the short tiled stairs leading to our table, the only source of noise in this odd silence.Joshua, the talkative is quiet. Bren might as well be absent. She hasn’t breathed a word to anyone. Wyn talks but just enough to not get Bren mad. I adjust the cone cap on my head, everyone on the table is wearing one but Brianna’s has birthday girl written on it. That and her sash. This feels like a terrible idea.The flame of her birthday candle flickers, Mother cups her hand around it to protect it from dying. She slides the cake to Brianna and inserts a table knife. Brianna knows her as her grandmother. That’s right. As in Joshua’s case as the uncle. I’m the only one being wrongly addressed. I’ll probably keep it that way.Joshua knocks the table twice,
“You handled that well,” Joshua says.A yawn escapes me, I cover my mouth. “You think?”Bren apologised to every one at the table. Even Wyn. I’m not sure why I told her to apologise to her twin when she was the only person she favoured during her outburst. But I’m glad she did. I rest my head on the table. He laughs. I look dead. Dark circles have become a constant. I haven’t had good sleep in days.He drums his fingers on a folder on the table. I prop my chin on my palms. “Are you going to call her?”Mother is in the room she spent the night after the twins birthday party. Joshua insists he’s not sleeping over but he’s not ready to leave. I can do with a hot shower and cuddles with her right now. But yeah.“I don’t think she will pick.”The bottle of juice in his hand almost drops, he takes a sip and passes it to me. “Did
I am scared. No, I’m worried. I think it’s a mix of both. I twist the knob and the door creaks. She’s home.Nervousness tightens my muscles, my steps falter as I push the door to the mansion open. The last time I was here was to cause trouble. Now, I don’t know if peace can reign. If she will allow me into her life.The house is quiet. If her car wasn’t outside, I would assume nobody was home. I take the stairs two at a time. The anxiety returns when I’m in front of our bedroom. We made so many good memories in this room.Sweat rolls down my temple and a lump forms in my chest. What if she doesn’t want to see me?Has she changed her mind about the divorce? We haven’t seen a mediator so technically and legally, we are still a couple. El is my wife and I want her to love me the right way. I want to be the only man for her.On entering, I spot El curled on the couch with a quilt pulled to her
I love love.I love the feeling of knowing I matter to someone as much as they do to me. I love the excitement that rushes through me at the thought of that person. The assurance that they will always be there for me.I hate love.I hate the vulnerability that is considered part of loving. I hate the ache and loneliness that follows when you realise they no longer love you like they did. I hate to have my happiness tied down to one person.Love breaks as much as it heals and I think I am at my breaking point. Maybe El still loves me but she’s doing a great job of masking it. Moving here has improved the girls mood, it’s the reason I’m hanging on.Bren pokes me in the side with her elbow. I groan before she even asks the question.Not again.“Are you and Mummy back together?”If I have to hear this question one more time, I will stuff my ears with wax. Christ. She rolls
Locking the door behind me, I set El gingerly on the bed. I push her shoulders down when she attempts to get up. Her lips part and my head shakes. If talking will ruin the moment, then I will take her silence. “Shh,” I whisper. I capture her lips in a kiss. My tongue parts her lips to explore hers and a throaty moan escapes her. El kisses me back with an urgency I’ve missed, a thrill goes through me and my fingers weave into her hair. Her hands spread on my chest to feel me up and our lips remain locked in a passionate kiss. She tastes like oranges. I nibble her lower lip, feeding my senses with the taste of my woman. She whimpers. I swallow her cries, moans and whispers, causing her to writhe under me. I groan as she caresses my bulge, briefly blinded by the heavy waves of desire that crash over me. I have missed her—us. I have missed this. Our breaths mingle when we come up for air, foreheads meet as we smile at each
I wake before El. My fingers trace the curve of her lips, she whines in her sleep but stays asleep. I reach for my phone, the alarm bells in my head trip off when I peep the time. Shit. The girls will be fucking late. “El.” I shake her gently. I can’t move with her on top of me and I don’t want to ruin her sleep. I love our position but the girls need to get to school. “Elna. Baby,” I murmur into her hair. She moans. “Wake up.” Her eyes open, she holds my gaze for about five seconds and falls right back to sleep. Chuckling, I lower her to the bed as gently as I can. She doesn’t wake. I pause to observe her, is she fine? She doesn’t sleep this much. I plant a kiss on her forehead. She moans, I push a pillow towards her and my lips spread in a smile when she cuddles it. Good to know I wasn’t the only one who missed cuddling. After throwing on some clothes, I rush downstairs to check on the twins. There’s barely enough time for them to bathe
