“TELL US WHAT HAPPENED,” REBEL says. His face holds no expression; I cannot tell if he’s for me or against me, so I assume the worst. It makes it hard for me to speak.I swallow with effort and finally begin the story after a couple false starts. “I was waiting for Mick to come get me, and then Colin showed up. He said he was there for Mick because Mick was going to be late.”Mick hisses out an angry breath, addressing his brother. “I fucking told you.” He shifts his attention to me. “Why’d you get in the car with him? You know he’s full of shit.”My back goes up in defense. “No, I don’t know that, actually.”I look at Teagan for support, but all she’s doing is seeing how close she can get her damn eyebrows to her hairline.“Don’t look at me,” she says.Disgusted with her playing the pansy, I glare at Mick. “Colin has never been anything but a gentleman with me.”“Except for the fact that gentlemen don’t kidnap people,” interjects Teagan.“Oh, so now you’re joining the party,” I say,
BEEP…BEEP-BEEP… BEEP…MY vision is blurry.I hear voices murmuring next to me. A sheet.A white sheet.There’s a white sheet over my face. There’s a white sheet over my face?THERE’S A FUCKING WHITE SHEET OVER MY FACE! OH MY GOD!I’M DEAD!I scramble to get away from the light. No light! No tunnel! Fuck you, tunnel, I’m not coming in!“No!” I yell, fighting the gauze between the worlds. “I’m not dead! I’m not dead! I’m not dead yet, fuckers! I’m not going! I’m not ready! I’m too young! I haven’t even tried anal sex yet!”Strong hands grab my wrists and hold me still.Do angels wrestle? Am I about to be part of an otherworldly smack-down? “Quin, relax. You’re not dead. You’re just stupid.”I freeze, no longer fighting the archangel Gabriel or whoever it is that has me in an iron grip.Recognition dawns. “Who’s that? Teagan?”“Open your eyes, dipshit.” She’s laughing at me, I can tell by her tone. “They are open,” I say, squeezing my eyes tight together. “Oh.” My lidsare already toget
MY HEART IS BEATING SO hard it feels like it’s ready to leap out of my chest. Thank goodness I don’t have one of those bleeping monitors attached to me. Mick does, so I can tell he’s not as nervous as I am.“Hi,” I say, more eloquent words failing me at the moment. “Hi.”“How are you feeling?” I want to touch my hair again to try and gauge how awful it is, but I don’t dare call his attention to it. Instead, I take a piece of my sheet and start folding it into a tiny accordion. Keeping my fingers busy takes my mind off the mess I’ve made of my life recently.“Lighter,” he says.I pause in my folding and look over at him. “You feel lighter?” “Yeah. Seems like I left an organ behind in the operating room.”I smile a little. He’s making jokes. That has to be a good sign, right? “Does it hurt?” I ask. Guilt. Oh, the guilt!“Not as much as the car ride over did. I’ve got good drugs right now.” His words come out sounding tired, maybe a little bit slurred.“Sorry about that,” I say, my face
“SISTER? ARE YOU IN HERE?” the little head in the cracked-open door says.I narrow my eyes at Mick and whisper, “You got lucky.” He’s smiling when I call out to my brother. “In here, Jersey. Just open the door.”The door opens a little farther and his head comes in more. “Sister?” His face swivels around, taking in all the details. “This is a hospital room,” he says, talking to Mick.“Yep.”“You’re not Sister. You’re Mickey Mouse.”“Yes, I am. How’ve you been, J-Man?” Mick holds up a hand for a high-five.Jersey comes the rest of the way in, completely ignoring me. “I’m good. Igot to leave Saturday school early. This place smells funny. I saw a doctor and a nurse and a dead body.” He stops at the side of Mick’s bed and gives him a high five that makes Mick wince with pain.My mother comes in, her arms loaded down with flowers. She peeks through the colors and greenery and smiles tremulously. “Hi, baby. How are you feeling?”I don’t know what it is about seeing my mom when I’m sick,
