CHAPTER THREE: ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER?

It was too flashy. Kate hated it but it hardly mattered since she was starting to hate everything about the wedding. It was as if everything was going wrong. Her sisters were doing their best of course. The problem was with her; her heart was simply not into it. And it was too late to back down now. All invitations were sent and only one month remained for the wedding ceremony.

Trying for a fervent smile at the expectant look on Caitlin's face, she knew she failed to make a good job out of it when she saw the face change into a crestfallen expression.

"You don't like it?" Caitlin asked and Kate cursed herself for her lack of perseverance. She should have known that her sister was going to pick up something there was something wrong if she showed a lack of enthusiasm.

"Of course I do," she lied and shrugged. "It doesn't matter anyway," she said finally thinking that she owed her sister the truth.

"Oh don't say that," Caitlin replied taking her hand into hers. "If you don't like the flowers, we'll choose some other arrangement, okay? As long as you're happy."

That was the understatement of the year. As long as she was happy. Well she was not. And could not pretend anymore.

"What's wrong Kate?" Caitlin asked seeming to pick her morose attitude.

"I don't think I want to get married after all," she confessed in a small voice gnawing her lower lips worriedly expecting a bomb to explode.

It never exploded. At least not in words as she had expected. Instead Caitlin gripped her elbow and dragged her out of the flower shop. Flower arrangements were forgotten and they walked down the pavement.

"I know how it feels," was the sudden reply which stunned her unto silence. She did? But Caitlin Thornton Stafford loved her husband to bits and pieces. How the hell had she been insecure for her wedding?

"What do you mean? You love Bryan like mad. It’s impossible! Don't tell me you've felt the same before your wedding too?"

"I have. It's okay to freak out I guess. You feel as if you're getting yourself closed in that elevator of which you're scared to death and want to get out as fast as possible. Almost claustrophobic," her younger sister told her and Kate was baffled. Hell, she hadn't been expecting that.

Caitlin had never confessed her feelings to her when she had gotten married and Kate had not even doubted that her sister had been having doubts. And she had thought that they were close. But of course she could understand that certain things were too personal to share no matter how close you were to a person.

Already feeling stronger after having voiced out her feelings, she nodded as they sat down at a cafe shop. "Exactly! I’m looking for hundreds of reasons to cancel the wedding. I feel like there’s something terribly wrong with everything."

Caitlin frowned at her latest statement. "No, it didn’t feel wrong for me. If anything had helped me decide whether to go through my wedding or not, it had been the feeling that I was doing the right thing."

And instead of feeling appeased, Kate got even more confused now. Hell, she was having a conflict of interest. How could she interpret what it meant? Was she getting pre-marital jitters as her sister had implied or was it something else? Something more serious?

"You do love him, don't you?" her sister broaching the topic they had never dared started before then. Edward had not even proposed. Once she had started dating him, it had been assumed that they would get married and the mothers had started preparing for the wedding. It had been so rapid that Kate could not even remember when she had agreed for the wedding. At some point in time, she must have given in to the pressure having no other choice but to go with the flow of what was happening around her.

Kate looked everywhere but in her sister's eyes as she confessed. "No but I'm sure I will learn to love him with time," she said more for her benefit than her sister's. It was as if she was trying to convince herself of that fact.

"Oh Kate. That's so sad," Caitlin had hugged her awkwardly since they were sitting. Kate hugged her back not knowing what else to do.

"It's not that bad Caitlin. Edward is a nice guy and I'm sure we will find a mutual..."

"It's Aidan, isn't it?" her sister asked out of the blue cutting off the rest of her sentence and Kate froze with the impact of his name still had on her. Damn! And her sister who had known her almost all her life got all the confirmation she needed.

"Oh my! Do you still love him after all that time?"

"Of course not! I'm just not a real fan of love anymore if you know what I mean," muttered Kate sincerely looking at her sister with a sad expression.

Caitlin sighed. "That's too bad. Well who knows maybe you will be able to close his chapter when he comes back in your life."

“If he comes,” pointed out Kate miserably. It was going to be hard.

Kate then realized that nobody could help her. Her life could not stop because of a man who had not bothered to talk to her for the last six years. She had made a decision and she'd better stick to it. There were many lives involved and she could not just withdraw her promise now. Determined to be happy, she pinned a bright smile before saying "Let’s go check out the flowers. I liked the white I ones.”

Happiness was a state of mind, someone had once told her.

As soon as they got back home, Caitlin went to check whether the flower arrangement would match with the decor and Kate went in the kitchen. And got a surprise.

'Ryyyyyyyce?!!!" she shrieked in delight forgetting the six years gap between them and jumped into his arms. Everything faded in the background and she forgot about the bitterness at the familiar sight of him eating his favourite apple pie in her mother’s kitchen. It was just like old times.

