Lady Tracy asked for my measurements the other day. I honestly did not pay much attention to it. Now, here I was wearing the most beautiful dress, I had ever had in my whole entire existence. It must have cost a lot of money and Lady Tracy did not work for free. I thought she was using me as a mannequin until she told me that it was entirely mine for a date."I did not know I had a date?""Elliot paid me his weeks pay. He said he wanted to do something nice for you. He also asked for a day off on your behalf."No one has ever done anything so nice and considerate for me.The fact that Elliot had sacrificed his week's pay just so I could stand here wearing such a elegant dress.. it baffled me. He loves me, I should love him back. I really want to try and return the love he gives me. I want to get to know him more.. basically I want to give this all a try."You look really pretty." Mary said genuinely, it made me feel actually pretty. I did not feel that way all the time in fact rarely.
"Lock the door.""I'm on my period." I said almost immediately without even thinking."Not everything is about sex.. what do you take me for?" He added. "Lock the door!"I did as I was told.I did not know what to expect. I was afraid this was all just a trick, he was literally playing mind games with me."Come here." He held his hand out for me. At this point I was shaking, I did not know what he expected of me. I was literally astound when I held his hand and he pulled me into a... hug. I was confused, I expected him to give me backhand clap or anything of that sort but he didn't."I missed the way you smell. The way you smile, the way you make feel. I just really missed you.." He whispered in my ear holding me really tightly. I didn't hug him back, I just stood there surprised."Are you drunk?" I asked him, he pulled back and gave me a heartwarming smile."I couldn't be sober enough to stomach you being out there with him.. alone."That just confirmed it."You have to stop drinking
It was like a game, a game that left me petrified with fear and excitement. A game that made my heart want to jump out of my rib cage. I would lie awake at night replaying everything... I really did that? I really had the guts to do such. The worst of it all is, I did not even feel the least bit guilty.-"Mary, Liam wants to walk the dog today." Master William said during breakfast."Liam did not say that." Mary rudely replied."Liam, don't you want to walk the dog to Oliver's house?""Yes yes yes please dad!" Liam replied eagerly. "Rosy could play with Oliver's dog as well.""See.. he said he wants to walk the dog and he certainly can't walk the dog by himself." Master William said giving Mary a dirty glare. You may be asking yourself where Lady Tracy went off to? Well there was an upcoming wedding in London. She was absolutely honored to be called over to see the design that the bride required. Master William had not treated me badly.. not even a little bit at all. Infact, when I w
Ginger.Raw eggs.Pineapples.Cinnamon.That's what I was being forced to eat and drink. My mother had very funny indigenous methods of avoiding pregnancy. I didn't fully trust it, but when my mother's much older friend from the commune started explaining properly, I suddenly had a little bit of hope."Drink raw eggs twice per day.""Add ginger to a pan of boiling water, after five minutes turn off the stove and strain the mixture. Drink two cups of ginger every single day."It didn't end there."Cinnamon also causes miscarriage and abortion. I'd advise you take it later if all fails. If all fails don't worry, I have know other herbs."My heart immediately dropped at the word abortion. I was not and would never be a baby killer. I would never be able to live with myself knowing that I did that. I would honestly rather be shamed for having an affair with a married man on a higher stature than mine... as opposed to killing an innocent child."Pineapples reduce sperm count for males but
Slave weddings weren't anything fancy. Infact William's father was not pleased. He kept yelling at me saying, what's wrong with the slaves from the Gallagher plantation and that I'm shameless for marrying the Cunningham's slave. He was a man with pride and I suppose there was a bit of bad blood between the two families. Most probably because the Cunningham's were somewhat better. They paid their workers and this got slaves from other families/plantations to start talking.From my own knowledge, I knew that slave weddings were often discouraged but slave owners only allowed this because it kept male slaves grounded. If a slave had a family or love interest, they would be less likely to run off. Another reason was Masters wanted the women slaves to bear children. The more children born, then the money the master could make off the family. Many of the children were sold, in most cases never to see their biological parents again. Women who were fertile were often the ones who sold the bes
A married woman.That's what I was now, not on paper though. Slaves weren't ever given any sort of documentation unless they were counting how many we're. Many of us did not even know our birthdays, luckily my mother knew it by heart and reminded me every single year.It was an easy Sunday.I couldn't wear the dress lady Tracy made for me. It was beautiful after I wore it, Master Joshua was furious. He demanded, I go wear proper clothes. I suppose lady Tracy had overdone it. I was glad that I wasn't showing. William told me at sixteen weeks, I would be showing that's why I needed to...— earlier.After Pastor Richardson had finished the Sunday service. He asked that Elliot and I stand up and hold hands. Bible verses were read and we were officially declared married. The slaves weren't allowed to cheer or do anything. Most Masters left but except the Gallagher's and Cunningham's. Apparently to the rest of the elites, this was not important. It was a joke and a waste of time.I watched
