Chapter 17

Ophelia

The next morning, I woke up to a full ache in my chest and a banging headache. Dragging myself out of the bed, I went straight to the bathroom and stood In front of the mirror, staring at my reflection.

My eyes were swollen from crying, and my skin looked pale against the morning light filtering through the curtains.

I immediately brushed my teeth and took my bath. Throwing on sweatpants and a tank top, I tied my hair into a loose bun and headed to the kitchen. If nothing else, I could at least prepare breakfast and distract myself from everything going on with me.

“Mama” Ryan's voice took my attention as I lazily walked into the kitchen. I halted and turned, he was running towards me. “Ryan!” I exclaimed, my heart swelling as I rushed toward him.  

He giggled, his little arms reaching for me. I scooped him up, holding him tightly as tears streamed down my face, I couldn't control them. 

“Oh, I missed you so much, baby,” I whispered, kissing his chubby cheeks.  

I kissed him all over his voice while he laughed.  

“Thank you so much” I turned to Ryder as I held Ryan close to me. His eyes stayed on me for a while as if trying to figure him out. 

He nodded. “I will leave him with you till his nanny comes. I have an important meeting to attend” He was already dressed in a black, crisp suit, his expression as unreadable as always.

“Let me make you a cup of coffee, please,” I pleaded and carried Ryan with me to the kitchen with him following closely behind.

As I made his coffee, Ryan was talking to me. In the last few days, his words have improved and he looked bigger than before. My baby is growing so fast and well. I miss listening to him.

“I thought you were working from home,” I said, starting a conversation and also handling the cup of coffee.

Ryan wanted to come down from me so I put him down. He ran off to the living room to play, leaving the both of us in the kitchen.

“It is an important meeting so I can't push it further,” he replied curtly, his gaze flickering to the bandage on my finger. For a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. Instead, he collected the mug and took a sip.

I waited for his compliment, but nothing came. He finished the cup of coffee and stood up to leave.

I gripped the edge of the counter, swallowing hard. “Do you hate me that much?” The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them.  

He froze, turning around to face me and fixing his eyes on me.

“Hate you?” He let out a humorless laugh. 

“Why are you treating me like this? I have tried Ryder, and I have tried to be the best mom for Ryan even when I don't know a dime about motherhood. I have tried to be the best wife for you. But you don’t seem to see all my effort or you choose not to”

“Don't try to be the best wife for me. Only Olivia has that right, you don't. Don't try to make my food or coffee, don't try to make my bed or wash my clothes. I don't need you for that.” His words were sharp.

“Was that why you hired a nanny and cook? Was it? I love taking care of Ryan and I enjoy cooking. Why do you have to take that for me? Why do you manage to take everything away from me? I lost my other half, then my freedom, and now you are taking the only things that give me joy. Is that how much hate you have for me?” I asked, tearing up as all my emotions surfaced.

“Yes, I hate you. I hate you so much Ophelia, you have no idea. Do you want to know why I hate you? Fine” My heart sunk at his words. He dropped his suitcase and sat down back, facing me.

“I hated you the very day I saw you, I hated you the day you acted like a bitch when I started dating Olivia. I have hated you since you tried to ruin my marriage with Olivia. I hate you because you are one of the reasons Olivia died and I fucking hate you for coming into my life. You see, I have hated you for so long. You can do yourself a favor by getting the hell out of my life” 

I don't know how I was able to listen to his hurtful words without tearing my heart out. I thought his words were like needles, piercing my heart anytime they came out of his mouth but there weren't. They were like daggers, stabbing my heart and twisting it continuously until it bled out.

“Why didn't you tell me all these before getting married to me? Why did you trap me in this? I have loved you all my life. I have always made myself noticeable to you, but you didn't see me; you only saw my sister. I have prayed day and night just so you see me but you didn't. I even started doing things you love; I started watching, cooking your best food, watching your best game, even drinking coffee that I so much hate.” I saw a surprise flash in his eyes before masking it.

“Do you wonder why I left New York for London? It was because of you” I screamed at him, unable to keep my emotions anymore. “Everything I did and the decision I took was because of you. I couldn't bear to see the person I love in love with someone I also love. I took the bold steps and left, hoping to find myself and my soulmate, but-” A mock laugh escaped through my mouth, filled with pain.

“Who was I kidding? I am never going to find my soul mate. Just when I was moving on, I managed to fall back in love. Why can't you just see me for me? Why should it always be Olivia Olivia Olivia? I also have emotions. I want to be loved, I deserve to be loved and cared for” I broke down completely, falling to the fall and sobbing my eyes out.

“I deserve to be loved,” I said continuously as I cried my eyes out. I didn't know if he was still there or had left already. I just sat down on the floor and cried out my pain. 

I am in love with a man that hates me. How worse can my life get? How much bad luck will follow me?

I didn't know how long I spent there but I felt Ryan's little arms around me hugging me. As if knowing I needed his hug and console. He just wrapped his arms around me and I couldn't help but cry harder.

At least I have a son who loves me and cares for me. But is that enough for me? Is that enough for me to live with?