Everyone freezes. You could hear a pin drop in the room. But since there are no pins, we listen to Jersey’s ragged breathing instead.My mom straightens up and glares at me, abandoning her efforts with Jersey.“What?!” I say, probably too loudly. “What’d I do?”She points at me. “You’re the one who taught him that filthy language.” “Bullshit. Dad did.”My father’s eyes bulge out of his head and his hands fly up in surrender when my mom twists around to give him the dagger-eyes. “Hey … he didn’t learn anything from any of us he hasn’t already seen on TV. You know that, Viv. Just relax.”She throws her hands up to rest on her hips.I roll my eyes, knowing the poodle is about to hit the fan. Cardinal Rule #1 with my mom: Never EVER tell her to relax.“Don’t you dare, George. You know very well that Quinlan runs around the house all day with asshole-this and asshole-that and fuck-a-box-of-fuck-this and fuck-a-box-of-fuck-that. Her mouth is pure gutter talk.”I’m laughing silently with my
THE SILENCE STRETCHES OUT LIKE a rubber band between Mick and me. The pressure is mounting to the point of being unbearable, but he seems untouched by it. The only sounds in the room are the beeps from the heart monitor over Mick’s bed, and it’s back to counting out a normal rhythm.I lie there staring at the ceiling, my mind rushing from memory to thought to memory and back again, a thousand miles an hour. Everything is a jumble and I have no idea where to go from here. Do I talk about our date? The weather? Colin? Teagan and Rebel? The court case? The price of tea in China? The eternal question of what exactly it is that the fox says? Because I’m pretty sure it’s not ‘a-hee a-hee a-HEE’.Mick saves me from trying to figure it out by talking first. “Your family is awesome.”I look over to see if he’s joking, but he has an easy smile on his face. “Are you serious? They’re insane.”“They’re fun.”“Mick. My brother just tried to light your bed on fire.” “Nah, he was just playing.”“Kee
I’M SOBBING AND I CAN’T seem to stop. “I fucked up, Tea. I fucked up. I fucked up.”She’s driving and patting me on the leg, the shoulder, the head, the face. “Shhhhh, babe, just relax. You are so on your period right now.”“I’m not, I’m not … I fucked up. I said some seriously mean shit in there.” I keep replaying my own words in my head and I’m thoroughly disgusted with myself. My mouth just got away from me or something. I don’t know why I keep letting that happen. It’s like I’m in self-destruct mode or something.“I need you to get your butt together. Alissa’s at the apartment and she’s already freaking out about every little thing. I can’t have her freaking out over you too. Seriously. Get those lady-balls out of your purse and put them in your panties, just for a few hours.”“I can’t. I suck. I suck. Just bring me home.”“Really?” She stops the car at the traffic light and looks at me. “You want to go home now instead of my place?”“No. Yes. No. Take me home.” I breathe out heav
A LONG, HOT SHOWER DOES a little bit of good for my mood, although it doesn’t fully restore it. I don’t think that’s even possible at this point. There’s too much unresolved in my life and too many unanswered questions about my near future. But at least the horror that was my hair is now gone.I’m sporting long, smooth locks with a light curl to them instead of a helmet o’frizz. I use the straightening iron to get every last bit of crispiness out of my dark, kinky hair. As ridiculous as it sounds, I want to try and fix things that can be fixed. My life is a mess, but my hair? … Not so much. At least I have that going for me. I just wish I could care about my eyebrows too, but I don’t. I keep looking in the mirror and wondering what Mick sees when he looks at me. It makes me sad when I realize it’s probably nothing special.“Hey, ho,” says Teagan, walking up the hallway and stopping in my doorway.“Hey, ho,” I say back, pulling a cardigan over my arms. “Time to make like a baby and hea
I SPEND AN HOUR TRYING to cook up excellent break-up scenes in my mind but nothing is working. Every scenario ends with me having a broken heart and Mick being an ice-cold d-bag. I can’t stand not knowing what’s happening to my life as it unfolds behind my back.It only takes me thirty minutes to get dressed and made up, ready to break some hearts on the dance floor. I hate games. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.My dad is dead asleep, exhausted from taking care of my mom and Jersey, so I leave a note on the kitchen counter in the house we’re renting and take off. I’m at the club in less than a half hour, walking through the door like I own the place. That’s right, y’all. I got my butt lifters on. Gravity cannot touch my jiggly parts tonight.The beat is familiar. This DJ Twatmonster or whatever her name is sucks.She just plays the same crap over and over and hopes nobody notices. Well, guess what cooter-breath! I noticed!I scan the dance floor, the bar, and the empty DJ booth, but
