Lilian As Finn drove me to Jensen's mansion, we weren't saying anything the entire trip. Of course, I was a little uncomfortable after what had happened in his apartment. There was no reason why I, as his girlfriend, should have refused to be more intimate with him, but I had refused and asked to go home.Did he hate me now? I thought to myself. Was he thinking the wrong things about me? Good God, I needed a talk with my friend April. I was sure she would help me think more clearly and help me understand myself.It wasn't that I didn't want to go to bed with Finn, he was a man I was attracted to, but being physically attracted to him wasn't enough for me to want to sleep with him. I wanted there to be a stronger feeling than that, I couldn't lie. I really wanted Finn Sawyer to make my heart flutter and set the butterflies in my stomach fluttering, just like Jensen Grimes always did. Likewise, I frowned. I really didn't want to compare the two, but I had to admit to myself that my ex
Lilian POV“By the way, I thought you would be late. Did something happen on your date with Finn Sawyer?” My ex-husband asked, looking at me, and at that moment, I couldn't answer that question.I mean, why the hell did he keep asking me that question? What did he want me to answer anyway? What, were we supposed to take all that in stride now? I rubbed my head, visibly uncomfortable.“Um, that was pretty good, actually,” I replied, nodding. “We took a walk along the Railroad,” I added, but then regretted doing so. Not because I was in the mood to hide details from him, but because that city was the center where most of Jensen and Lilian's story had been written; that is, Jensen, and I were born and grew up in that city; we learned everything there; we fell in love; we had our first kiss; and most of the good memories we had of our relationship had happened in that city.So places like the Railroad Bridge brought back such intimate and personal memories that we couldn't help but end u
Lilian POVWhen Jensen Grimes asked me that desperate question, I wasn't able to answer because if I answered, I was sure I would let on how vulnerable I was. So I just stood there. The ambient light in the room was so low that it was difficult to see his face properly, but I could see the tears rolling down his eyes. I wasn't made of iron, I was making a great effort to hold myself back, trying to contain the urge I had to run to him and hug him, wipe the tears from his face, and comfort him. I wanted to do that so much that it hurt.So, with only my silence as an answer, Jensen left the children's room and headed to his room without saying a word. I had clearly rejected him again, but I was making a big effort to keep things the way they were. It was too dangerous; all of it was dangerous. I had to force myself to think about how a mother would act in this situation because of my triplets, those children needed me, they needed me to have a healthy relationship with their father, ev
Lilian POVJensen kept giving me vodka as I asked for it. The two of us sat on the floor in a corner of the room next to the drinks bar and drank while talking about banal things and memories from the past.“Ugh, I already forgot how good this feels,” I commented in a voice slowed by the alcohol. “I had forgotten what it was like to just drink until I lost count.”“Just like we used to do in the past at the parties you threw?” He remembered, and I laughed.“Those parties are totally out of place, but don’t blame me, okay? We were in college, and when we're in college, we feel like the world belongs to us, and we're free to do all kinds of reckless things,” I commented, bringing my glass to my lips to drink some more.I remember we were the most famous couple on campus,” he said, as we had a nostalgic look, reliving those images from our memories. “Everyone wanted to be our friend, and all the guys wanted you.”“Just like all the girls wanted you too,” I told him. “Most of them approac
Lilian POVOne moment, Jensen and I were kissing, and the next moment he was walking up the stairs to the top floor, with me in his arms while we were still kissing. The way to my room was so quick that I felt sick when I realized, he was laying me on the bed and getting on top of me while we kissed like two drunk crazy people.“Oh, my God… this is so addictive.” I stuttered with ragged breaths as I felt his mouth kissing my neck and jaw, his hands caressing my back and thighs.That was exactly what I was talking about—this physical and sentimental attraction that I felt for him, that any kiss or any touch from him could completely dismantle me and make me crazy for him. I hated the fact that only he could make me feel like this, but that was a fact, and it was almost impossible to resist.My fingers were looking for the buttons on his pajama shirt to open and undress him because I wanted to have that intimate contact between my hand and his skin, but our actions were not at all nice
Lilian POVWhen I woke up the next morning, I thought I had had a very realistic dream—so realistic that I even felt my body hurting. Which left me confused since dreams didn't really make the body hurt in reality. I had dreamed that Jensen and I had made love all night, and now my body was hurting…?I opened my eyes quickly, looking scared. Had that been real? But when I took a look at the bed and saw that I was alone, I realized that it had actually all been a dream and that Jensen Grimes hadn't slept with me the night before. I sighed in silence. I should have been relieved, but there was a hint of sadness that I couldn't understand, maybe it was because of the cold I was feeling. Furthermore, I pulled the blanket off and covered myself, feeling sad and alone. If only that dream had been real, I would have him hugging me now and chasing away the cold.But at that moment, I heard his voice saying, “Holly crap, it’s freezing in here, that window was open all night.”I looked up imme
Lilian POV“I can't believe I actually asked for more children yesterday. I don't know where my head was,” I commented as Jensen and I were still lying in bed, cuddling. The cold was starting to leave us little by little as his body felt so warm and attractive.“You said it was because the triplets were growing up and that you missed taking care of babies,” he said to me. His fingers caressed my back slowly and lazily, sending goosebumps so good on my skin.“Oh my God… so you mean we did it without a condom?” I said it with trepidation.“We were drunk, honey. A condom would have been the last thing we would have thought about using,” he said, and I sighed, nodding.“That's bad… What if I really get pregnant, Jensen?” Good heavens, I already had three children. I had no idea what I would do with more children.Jensen's hand ended up on my belly, where he caressed it. “If you get pregnant, then we will take care of the baby the way it deserves to be taken care of,” he said without conce
Lilian POV“I'm going to break up with Finn, yes. Because I don't want to have to hurt him,” I said to Jensen. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going back with you.” I was looking at him, and he looked at me confused because of my words.“What do you mean?” He asked, looking annoyed. “Why all other options are valid except the option of you coming back to me? Am I really that bad and don’t deserve you, Lilian?” He looked slightly upset now.“Jensen, we’re not going to talk about this again. I feel like lately we've just been arguing about this, I already told you it just won't work,” I told him, with a sigh."Why not? Can I know?" He asked, looking annoyed.“Because we’re kind of incompatible, you know. We never work out, Jensen,” I told him, which was obvious. He and I had already tried twice, and both times everything had been a mess.“But even so, I am still in your bed, Lillie. Just like I was in your bed in Rustburg,” he objected, putting me against the wall. “You just can't deny that