Brianna gets off in fifty minutes. Until then, I have no idea what to do with myself. I should return home to my wife but there’s no guarantee I’ll be willing to leave when it’s time to pick Brianna for the meetup. Thinking of the devil, my phone vibrates on my desk. Vincent’s name appears on my screen and a text pops in. He wants to be sure we are still up for today. I mean, I don’t want it but it has to happen. Not for his sake but Brianna’s. She’s aware El isn’t her mother, I think she is because I mentioned it a few times. Elbows propped on the desk, I clasp my hands behind my neck. My eyes water from staring hard at my screen, the words blur and I hit send on the short text before I change my mind. My stomach growls. I haven’t had anything to eat all day. For someone who complained about his wife’s feeding, I am doing a terrible job of taking care of myself. A peek at my wristwatch and my intestines knot. It’s past twelve. I am starving. I ma
ElnaI shut the door to our bedroom and tiptoe inside. Brandon doesn’t stir. He’s dead asleep. Or so I think till I near the bed and drop the package—his valentine gift on the nightstand. He puckers his lips for a kiss and I gladly indulge him. His hands grasp my butt, he pulls me up to straddle him and I move slowly against his erection without breaking eye contact. “Are they asleep now?” “Yeah. Finally. Alleluia,” I reply with a laugh. “Maybe I shouldn’t have given them the day off.” Silly me thought it would be great to give the twins nannies Valentine’s Day off so our family could do something special. Bad choice. With two one-year old attention demanding kids, I need all the help I can get. To make it worse, this year’s valentine fell on a Sunday and most of last night was spent trying to quiet the babies. “Maybe.” Brandon captures my lips. The kiss is lazy but it soon grows urgent. His tongue searches for mine, twirlin
The girls are dancing in a circle. Wyn is in the middle of the circle trying to perform a break dance. I laugh at her failed attempts, holding El closer to me as we sway gently to a rhythm in my head. El wrinkles her nose in disappointment, her fingers intertwine with mine and I spin her in a lazy circle.“You’re not supposed to be laughing at them,” she says as their mother dearest. “You cheer them up.”True. But it was funny. Wyn waves, Bren does the same. Brianna does not spare us a glance. Like me and El, she has two left legs. She can’t dance but she is better than us. I wrap my arms around El from behind, tucking my head into her shoulder. She smells delicious. I can’t wait to have her alone.The music filters into my ears, I close my eyes and the lyrics wrap around my heart.“What’s Josh doing?”My eyes fly open. Josh is at one of the two canopies with Joy. Most of the g
It’s today. Our vow renewal. To be honest, it feels like we are getting married again. This time, we have the people we care most about to celebrate the reunion with us and it makes me anxious. Joshua claps my shoulder. “Relax.” It’s so easy for him to say that but he doesn’t get it. The love of my life is out there. I haven’t seen my wife since yesterday because her mother believes it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding. We stare into the floor-length mirror, our matching charcoal grey suits are differentiated by our ties. He’s my best man. “Is Joy coming?” he asks. Sophia will be in attendance but I can’t speak for her friend. I don’t say a word to him but I know this won’t work. Joy is older than Joshua. If her attitude towards him on my birthday is a sign to go by, she doesn’t like him. Some parts of me feel like this is an infatuation that will die soon. It is taking too long for him to get over her but I hope
The cries of our newborn babies snap me out of my sleep. I jerk up and check the time on the alarm clock. 7 pm. I groan into my hands.My life has changed since their arrival. My sleeping pattern has worsened and my knowledge about babies has increased.Babies poop a lot. They cry too damn much. They don’t need a reason to cry, just existing is enough reason for them to cry. It is exhausting.Brandon Langalethu Stark is the louder one. Brendan Lelethu Stark is quieter. Annika gave them their middle names with approval from their godfather, Joshua. Lelethu means ours while Langalethu, short for Langa means our sunshine. I must admit, he hasn’t been a ray of sunshine for a while. He’s a big ball of noisy energy. El rouses from her sleep at the incessant sound of her crying babies. I love my sons but they cry too goddamn much. Their cries are coordinated. Once one of them starts crying, the other twin is bound to join in.
