The next day, Cole called a car to take Harper to the airport, just about managing not to ask Bellerose's permission this time, and since she wasn't exactly overendowed with things to do, she went along with him. At the airport, saying goodbye turned out to be awful. It felt all final, and Cole got clingy as hell, trailing around the concourse with Harper holding her hand like a kid at the supermarket. But Harper wasn't exactly shaking her off either. They parted at the last possible moment with a pathetic amount of hugging. Cole was crying openly and Harper was snuffling. "I'm going to come back and visit all the time," she said. "I really need another one of those facials." Cole nodded. "You'll need it. America is bad for the complexion." "And we can still Kik and buddy watch stuff." "Yep yep." "And you can obsessively like all my Instagram posts." "I only care about the ones where you're shirtless. Fuck this cappuccino
Cole made a sort of lunging nuzzle into his palm. This was sweet of her. And confusing. But not quite what she needed to hear. Basically it was emotional umami. And she didn’t know how to answer. Except then she blurted out, “But I don’t want things. I want you.” froze. It was like lights going out. Security doors coming down. Then he leaned in and kissed her again, and it was all teeth, all savagery. He spun her round, driving her back against the fridge, his mouth still on hers, one hand trapping her wrists and the other sliding down to rest against her throat. It was a pretty threatening way to be pinned, with her pulse beating under his palm and the heat of him surrounding her. So, obviously, she was super into it. He finally broke the kiss, leaving her breathless and dizzy and full of the taste of him. Pressed in even closer, his eyes a flare of ice blue—sun glare across glaciers—and his lips a little red from hers. “No,
Cole woke up miserable and slightly shocked she’d been able to sleep at all, with all the crying and raging and soul-searching she’d been doing. But unconsciousness and a small amount of distance had calmed her down. Yes, Aiden had been, to put it bluntly, a dickhead. But they’d been having a very intense conversation and he’d probably felt exposed and pounced on, and—in any case—she shouldn’t have reacted by trashing the place like she was Keith Moon. And while part of her really didn’t want to be dependent on Aiden’s generosity in the middle of a fight, it seemed a bit off to throw up her hands and run away immediately. Not that she didn’t want to. Right now, she would have preferred to be pretty much anywhere than One Hyde Park, including with her family up in Kinlochbervie. But, even putting aside her lack of relationship experience, it seemed pretty fucking obvious that being in the same country was likely a major factor in resolving romantic conflict.
“Then what are you doing here?” Cole asked a little plaintively. The problem with pseudo-housesitting was not really knowing what the boundaries were. How far to make yourself at home. Was it her responsibility to make sure people she didn’t know didn’t cut coke on Aiden’s furniture? Was she supposed to be welcoming Aiden’s sister, or throwing her out? “Needed somewhere to crash.” “Um, okay. So I’ll just go back to bed then?” “Stay if you like. This is—” And Aiden's sister reeled off a list of names Cole wasn’t in any state to remember. Cole gave the group a halfhearted wave. Thankfully, they were mostly unconscious, distracted, or making out in that desultory post-party way. “I’m Ellery, by the way.” “Nice to meet you.” And, with a desperate attempt to be a good host: “Do you need anything?” “Never. I like your tattoo.” Cole looked down in this idiotic way, as if she’d forgotten it was
Nobody was chasing them, but they ran anyway. It gave Cole a tingly, Ferris Bueller feeling to flee the swaggering modernity and aggressive wealth of One Hyde Park for the crumbly Victorian grandeur of Kensington. They stopped for breath near Hyde Park Corner. Ellery slumped onto the steps of something pillared, porticoed and flag-flying, and Cole discovered she’d left the apartment without a coat or her wallet or either of her phones. Thank God the place was above mere human keys; otherwise she might have been homeless. Which would have been infinitely preferable to turning up at Caspian’s office again in order to tell him she’d locked herself out of the apartment after running away with his sister. “Well… thanks or whatever.” Ellery hugged her knees to her chest, walling herself off with her own body. “But you don’t have to stay.” “What, and go back to a pissed off Aiden? I don’t think so.” After a moment, Cole sat next to Ellery and she rested her