I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE knocked on some wood earlier today when I was thinking Mick was all perfect and awesome and totally in love with me. Yeah, right. I am such a fucking idiot sometimes.It’s eleven o’clock at night and he’s AWOL. He hasn’t returned any of my calls, and a quick trip over to Rebel Wheels reveals that he’s not at work either. Jersey asked for him all night and no amount of reassurances on my part that he’d show up would satisfy him. After he had about two hours’ worth of fits, he finally fell asleep exhausted and in pain. I’m ready to kick some major boyfriend ass.I tried for hours to keep Teagan out of my mess, but I can’t stand it any longer. I call her number and tap my foot while I wait for her to pick up.“Yo, ho. What up?”“Nothing. Do you know where Mick is?”“Wow, abrupt. Um, no, I don’t know where he is. He’s not with you?” “No. I expected him all night, but apparently he was too busy.”“Oh.”I wait for the rest, but there is no rest. “Well?” I say, annoyed.
MICK AND I ARE HOLDING hands under the conference table at the lawyer’s office. Teagan is on my other side, holding my other hand. Rebel is at work, unable to get away from the huge workload that was made worse by our road trip and then Mick’s subsequent focus on me and my family. A lot has happened in a week, not the least of which is this head-to-head with the lawyers.“So tell us exactly what this so-called secretary said to you.” The young lawyer speaking to Mick looks very happy but the older one, not so much.“She said a lot of things, but mainly that Teagan’s dad was fine up until the last couple months before he died and then he just kind of went downhill fast.”“Downhill in what way?” the lawyer asks. Teagan squeezes my hand hard.Mick responds. “Getting absent-minded. Nauseated. Sweaty. Disoriented.Chest pains.”“Sounds like heart attack symptoms,” says the older lawyer.“Not really. It went on for weeks, not just days. But that’s not the worst part.” Mick looks at Teagan,
THE MUFFLED CLICKS OF MY heels on the hospital hallway floor keep time with my rapidly beating heart. I can see the room where my brother is being kept, up ahead. I’m going to see him first because he’s in worse shape than my mom and because I know he’ll be scared. We’re in the burn ward, dressed in gowns, masks, gloves and shoe covers. I feel like I have cotton stuck in my ears the way all the sharp edges have been taken off the sounds in this place. Mick is beside me, holding my hand, just like he has been since we buckled our seatbelts on the airplane.I reach the doorway and stop, dropping Mick’s hand and taking a deep breath. I can’t let Jersey see me freaking out.“It’s going to be fine, babe. Just relax.” Mick is rubbing my arm. “Want me to come in or stay out?”“Stay here first. I’ll come get you in a minute.” I can’t breathe. I’m starting to hyperventilate. The hallway is spinning.“Babe. Get a grip.” Mick is shaking me by the upper arms. “Jersey is going to be upset if he se
WE’RE IN THE CAR HEADED back south and I can’t stand that Mick is on the other side of the car as me. I’m trying really hard to play it cool, but I can’t help but sneak glance after glance at him. He’s dead gorgeous and I’m completely infatuated with him.Maybe I’m wrong or just dreaming, but he seems to be suffering the same sickness as I am. He catches me looking at him about twenty times, but only because he’s doing the same thing. If the goofy grin on his face looks anything like the one I think I’m wearing, there’s no way we’re fooling anyone.“So what’s the deal?” Colin asks. “What did you find out last night?”I blink a few times, getting all that sexy stuff out of my head so we can focus.“Well … a couple of those girls worked in places that didn’t really have a whole lot of contact with Teagan’s dad. But one of them was his assistant, so that was good.”I grab his arm and squeeze it. “What? Are you serious?”“Yeah, I’m serious.” His shit-eating grin is enough to send me throu
