Chapter 1

‘Alright guys that’s a wrap for tonight, good job everyone’ my twin brother Peter announced as he typed furiously into the livestream video chat. Everyone clapped. The shooting tonight had gone flawlessly. It was friday night and I was closing the restaurant early. I was getting better and better at running the place despite the increase in patrons we had every week. Our social media following had exploded over night when people discovered that my restaurant was co-managed by 2 Michelin star restaurateurs. I was not on the same level as my mom and brother Jamie who owned the Michelin restaurant in town, but I was a very good cook. My twin brother Peter had the idea to install cameras  in the kitchen so that we could livestream my daily goings on in the kitchen and it was a hit! I had amassed a cult following and had my regulars coming in every day. I was almost as famous as my mom and brother. 

As we were headed out I thanked the crew for their hard work and in turn they invited me out for drinks. I declined politely and waved them off. I was rarely home early on friday nights and I wanted to make a surprise supper for Chris, my boyfriend. As I made my way towards my apartment about 2 blocks over I pulled my caramel brown hair out of the tight bun on my head and combed my fingers through them. My hair reached the middle of my back but only because I couldn’t stand going to the hairdressers. It seemed like such a waste of time. However, my hair was getting a little unmanageable lately, it probably wouldn’t hurt to make an appointment next Tuesday. 

As soon as I walked into my apartment, I knew something was off. It was 6:30pm and Chris wasn’t watching the game. None of his stuff was sprawled around on the kitchen table and  I even noticed his phone was sitting on the counter. His phone never touched a hard surface unless he was directly looking at it. My oldest brother Sam always found this to be suspicious but he was a PI, so he always found people suspicious. Chris however, assured me it was normal for businessmen like him to have their phone on them 24/7. I picked it up to see if it was unlocked but the phone took a picture of me… damn! I’m gonna hear about that later!   I am not normally one to be suspicious but I was getting worried by the minute. Chris and I have been together for 6 years,  we were even high school sweethearts. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, we were both workaholics but I was comfortable with him.  Sure Chris wasn’t an overly romantic guy now, and he didn’t always consider my feelings when he made important decisions, but I wasn’t perfect either. Chris often said I was too clingy and nosy. I didn’t think asking him about his day and what he wanted to do on the weekend was nosy but maybe he was right? This was the only serious relationship I have been in.

‘Chris? Babe?’ I called out a few times, but I didn’t get an answer. Maybe he is in the bathroom? That would surprise me though since his phone is in the kitchen. I checked the living room and noticed a long black women’s coat thrown over the back of the couch and a pair of red high-heels. My heart started pounding a little harder. All of a sudden, I heard a moan coming from my bedroom. I tiptoed over and pushed the door open. The scene in front of me was devastating. Chris was laying on his back on our bed while a beautiful blond woman with giant breasts rode him in reverse cowgirl. Chris hasn’t seen me yet, but she locks eyes with me and a malicious smile spread across her face. Feeling her grinding slow down, Chris sat up, wrapped his hands around to squeeze her breasts and finally noticed that I was standing there. He froze. My mouth was opened in horror, but nothing came out. I turned around, grabbed my jacket, and left the apartment. 

I got into my car and drove over to my brother’s place replaying the events of the last 20 minutes in my head. Feeling absolutely blindsided by Chris’ betrayal, I felt nauseous and dizzy. I let myself in at Sam’s not even bothering to knock. Sam was sitting in his living room with Jamie and three of their friends watching the game. They all turned expectantly at me, obviously expecting someone else. The friends looked away quickly when they saw my bloodshot eyes while Sam and Jamie jumped up to their feet to meet me at the door.

‘Jesus kid, what happened are you alright? Are you hurt?’ His eyes frantic as he scanned my face.

‘Did you get in an accident?’ Jamie asked looking through the window at my car. I just shook my head softly. Jamie led me to the kitchen while Sam disappeared into the bathroom. I heard the water running and Sam came back handing me a cold face cloth.  I sponged my eyes collecting myself. I told my big brothers what I witnessed at my apartments and neither one of them said anything for a while. Sam exhaled loudly, his arms wrapped around my shoulder in a hug.  Jamie looked at me from across the counter and asked:

‘Do you want us to kick his ass?’  I laughed, knowing he would never hurt a fly. I would have been a little more concerned if Sam had asked that, but Sam remained silent and I knew he was boiling over with rage. He had never liked Chris, and everything about my boyfriend  irritated him. I knew he wasn’t going to offer me any words of comfort.

