6

I’M IN THE BATHROOM, SITTING on a closed toilet lid with my cell phone pressed to my ear. “Come on, come on, pick up the phone, Tea-Tea...”

“Hello, sweetie cakes, what’s up?”

I want to scream when I hear her say that. “What the fuck is wrong with all you people?” I say in a whisper-growl.

“Well, that’s an interesting way to start a phone call,” Teagan says, a smile in her voice.

“Since when did you start calling me sweetie cakes?” “Since today, I guess. You got a problem with it?”

“No. But I do have a problem with everyone doing shit that I don’t expect, okay? So if you could just go back to being the old scowly grumpy Teagan for right now, that would be first-class. Seriously.”

“Wow, who shit in your Wheaties?”

“Good. That’s better. Mick shit in my Wheaties if you must know.” “Mick? Mick as in Rebel’s Mick?”

“Yes. His little brother. The ass-kissing, hot sexy, liar, jerk face, … guy in my house right now, sitting down to eat dinner with my whole frigging family.

That guy.”

My mother’s voice comes in faintly through the wood of the bathroom door. “Quuuiiinlaaaan … diiiiinnnerrr!”

“Fuck me sideways, it’s dinner time.” I rest my elbow on the counter and put my forehead in my hand. My head has suddenly become too heavy to be carried by my neck alone.

“So, go have dinner,” Teagan says.

“Stop acting all casual like that!” I yell, jerking my head off my hand so I can flap my fingers all over the place. “I can’t just go have dinner!”

“Uh … am I missing something?”

I bang my phone on my forehead a few times to get a grip on my temper.

 

“Yes. I forgot to tell you about my shitcake of a day.” “Okay, tell me.”

“You left Mick here and Jersey glommed onto him like stink on poo, and then Mick ended up following us to the doctor’s office where he heard all kinds of awful shit about Jersey doing shit he shouldn’t be doing and now he’s here for dinner too!”

“Wow, you move fast. When’s the wedding?”

“It wasn’t me! It was Jersey! And Mick! They’re in some sort of evil plan together to make me insane.” I huff out some air to push my hair off my forehead. “You won’t frigging believe what those two have been doing.”

“Maybe he’s just trying to get laid. By you, I mean, not Jersey.”

“You know what? That would be fine, because in all honesty, I do find him more hot than is probably legal. But this is not the way to do it. You do not get into my pants through mesmerizing my brother. That’s just wrong.” I’m sad, because as self-righteous as I sound, I’m pretty sure that’s not Mick’s goal. He seems more interested in just goofing around with Jersey than even talking to me.

“That sounded really wrong.”

“Yeah, well, whatever. Jersey licked cat poo. Did I tell you that?”

When Teagan stops laughing she responds. “What cat poo has to do with Mick getting into your pants, I’m not even sure I want to know.”

“It’s a long story. It’s not connected. Anyway, I have to go to dinner.” “And Mick is there?”

“Yes. He’s here. And I want to know all about your lawyer appointment but not now. I have to go murder my whole family first.”

“Don’t murder them. Just pity them. And say hi to Mick for me. Does he need a ride home?”

“Yes! Come get him now. I’ll box up his dinner.”

“I’ll see you in an hour. Have fun,” she says, way too cheerily. “Payback can be a real bitch,” I growl.

“I look forward to it.” She disconnects the call and leaves me alone on the toilet.

“Quin, it’s time for dinner,” my younger sister says through the door. “Mom says come or you’re on dishes.”

I leap up and throw open the door, reaching for the little turd so I can torture her until she cries uncle.

She’s too fast for me, though, and she runs down the hall ahead of me, sounding like a herd of screaming elephants. “I’ll get you later, Shasta!” You’d never know she’s sixteen by the way she’s acting right now. Some things never

 

change.

I take a deep breath in and let it out, focusing all my energy on connecting with the calm, rational part of my brain. It’s been hiding for the last couple hours, but with enough effort, I know I can make it through this meal in one piece and without committing assault or battery against any of my loved ones.

Putting my now frizzy hair up into an elastic, I follow my sister down the hall and into the dining room.