Chapter 1

Ophelia 

“I brought out the leftover spaghetti I made in the morning and took my phone. 15 missed calls from my sister. Instead of returning the call, I walked to the kitchen and grabbed out the leftover spaghetti. I must have put my phone on silent during work. 

The day has been a blur with me rushing out the door in the morning, getting caught in the rain and accepting a ride from a colleague. But now back in my apartment, the missed calls lingered in my mind.

After a deep breath, I finally called her back and she picked on the first ring.

“Olivia, you called me 15 times” I took out a fork, “I said I'm not coming home to the anniversary”

“Ophelia it's me, Ryder” The fork with spaghetti hung in the air. 

The voice brought back some memories and I gulped hard. “Why are you with Olivia's phone?” I asked him. He was the very last person I wanted to talk with.

“Olivia is dead and-” The phone fell from my hand and I quickly took it but it was off.

My hands were shaking as I tried turning the phone back on. What did he mean by Olivia is dead?

I might have heard wrong, obviously I have.

I tried to still my breath but it came out harsh. Why is the phone not coming on? Could this be a joke? I spoke with Oliver a few weeks ago. 

This could be her way of getting me to come for the anniversary. My thoughts were all over the place before the phone came back on. Olivia's name appeared immediately and I answered.

“Olivia, if you think you will get me to come this time, try another method, and stop it, why did you involve Ryder?”

“Ophelia, listen to me, I am not playing a prank on you, I just want to let you know and tell you to come back to honor your sister” Ryder's voice was low and serious, leaving no room for doubt.

“You are telling me now that Oliver is-” the word hung in my throat unable to come out.

I felt cold all over my body instantly like a bucket of ice was poured on me as it dawned on me.

I knew he was telling the truth when I heard his voice. Ryder doesn't talk to me, and he will never joke around with my sister's death.

“Are you there?” He asked. 

Tears blurred my vision as I whispered, “I-I will be there.” I ended the call and the phone dropped from my hand. I hurled my plate against the wall, the sound of shattering ceramic echoing through the room. Pieces of spaghetti splattered across the floor, and I slumped against the wall, my head pounding with pain. 

The cool surface of the wall pressed against my back as I slid down, the scent of spaghetti lingering in the air. I buried my face in my hands, my breath hitching as I tried to hold back the sobs.

My chest tightened as I gasped for air, stumbling out of the kitchen and into my room. The room spun and black spots danced in my vision as I knocked down my creams and deodorant on the dresser. My hands desperately searched the drawers for my drugs. 

I took several deep breaths but it didn't seem to help, I needed air. My hands trembling, I rummaged through the mess as tears blurred my vision making it hard to see. I cried out in pain, my voice weak and broken. 

Finally I found the drug and clutched it as my body shook with pain.

With shaking hands I popped two pills in my mouth, feeling it harsh against my tongue before swallowing it. I sat in pain waiting for it to subside. The minutes dragged and time seemed to stretch endlessly. 

I slumped onto the bed as the drug effect started to kick in. My body sagged by both physical and emotional agony. 

A deep empty feeling lingered within me as the pain slightly reduced. I buried my face in my hands and let my shoulders shake in silent sobs.

Throughout the night, I tossed and turned in bed causing the sheets to tangle at my restless movement and making it impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep in.

When the sun rose, I found tears stains all over my pillow. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I found my face covered in tears marks with dark circle under my eyes

I packed my bag and took the early flight back home. 

Ryder had forwarded the hospital address to me the night before so I went straight there. 

Ryder was sitting on the hospital seat and he looked worse than me.

His eyes were red and puffed like he just finished crying, his appearance was looking unkempt, and he hadn't shaved yet.

The last time I saw him was during my sister's wedding, he didn't have much hair.

“Ophelia” He turned and his eyes met mine. The shallow and sorrowful look on his face made me forget my sorrow and pity him. I removed my gaze immediately and looked at my mum who was by the door, looking weak and terrified.

“Mum” I went to her and hugged her. My tears flooded. “Is it true mum? Is it?” I knew the truth but a part of me wanted to confirm from her. My tears were wetting her clothes. She nodded and hugged me.