‘You can stay here as long as you want’ he finally said. ‘I’ll move the extra shit out of the guest bedroom and I’ll go get your stuff at the apartment tomorrow ok?’’ I nodded as I made my way over to the guest bedroom. Sam moved cardboard filing boxes off the bed.

‘Are you going to be okay for a few minutes?’ he asked. 

‘Yeah, I’m just going to head to bed’  He closed the door softly behind him and returned to his friday night hockey game with his friends. 

My phone beeped announcing a text from my twin brother.  

‘I’M GONNA KICK HIS ASS!’ Obviously, Jamie and Sam have filled him in.

I tried to go to  sleep but I just kept seeing that bitch’s boobs bounce up and down while she was riding my boyfriend. The fact that Chris hadn’t even tried to contact me yet hurts even worse and I started crying into the pillow again. About an hour later I hear a soft knock at my door.

‘Come in.’ I said between sobs. Sam entered with a glass of water and set it down on the night table. He motioned for me to move over and lay down beside me over the covers. 

‘Hey’ he said gently rubbing my back ‘I know this really sucks Ave, but you know he was a dick, right?’. I glared at him, making him chuckle. ‘I know you don’t like to hear it, but you deserve so much better than him. He was awful to you, not just tonight but for the last 6 years. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you’re much better off without him. And I swear to god Avery if you forgive him for this, I’m never talking to you again’ he said.

‘Way to cheer me up Sammy…’ I said rolling my eyes.

‘Try to get some sleep and we will talk in the morning ok.’ I nodded as he reached over to turn off the table lamp. He rolled over on his side and put his arm around me, and I slowly faded out.

I woke up to Sam’s soft snores next to me. He was splayed out on his back and I was on the very edge of the bed. It’s quite obvious that Sam was a lifelong bachelor. Never having been married and never being in a relationship very long he was used to sleeping in a big bed by himself. Sam was almost like a dad to me. Although I have a twin brother, the bond I had with Sam was much stronger than the one between Peter and I. I loved Peter too of course, but we just had different interests and views, the biggest thing we had in common was our birth date. Being 15 years older than me, Sam has always had my back and has always been the person I turn to for comfort and advice. 

The sun was peeking through the blinds and grabbed my phone to see that it was 8:30. I felt that  I had barely slept but I couldn’t stay in bed any more. I looked over at Sam who was still fully dressed and partially covered by a throw blanket. I rummaged through his closet to find  a pair of joggings and a t-shirt to wear for the morning. I hadn’t brought a change of clothes and I wanted to change out of last night’s clothes. Once in the kitchen I got the coffee pot started and checked the messages on my phone. I had about 10 texts, 2 missed calls and a ton of social media notification on my phone, none of them from Chris. I sat at the counter, staring at my phone willing him to send me a message, a sign of life, but nothing came.  There was a squeezing sensation in my heart and I felt the tears build up in my eyes. 

‘Did you want me to make you something for breakfast?’ Sam asked as he walked into the kitchn pouring us each a mug of coffee. I laughed at him. Sam was the least talented of us in the kitchen. He pretended to be offended by my laughter. ‘Seriously though, I can go pick something up for you if you want’ he offered.

‘No, I don’t think I can eat right now…’ I pause feeling bile rise up in the back of my throat. ‘I think I might be sick!’ I made a dash for the bathroom trying not to trip in Sam's oversized joggings as last night’s images flash through my head. Sure enough as I got to the toilet I started to dry heave. Tears were spilling down my face as I spit into the porcelain bowl.

‘Hey, kid it’s ok’ Sam said, rubbing my back and holding my hair back.

‘I just don’t understand why this is happening. I thought we were doing ok’ I sobbed. ‘I know I’ve been working a lot lately...,’ Sam handed me a facecloth and some mouthwash which I gratefully took. Once I'd freshened up, Sam led me to the spare bedroom where I fell onto the bed.

‘I’m gonna go get your stuff ok? I’ll be back in an hour. Did you want me to call Pete to come stay with you?’ I shook my head no and heard the door close softly behind him. 

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I’m being awoken by my phone. A photo of Chris and I’s face illuminated the screen. I felt a pang in my heart and I cautiously answered.

‘Hello?’

‘What the fuck Avery… Why did you send your brother here, why do you always have to involve him huh? You could have at least come get your own stuff’. I was taken aback by his tone.

‘I’m…’ I start, but I’m unsure what to say.

‘You’re what? Sorry? You’re always fucking sorry! It means nothing to me! Why the fuck were you home early last night huh? Have you and Sam been following me around or something? You’re never home early’

I couldn’t believe him. was he blaming me for finding out about him and that bimbo?  He knows I would never get Sam involved in our relationship, much less have Sam tail him. I had no reason to be suspicious. 