He staggered under the force when Kate ran in his arms but hugged her tight like he'd always done his grin as wide as ever.

"How's my favourite girl?" he asked swallowing the huge bite in his mouth. Ryce had always loved her mother’s pie and every time he had stopped to visit, the latter had always prepared his favourite dish to spoil him. Which meant her parents already knew that Ryce would be arriving today for the wedding.

Kate did not mind; she was so happy that she feared her heart might burst with feelings. “I’m fine! Now that you are here,” she added from the bottom of her heart.

“So our little Thorn is getting married? No need to buy you a big fat Persian cat after all, huh?” Ryce asked in his usual teasing manner and Kate grinned back at him forgetting all her insecurities about the wedding.

She chortled with glee remembering how they used to taunt her that she’d better get herself a cat as she would remain a spinster all her life.

“Aha! I’m getting married. And I’m the first one!” she said smiling then her grin faded as she realized she had no idea of her latest statement. It had been six years and God knows whether they had the decency to invite her to their weddings.

Ryce seemed to pick her unease and grinned before saying lightly “You are! I’m not married yet and neither is Jen.”

At the mention of the name, Kate glanced at him expecting him to say more but he did not elaborate and she was too proud to ask. From what she had gathered, Ryce was still in contact with Jennifer and therefore the latter must have received the invitation too. Except that she had not bothered to come.

Kate could not blame her. She believed it was better to be frank about a relationship than to behave like a hypocrite. Casting thoughts of Jennifer aside, she took Ryce by the elbow and marched him towards the garden. It was time to catch up after all that time.

“So what have you become after the course?” asked Kate fondly.

It was as if both of them had a mutual unspoken agreement not to bring up the past. It was better to avoid the topic which would make bitterness seep into their current conversation. Bygones were bygones, wasn’t they what they said?

“After university I joined my father’s company to manage part of his business and I’m now the chairman,” he replied modestly but Kate knew how big an empire his father’s company was. Connor Textiles was not a small company consisting of several international branches unlike Thornton enterprise which existed only in United States.

“Same pinch,” she replied as she too had joined her father’s company after completing her degree as she was the eldest of the girls. Even the main head was found in Manhattan, there were several insurance companies across the states. “Except I’m not the chairman. I’m the chief investment officer of the company,” she said.

“Ooh, our own genius,” whistled Ryce and Kate felt flattered.

“Oh no! You have no idea how difficult it is to manage the assets of dad’s business and since I’m going to be the heir, I thought it better to start with that post. It’s very hard sometimes but I love the challenge; it’s all I have,” she told him eyes bent unaware of the expression on Ryce’s face. It was one of awe mixed with sadness.

“What about the cat? Isn’t he the one you’ve been waiting for all your life?” Ryce asked diverting the atmosphere that had suddenly become laced with tension; the name which were on both friends’ lips but neither dared voice it out.

“Cat?” Kate asked puzzled and then grinned as she got the joke. “Oh, you mean Edward?” she said with a laugh finding it funny that Ryce was calling her fiancé a cat. Well, the cat she would have adopted in the end of their pathetic story.

Punching him playfully in the ribs, she replied on a mocked offended tone. “He’s nice.”

Ryce rounded his eyes in wonder. “Nice?!! You mean to say I drove over to Manhattan only to meet a nice fiancé?! Oh no no no! It had better be something much more than just nice!”

Kate could not stop grinning and her jaw was hurting from so much mirth. Ryce had always had that kind of effect on her. She concluded that it had been a good decision to ask him here.

Within seconds, her worries had flown out of the window. She had already accepted the fact that neither Aidan and Jennifer would show up and it was fine with her. She did not care. Ryce was here and it was enough to lift up her mood and she would not mind marry Edward for the heck of it.

“Wait till you meet him then,” she returned back in the same smug tone and then sobered. “Do you have any news at all of Aidan?’ she asked breaking her silent promise to herself not to bring up his name. The temptation was too hard to resist.

Ryce’s body became rigid as well immediately tensing at the mention of the name. He shook his head in response to her question and Kate felt sorry for him. What had gotten into Aidan anyway to shun all the three of them in that way? It had been her fault. Why was he blaming Ryce and Jennifer as well?

Kate had never known what happened after the party, she had found herself in her dormitory late in the night and had last heard from Aidan when he had called her to ask her if she was alright. He had sounded brusque which she had been expecting after the way she had behaved. But she had never guessed that she would never hear from him after that incident.

Okay she shouldn’t have done what she had done. She shouldn’t have kissed Aidan. There! If it made her a vile person, then she was the worst person that ever existed. But she had loved him to the point of desperation and she had gotten weak that night.

It had been the last day of college and she had felt desperate with no hope of having her love returned. So, out of sheer fear of losing him forever as a friend, she had lost control and had done the biggest mistake of her life. Even if she had been young and desperate back then, she herself could not excuse her behavior as she remembered the past. During college times, she had always been a party girl but had always stayed within her limits.

