Chapter 2

EMBARRASSMENT. That's one word that could describe that hot night with a stranger. It really was intense. But when he found out I didn't have any experience in sex yet, it was embarrassing. He found it difficult to continue what we were doing, but afterwards, he seemed disappointed in me. He didn't want a virgin, and he felt like it was too weird.

"I'm leaving," I said, even though I was still in pain and a bit dizzy.

His face turned shocked as he looked at me.

"Don't you wanna cuddle? This is your first time. Aren't you a fan of aftercare?"

I realized it's that. He didn't wanna cuddle. He didn't want any connection with his one night stands. That's why I hurried even more to fix my clothes.

"No. I don't want that."

He chuckled. He was just lying on the hotel bed while I panicked trying to compose myself.

"Really? Won't you want to make it... a bit sentimental since it's your first time?" he said that playfully and with a hint of insult.

Embarrassed by his teasing about my weakness, I tried to act casual. After putting on my clothes, even though they were wrinkled and not fully fixed, I glanced at him.

"I may be a virgin, but I'm not desperate or pathetic. I went here with you thinking of good sex—"

"And I give that to you, didn't I?" he arrogantly said.

Well, he's right. He give me that. But I couldn't just let his arrogance slide. Did he think he was superior just because he gave me good sex? And because of that, did he think he could insult and make fun of me just because it was my first time?

"It's really just sex for me, so next time, I can explore more with other men."

A smile crept onto his lips.

"It was just my debut in this sexual world."

"Well, good luck with that," he said darkly, Irritation was evident.

Now, it's me who's smiling sweetly. "Thanks and have a good night. I'm leaving."

Even if I have the last word, it's still embarrassing that he looks at me with pity. Maybe it's because I have no experience and I chose a stranger for my first time. Maybe he was right, I was desperate. But at least not for sex and affection. I was desperate to take a hold of my freedom, something that would be taken away from me very soon. 

Fear of losing my freedom returned to me. I don't know how to explain to him that this is a step towards my own freedom and not just for personal pleasure.

I cried as I called Luis. With every call to Luis, it feels like sometimes, I'm falling into the trap of my emotions. Maybe due to uncertainty, I realized that this might be a way to express my true feelings. I can't guarantee if I'll achieve the freedom I want, but I know this is the first step to getting it.

My last attempt to rebel is to call him and see if what we can really do about all of these. I didn't think about this earlier probably because my mind was chaotic. Now that I've calmed down, I thought about what would happen if I followed Dad's wishes.

"Hello..." a gentle voice greeted me. "Luis is asleep. He's beside me. Who's this?"

My lips trembled. I couldn't utter any words because of what I heard. It's a woman's voice! Why would a woman answer my call on Luis's phone? I looked again to make sure I dialed the right number, and I felt even more hurt when I saw that it was indeed Luis.

Seeing that I was calling Luis, anger suddenly flared up inside me.

Why is there a woman with him?

My heart holds a mix of sadness and anger. I didn't answer the woman's question on the other line.

I thought he was grounded? Is he playing around?

This person is deceiving me.

Who between me and Luis is more at fault now? It's me, and I have no right to judge him for what he's doing now.

I can't bring myself to be angry because I also know deep down that I've made mistakes too.

"O-okay. S-Sorry..." Trembling lips before I finally ended the call.

That wasn't the first time a woman answered Luis's cellphone. It happens often.He's a playboy and that's one of the reasons why I can't really get into a serious relationship with him even when I like him. Despite his charm and good looks, there's always a fear in my heart that I might also become a victim of his playboy ways. I don't want to get hurt, so even though I have feelings for Luis, I avoided deep connections.

"I don't know how to compose myself after this incident. I immediately ended the call even though the woman on the other line might still be speaking. I glared at the spare phone while thinking of what to do next.

Later, the driver and bodyguard found me in front of the hotel that the man sent me to. It was very near the club where I was. Perhaps they saw my car in the parking lot, so they didn't stop searching the area.

"Miss Morata, Mr. Morata has been looking for you since earlier. Your father is very angry."

I'm tired, I didn't speak anymore. The guards seemed prepared if I'd run away again but I didn't. Instead, I got into the car and said I was going home.

Thinking about that stupid night seemed very surreal. Did that really happen? I shouldn't believe now as I lay on my comfortable bed in my mansion room. If I think about it carefully, it all feels like just a nightmare. But who am I fooling? One small move and I can feel the slight tingle on my thighs, strained from last night.

I can't afford to make a mistake. 

I want to believe that it was all happy.I played around before, without the sex and I can say that last night was better than what I've expected. I would also like to choose to think that the man I was with is a typical straight-from-the-romance-books prince charming type. But the truth is, every time I remember what happened, I just get annoyed and embarrassed!

So... no. He's not that man. Even if I want to sugarcoat these memories, in the end, I still remember the smug look on his face, his annoyance, and the disappointment when he realized I was a virgin.

"Miss Isabella?" the maid called, it seems Mommy has asked to open my room again even though it's locked.

I rolled my eyes. My head is still aching from the hang over. I excpected Mommy to scold me today for what I did. I almost felt like he was there with our maid, but I was wrong.

"I just came to remind you that you have a visitor later, as per your mother's instructions. It's already noon, and it might be better if you start getting ready now."

I didn't respond. I still want to sleep. Our maid didn't speak either.

I slept and woke up again the next hour feeling a little bit better. I unconsciously got up and went to the bathroom. I'm glad I had the strength to wash up last night before really going to bed. It's bad enough that I can still feel that man's... I sighed and just started my routine on the bathroom, trying hard to ignore the feeling.

I was fixing my hair when I clumsily dropped the brush on the dresser. I really can't believe that this is happening! A part of me still hoped that my father would never do that to me but as this day pass by, I'm just getting more nervous.