Elliot had showed me his room at the Cunningham commune. He shared it with someone else but because today was a 'special' night; they offered to give the wedded couple space. I say this with so much bitterness but I know Elliot does not deserve this. He deserves better, he has been nothing but honest and kind to me."Are you afraid?" He asked because I was just seated stiff on his bed fiddling my hands."Yes... a tad bit.""Don't be, I will be very gentle. Although I have never been with a woman before. I'm very excited."William was right, wasn't he always?"You can remove your clothes and get in the blankets." He said. I did not understand, William always made sure I was wet first by touching my breasts, kissing me and so many other things. I removed my dress and undergarments letting them fall to the floor. I felt self conscious but I didn't seem to care much about what he thought. I was more self conscious with Will but as we did it more and more.. I thought less of it.Elliot see
Over the past few days, things were different between Elliot and I. Not exactly in a good way, he was just distant. I still stayed at the Gallagher house, no one took slave marriages seriously. That's what I had come to realize. Nothing changed in my working hours or working days. The white man did not care. It's not that I really missed my so called husband but when he was awfully quiet for too long without visiting after we had sex. It made me have loads of questions. It gave me anxiety. Were we still alright? I planned to visit him when I got the chance. I would cook him lunch and earn his love back..Will was well..very nice to me lately.—"Stop it.. Will." I giggled as William as he peppered my neck all the way down to my collarbone, up again to my lips with kisses."Please do not tell me about it." He said clearing his throat. I knew exactly what he meant. I did not want to talk about it either. I was six weeks pregnant, I was very sure because I had not had my period the firs
Dear Hector.I could have sworn yesterday, just yesterday... we were together as he helped me write to you. The thought of it all fills my eyes with tears. Thank you for the letter you sent forth of your condolences, I must apologize that I did not reply almost immediately. I thank you for all your well wishes, I know if you could... you would have been here. My apologies yet again for replying only a year and a half later. I needed time, to re-evaluate everything, my life without him; well what's left of it. I needed to calm myself as I could not believe he was really gone. The last thirty-three years have been an unforgettable journey. I've had to restart this letter many times. Each time, I write and start to reminisce tears soak in the poor sheet. My heart feels heavy with hurt, I feel alone even when surrounded by all these wonderful people who care for me. I miss him every single day, his cologne, his smile, his—everything.I can not explain my sorrow and need to be with him. M
Good morrow.First off, do you understand the awkward position you're putting me in? William is writing on my behalf. I speak, he writes. I will learn soon enough, I will get better at writing but I can not bare having a horridly amateur written letter travel all the way to France to my dearest friend. You deserve the best there is and that is my husband's rather stunning handwriting.(Ps. It's William, how are you Hector? She doesn't know I wrote this part.)William and I are expecting, that is how I bribed him into hand writing my letter for me while I sat back and simply talked. The baby could be here anytime now, perhaps a day? A week? Who knows it's nine months already... with Christian you remember how he came early. I still can not fathom that I will go through with this again? I cried like a little child during Christian's birth. I'm only hopeful that this one goes just as smoothly. Besides, the perks of having a lifelong partner who happens to be a doctor could make it somewh
Bonjour madameI'm well aware that you were not expecting this but here, I am to inform you that I'm alive living in Lyon and still as faggot as could be. (dear lord Jesus I pray this does not fall in the wrong hands). If it does, I repeat... I Hector, I'm alive, well; learnt a bit of French and as homophile as could be. You, my dear friend probably assumed I'd be quick to forget you? I'd never, we've been through so much together. The past eight years of sorrows although I must admit when we first spoke, I should not have told you to hang yourself. In my defense... I was jealous because I was not the one William Gallagher was swooning over. My, asking you to hang yourself... that was very malicious. Especially in your state of pregnancy with my godson. I truly regret and take back my words when I stumble upon that memory in my thoughts.How I miss, England... France is stupendous, the French language is just comely very difficult but how I miss being around people who actually unders