Except for that day. Drunk, she had danced with every guy in the auditorium at a desperate attempt to catch his attention. But Aidan had only watched her with his benign expression and she had grown madder at him. Jennifer had been late to the party since she had waited for her father to drop her as she had lived with her family in Brooklyn and not on the campus. Ryce had also not reached yet and he was supposed to arrive with Jen.

So she had believed to have Aidan for herself at least for the last day. Who knew if they would ever meet again after university? Finally, when one guy had advanced towards her touching her lightly on the bum, she had not reacted waiting for Aidan to come to her rescue. And had been thrilled when Aidan had intervened.

“That’s enough now angel,” he had said taking her glass from her hand putting himself between her and that guy and her mind had been filled of him.

To her absolute delight, Aidan had lifted her in his arms and brought her to a secluded place. AS he had laid her down, she had never seen a more handsome sight even if it had been groggy in her mind.

She had said something she could still not remember and Aidan had tried his best to appease her but she had never been a very good alcohol drinker. One or two glasses were more than enough to set her on a high. All she had remembered was that at one point, Aidan had promised never to leave her side even after university was over.

And that had been her undoing. In her muddled state, she had wanted to pretend that Aidan had been hers and had fallen in his arms completely forgetting that at that time he had been the boyfriend of Jennifer.

Some of the drunken stupor had faded but all she could see had been Aidan’s green forest eyes staring back at her. All she could smell had been Aidan’s unique male scent. All she could hear had been Aidan’s heart beating. All she could touch had been Aidan’s body which she had gripped for support.

And her mind had triggered her last sense as well. Her sense of taste. As he had prevented her from falling, she had pressed her lips close to his and had kissed him. Just like that. Fire had ignited with her and the alcohol in her system had been set ablaze.

Clinging to him like some desperate schoolgirl, she had prevented him from moving away and had nearly fainted of pure joy when he had responded back. Opening his mouth to take allow her tongue inside, he had let her do the probing with it until he had hugged her closer and returned the kiss with as much fervor as she had been asking. Desire had exploded within her and she had caressed his cheeks ready to give herself if he wanted her.

And then, suddenly it had been over and when her vision had focused it had been on a stricken looking Jennifer. Hell and damnations! As if her life had not been complicated enough.

Still dizzy, she had sat down and watched as Jennifer had ran off without saying a word. Staring into empty space, she had felt the guilt devastate her. What had she done? How could she have betrayed her best friend in such a way? Mortified, she could barely meet Aidan’s eyes who had been too pre-occupied to bother about her feelings.

He must be having a conflict of interest deciding whether to go after Jen or stay with her. She opened her mouth to ask him to stay back but felt darkness overwhelm her and she had welcomed it. It had chosen an appropriate moment to invade her senses and at that time total oblivion had been most welcome.

When she had woken up some hours later, she had found herself in Aidan’s car and in his haste to go after Jen, he had forgotten to lock it. It was then that Kate had realized that Jennifer had mattered more to him than her. She had finally accepted that fact and misery had engulfed her.

Running back to her room, she had locked herself up and had relived that horrible moment over and over again. Why had life been so cruel? But she had been the whole one responsible to bring that down upon herself. Realizing her clumsy mistake, she had been ready to apologize to both of them for her momentary elapse ready to use alcohol as her excuse.

Except that she had never been given the opportunity to apologize. Her punishment had been too severe for such a small mistake but that was the law of nature. Experience was a bad teacher; it gave the test first and the lesson afterwards.

But what she had never understood was why Aidan had not contacted Ryce after all those years. She had believed that even after rejecting her, he would have had the decency to keep in contact with the one he had called his brother back in those times.

“Err, do you know why he left without any news on that day?” she asked wishing that Ryce knew nothing of her misbehavior.

Ryce shrugged and changed the subject seeming reluctant to talk about the whole thing. “Forget the past Kate. You must concentrate on your wedding. What happened back then hardly matters now,” he said hugging her as an offer of comfort.

“Oh, I don’t think so,” drawled a cold voice behind them and they both whirled back in shock at the sound of the familiar but unexpected voice.

Aidan Waldorf stood behind them looking cold and angry as he stared back at them; so unlike the Aidan she had always known. All Kate could think of was he had come after all and stood staring at him drinking in every detail of his changed look.

Life was not fair. The years had been kind to him making him look even more handsome than he had been. His body was larger and more muscular and he no longer kept his hair long till his nape but was instead cut short which gave him a look of a man instead of the boy he had been.

The only thing that had remained unchanged was the color of his green eyes. They were still forest green looking dark even under the sunlight but the emotions in them were nothing like they had ever been. The eyes that had always looked at her with nothing but kindness now stared back at her with disdain and skepticism.

But Kate was too numb with shock to react.