"I fail to understand why you're so stubborn, listen to your mother... she only wants what's best for you." Elliot said pulling at the roots of grass we were sat on overlooking the plantation. Then and there just maybe, I decided, I did not like this walk.I decided to ignore him."And for some reason after all you have done... I still love you." He added under his breath. I immediately felt very uncomfortable. Does he even know the meaning of love? I doubt it. He only loved me after a day of knowing me. If that was love at first sight then I'm puzzled and I'm not fond of it. Love for me is more than just that. Love is when someone continuously hurts you but you're willing to forgive them because you can not be without them. No, I suppose that is lethal. Love is rather the feeling in the pit of my stomach that trembles when I see him with her and I can't do anything about it. No, I suppose that is jealous. Maybe that's not love, it's hurt. Love is when William smiles, a beautiful smil
vDear PanasheYou most probably do not wish to speak to me or anything of that sort. Unchanging, I'm not quite free from doubt as to how I will get this message across to you. If they do not get across to you that is also fine with me. A little disappointed but I presume, this is good therapy for me. I need to let a lot of things out. In all likely hood, I do not blame you for the way you reacted. You put all your trust in me, trust that I would be only faithful to you. I will not indulge in narcissism and say perhaps 'I'm only a man.'Yes, I'm only a man but it does not give me the right to set in motion with every woman... I come across. Is it wrong that I feel I wronged you even though you're practically the other woman? That came off as rude... I apologize. I'm heavily saddened because I left without saying goodbye. I left without, embracing you with all the love I feel for you. I left without explaining myself. I'm afraid, I always get sea sick. I have been in my cabin for the l
Dear PanasheOften, I consign to oblivion of how privileged, I am. The life, I was born into. That of a silver spoon, flamboyant house, a fantastic boarding school, an exaggerated life style. Although, I try to live a normal calm life far from the Gallagher's in Marlborough... being a Gallagher is something, I can never runaway from. My family has a history of cruelty, I have always known that. From every single name calling, I got in boarding school till this very same day. My brother's did not help either, they had left their fair share of atrocities at the school by time, I had arrived. I suppose, at first people were afraid of me until they realized how different and soft; I was and still am. They could easily step foot on me and take advantage.I'm only human and it constantly slips my mind that not everyone goes to bed full or free from restlessness as to what they will eat the day after tomorrow. I am grateful when I meet people who bring me down to earth. Sharing the cabin wit
"Sir, a shlong?" I questioned the man who sat in front of me, eyeing me from head to toe."Yes, a shlong." He repeated."You mentioned working here for a few, I presume that Gallagher boy must have taught you a few things... I quite like experienced girls. The criers, make my head hurt." He paused, scratching his scruffy beard for a bit. I could have sworn this man was Master Joshua's age group. "Tracy mentioned you left for a bit to be of help at the Gallagher plot, I'm sure they wouldn't mind if I bought you. Mhm—"It all suddenly made sense.I felt very uncomfortable."Do a little twirl, will ya girly?" He said using his hand to signal movement. My throat felt dry and my palms sweaty. Could this man not tell that I was pregnant. I had merely came here to do what William had requested of me not to be a potential sell. You might be wondering how I ended up here in William's dining room with this stranger who happened to be Lady Tracy's client. I had visited in hopes of telling Lady T
Noted.Every single time, I attempted to visit the Gallagher home in Marlborough as per request of William. Well, not 'everytime' it had only been on two occasions but it still counted as an estimate in my terms. Lady Tracy always seemed to have a male visitor. The first did not really strike any curiosity within me because he cared about was making me his property but this one... certainly did strike some level of curiosity. Having spoken to Lady Tracy the day before when she made known that Liam had went on to visit his grandparents for the day but I was welcome to visit the next day.Today.Sometimes, I noticed how other white women spoke to their maids. It was awful. Somehow, I noted that Lady Tracy was somewhat nice to me. Yes, she degraded and embarrassed me every chance she got but overall... she was better than the most. Seeing her pregnant was definitely hard for me... to still fathom. I couldn't hide the expression my face made when she spoke of her child. She was woefully t
Quiet and undisturbed, we both seemed to be lost in deep thought. You could hear the drop of a pin, if possible. My hand laid on my now slowly meandering belly, seventeen weeks sounded like a lifetime.Although it had been a while, Lady Tracy's backdoor secrets still had me bewildered. How could anyone possibly be that cruel? Does she even love William? I questioned it every second of the day when my thoughts went wild with curiosity. I would never tell William falsehood to have him tied to me for life. I would want him to love me out of honesty and genuineness.William had grown to love Liam like his own. They even shared a name, it would scar Liam for a lifetime if he came to know about this. I felt for him, he was always such an angel and the kindest there is. No doubt he was still a Gallagher, just not William's. I also found fault not only with Lady Tracy but with Liam's brother. I tried really hard to guess if it was Master Gerald or Master Milton. At most, Master Milton display