"...uh William?""Yes darlin, I'm here." He said snuggling closer and enveloping her with his large arms. She fit perfectly."Where's my mother?" She asked.This caught William off guard, he had not expected her to ask of her as soon as she woke up. He did not want her to stress over pointless issues such as Doris but being fair, Doris was her mother and she had every right to know.He knew Panashe always always took her mother back no matter what, he was very much fearful of her asking for her mother. With her expecting there was no telling whether she would be happy or fuming."I—""You did what?""I've made a decision and from here on she will reside at a different plantation..""The Cunningham ranch?" She asked, that was the only ranch that was closer to theirs. William took his time replying... "She is better off far from here.""Where?""In another city far away from us? See what she did that was unforgivable! She wanted to take her life on my mother's porch, Doris is mental and
"If you dare take a step in my father's home, Doris!""I'm coming inside be it you like it or not. That is my daughter and and—" Doris stuttered, grieving fear that her daughter could die settled in. Her face went stale with fear... desperate to see to her daughter's needs. "I love her so much, I miss her dearly. You can not possibly be as vile as to leave me here. I gave birth to her, she is my little girl and I can't bare you manipulating her into being a white mans whore."With that, William had bottled up enough. His hand had been itching to do the unthinkable. He was worried for Panashe and here again he has to continue dealing with Doris. He wondered just how long he would have to deal with her.Everything had been going well until she came with her tantrums. Panashe was doing well until her mother came like the devil she is waiting to take away her happiness."Master William, she is heating up..." One of the maids who had been at Panashe's care told him.His heart dropped, he w
As they sat on the balcony enjoying the sun that rarely ever came out in England.Panashe had made lunch, it gave her an opportunity to treat the kitchen stuff with some human decency such as giving them a break or some days off.They saw Ralph Gallagher arriving from his date, the sixteen year old seemed aflamed, a visible grin on his face. Panashe could only hope that all had went well with Sandy.Liam had wanted to prove to his half brothers that negroes were normal people just like them, in doing so... he invited Ralph and Chester to meet Panashe.It had taken weeks to get acquainted and used to each other but with Panashe being very likable and accommodating... it was easy for Ralph and Chester to see why Liam loved her and could not blabbering about his childhood memories."Teenagers are gross!" Chester said to Liam who agreed with a chuckle and a look of disgust. Christian and Addie only seemed confused as they ate their food."He will probably talk about Sandy Hemings for an h
Hugging the blankets closer to her body, she could hear the echoes of kids laughing, playing and running around the corridors of the huge Gallagher home. She assumed, she had heard Liam but knowing the situation and how he had developed some sort of abhorrence and never failed his hostility towards her.A feeling of sadness had overcame her emotions lately. As much as she had confronted her mother and felt good about it... she couldn't help but feel sad.Not for her mother or their broken relationship, not for anyone or anything. It was overwhelming to think about everything she had been through. The tragedies that she had stumbled upon, the overwhelming feeling that this was her life.Maybe she did not deserve to have all the she had? Williams love and affection? The anxious feeling of knowing someday she might lose his love and attention. Her heart and mind her told her that she was not entirely alone... she had her son and William but a feeling of a dread always sneaked in and remi
Chester Gallagher was quick to pin Liam to the ground. Ruffling his hair in a playful manner, Liam groaned. "Off me you bloody gibface.""Ohh did your mental mother teach you that one?" He chuckled, seemingly not offended.Groaning with anger, Liam grabbed a handful of Chester's hair making him wince. "Quit being a meater Liam and fight me with you fists...""No chance, hornswoggler!""Wait—" Chester said offended. "Did Ralph teach you that?""Maybe..""RALPH!!!" They both yelled.The young man entered the room only to see the two brawling at each other like animals. Reading his mail, he only turned to look the other way."Why did you teach him that?" Chester asked a tad bit hurt. "I thought I was your favorite brother—"Liam finally sat up breathing hard after having been pinned down for too long by his nearly obese half brother."Well, Liam helped me say a few kind words to Sandy... in my last letter." Ralph replied. "Look here, she replied. She even called me handsome worthy...""T
Even though seventy-two hours had passed, she could still feel the present ache of disappointment, hurt, frustration?Panashe did not know how to feel. Her tears refused to fall, she told everyone she was doing alright. She smiled but beneath it all she could feel the anger and hatred towards her mother growing and growing... William had questioned how she wanted to handle the whole situation but she told him, she would deal with it and that she did. Doris was no longer her mother, they were merely strangers and she had made that very clear on their last encounter.—"Panashe, did you see what that lover of yours did to me?" Her mother let out crocodile tears. "How can he shame me in front of all those people? Manhandle me in the presence of the people I live with..."Panashe crossed her arms allowing her mother to talk. "You only came to see me as of late? Why now? You have been distributing goodies for everyone but now you're here out of guilt?" This made Panashe let out a bitter