‘We finished early last night and I wanted to surprise you. Chris you know I would never ask Sam to…’ I started but cut me off again.

‘That’s fucking rich… you know that’s stalking don’t you? I saw you tried to unlock my phone yesterday too! What are you looking for? Everytime you snoop around you’re the one that ends up getting hurt. Well I’ve had enough of your suspiciousness. Make sure all your shit is out or I’ll throw it out!’

As I attempted to reply I realised the line was dead. He had hung up on me. That ass! I was baffled to say the least. I heard keys in the front lock and Sam called out to me.

‘Aves, I’m back!’ He yelled out. Fuck that guy is a piece of work!’ he muttered to himself ‘Aves? I got some of your stuff but the asshole wouldn’t let me grab it all, nevermind the furniture and shit we will get you some new stuff when you…’ He stopped short when he saw me sitting on the bed. My face must have been red as I looked at my  phone. ‘What happened?’ He asked, dropping the bags he was carrying on the floor and sitting on the edge of the bed.

‘Chris called. We’re done. He didn’t even tell me what happened or why we’re done. He made it sound like it was my fault’. Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head.

‘Damn right you’re done!’

‘What did you say to him? Did he tell you why he did that?’ I asked desperately.

‘I didn’t talk to him. I walked in and grabbed as much stuff as I could then left.’ I raised an eyebrow at him. As if he didn’t talk to him. Sam wasn’t known to keep his thoughts to himself when he was angry. Seeing that I didn’t believe him he held up his hand and said ‘Honest’. I told him what Chris told me over the phone. Sam simply shook his head again  but didn’t provide any commentary. 

Sam left me to myself. A short while after I heard him fiddling in the kitchen. I went to the bathroom and got washed up. I blow dried my hair and pull it up in a ponytail. I grabbed my skinny jeans and a plain black t-shirt and headed down to assess the damage in the kitchen. Sam was frying eggs and ham in a pan and toasting english muffins for breakfast sandwiches. He slid a plate in front of me and I greedily accepted it.

‘These are actually really good’  I said, after I’ve devoured half a sandwich. I didn't realise how hungry I was. I hadn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. 

‘I may not be a celebrity chef like you or own a star restaurant, but I have been feeding myself for over 20 years you know’ he replied feigning offence. I smiled at him and reached for the fresh cup of coffee he was handing me. 

‘Thanks for taking me in Sammy’ I said sincerely. He scoffed at me as if to say he didn't really have a choice. 

‘What do you want to do today?’ he asked.

‘I think I’ll go work and do some food prep for the week’ I replied sadly. 

I updated my social media account to say that we wouldn’t be shooting any new episodes Monday and Tuesday. I immediately received several sad face emojis and I felt bad for  letting down my fans, but I had to take some time for myself to wrap my head around the sudden direction my life had taken. 

On Monday I texted Chris to see if he was home and whether I could grab the rest of my stuff and maybe talk. 

Christopher to Avery: I’m home. Not much 2 talk about tho.

Avery to Christopher: I’ll be there in 20 minutes

Christopher to Avery: kk

I took a look in the mirror to make sure I looked okay. My eyes were a little puffy. I splashed some cold water over my face. I applied some mascara and lip gloss. That was about all I could do at the moment. 

I drove over to the apartment and knocked before entering my own apartment. Chris was sitting on the couch and didn't even look up when I came in the living room. I made my way to the bedroom and gathered the rest of my things. About half an hour later I had pretty much collected everything I wanted to keep and stuffed it in my car. I made my way to the living room and sat across from Chris. He paused what he was watching and looked at me. 

‘How long Chris?’ I asked my voice barely above a whisper. I could feel the waterworks building up.

‘Three years’ he replied nonchalantly as he looked at his intertwined fingers. I balked, that was how long we had been living together.

‘Why?’ i asked lamely

‘You just don’t do it for me anymore’ he shrugged. ‘You’re boring, you’re not sexy. All you talk about is food and your stupid restaurant. You’re getting fat and I just can’t stomach it’ a look of disgust crossing his face, his words cut right through me. I’ve never been a size zero but I never had trouble finding clothes in any store I went to. I had gained some weight but everyone had been telling me that I looked great. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks.

‘Don’t cry.. God, you know how much I hate it when you do that’ he shifted uncomfortably, ‘I left the lease on the table can you sign it before you go please’. The nerve!  I stood up from the chair angry tears streaming down my face. I signed the contract and slammed the door on my way out. 6 years I’ve wasted with that self absorbed asshole.

