Chapter 4

04: SWEET CONSEQUENCE

I looked around my room for the last time, and a sad smile formed on my lips. Maybe this would be the last time I would see this place. My heart began to ache. Never once did it cross my mind that my own father would cast me away.

I sighed for the nth time before dragging my luggage out of the room. As soon as I stepped outside, I saw my mother standing in front of my door. "Ma."

"You're leaving..." She started crying, again.

"Stop crying, Ma. You'll get wrinkles," I tried to lighten the mood, hoping to make her laugh. I didn't want to see her tear-streaked face as my last image before leaving. "We can still talk through social media. Don't worry." I approached her and hugged her tightly. "But I'll miss you too, Ma. If only there was something I could do to change Papa's mind... but I know he won't."

"Take care of yourself always. Even though I know Manang Anding knows all your likes and dislikes, I still want you to be extra careful. Especially for the sake of the baby." She caressed my stomach, causing my eyes to well up. "Always eat healthy foods. Exercise more often so that you won't have a difficult time during labor – oh, god! I should stay with you during your pregnancy. But here I am, sending you away from home." She continued crying, and it made me tear up as well.

Damn these pregnancy hormones! I easily get affected by the emotions of the people around me.

"We'll be late for the flight, Ma. We have to go." I hugged her tightly one last time before heading downstairs.

With a heavy heart, I surveyed the surroundings before finally walking out the main door.

'Maybe, this is better than ending my child's life.' I thought as the car drove towards the airport.

***

Living in a foreign land with only Manang Anding by my side proved to be much more challenging than I had anticipated. My almost daily morning sickness made me want to stay in bed all day, doing nothing but watching Upright's performances on YouTube while shedding tears of guilt and regret.

Months passed swiftly until I finally gave birth to my daughter.

I named her Autumn Melody. A part of me wanted to connect her with my name and with music, which Red loved the most. And Autumn, symbolizing the courage and sadness I experienced throughout my pregnancy.

"Nay Anding, did Papa call?" I asked Manang Anding as I cradled Melody in my arms, putting her to sleep.

"Oh, dear, since the last time he called, he hasn't reached out again." I let out a sigh. The last time he called was right after I gave birth.

"And Mama?"

"The same."

I took a deep breath. My daughter would be turning two months old next week, but my parents still hadn't seen her. Did they dislike my child that much?

"Your father just won the election, Symphony. Maybe they're just busy. It's always like that after an election, isn't it?"

I gave her a small smile and nodded. Maybe Manang was right. Perhaps they were preoccupied with Papa's victory. Maybe I just needed to be patient.

But days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months of waiting. Not a single word from them. Even Mama, who used to be so excited to see her grandchild, hadn't called again. Ever since my father sent me away, I hadn't had another chance to talk to him. He didn't want to speak to me. But Mama, she used to call almost every day to check on me. But now, why were they not reaching out? I tried reaching her through social media, but all her private accounts were deactivated. What happened to them? I couldn't stop worrying.

While watching Melody play on the floor, I couldn't deny her strong resemblance to her father. I sighed. Every time I thought about her good-for-nothing father, rage would consume me. Full financial support, my ass! I haven't received a single centavo from him!

"Symphony, Melody's running out of milk. Do you have any money left?" Manang Anding asked.

That's my problem. Along with my parents' silence came the halt in sending me money.

"I have some left, but it's running out," I replied, my shoulders slumping.

I tried applying for jobs here, but until now, no one has accepted me. I don't know if I'm not qualified for the positions I've applied for, or if fate is just playing with me and giving me bad luck. It's frustrating!

I also considered asking for support from Wesley, but my pride held me back. He might just laugh at me if I did. Another thing is, I have already sworn to myself that I won't let my daughter know her father. He's no good for her, so as long as I can, I'll make sure to keep her away from her good-for-nothing father.

"Why don't you sell your paintings, instead? You have quite a collection now. Maybe it can help," suggested Manang Anding.

Her suggestion made me think. I looked at the paintings I've created since we arrived here. It has been my way of keeping myself busy. If I count them, there are already more than ten paintings displayed in this house. If I sell them, I can surely earn a significant amount of money. Big enough to support my daughter's needs.

"But how do I sell them?" I asked.

"Oh my! What's the use of your cellphone and camera if you won't use them?" Manang smiled, and I furrowed my brow. But after a moment, I understood what she meant.

"You mean, online? Sell them online?" She nodded in response. But our attention shifted to Melody as she started crying.

"Think carefully about my suggestion, Symphony. This might be the sign for you to fulfill what you've wanted to do for so long." She smiled before turning her attention to my crying daughter.

That night, after our small talk, I stared at my paintings. Most of them depicted the beautiful sceneries of New Zealand. I had been contemplating Manang Anding's words for hours. Yes, it was a good idea. But would anyone buy them? If I were in the Philippines, I wouldn't have a hard time selling them. But New Zealand is different. I don't know anyone here.

"Geez! Just try, Symp! You have nothing to lose if you give it a shot," I mumbled, finally making up my mind.

***

"Symp, have your dinner first. It's already past seven," Manang Anding called from the door.