“Ophelia, are you taking your drugs?” She asked and I nodded 

“Yes Mum” She hugged me closer and cried with me.

A soft cry reached my ears and I immediately knew it was Ryan. I broke my embrace with mum. I looked inside and saw Ryan in the hospital bed, his eyes were on me crying. “What happened to him mum?” I asked, my voice unsteady as I gently moved to take him in my arms

“He has a fever” mum said, her voice low and filled with concern. Her brows were furrowed as she brushed her hand over Ryan's forehead. I rocked him gently, whispering soothing words to comfort him. 

His little body relaxed and he stopped crying, using his small hands to touch my face. I immediately smiled at him.

“He has to take his drugs now.” I turned and found Ryder appearing behind me.

“But Ryder-” 

He interrupted me. “Mr. Smith” he corrected and walked out with Ryan.

“He is going through a lot, don't take it to heart.” My mum assured me and left after him.

My phone went off and it was my date Dave “Hey, are you alright?” he said as I answered the call.

“I am sorry but I have to cancel the plan, I have a family emergency” I apologized 

“I hope you are safe” I smiled and replied to him telling him not to worry and that I would be back before the month ends.

I emailed the company explaining why I needed to take a few days off before leaving London, so I had everything sorted.

A few days after Ryan was feeling well, we buried Olivia and that day was so bad, I saw Ryder cry since her death, showing the first emotions since I came back. It wasn't easy for mother as well as it was her first daughter's burial.

I was born 10 minutes after Olivia, making her older than me by 10 minutes. I also cried but I had to be strong for Ryan. The kid was very confused with the tension in the air. After everything that happened, I had to gently coax him to sleep.

Once he finally drifted off, I carefully laid Ryan down on the bed so as not to wake him up. I tiptoed out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him hoping the soft click wouldn't wake him

“Why are you still here?” Ryder's voice startled me and I almost bumped into him.

“Ryder, you scared me” I put my hands on my chest.

He looked unmoved, his hands in his pocket with a bored look. “You should go back to London,” he said.

“Why?” 

“You have nothing to hold on to here, the only reason why you are here is because of her death. It has been days so you can leave” he said and it caused my heart to sink. 

“I have mum, Ryan, and…” I stopped and he raised his eyebrows at me.

 “And?” I shook my head, fighting back the pain in my chest.

“Was that why you didn't tell me she was in an accident and her condition was critical? Was that why you allowed her to go without me?” I asked the question I have been meaning to ask.

“When you left did you bother to call and check up on her? Did you think for one second to tell her you reached? Instead, you sent a text message and that was it for the rest of the month.” As he spoke, his eyes locked on mine with a mix of anger and disappointment. His jaw tightened and his face hardened. I shook my head and sobbed.

I was tired that night and in my sleepy state, I sent a message and slept off. The next day, I had work to do so I forgot.

“I am sorry” I whispered.

 “Right after you left, she was fighting for her life, thinking you were going to call but you didn't. You have always been selfish and inconsiderate that you forgot your twin sister”

“Ryder please” I begged him. His words were making me feel guilty and hurt. It was like a needle piercing my heart and it was bleeding.

“I get it that you hate me but you should have cared for your sister, you should have called”

“I don't hate you, I don't” My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop them.

“You have nothing left, just go” he opened the door to the room. I stepped forward and held his hand.

“I want to be here for Ryan” I pleaded with the last strand of hope I had.

“I can't let you do the same to my son, you can look like his mother but you are not. Ryan and I will do this fine. Just go and live your boring life full of pity” 

“Please don't say that, you know I love Ryan like my son, please”

“You are different, you are not Olivia. Ryan will sense the difference. Ryan has me to take care of him and I won't let you see him as a responsibility” I removed my hands from him before he shut the door on my face.

My mind was with a thousand thoughts as I walked to the guest room.

His words hurt me so much but it hurt more coming from him.

 I loved him before my sister married him but he never looked at my side or even noticed me. I have made myself invisible to him since my sister married him to stop my feelings for him and now he hates me.

I took out a childhood picture of my sister and me when we were inseparable and looked at it longingly. “I wish I could turn back the hands of the clock, Oli. I should never have gone so far from you.” I hugged the picture tightly and cried myself to sleep.