The whole atmosphere was tense. I didn't have anyone to call a friend. I missed the company of Hector, dearly. My mother made it known that she still thought keeping this child was the worst possible decision, I could have ever made.Lady Martha was worried dearly about her husband, from whom she had not had anymore news. It was a trickling feeling of all cut communication, no communication at all.Everyone was anxious as to whether the master will return in a fairly well condition or in a coffin ready to be laid to rest. Many people, really wished him dead. His wife seemed to have mixed emotions.There were times where she sorely disrupted spokes of the matter and spoke of anything else then again; there were times where she re-read the letter over and over again trying to see if she had missed any information. From what I had heard, Lady Martha was not the happiest wife or bride but... it seemed otherwise.Perhaps no matter how bad a person treats you, it is hard to wish them the sa
It felt good to have my friend back again. I couldn't wait to tell him what had occurred between Lady Tracy and I. He always gave me unfiltered advise. He was more supportive than my mother in the past few months. With my pregnancy becoming bigger, you would assume my mother would give me tips and advise but she ignored me.She asked if I was alright then she would turn to go. She constantly asked if I planned on keeping it, it being the baby. The constant pressure that I was doing the wrong thing. I put all my trust in William. Trust that he would protect me and our child. Trust that he would protect us and provide for us in whichever way he can."That witch has absolutely no shame." Hector said, after I had explained the ideal that had happened between us. I couldn't keep it to myself, I had to tell someone for reassurance that, I was doing the right thing and everything will be alright. Lady Tracy still scared me."I gather, I know who is Liam's father!" He added."You do?""Of cou
Dear Hector.I could have sworn yesterday, just yesterday... we were together as he helped me write to you. The thought of it all fills my eyes with tears. Thank you for the letter you sent forth of your condolences, I must apologize that I did not reply almost immediately. I thank you for all your well wishes, I know if you could... you would have been here. My apologies yet again for replying only a year and a half later. I needed time, to re-evaluate everything, my life without him; well what's left of it. I needed to calm myself as I could not believe he was really gone. The last thirty-three years have been an unforgettable journey. I've had to restart this letter many times. Each time, I write and start to reminisce tears soak in the poor sheet. My heart feels heavy with hurt, I feel alone even when surrounded by all these wonderful people who care for me. I miss him every single day, his cologne, his smile, his—everything.I can not explain my sorrow and need to be with him. M
Good morrow.First off, do you understand the awkward position you're putting me in? William is writing on my behalf. I speak, he writes. I will learn soon enough, I will get better at writing but I can not bare having a horridly amateur written letter travel all the way to France to my dearest friend. You deserve the best there is and that is my husband's rather stunning handwriting.(Ps. It's William, how are you Hector? She doesn't know I wrote this part.)William and I are expecting, that is how I bribed him into hand writing my letter for me while I sat back and simply talked. The baby could be here anytime now, perhaps a day? A week? Who knows it's nine months already... with Christian you remember how he came early. I still can not fathom that I will go through with this again? I cried like a little child during Christian's birth. I'm only hopeful that this one goes just as smoothly. Besides, the perks of having a lifelong partner who happens to be a doctor could make it somewh
Bonjour madameI'm well aware that you were not expecting this but here, I am to inform you that I'm alive living in Lyon and still as faggot as could be. (dear lord Jesus I pray this does not fall in the wrong hands). If it does, I repeat... I Hector, I'm alive, well; learnt a bit of French and as homophile as could be. You, my dear friend probably assumed I'd be quick to forget you? I'd never, we've been through so much together. The past eight years of sorrows although I must admit when we first spoke, I should not have told you to hang yourself. In my defense... I was jealous because I was not the one William Gallagher was swooning over. My, asking you to hang yourself... that was very malicious. Especially in your state of pregnancy with my godson. I truly regret and take back my words when I stumble upon that memory in my thoughts.How I miss, England... France is stupendous, the French language is just comely very difficult but how I miss being around people who actually unders