"Just a moment, I'm almost done here," I replied, refocusing on the portrait painting I was working on. It's 90% done, and I'm adding more details. It's a commission from someone who contacted me through I*******m.

Ever since I started posting my paintings, many people immediately messaged me to buy them. That was almost a year ago. It was overwhelming to receive so much praise for my artworks—finally, someone appreciates my craft. I had never experienced such recognition before. My father didn't want me to paint. He constantly told me it was a waste of time. My mother, on the other hand, couldn't say a word about it. Maybe she was afraid of supporting me and making Papa angry. Or maybe she, too, was against my passion.

Commissions started pouring in, and I found myself busy with painting. I could hardly spend time with my daughter due to my overwhelming workload. Thankfully, Manang Anding never left us. I thought she would leave us when she stopped receiving her salary from my parents. But she never left, and I'm truly grateful for that.

"Mommy! Eat!"

I turned my head towards the open door upon hearing Melody's voice. I smiled. Suddenly, all the exhaustion from a day of painting disappeared. She's turning two years old in three months, so I don't refuse any commissions. I want to throw her a simple party because I wasn't able to do that for her first birthday.

"Alright! Mommy will eat now." I stood up and approached her. I playfully pinched her chubby cheek, causing her to pout her lips.

"Mommy's hand is ew!" she complained while wiping her cheek. I laughed. My daughter is so adorable! She's my daily dose of happiness. And remembering how I tried to end her life before fills me with shame. I was so foolish back then.

We ate dinner together. Melody was busy with her slice of apple when Manang Anding spoke. "Your mother called earlier." I immediately looked at her. "She was asking how you're doing," she added.

"She didn't even bother to talk to me?" I scowled and focused back on my food.

They never contacted me again since the day I gave birth. And now, after almost two years, they suddenly call just to ask how I am? I need more than that. I need to know their reasons for abandoning me.

"She also mentioned that you should check your bank account," Manang Anding said.

I scoffed. Do they really think everything can be solved with money?

"I wish you had told her that I don't need their money anymore," I bitterly said.

"There... there's something else she said, Syphony." I looked at her again. "She said... she's been forbidden by your father to talk to you. She said she's been trying to reach out to you for a long time, but she couldn't because your father is always there."

My heart broke. I thought Papa was content with just casting me away here. But it seems like he wants to erase me from their lives.

I didn't speak and continued eating. Once I was sure Melody was asleep, I returned to the room where I paint. I poured all my emotions into my art—the longing, frustrations, hatred... everything.

It was just one mistake, but it completely changed my life. It happened over two years ago, yet I'm still dealing with all the consequences of that damn mistake. I wanted to move on, but I couldn't, especially when the people who abandoned me keep reminding me of my past mistake. It's exhausting...

***

After that day, my mother continued transferring money to my bank account. I wanted her to stop, but I didn't want to engage in conversation with her, so I let her do as she pleased. It took me a year to finally forgive her and listen to her reasons. Since then, everything between us went back to normal.

A few months later, I successfully established my online art gallery. Then, to my surprise, my name started gaining recognition on the internet when a well-known celebrity purchased one of my paintings and promoted my online gallery on her account. It felt surreal, and I had a hard time believing that it was actually happening to me. Since then, more opportunities started coming my way.

Few months after the promotion, I received an invitation to participate in a group art exhibition organized by the most successful painter here in New Zealand. I was in awe when I read it. I cried out of ecstatic joy. I couldn't believe that after all the years of struggles, it is now starting to pay off.

"No words can explain how happy I am for you, Symphony. I am so proud!" Mama happily said as we video called. I even noticed her teary eyes.

"It felt like a dream, Ma. A dream that I never imagined would come true." I let out a sigh of relief.

"You deserve it. After all the things you've been through, you deserve this great achievement. Look! You're famous now! Even my friends kept on asking me about you." She smiled.

"Mommy, is that Lala?" I turned when I heard Melody's voice.

"Yes, honey. Come here." She approached and sat on my lap.

"Lala, how are you?" she asked, her voice effortlessly adorable.

"Hello, my sunshine! Lala's fine. How about you? Is Mommy taking good care of you?"

They continued talking, so I couldn't interject. My daughter was very enthusiastic as she told Lala everything that happened to her throughout the day. I don't understand how she can still have so much to say even though her grandma calls every day to talk to her.

When she finally finished talking, she said goodbye and went off to play.

"Melody's growing too fast. I can't believe she's turning four this year."

I smiled. Mama was right. She's growing up so quickly that I can barely keep up. I'm too busy with work that I sometimes fail to spend enough time with her. "I wish time would just stop for a while..."

"That's also what I wished for when you were her age." Mama sighed, her expression turning sad. "It's been four years, Symphony. Don't you have any plans to come back home?"

Her words caught me off guard. I didn't know how to respond.

"I'm happy here, Ma."

"I know... but what about Melody? Haven't you considered that as she grows up, she might start looking for her father?"

My breath hitched. Her statement suddenly struck me.

"Think about it carefully, dear. You know you can't stop a child's curiosity. There will come a time when she will search and yearn for her father. I know how it feels not knowing one's father. I've been through it. And to tell you honestly, it feels like there's an empty space in me that can't be filled with anything else aside from knowing my father. Will you let your child experience that too?"