Chapter 5

YSABELLE

My whole body trembles as I stare at the woman who smirks as if enjoying someone seeing her naked. Or she's enjoying it because I'm the one who's seen them both.

My swollen eyes welled up with tears… again.

“Can't you knock?!”

I flinched and awoke at Ronan’s shout, loud and firm.

He was now wearing his trousers while the woman remained on the bed, having a good life. Isn't she ashamed of what she did? I was baffled by how brave she was for sleeping with a married man.

“W-Why is she h-here?” My voice cracks as I try to get all the courage I have in my throat. 

“I'm sorry for not introducing myself first thing in the morning.” She smirks. “I'm Candice… Ronan's ex.” She said confidently.

Ex? His ex? 

“She's going to live here… with my son.” He casually said as if he didn't care how I reacted to his actions and words.

Tears streamed down painfully in my eyes as I replayed his words in my head.

“Y-Your son?” I said almost a whisper.

What son? Is she pregnant– 

I suddenly heard a crying baby from another room. My chest tightened in pain as I couldn't grasp what he had just said and the baby crying inside our house. 

H-He… H-He has a child… with his ex?

But he's only a months old baby… that means… 

It was as if I was struck in my heart with a knife as I realized he cheated on me during our marriage. 

He stared at me without emotions while I stood there, with tears falling off my face.

I understand that he was unable to develop feelings for me, but the thought of him having a son from another woman was unbearable. 

“Yo-You cheated… during our ma-marriage?”

“I don't need to explain it to you!” He yelled. Rage was evident through his voice.

I slapped him hard enough for him to step back. But he didn't complain about the pain. 

He shouldn't complain because I didn't even complain about how he treated me. 

“You should have divorced me first before looking for someone else!!” I screamed as my heart exploded in pain. 

Ronan instead grabbed something from the bedside table. He then flung the papers to the ground, enough to reach my feet. 

“Sign that.” Was the only thing he could say.

I only sobbed at what was written in the paper.

Divorce Agreement. 

This is what he has been waiting for.

He really meant it. He really wants me out of his life.

I bit my trembling lips while gazing down at the documents that Ronan already signed.

“Sign the divorce paper, pretty Belle.” The blond woman annoyingly said.

I felt my wrath threatening to explode as my hand curled into a fist. I want to rip her mouth open and seize her hair until she experiences the same agony as I am. 

But as I took a step forward, Ronan blocked my view, protecting his mistress from my violence.

I glared at him, full of turmoil but he dragged me out of his room.

He violently let go of my arm causing me to fall on the floor of my room with a loud thud. Then, the divorce paper dropped in front of me.

The pain in my arm, my ass, and my heart collided.

“WHY?! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?!”

“I DON’T FUCKING LOVE YOU!”

My world stops for a second to hear what I don't want to hear all my life.

I know he doesn't love me… but… it's so damn painful to verbally hear those words from him.

Was all my effort not enough for him to build feelings for me? 

“But I love you,” I whispered with all my heart.

“Stop it! I don't need you here! I don't need you in my life!” I tightly shut my eyes at the way he said those words coldly. “Please, let's stop torturing each other for god sake and go back to where you came from!”

Where I came from… But I don't have anyone right now. 

He doesn't need me… but I need him. 

However, even if the world turns upside down… Ronan is not mine. Only in papers that I could say he's mine. 

The fact that Ronan impregnated his ex was more painful to accept. But how long can I endure the pain? How long can I hold myself back from leaving? 

My hands were trembling as I couldn't see clearly due to the tears blocking my sight while grasping my chest.

The pain was deeper than before. I felt like my chest was about to explode. It is about to explode any moment now.

If this is what makes him happy. If this is what makes him satisfied with his life. His ex, who's his first love, with his child.

Now I understand what that DNA test result means. If I saw that… if I saw that earlier… If I had seen his name and the child with a 99% result, I should have prepared myself for this pain.

Ronan was waiting for me to sign the paper, emotionless while gazing down at me as he threw the pen on the floor.

Two years… For two years I endured the pain and harsh reality as a Belle Volkov. This marriage won't work even if I refuse to sign the divorce paper. He even found someone else just like what his mother wished for. 

This isn't how miserable I should be. I'm not worthy of being in this relationship. All of this was forced, after all.

I slowly reach the pen on the floor. If this is what makes him happy, I will give this to him. All I wanted was to make him happy… so maybe, I succeeded but… those smiles are not caused by me.

With a tight grip and trembling fingers, I hold the pen as if it were my last breath. My last breath for being with him…

And finally…

I signed the paper.

The paper catches my tears as it painfully falls. Ronan immediately took the papers before they got wet.

“Pack your things and leave my premises.” Was only he could say before turning his back on me… without being remorseful. 

He's so cruel… he only gives me pain throughout these years but I'm blind with my love for him. 

I brushed off the tears from my eyes and caught a glance of myself in the mirror at my dressing table.

What have I done?

I did everything I could to fill the gap between us but he chose to ignore my effort and found someone else. And now… They have a baby.

Was he really in love with the blonde woman? Did she give him happiness that I cannot provide? 

My sob grew louder on my palm.

This is not the Belle I used to. This is not Belle before she met Ronan. I must protect myself from the people who will ruin me. I should love myself first before anyone else.

I pack all my belongings. I heard the woman giggling in the opposite room before I finally left his house.

But I guess heaven was joining me with this unbearable pain. It's raining hard and loud.

I walked under the rain while pulling my luggage until I reached the gate. But before I could fully leave the mansion, the window of Ronan’s room was open, and there… I saw them hugging each other lovingly.

Shit! I never experienced that hug from him! This goddamn love caused me too much pain.

The woman met my eyes as she flashed her Cheshire cat grin.

I lost to Ronan… I lost to his first love.