Chaos breaks out. Everyone is all over me and El, saying so many things at once. The smile sitting on her face disappears. Tears fill her eyes, her nails dig into my shoulders so hard I’m sure it will leave a mark.She is hurting.Annika is speaking so fast, asking about the baby things. Mother is telling everyone to calm down. El is crying, she doesn’t want to go to the clinic with a wet dress. I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t present for the first pregnancy. Mother pushes me aside and helps El to her feet. I almost scream. Is she allowed to stand? What if our kids fall out?I rush to El’s side. Mother guides her through a breathing exercise as what she calls a contraction hits El. It must have really hurt. She balls my shirt and makes a pained sound that stops everyone in their tracks. More than six pairs of worried eyes pin her in a stare but she focuses on only me. My baby.“I’m okay,”
Choruses of happy birthday fill the air. I am dragged away from El before I can kiss her back or utter a reply. I was so worried she would forget about today I forgot it myself. Mother nudges me with her hip and grins. Well played. Even the girls were in on it.Joshua claps my arm. “Happy birthday, brother.” This idiot. He called me during the day and didn’t wish me anything. “Many happy returns.”We cheers to my new age and Bren pulls me to the living room where the real party is happening. The place has been redecorated. There are balloons tied to the wall, a table with a bigger cake on it and the words, “Happy Birthday, my love” written on it.There’s another cake. Well, there are three more cakes. Instead of my love, one has son, the other has brother and the last one has Daddy written on it. A cake from each of the most important people in my lives. My wife. My kids. My brother and my parents
El sneaks an arm around my waist. Her belly is bigger now. Our babies will be showing up soon. She leans on me for support while we wait for the private elevator. It was her idea to get out of my office to buy crackers. A little fun fact: We have boxes of crackers at home. If she wasn’t pregnant, her attitude would have been suspicious but with pregnancy, anything goes. Rule number 123432444: Never argue with a heavily pregnant woman. It will end in chaos. We enter the elevator with my hand on her lower back. Our reflections on the metallic wall smiles at us and El laughs. I set my suitcase on the ground and palm her face for a proper kiss. With the pregnancy due, her office has become mine. She spends more time with me than anyone else. I love it. Her lips taste like donuts. We ordered some an hour after she arrived to “pick” me. I will never let her drive in her state but she enjoys using that term even if she was brought here by a driver. She r
El won’t stop staring at her ring.We are in the backseat of the car heading to the hotel for dinner when she reaches up to give me a kiss. Leaning on me, she smiles at her ring again. I think I did right by her. Her mother will be happy. We had a long, loud, argument about this. About the vow renewals too but that will be after El delivers.“I have two rings,” El says, hand stretched out in front of her. She rolls Mother’s ring on her middle finger. “Does that make me Lord of the rings?”“Lady of the rings, maybe.”My phone vibrates with a text from Joshua. He wants to know if I did it. I facepalm at his request of a picture. It’s one more thing I have to get better at. Capturing the memories on camera. I nudge El with my elbow to show her the text. Her hand eventually lowers, she nods eagerly and strikes a pose, flashing her teeth in all the selfies. She knows she is pretty.
I tilt the laptop and the girls’ faces occupy the screen. Wyn is on top of Bren but her twin doesn’t seem to mind. Brianna is on one side of the bed, smiling at the camera. They are all lying on their stomachs. El settles down beside me, I prop the laptop on my knees and slip my hand into her shirt from behind. She shoots me a warning look. I bat my lashes like the cute baby daddy I am.“I miss Mummy,” Wyn says.My back meets the headboard and El rests her head on my shoulder. “What about me?”Again, she and Bren are rocking the same gowns. Wyn frowns. “I miss you too, I guess.”El bellows out a laugh. Evil girls. In a few months, I’ll have my boys. She wraps an arm around my waist to soothe me. It works for only a second before my attention returns to the laptop. Bren is grinning.“How are you?” El asks.“Fine,” three of them chorus.&