Cole was on the train a good twenty minutes before it pulled out of Euston. There had been a few berths still available but they were expensive and, while they were a nice idea in principle, she'd always found them a little claustrophobic. The seats were fairly comfortable - about as comfortable as first class on a nonsleeper - so she took off her shoes and curled up under her coat. Cole rested her head against the window and watched the darkness and the light slipping past. It was seven hours to Edinburgh. She must have slept for some of it. The important thing was that she didn’t cry. They were over the border when the sun rose. Misty gold and rumpled sky and Scotland’s indecorous beauty. So different from England’s neat patchwork. There was a knife-twist in Cole's battered heart: this longing for home. They arrived pretty much on time, and even though she was allowed half an hour to collect herself, she grabbed her bag and dashed across the platform in or
Eventually Cole calmed down. She wiped her eyes and her nose. Hazel gathered up Cole's things and led her off the path to the top of a little rise where they sat down. Cole took a deep breath. It was cold enough that the air felt almost sharp inside her lungs. Pure. Like she was the first person ever to breathe it. Hugging her knees, she let the horizon fill her eyes. The rock-stippled grass rolled away into sand dunes. And then came the golden sweep of Oldshoremore Beach and beyond it the impossibly blue sea, the turquoise waves turning silver-tipped, like something from a Caribbean dream. Except, y’know, way up in the north of Scotland where sun was something that happened to other people. Hazel nudged Cole's shoulder. “Better?” “Yeah. Sorry. I just feel like an idiot.” “Isn’t that what being twenty is all about?” “Being an idiot?” “No.” She grinned, looking all impish and twinkly. “I meant, falling for unsuitable people. Breaking hea
Welp, Cole was miserable. It was hard work for her to get over Aiden Crux. But at least being at home gave her time and space to do it. Endless amounts of both. She slept a lot, read every Georgette Heyer in the house in mad, weepy binges, and wandered the hills and shore in a fashion that would surely have made her Byronic locks and long black coat billow in the wind. If she’d had Byronic locks and a long black coat. Hazel must have said something to Cole's Mum and Rabbie because they didn’t bug her. Just let her come and go as she pleased. Talk when she felt like it. The days moved very slowly. It must have been a week later, Cole was sitting in the garden, on the swing Rabbie had strung from their gnarly old oak tree. It was the best spot because one could see all the way down to the sea. And if one went high enough and fast enough, it felt like they could drown in the sky. Cole had probably spent hours out there when growing
Cole was sufficiently overwhelmed that even when he moved his hand, she didn’t pull away. She just stood there quietly while he kissed her cheeks, her eyes, and the tip of her nose. “I know you don’t, but I think we could have something good together. If you could just accept its—my—limitations.” “We already tried it your way, and you made me feel like shit,” Cole replied. “It wasn’t exactly straightforward for me, either. Being constantly aware of letting you down.” Cole stared at him, shocked and a little bit horrified. He always seemed so controlled and unreachable that she hadn’t really imagined the possibility of, well, affecting him at all. “You won’t let me down, as long as you try.” “You have no idea what you’re asking.” And here they were: going round this mulberry bush again. “Stop treating me like I don’t understand my own desires. Or like I can’t handle yours.” Cole dragged herself out of his arms with a frust
"N-nothing.” He drew back, but it was only to stand and pull Cole from the swing and into the crook of his arm. He didn’t usually hold her like this, so there was a brief moment when he almost felt like a stranger. But his cologne swept over her like homecoming and Cole melted. Snuggled. Pressed her cheek into the soft, body-warmed cashmere of his jumper. And then burst into tears. “What did I do?” he asked, sounding kind of stricken. Cole made a grotesque gurgling noise. And finally managed, “You were missed. You were missed way too much.” “I missed you too. Enough to chase you to the ends of the earth, my Cole.” “Only on a technicality.” “It still counts and I’m taking it.” She sort of laughed and sort of sobbed. “You’re not going to lose me unless you push me away. Can’t you trust, just a little bit, that I like you?” “It’s hard to believe.” “Why? Haven’t you seen yourself?” “Yes, and you’re e
Introducing Aiden Crux to her family went pretty much the way she thought it would: which was to say, it was weird as hell, but everyone was super-committed to pretending it wasn’t. Especially considering she had to skirt around their actual relationship. And he probably wasn’t what they were expecting from Ardy’s First Proper Boyfriend. He was charming, though. Attentive and courteous. Perfect gentleman caller material. Not shy, exactly, because there was too much assurance in him for that, but careful. Like he’d come to pick her up for prom and was concerned his intentions might not be deemed honorable. And if her folks knew he was a wildly famous and important type person, they were too polite to make a big deal out of it. Rabbie did ask Aiden what he did and he replied mildly that he was in financial management. And it was only when she spotted a copy of TIME—which just happened to have Aiden right on the front, fierce and unassailable, all folded arms a
And Cole watched Aiden, who was both nothing like she had thought he would be and yet still, somehow, everything she wanted. He was stern and sweet, rough and gentle, invincible and vulnerable, wickedly sexy and unexpectedly kind. He missed his father, didn’t understand his sister, resented his own desires, and, occasionally, made Cole the center of his goddamn universe. Cole knew herself well enough to recognize that she was well and truly fished. All it would take was a twitch upon the line, and she would be arse-over-elbows in love with him. Once they had taken the edge off their hunger, conversation flowed pretty naturally. Cole noticed early on that Aiden was doing his thing again, asking lots of questions, discovering where someone’s passions lay and letting them talk. But he had already been way more forthcoming than he had to be—all that stuff about chess and his family—so Cole left him to it. She simply enjoyed the way he had of making people feel listened to and importan
By the time Cole had dealt with everything and shown him how to find the bathroom, being alone with Aiden felt incredibly significant somehow. Almost too much. Cole had always loved her mom’s room. It had been storage space when they first arrived, but her mother had done it up. It was right at the back of the house, in the pointy bit. The bed was tucked under the eaves, and her mother had strung up a bunch of fairy lights so it felt like lying under a canopy of electric stars. It was Cole’s favorite place to read, tucked under the handmade quilt and propped up on the jewel-colored throw pillows, the sea whispering to her just on the edge of hearing. It had seemed pretty magical at the time, but with Aiden standing there – hunching a little to avoid banging his head on the ceiling and looking as if he’d been airbrushed in from an issue of GQ – it seemed more kind of…shabby. Quaint, if one were feeling generous. And then he pulled his jumper over his head, and Cole stopped worrying