Well, what was the alternative? No, she’d rather sit there confiding fragile, complicated stuff about her life and history to a total stranger? Except she wasn’t exactly telling her secrets. Secrets implied shame, and she wasn’t ashamed. Her mum lived for years in secrecy and shame with a man who promised her everything and took her apart piece by piece until he thought she was nothing but dust. And she was still more than he could ever be. The best and bravest person she knew. When Ellery said "get out of here," it turned out she meant "take cocaine in the disabled toilet." She yanked Cole in with her and tried to share, but Cole politely declined. She felt bad enough about abusing the facilities that she couldn’t really bring herself to break the law in them as well. At least Ellery wasn’t pushy about it, just terrifyingly efficient as she sandwiched the stuff between a couple of twenties and ground it to a pale powder with a Coutts bank card that matche
Through the crisscrossing metal, Cole could see the dark smudges of pedestrians and cars, the streets turned into ribbons, the buildings into toys. Sweat burst across her palms and between her fingers, and she tightened her grip on the scaffolding before she was chasing pavements in a terrifyingly literal fashion. For a moment or two, she just clung there with her eyes closed. Going up and going down both seemed equally unpleasant just then…so she sucked in a breath of startlingly cold air and pulled herself onto the next bar. Climbing was hard work once the novelty wore off. And even the fear got boring after a while. All she could hear was the clunk of Ellery's boots and the wheezing of her own breath. If she survived, she'd probably have to do something about her general fitness. Yoga just wasn't cutting it. Finally—somehow—Cole made it to the top. Hot, sweaty, on the verge of a heart attack, but triumphant. Ellery was sitting on the edge of the roof, feet dangli
They took a cab to Euston Station and then made their way down a rather gloomy stretch of road. Cole couldn't help glancing around nervously—it seemed like the London you might see on an episode of Crime Watch—but they weren't mugged or murdered.So…yay. They came to a corner marked by a derelict Victorian building, its turrets and balconies and crumbling grandeur more than a little bit out of place on the Hampstead Road. A plaque on the wall, between the boarded windows, proclaimed the place LONDON TEMPERANCE HOSPITAL, ERECTED BY VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTIONS IN HUMBLE DEPENDENCE UPON THE BLESSING OF GOD, FOR THE TREATMENT OF MEDICAL AND SURGICAL CASES WITHOUT THE USE OF ALCOHOL. Good grief. From what Cole knew of Victorian medicine, practicing it on the sober was practically an abuse of human rights. "Cole." Ellery gestured impatiently at Cole from the other side of yet another barrier. "Come on." Cole slipped under it and into an overgrown ca
“Hey now,” Cole protested. “He offered me money and the apartment.” “Like you were going to take it. How long was he with you? Did he know you at all?” “We were kind of in the middle of an argument at the time.” “Right. But it’s been over a week.” It had. And Cole had told herself she wasn’t hoping for anything. Except she must have been. Because now she felt silly.Ellery kicked the tree moodily. “Stop feeling sorry for him. I expect he’s feeling sorry enough for himself. Or Lancaster’s found him a new whipping girl.” “Don’t.” “Sorry.” “Did you really come all the way to Kinlochbervie to say ‘I told you so’?” “No.” She pulled her hood up and disappeared into its shadows. “I came to ask if you want to live with me.”Cole nearly fell off the swing. “Live with you?”“Yeah. Thought I should move out. Do some shit with my life or something.” “What sort of shit did you have in mind?”She kicked the tree again. And then, apparently finding
Everything hurt. The hours seemed like wild horses. Dawn broke around Cole. She spent most of the day on the sofa, crying herself out of tears, watching the sky turn tauntingly through shades of silver and gold. She tried to be brave, to be strong, to be less pathetically embarrassing. But her inner Scarlett O’Hara was AWOL—tomorrow being another day seemed like scant consolation. And while she sometimes tormented herself with idle fantasies of Aiden coming back, of sweeping her into his arms, full of sorrow and declarations of eternal devotion, she knew it wasn’t going to happen. She wasn’t sure she could ever bear pain like this again. Later… later… later… Her phone bleeped. And, like a fool, she scrabbled for it, wrecked with hope and fear and hope. It was Harper: “I MOVED MY FOOT!!!!!” **** She slept and didn’t sleep, and the hours sped and sluggished by. And finally, she rang home. Hazel picked up. “What’s wrong?” she said before Cole even had a chance to speak.
