"Hello, Christian."He only shied away, hiding behind his mother, biting on his lower lip. William found himself in awe at the sight. "I'd really love if we can be friends.." William added."Mommy, I do not quite like him." Christian whispered to his mother, it was enough for William to hear."Why?" Panashe questioned."... he is big and scary... sometimes people think he is my father."Panicking Panashe quickly turned to look at him. With a pout on his lips, he only looked at his fumbling fingers, something his mother did when she was also nervous. "Which people?"Christian kept quiet."What if I was your father?" William questioned, which only made Panashe look at him disapprovingly but he continued."Can you play ball?" Christian shyly asked."Ofcourse." William grinned."Do you like fishing like my grandpa?""Sometimes but—""Can you ride a horse like my grandpa?""I can try...""Do you like reading the morning paper like my grandpa?""I suppose..""Do you love my mommy?""With al
"Such an attention seeking negro..." Milton yelled leaving the room.Steadily blinking her eyes open, Panashe felt embarrassed seeing all eyes on her.She was not in the conjoined study room anymore infact it felt so comfortable. This is the most comfortable she had felt in a very long time. Trying to remember her last thought, her heart panicked.It dawned onto her that, she had received her freedom. It kept ringing like a bell, she felt as if it had all been a dream like the many other times, she would be disappointed to wake up and see no changes. Looking around her environment she found people suddenly heading out the room. Lady Martha gave her a warm smile and whispered... "William make sure she has a bath then you two can come down for dinner.""Very well, Mother!" He replied."Panashe, do you have any allergies? I'm afraid I stayed with you for half of a year but never quite got aquatinted to your preferences.."Confused, she just shook her head. With that Lady Martha closed th
Upon being freed, the only friend the blacks had was their former owners. It was like being born in a barn, constantly wanting to leave this barnyard.Once you get the opportunity to, you did not somehow realize the world is bigger than you imagined and how there are wolves and much more dangerous animals outside of the barn and all you can do is return to the safety, you have ever known 'the barn'.Black people were never ever taught about taxes and so many things about living in the real world. It was a constant struggle for every freed slave. The struggle to gain freedom then the struggle to live with your freedom in the real world. Having your life revolve around a small perimeter of land and now being allowed to see just how much bigger the world was with the depth of the ocean and each continent. It certainly did not revolve around the plantations you grew up in or the house you served in.Having connections meant the only people they were acquainted to were the other slaves on
Dear Panashe.As I write this to you, I feel that for many vindication's we have gone through since I returned a month ago; I have so much to tell you. Most of all, I have tried but I fail to tell you in person. You're the closest, you have ever been to me yet so far, I feel we have drifted or rather... you have set a boundary that I can't seem to surpass. Evermore, it is the look of keenness that you give me whenever I try. It is the look of determination that makes me back away from saying all that I'd like to. I admire your devotion to only live for our son and only our son, nothing more. As much as I admire it, personally it scares me and brings me to a halt of blue devils. I want you to be happy, as sad as it sounds even if it isn't with me. There is so much more to life than being a mother. I do not mean to say abandon your duties as a mother or stop caring about our son... my reasoning is. You have built your life around Christian that absolutely nothing makes you happier. I wi
For some time, she found it very funny. It was oddly amusing. Her very own daughter was now staying in the very same house that Joshua Gallagher had told her, time and again that she would never lay her head under not even if she fell pregnant and or was balefully ill.For the most part it had almost been six weeks and her sons had not said anything even after she had asked a somewhat adequately skilled negro that lived in the commune to write for her a well composed letter.They never wrote back, she found it harsh maybe assuming she did not know how the post office and mail worked. It may be that they were very busy men. It bothered her to the point that she felt restless at night.Moments when she felt like knocking on her daughter's door for this and that only to be greeted by another negro who had been happily granted the room. The lights in the main house were always bright, shadows behind a curtain were quite clear.Doris knew that had to be William's room. It was oddly weird n
"Will...""I will be gentle...""William!!""I will pull out...""Uh—""A child wouldn't be such a bad idea at the moment..." He chuckled.Coming to halt but still entwined in between, her eyes went wide at the thought.This seemed to have William amused, he wondered if there was any angle or face that could ever make her look hideous, certainly not or maybe he was really deep in love. He never seemed to see any flaw, none at all."Did I say something wrong?" He asked when he saw a frown on her face.As she wrapped her arms around his neck, she was quick to say... "No, nothing to worry about!" She tried to put it off but William could see that the thought of a child scared her to death.The thought of her being sad or uncomfortable made his erection immediately deflate. She felt it as they were still corkscrewed together in the most intimate way possible. Pulling out he laid beside her and pulled her into his arms as he pulled the sheets over their naked bodies."I would never impregn
