2

Unable to stay down, I crawl from the foot space and over the console onto the driver’s seat. “Cillian,” I whisper again, and it makes his eyes dart to me. 

Instead of his usual lopsided grin, a dark grimace distorts his face as he rushes back to me. 

“You’re safe now.” Slipping his hands under my arms, he pulls me out of the car, and then he begins to run with me. “I’ve got you, poppet. You’re going to be okay.” 

From over his shoulder, I take in the scenery that looks like a war zone. “Cillian,” I whisper, terrified and heartbrokenly. Tears flood my eyes, blurring my sight.  

“Winter!” I hear Dad shout. 

“She’s been shot,” Cillian yells. “Get me a first aid kit.”

It’s only then I become aware of the blood dampening my shirt. 

My eyes begin to grow heavy as my body jerks with every step Cillian runs. My tongue becomes heavy, and I’m unable to tell him I’ll be okay.

It feels as if my heartbeat is slowing down as if the sorrow engulfing me is drowning it. I’m being sucked into a nightmare there’s no waking from.

My ears still ring, and I feel wet as if I’ve been bathed in blood. My mother’s. My own.

Cillian lies me down, and then he begins to work on my neck. For a moment, his eyes lock with mine. “I’ll fix you, poppet.”

Tears warm my icy skin, and the last thing I’m aware of before I pass out is Dad letting out a heartbreaking cry while Cillian works to stop the blood seeping from my neck.

 

The Past - 14 Years Old.

Since the attack, we’ve been stuck on a lake island in Finland. There’s no more private school. No shopping trips. No interacting with other kids my age.

Since Mom was killed, there’s only the island, the guards, and private tutors. 

It feels like I’m stuck in a bubble that can pop at any moment. 

I’m sitting on the shore, throwing pebbles into the water while I stare at the land in the distance. It harbors the nearest town to us. I’ve never been there, though.

Letting out a miserable sigh, my thoughts turn to the past. It’s been a year since Mom was killed. I got shot in the neck but was lucky. The bullet didn’t hit anything vital.

I hear movement behind me, and without glancing over my shoulder, I know it’s Cillian. A couple of seconds later, his shadow falls over me, and he grumbles, “You know you shouldn’t be out here. Let’s head back.”

Another heavy sigh escapes me as I throw the last pebble into the water before climbing to my feet.

When I turn around, Cillian tilts his head and lifts his hand to the side of my neck. Caringly, his palm covers the scar. “What can I do to make you smile again?”

He’s asked the question many times before, and once again, I can only shrug.

It doesn’t feel like I’ll ever smile again. Not with Mom gone. She was the heart of our family, and since her death, we’ve all become zombies, just getting through every day as best we can.

Cillian pulls me into a hug and murmurs, “I wish I could make you feel better, poppet.”

Since the shooting, Cillian’s become more than just my guard. He’s the only friend I have now. Because he was there, he’s also the only one I can talk to about my fears and sorrow.

Dad and Sean suffered their own losses, and I don’t want to saddle Dad with my miserable feelings whenever he’s home from his business trips. Sean’s four years younger than me, so I have to be a strong big sister for him.

The thought makes me pull back from Cillian so I can look up at him. He looks like a scary version of Colin Farrell, tall, dark, and always dressed in a suit.

But instead of being afraid of him, he’s the only person I feel safe with.

“There is something you can do for me,” I whisper, hoping he won’t say no.

The creases around his eyes deepen as the corner of his mouth lifts slightly. “Just name it, poppet.”

“Teach me how to shoot a gun and how to fight.”

A frown forms between Cillian’s blue eyes, but after a couple of seconds of thinking about my request, he nods. “If that’s what you want.”

“I need to be able to protect Sean,” I give him my reason, and it makes the lopsided smile I’ve grown fond of over the years, stretch over his face.

“You’re right,” he agrees as he slips his arm around my shoulders. We begin to walk, then Cillian says, “First, I’ll teach you how to fight. We’ll leave learning how to shoot a gun for when you’re a little older.”

I know it won’t be of any use to argue with Cillian. He never says anything he doesn’t mean, and there’s no changing his mind. With Cillian, what you see, is what you get.

“Okay.” I feel a flicker of excitement for the first time since the shooting and ask, “What will you show me first?”

“How to throw a decent punch.”

The corner of my mouth lifts slightly, and Cillian notices it. He tugs me closer to his side, then whispers, “I’ve missed that smile.”

Glancing up at the man who saved my life, my smile grows. “Thank you for always being here for me.”

For a moment, he gives me a sideways hug. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, poppet.” Cillian’s the only one who calls me poppet, and honestly, in some ways, he’s the most important person in my life. I love my father and brother, but Cillian’s the only one I can lean on.

It’s like he filled the empty space in my heart Mom left behind.

“Love you, Cillian,” the words fall easily over my lips.

“Ditto, poppet. Ditto.”