I’M NOT SURE IF WE slept. Maybe I caught a few winks here and there, cuddled up in Mick’s strong arms with my head on his chest, but when I see a few rays of sun coming through the window, I know it’s time to get going.Colin and Alissa are going to be getting up soon and they’re going to come over here and bang on the door and expect to see two messy beds. I don’t want to ride back in that car for seven hours with them knowing what we did. Talk about awko taco.I’m too vulnerable right now to deal with teasing or conversation about it. I need to know exactly where Mick’s head is first. I don’t want to be the only one mooning over our love affair, as brief as it might be. I’m not a total amateur at this stuff. Just because we fit together like puzzle pieces, it doesn’t mean we’re suddenly in a relationship. As much as I might want that to happen, it takes two to tango, and I don’t know if Mick ever does anything but the bump and grind on that dance floor.I get up in all my naked glor
I’M SQUEALING WITH LAUGHTER FOR about three seconds before his mouth is on mine and the sound is cut off. I downshift right into moaning, growling, and basically going nuts. And I’m not the only one, either. We’re rolling all over the bed, shoes and clothes are flying off, and both of us are battling to feel as much of each other’s lips and tongues as possible.“You are so beautiful,” he says, his words coming out with big puffs of air onto my mouth and face.A niggling of doubt enters my mind and I stop moving. I hold him a little away from me. “Are you sure it’s me you’re talking about?”He pauses and frowns in confusion. “Yeah, I’m sure. Why’d you ask that?”“Because … I’m worried you’ve got your beer goggles on and that they were fogged up by about ten office chicks who were rubbing their hooters all over you in the club.”“Pffft. Right. None of those girls can even touch you. Not even close.And I’m not drunk. I know exactly what I’m doing.” He leans in and kisses my neck, lickin
BY THE TIME MICK STUMBLES out of the club, I’m the only one still awake. Or I’m the only one not fake-sleeping, anyway. Alissa is snoring so loud I find it hard to believe Colin is really as dead to the world as he appears.Mick comes up to my window as I pretend to not notice he’s there. “Hey,” he says against the glass, fogging it up a little. “Can I come in?” “What’s the password?” I say. I’m annoyed that he’s so happy. Shouldn’the feel dirty selling his body for secrets like he has?He looks up nervously at the door to the club. “Uh, hurry up and let me in before those chicks come looking for me.”I have two ways I can go here. I can leave him out there to sweat all those boobies, or I can let him in and take him away. He looks at me with those darkly shaded green eyes of his and then his body kind of leans forward a little and his tattoo flashes at me from under his sleeve.I grab the handle of the door. Screw making him feel bad for doing what I asked him to do. He needs to
I’M HALFWAY OUT OF THE stall on my belly, feeling like a total dirty toilet- snake slithering around, when the bathroom door opens and the loud sounds of the crowd and the music come blasting in.I look up at an amazonian woman wearing heels and jeans standing not very far from my face. She looks familiar, and I’m pretty sure it’s because she’s a supermodel who dates George Clooney.“Uhhh …” I try to play off the fact that I’m wallowing in strip club toilet stink at her feet. “Heh, heh. Hi.”She lifts an eyebrow and stares at me. I’m immediately impressed with her skills. And I thought I was awesome at speaking without talking. She’s like an eyebrow ninja or something. I wonder if they taught her that in supermodel school.“Do you need some help?” she asks, coming a step closer.“Yeah,” I say, pressing my palms into the floor. I’m going to sterilize them with fire later. “The lock broke while I was inside.”She bends in half and puts her hand down where I can reach it.I cringe. “I’m