Chapter 4: What if

I was dizzy because of my headache and I smelled cigarette smoke. I slowly opened my eyes and a ceiling opened up to me. At first it was nothing to me and I was still squinting but when I realized what happened to me last night I quickly got up.

My lips parted in amazement when I saw how beautiful the room was, especially the paint that matched the rest of the room. I lay on my head when I felt a slight pain. I gasped as an idea entered my mind. I put it in my mouth and swallowed.

Why am I dizzy and who caught me?

I shook my head and bowed.

"You're awake."

I took a breath and looked up at the speaker. My lips parted when I saw Steven. I looked down at his finger with a cigarette stuck in it. My heart was beating fast.

"Steven?" I called his name in surprise and couldn't help but look at my clothes.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that I was still wearing my gown from last night. When I looked up again I was startled to see that Steven had put the dying cigarette in the ashtray and walked over to me. I swallowed and was a little surprised when he suddenly knelt on one of his knees while his body was between me.

There was no emotion in his eyes looking at me. I tightened my grip on the bed sheet and closed my mouth. I could see her frowning as she watched me. I swallowed.

"S-Steven" My voice trembled. "Where am I? Why am I here?"

His jaw tightened as he looked down at my hand. He was supposed to hold it but I immediately moved it away from him. I took a deep breath and met Steven's dark eyes.

"You left me after I claimed you," he said in a cold voice. "You think I'll just ignore that then?"

My hair stood up when I heard it. My heart is pounding as everyone flashbacks to me over and over again. I love him so much and I want him to be mine, but we both know it can't be.

"And, I just saw you with someone else," he added.

My lips parted and my eyes widened. I didn't like the tone of his speech. It's like he's accusing me.

"Steven..." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. "What do you want?"

When I woke up, he was still looking at me like that. I can see his restraint.

"Alright. You will stay with me tonight," he decided and grinned at me.

My lips parted and I frowned at him.

"We're over! You have no right to make decisions for me!" My voice trembled.

He didn't listen to me and shook his head at me. He even put one of his hands on my palm with a fist.

"Stay with me," he said softly.

I stood up and pushed him hard. I don't know why he does it. He doesn't respect my decision. He doesn't respect what I want to happen.

"Steven!" I'm almost begging.

I put my palm to my mouth and closed my eyes.

"Please... stop this. It's enough.." Tears fell from my eyes. "Stop..."

I want him to stop me even though it hurts for me. I still can't accept to this day that he made me a fixture. I will suffer this for the rest of my life. He stood up and grabbed my arm which I immediately pulled away.

"Baby..."

"You keep hurting me!"

I saw that he was stunned by what I said. I was crying in pain. The only thing I could hear in the whole room was his deep breathing and my whimpering.

"I-It hurts so much, Steven!" I beat my chest with my fisted hand.

"It hurts too much! Understand me too! Let's stop this! It's wrong, it's all wrong! It's wrong!" I shook my head and wiped the tears with my hand.

Steven's face showed no reaction and he just kept looking at me.

"Steven!" I said his name when he didn't speak. "Steven, let's stop this. I... s-saw your w-wife for the very first time."

His jaw tightened again when I said that.

"She's beautiful," I said bitterly. "People like him should be loved and above all brought to the altar..."

I wiped my tears again.

"Maybe it's not that hard to reciprocate his love, is it?" I will ask. "Y-You two agreed, didn't you?"

I smiled bitterly when I saw his avoidance. "Even if you don't love him now, that doesn't mean you should fool him and pretend to be single."

I looked up for a moment before continuing.

"B-Because if I was in her p-position, I wouldn't be able to handle my husband loving and having sex with someone else."

I covered my mouth to make no noise. I heard Steven sigh and step towards me. My eyes widened and I stepped back, a threat in my eyes.

"Aren't you at least wondering why you passed out last night at the party?"

He grinned at me and stopped walking. My eyes widened and almost lost color because of what he asked. I glared at him.

"You animal!" I shouted punching his chest. "You're together!"

He laughed as he grabbed my hand to stop me from punching. "What if you'll get pregnant?"

I'm confused and worried. I don't want to get pregnant especially since this man is married. I withdrew my hand from him and stepped back.

He shook his head at me. "You can't escape."

"N-No.." I said shaking and holding my head.

"How can you be so sure that you are not pregnant?" he asked with a smirk and grabbed my waist so violently that I fell against his hard chest.

He caressed my wet cheek.

"I know you didn't take your pills."

I averted my face from him when he was about to kiss me. I was about to push him away when he suddenly grabbed my hand and held it tightly.

"Don't worry, even my wife's hair, I didn't touch. She will remain unfuckable. Because I knew, even before, when she wasn't my wife, you were the woman I wanted to hug, kiss and possess again and again -again."

I struggled in his grip. "Steven, I don't want to!"

He let go of me and backed away when he screamed. She ruffled her own hair before facing me. I was surprised that his eyes were so red.

"Why?" he shouted. "Why can't I have you?"

His voice broke.

I was silent.

"Is it because I have a wife? I already told you that I will divorce him! Even if you are not in my life, even if you have not come into my life, I will still divorce my wife!"

"Try to love her-"

"Don't fucking dare!" he cut.

My chest tightened when I saw tears in his eyes. No matter how he blinks, I can still see.

"You thought you were the only one hurting?" he asked. "Yes, I admit that we did something wrong, but I didn't love my wife! No, because there's you in the very beginning! I admired you even before I married her!"

His expression softened.

"Please baby... let's fix this," he pleaded.

"No!" I shook my head and looked at him. "No, Steven. You will fix your marriage with your wife while I..." I swallowed. "While me... please don't bother me anymore!"

I put my hands together, begging him. He was about to answer me when his phone rang. We both turned to the center table where I saw her husband's name on her phone screen. It says Megan. He already gave it a name. I turned to Steven and saw that he was just staring there. I don't think he has any intention of answering his wife's call.

I left him at the party. It's good and he's not the kind of person who makes a big deal out of everything. I'm a little sleep deprived because I'm still encoding my resignation letter. Yes, I have decided to leave this place. It's for everyone's good, so Steven won't bother me anymore.

I want to forget him even though it's hard. I want him to love his wife and not leave her for someone like me. And hopefully when what I want happens, I hope I won't think about him anymore and forget him forever.