"You need to get over this fear of yours.." Hector said calmly as he cleared the table right after breakfast. It had been just the two of them in the dining hall. Panashe knew exactly what he was talking about but she did not want to indulge in self pity.Hector almost immediately took a seat beside Panashe and held her hand softly as he always did."You can not live your life forever as a nun. Life is very short and you have William, use him if you'd like. Let him cure your fear of penetration.""I'm scared..." She whispered."I have done enough of an adviser and a counselor's job in the past years. Just have sex." He chuckled."Very blunt and sounds deranged but the only way to face your fear and take back your power is to have sex. Who better than with William? This isn't for anyone but yourself. You can not continue being shaken or panicked everytime you wake up to William's hard wood." Hector then smiled, a sly smirk on his lips."A totally dream, I presume. Only a fool would lea
Distracted, blabbering a whole lot of anguish regarding letting their son know the truth.William out of impulse softly caressed her cheek, she stammered a bit as she came to a halt from talking. Silence accompanied with want, need, mixed emotions, unsaid words and a bit nervousness. They could both hear each other breathe. Panashe blinked a bit trying to calm herself.William's thumb softly caressed her bottom lip, like a volcano that had waiting to erupt for a long time... her clit immediately throbbed with need. Looking into his somber blue eyes, they had changed so much. They weren't as bright as they were six years ago. They looked exhausted... but a certain glimmer flourished whenever he was in her presence.She watched as his Adam's Apple bopped up and down. Pulling away would mean she did not want anything that was about to occur. The distance between them suddenly disappeared with a small step.The buds of her breasts felt rigid, her clit throbbed as if it had a heartbeat of
Dear Hector.I could have sworn yesterday, just yesterday... we were together as he helped me write to you. The thought of it all fills my eyes with tears. Thank you for the letter you sent forth of your condolences, I must apologize that I did not reply almost immediately. I thank you for all your well wishes, I know if you could... you would have been here. My apologies yet again for replying only a year and a half later. I needed time, to re-evaluate everything, my life without him; well what's left of it. I needed to calm myself as I could not believe he was really gone. The last thirty-three years have been an unforgettable journey. I've had to restart this letter many times. Each time, I write and start to reminisce tears soak in the poor sheet. My heart feels heavy with hurt, I feel alone even when surrounded by all these wonderful people who care for me. I miss him every single day, his cologne, his smile, his—everything.I can not explain my sorrow and need to be with him. M
Good morrow.First off, do you understand the awkward position you're putting me in? William is writing on my behalf. I speak, he writes. I will learn soon enough, I will get better at writing but I can not bare having a horridly amateur written letter travel all the way to France to my dearest friend. You deserve the best there is and that is my husband's rather stunning handwriting.(Ps. It's William, how are you Hector? She doesn't know I wrote this part.)William and I are expecting, that is how I bribed him into hand writing my letter for me while I sat back and simply talked. The baby could be here anytime now, perhaps a day? A week? Who knows it's nine months already... with Christian you remember how he came early. I still can not fathom that I will go through with this again? I cried like a little child during Christian's birth. I'm only hopeful that this one goes just as smoothly. Besides, the perks of having a lifelong partner who happens to be a doctor could make it somewh
Bonjour madameI'm well aware that you were not expecting this but here, I am to inform you that I'm alive living in Lyon and still as faggot as could be. (dear lord Jesus I pray this does not fall in the wrong hands). If it does, I repeat... I Hector, I'm alive, well; learnt a bit of French and as homophile as could be. You, my dear friend probably assumed I'd be quick to forget you? I'd never, we've been through so much together. The past eight years of sorrows although I must admit when we first spoke, I should not have told you to hang yourself. In my defense... I was jealous because I was not the one William Gallagher was swooning over. My, asking you to hang yourself... that was very malicious. Especially in your state of pregnancy with my godson. I truly regret and take back my words when I stumble upon that memory in my thoughts.How I miss, England... France is stupendous, the French language is just comely very difficult but how I miss being around people who actually unders