Cole swayed exhaustedly where she knelt. “Well, I'm not. And I don't How many times is you going to ignore me telling you that I love you? Because I do. I really do. And you can think all these awful things about yourself if you must. But nothing—nothing, do you hear me—will make me believe them.” “You can’t love me. You don’t know me.” “You mean, because I didn’t know about this? That’s only because you lied to me about it.” He paced restlessly, up and down that pristine room. This lost creature in Aiden Crux's skin. “I didn’t lie.” “I asked you outright. In Kinlochbervie.” “No. You asked if someone had hurt me. And they haven’t.” “Oh fucking hell.” She rubbed her hands against her burning eyes. “I could have hurt you. Don’t you realize how completely fucked it feels looking back at all the times I’ve pushed you on sex stuff with no clue about what happened to you?” “Well,” he drawled, “I did warn you that I’m a cruel
Cole glanced up. “I'm not. I mean, it wasn’t fun. But I trusts you. With the worst of me, as well as the best, and all the squishy ambiguous bits in between.” “Thank you,” he said, unexpectedly grave. “I hope to always honor that trust.” “As I will for you.” He didn’t respond. “So, y’know”—Cole nudged him gently—“your turn.” It took a long time, but he did eventually speak. The words coming slowly and painfully, like razor blades from his lips. “If I tell you, you’ll know what Eleanor said about me is right. That I’m sick and twisted and I ruin everything that’s good.” “She only said that because she was angry.” He shook his head. “No, she said it because it’s true. You see, she learned who she was when she was fourteen years old.” “What happened when—wait. When your father died?” “After that. When she seduced his business partner. His best friend.” Cole genuinely had no idea what to say. To
Cole pulled off a truly Ellery-worthy eye roll. “One cigarette a month is hardly going to kill him,” she said. “Is that what he told you? And you believed him?” Natasha asked. Now that she thought about it… he did tend to reach for his cigarettes once they’d sexed. And he’d smoked after dinner. And during Star Wars. And just now in the gCole. Oh fuck. Fuuuuuck.Natasha shook her head at her. “You poor, sweet girl. You don’t know him at all, do you?” “I… I’m in love with him,” she said, her voice barely audible. “I can see why you’d believe that. Aiden can be quite dazzling when he chooses. But you don’t understand anything about who he is. Or the damage you’re doing to him.” She tried to reply, to protest, to defend herself. Defend him. Defend them. But she had nothing. Aiden had de-clawed her with his secrets. Left her powerless and alone. “You deserve better,” Natasha went on softly. “He’s using you like his cigarettes. You
“I love it when you hurt me. I love everything you do. And everything you are,” Cole said. And that was when Aiden turned and drew her into his mouth. It was the teeniest bit awkward—he even nicked her slightly with the edge of his teeth, suggesting maybe he didn’t do this all that often. He certainly hadn’t with her before. Not that she’d minded. He made her come just fine. But…wow. He could have been actively terrible and she wouldn’t have cared: Aiden Crux was sucking her pussy. No teasing. Only his tongue sliding tight round her, his mouth soft and hot and perfect.Ohfuckohfuckohfuck. She was…Aiden was… Cole turned her head into her shoulder in an effort to muffle her noises. Which were at least as loud as when he’d been torturing her nipples, and probably even less dignified. Pain was one thing. She could take pain. But she was pleasure’s bitch. Hone
His fingers closed around her through her dress and squeezed until she bucked and moaned. Some of the anguish faded from her face, the tight lines of her brow and mouth yielding to desire, and something tender she might have called hope. “Don’t move,” he whispered, as he stepped away. “Okay.” Her heart thumped as eagerly as a puppy’s tail. She loved the anticipation that came with his commands. And she loved pleasing him. Of course, her nose started itching almost immediately. But she was determined and ignored it and held still as he had told her to. Aiden circled the pillar, leaving her standing there like Andromeda. Well, Andromeda if she had a massive erection. Then he drew her hands behind her and she felt the cool brush of silk against her skin.It encircled her wrists. Pulled taut. Oh my God. His bowtie. He was bondaging her with his own bowtie. She made a noise of surprise and exciteme
He didn’t quite flinch but he got that look: the closed down, I am a million miles away from you look I knew all too well. “I’ll leave you to enjoy it.” And, with that, he…went away. Again. Cole bit down on a gasp of frustration. She wanted to kick him in the shins. He couldn’t just fix what was probably years of hurt and misunderstanding with a single, and very small, gesture. Also, the fucker had barely spent five minutes with her. But she pushed all that aside and turned her very best and sparkliest smile on Ellery. “So what happens next? Do we all die of the plague?” Ellery sneered at the room. “Mm, here’s hoping.” “Wow, that’s the last time I RSVP to an invitation from you.” “I don’t mean it.” She sighed and with the air of a small child being forced to eat Brussels sprouts added, “Thank you for coming.” “I didn’t know you played the violin.” Ellery shrugged. “I’m brilliant. When I’m not rusty.” “
“What do you look for?” Cole asked. “The thing nobody else sees,” He replied, propping his hip casually against a piece of furniture she didn’t have a name for—something ornate and impressive, probably a credenza or vitrine or whatever. “Society photography comes down to one very simple principle. Anyone can take pictures of Kate Middleton and Lady Gaga. The trick is getting a picture of Kate Middleton with Lady Gaga.” “And have you?” “Not yet. But she’s a long way from dead, and hopefully so are they.” Cole laughed. In a strange way, the woman reminded her a little bit of Aiden. The same conviction, the same merciless drive, although focused and expressed very differently. She guessed it was becoming pretty apparent she had a type.But mainly Cole was grateful. Now, when she looked across the room, she met smiles. Flashes of recognition in other people’s eyes. She knew faces and names. She could have joined some of the conversations. Instead of drifting around pathetically. Stil