"...uh William?""Yes darlin, I'm here." He said snuggling closer and enveloping her with his large arms. She fit perfectly."Where's my mother?" She asked.This caught William off guard, he had not expected her to ask of her as soon as she woke up. He did not want her to stress over pointless issues such as Doris but being fair, Doris was her mother and she had every right to know.He knew Panashe always always took her mother back no matter what, he was very much fearful of her asking for her mother. With her expecting there was no telling whether she would be happy or fuming."I—""You did what?""I've made a decision and from here on she will reside at a different plantation..""The Cunningham ranch?" She asked, that was the only ranch that was closer to theirs. William took his time replying... "She is better off far from here.""Where?""In another city far away from us? See what she did that was unforgivable! She wanted to take her life on my mother's porch, Doris is mental and
"If you dare take a step in my father's home, Doris!""I'm coming inside be it you like it or not. That is my daughter and and—" Doris stuttered, grieving fear that her daughter could die settled in. Her face went stale with fear... desperate to see to her daughter's needs. "I love her so much, I miss her dearly. You can not possibly be as vile as to leave me here. I gave birth to her, she is my little girl and I can't bare you manipulating her into being a white mans whore."With that, William had bottled up enough. His hand had been itching to do the unthinkable. He was worried for Panashe and here again he has to continue dealing with Doris. He wondered just how long he would have to deal with her.Everything had been going well until she came with her tantrums. Panashe was doing well until her mother came like the devil she is waiting to take away her happiness."Master William, she is heating up..." One of the maids who had been at Panashe's care told him.His heart dropped, he w
As they sat on the balcony enjoying the sun that rarely ever came out in England.Panashe had made lunch, it gave her an opportunity to treat the kitchen stuff with some human decency such as giving them a break or some days off.They saw Ralph Gallagher arriving from his date, the sixteen year old seemed aflamed, a visible grin on his face. Panashe could only hope that all had went well with Sandy.Liam had wanted to prove to his half brothers that negroes were normal people just like them, in doing so... he invited Ralph and Chester to meet Panashe.It had taken weeks to get acquainted and used to each other but with Panashe being very likable and accommodating... it was easy for Ralph and Chester to see why Liam loved her and could not blabbering about his childhood memories."Teenagers are gross!" Chester said to Liam who agreed with a chuckle and a look of disgust. Christian and Addie only seemed confused as they ate their food."He will probably talk about Sandy Hemings for an h
Hugging the blankets closer to her body, she could hear the echoes of kids laughing, playing and running around the corridors of the huge Gallagher home. She assumed, she had heard Liam but knowing the situation and how he had developed some sort of abhorrence and never failed his hostility towards her.A feeling of sadness had overcame her emotions lately. As much as she had confronted her mother and felt good about it... she couldn't help but feel sad.Not for her mother or their broken relationship, not for anyone or anything. It was overwhelming to think about everything she had been through. The tragedies that she had stumbled upon, the overwhelming feeling that this was her life.Maybe she did not deserve to have all the she had? Williams love and affection? The anxious feeling of knowing someday she might lose his love and attention. Her heart and mind her told her that she was not entirely alone... she had her son and William but a feeling of a dread always sneaked in and remi
Chester Gallagher was quick to pin Liam to the ground. Ruffling his hair in a playful manner, Liam groaned. "Off me you bloody gibface.""Ohh did your mental mother teach you that one?" He chuckled, seemingly not offended.Groaning with anger, Liam grabbed a handful of Chester's hair making him wince. "Quit being a meater Liam and fight me with you fists...""No chance, hornswoggler!""Wait—" Chester said offended. "Did Ralph teach you that?""Maybe..""RALPH!!!" They both yelled.The young man entered the room only to see the two brawling at each other like animals. Reading his mail, he only turned to look the other way."Why did you teach him that?" Chester asked a tad bit hurt. "I thought I was your favorite brother—"Liam finally sat up breathing hard after having been pinned down for too long by his nearly obese half brother."Well, Liam helped me say a few kind words to Sandy... in my last letter." Ralph replied. "Look here, she replied. She even called me handsome worthy...""T
Even though seventy-two hours had passed, she could still feel the present ache of disappointment, hurt, frustration?Panashe did not know how to feel. Her tears refused to fall, she told everyone she was doing alright. She smiled but beneath it all she could feel the anger and hatred towards her mother growing and growing... William had questioned how she wanted to handle the whole situation but she told him, she would deal with it and that she did. Doris was no longer her mother, they were merely strangers and she had made that very clear on their last encounter.—"Panashe, did you see what that lover of yours did to me?" Her mother let out crocodile tears. "How can he shame me in front of all those people? Manhandle me in the presence of the people I live with..."Panashe crossed her arms allowing her mother to talk. "You only came to see me as of late? Why now? You have been distributing goodies for everyone but now you're here out of guilt?" This made Panashe let out a bitter