"...uh William?""Yes darlin, I'm here." He said snuggling closer and enveloping her with his large arms. She fit perfectly."Where's my mother?" She asked.This caught William off guard, he had not expected her to ask of her as soon as she woke up. He did not want her to stress over pointless issues such as Doris but being fair, Doris was her mother and she had every right to know.He knew Panashe always always took her mother back no matter what, he was very much fearful of her asking for her mother. With her expecting there was no telling whether she would be happy or fuming."I—""You did what?""I've made a decision and from here on she will reside at a different plantation..""The Cunningham ranch?" She asked, that was the only ranch that was closer to theirs. William took his time replying... "She is better off far from here.""Where?""In another city far away from us? See what she did that was unforgivable! She wanted to take her life on my mother's porch, Doris is mental and
"If you dare take a step in my father's home, Doris!""I'm coming inside be it you like it or not. That is my daughter and and—" Doris stuttered, grieving fear that her daughter could die settled in. Her face went stale with fear... desperate to see to her daughter's needs. "I love her so much, I miss her dearly. You can not possibly be as vile as to leave me here. I gave birth to her, she is my little girl and I can't bare you manipulating her into being a white mans whore."With that, William had bottled up enough. His hand had been itching to do the unthinkable. He was worried for Panashe and here again he has to continue dealing with Doris. He wondered just how long he would have to deal with her.Everything had been going well until she came with her tantrums. Panashe was doing well until her mother came like the devil she is waiting to take away her happiness."Master William, she is heating up..." One of the maids who had been at Panashe's care told him.His heart dropped, he w
As they sat on the balcony enjoying the sun that rarely ever came out in England.Panashe had made lunch, it gave her an opportunity to treat the kitchen stuff with some human decency such as giving them a break or some days off.They saw Ralph Gallagher arriving from his date, the sixteen year old seemed aflamed, a visible grin on his face. Panashe could only hope that all had went well with Sandy.Liam had wanted to prove to his half brothers that negroes were normal people just like them, in doing so... he invited Ralph and Chester to meet Panashe.It had taken weeks to get acquainted and used to each other but with Panashe being very likable and accommodating... it was easy for Ralph and Chester to see why Liam loved her and could not blabbering about his childhood memories."Teenagers are gross!" Chester said to Liam who agreed with a chuckle and a look of disgust. Christian and Addie only seemed confused as they ate their food."He will probably talk about Sandy Hemings for an h
Hugging the blankets closer to her body, she could hear the echoes of kids laughing, playing and running around the corridors of the huge Gallagher home. She assumed, she had heard Liam but knowing the situation and how he had developed some sort of abhorrence and never failed his hostility towards her.A feeling of sadness had overcame her emotions lately. As much as she had confronted her mother and felt good about it... she couldn't help but feel sad.Not for her mother or their broken relationship, not for anyone or anything. It was overwhelming to think about everything she had been through. The tragedies that she had stumbled upon, the overwhelming feeling that this was her life.Maybe she did not deserve to have all the she had? Williams love and affection? The anxious feeling of knowing someday she might lose his love and attention. Her heart and mind her told her that she was not entirely alone... she had her son and William but a feeling of a dread always sneaked in and remi
Chester Gallagher was quick to pin Liam to the ground. Ruffling his hair in a playful manner, Liam groaned. "Off me you bloody gibface.""Ohh did your mental mother teach you that one?" He chuckled, seemingly not offended.Groaning with anger, Liam grabbed a handful of Chester's hair making him wince. "Quit being a meater Liam and fight me with you fists...""No chance, hornswoggler!""Wait—" Chester said offended. "Did Ralph teach you that?""Maybe..""RALPH!!!" They both yelled.The young man entered the room only to see the two brawling at each other like animals. Reading his mail, he only turned to look the other way."Why did you teach him that?" Chester asked a tad bit hurt. "I thought I was your favorite brother—"Liam finally sat up breathing hard after having been pinned down for too long by his nearly obese half brother."Well, Liam helped me say a few kind words to Sandy... in my last letter." Ralph replied. "Look here, she replied. She even called me handsome worthy...""T
Even though seventy-two hours had passed, she could still feel the present ache of disappointment, hurt, frustration?Panashe did not know how to feel. Her tears refused to fall, she told everyone she was doing alright. She smiled but beneath it all she could feel the anger and hatred towards her mother growing and growing... William had questioned how she wanted to handle the whole situation but she told him, she would deal with it and that she did. Doris was no longer her mother, they were merely strangers and she had made that very clear on their last encounter.—"Panashe, did you see what that lover of yours did to me?" Her mother let out crocodile tears. "How can he shame me in front of all those people? Manhandle me in the presence of the people I live with..."Panashe crossed her arms allowing her mother to talk. "You only came to see me as of late? Why now? You have been distributing goodies for everyone but now you're here out of guilt?" This made Panashe let out a bitter