To get Chris off of my mind, I focused on my career for the next few weeks, I developed different recipes, I increased my online presence, I replied to my inbox messages within the day, I was selling out all my dishes every night, my fans loved it. I was also helping my brother Jamie at his restaurant when he was short staffed. But some of my fans weren’t fooled, several people commented that I had lost my bounciness and that they suspected something had changed in my life.  They weren’t wrong. I tried to keep it together while being filmed or when patrons were in the restaurant but when I returned to Sam’s I was very volatile and cried at the drop of a hat. Sam had been very supportive but I could tell he was at his wit’s end with me. 

‘You’re overdoing it Aves’ Jamie told me when I filled in for the 6th night in a row. 

‘I’m fine, don’t worry about it’.  But I was very much not fine. I started to feel run down after two months of this routine and becoming more and more unstable, until finally one morning I was unable to go to work.  I had woken up at the end of May exhausted and unable to stop crying. Sam called my mother to check on me and she put her foot down. 

‘Your brothers and I will step in at the restaurant, you need to rest and you need to talk to someone’ she said sternly.  I stayed in bed for two days and finally on the third day I started looking for something other than the restaurant. I was convinced I needed a different direction in my life.  I started to apply for jobs, for colleges, volunteer work outside of my town to get Chris out of my system. I told Sam what I was up to and helped me in my search.

‘There are these month long european tours’ Sam announced one morning.  ‘Check this one out’ he said pointing at his computer screen, ‘it’s 6 weeks long! Aves, you’ve always wanted to travel, now would be a good time. You have some money saved up and nothing going on. It might just be the distraction that you need.’ 

‘Europe though?’ I whined, ‘It’s a little far don’t you think?’ Sam raises his eyebrow at me. I had  been shooting down his ideas all week finding all sorts of excuses why his ideas weren’t  what I was looking for. Travelling to Europe on my own scared me, I hadn’t left the country since I was 5 and it was to visit my dad’s family in Montreal which was just across the border. 

Another fruitless week went by when Sam asked me if I had found anything else that had piqued my interest, when I said no he pitched his Europe idea again. 

‘It could be interesting’ I shrugged indifferently. 

‘Good, I’ve applied for you and they’ve accepted you. You leave in 2 weeks’ Sam said determined 

‘SAM! What the hell! You can’t do that!’

‘I can and I did but it’s your choice to go or not. I’m not going to force you but I really think it would be a good idea for you to consider your choices. You need some direction in your life and you need to get over Chris for fuck sake’

‘Oh and going to Europe by myself is going to save me, you know i’m not into that eat pray love crap right?’ I spit back

‘It might not,’ he said quietly, ‘but it will get you away from here for a bit and maybe give you a different perspective. I can’t stand seeing you this way every goddamn day Avery. Chris was an ass to you, he broke you down, cheated on you and kicked you out of your apartment.  He doesn’t deserve you and he never did. Stop giving him any more of your time’. 

‘It’s not that simple’ I said pathetically, fighting back tears. I was heartbroken by Chris’s betrayal and I was furious at Sam’s meddling. I went to the guest bedroom, I didn't even bother getting undressed before falling asleep on the bed. 

Sam was sitting on my bed with his laptop when I woke up. He took a long look at me and pushed his laptop in front of me. I read about the program he had enrolled me in. People between 18-32  from all around the world meet up and travel together as a group. In each city travellers have the option to stay with the group for a guided tour or go off and explore on their own. Accomodation and breakfast provided each day. Travel with friends or get paired up upon arrival as all accomodation are twin share. 

‘Are you coming with me?’ I asked already knowing his answer.

‘Well first of all I don’t fit the age criteria, and secondly, I can’t just leave my job to go prancing around Europe for 3 months. 

‘Oh so it’s prancing now and not life changing?’ I teased. Sam let out an exasperated breath. ‘Fine’ I said resigned. ‘I’ll do it!’

‘Great! Let’s go get your paperwork in order then!’

We spent the next two weeks getting my things organised. I started to dread the trip the closer I got to the departure day. Not only had I never left the country as an adult, but I had never left the state. I was incredibly nervous as Sam drove me to the airport. What was I thinking? I wasn’t ready for an adventure of this magnitude on my own. I started to hyperventilate lightly but Sam just looked at me reassuringly. ‘You’ll do great kid, you’re gonna love it, and I will always be a phone call away!’ I took a deep breath and turned the music up.

My whole family came to the airport to see me off. I was so thankful for the distraction their presence provided me. It was finally time to get onto the plane and I was once again struck with panic. My parents and my brothers all hugged me and wished me luck on my travels.

I sat by the window on a very uneventful 7 hour flight.