BABY STEPS.

Sincerely, I didn't know how to feel upon

hearing the news that I lost my baby.

"Many women have a miscarriage before they even know they're pregnant." were the doctor's word but it's quite funny, losing something you didn't know you had.

Staring outside the window from my bed, I had my hands placed on my stomach and tried to pinpoint how I felt but I felt nothing.

Just numbness.

Was it because I didn't know I had the baby before losing it? Or a large part of me was dead inside?

I was empty, the man I loved was going to pull the trigger on me without hesitation, the thought of it hurt me.

Henry was a good man, he would never hurt me was what I thought.

I heard a knock and Enzo came in right after.

"Hello. The head maiden says you refuse to eat." He started as he walked in.

"I'm not hungry." I responded.

"Still, I believe you should eat."

"I'm not hungry." I repeated.

"Plus, why do you care if I choose to eat or not?"

"Because you are my wife."

I scoffed, "You forced that title on me."

"This is not the time for this, Yvonne."

"Could you just leave me alone?" I asked, tears stung my eyes.

"Just go. My life's a mess because of you. It's all your fault."

"Mind how you speak to me."

"Or? Have everyone in my family murdered?"

"Or would you hit me?"

"I would never hit a woman."

i scoffed, "Yeah, right."

"Tell me something, why did you get married to me?"

"There are so many women, beautiful women here in Palermo, yet you chose me, why?"

"Don't flatter yourself. I explained that getting married to you was for your own good."

I scoffed, "My own good? You don't even know me."

"So answer me. Why did you get married to me? What do you stand to gain?!" I yelled.

I had kept this question in for so long and it was beginning to suffocate me.

After a moment of silence, he replied, "You are tired. You should rest up."

"W….what?"

"I will send the head maid to bring your meal, this time around, make sure you eat."

He walked out leaving me in a state of conflict.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

Apparently, Enzo had sent for my dad as he believed it was the only way to get me to eat, he wasn't wrong.

My dad had successfully made me eat, he had brought bacon and eggs from home that I couldn't resist.

Now, he was on my bed, beside me, peeling the fruits.

"You should be nice to him, he saved you yesterday," he said.

"Why do I have to be nice to him because he saved me?"

"He is your husband, Yvonne."

"Dad, you do realise the circumstances behind our marriage?" I questioned.

"I do. However, being harsh on him wouldn't make things easier, dear."

"I will be whatever I want to be with him."

"There was a possibility that he wouldn't have come to save you. The ruthless Enzo Matteo wouldn't have budged, but he did come."

"Well, that's only because you begged him to, if you didn't, I might have been dead by now."

"You don't know that."

"Dad. Why are you taking his side?!"

"I'm not. I'm just saying…"

"That I should be nice to him? Or I should thank him for coming to save me? Why do I have to do that?!"

"He is the reason I'm in this state. He is the reason Henry and I are no more and he is the reason I lost my baby."

"Do you feel better once you put the blame on others?" He asked.

Actually no, it was my very bad habit when I couldn't deal with situations.

"You are an adult. You need to stop doing that and own up to what's going on."

"You know, I so badly wanted to leave Palermo with you, mom, and Ariel. This city suffocated us so bad, I wanted a change for us is why I worked as hard as I could."

"I imagined my future that i would be in a better place, not being married to a man I don't love. It hurts that this is where I am right now."

"Don't blame yourself for something you have no control over."

Hearing that, I felt slightly better.

My dad took a long breath in, "You can't look to the future if you are still stuck wailing about the past."

"This may be hard for you to hear, but Enzo is your husband. It's your reality now. Enzo might be harsh, ruthless, but that's not you. You are love, show that to him and watch the change."

"Dad. I…"

"On getting here, I noticed Mr Enzo, your husband, has an injury on his hand. It could have been as a result of yesterday or not. Either way, as his wife, you know what to do."

My dad handed me a bandage, and winked. I knew exactly what he wanted me to do.

"It's his late dad's anniversary, so be nice."

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

Just as I was about to knock on the door, I heard whimpers from the room, like he was crying.

I sighed and knocked on the door..it took a while but he answered, "Who is it?"

"It's Yvonne." I answered.

"You can come in."

With his permission, I walked in and even from where I stood, I knew he had cried a few tears.

"Hey."

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"Believe me, I don't know either."

I saw he was applying the bandage on his wounded hand and he was doing a very terrible job at it.

"Was that from Yesterday?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter." He responded.

"It does."

"Yes. It was."

"Let me do that for you." I offered and closed the gap between the both of us.

"You shouldn't bother."

"I insist."

I applied an antibiotic ointment to the wound.

"You hate me, don't you?" He started.

"Hate is a very strong word." I responded.

"Doesn't it describe how you feel towards me? I made you lose your baby and forced you into this marriage."

I applied the bandage over the wound, "You forced me into this marriage, but you didn't make me lose my baby."

Then I used a medical tape to secure the bandage in place, "Don't blame yourself for something you have no control over."

"All set." I said, feeling proud of the neat work I did.

"Thank you." He said.

"It's nothing."

"Guess, I should go then. My work here is done." I turned to take my leave.

"I'm sorry." He said and I halted.

I turned back to him, and asked, "What for?"

"Forcing this marriage on you."

"Tell me, why did you?"

He stood up from his office chair, "Actually, I got married to you as I had an ultimatum."

"Ultimatum? What are you talking about?"

"To be a Mafia lord, one needs to have a wife. It's the final requirement. I was faced with an ultimatum and you were the only one I could get married to at that time."

I scoffed, "That explains why you got married three days after you came to the house."

"Yes." He responded.

"And I'm sorry. I know it may not count for something, but I am. I'm sorry you had to lose your baby because of me."

"Do you want to walk around the garden?" I asked, with no idea on why I asked that.

I literally wanted to make my conversation with him end as soon as possible, but I guess, today, I wanted to have a proper conversation with him for a start.

"Okay. Let's do that."

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎▪︎

I couldn't get the thoughts of him crying off my head, it wasn't because of the injury, I highly doubted that.

"Is there something you want to ask me?" He questioned.

"Huh?"

"I mean, it feels like you have something in your mind to say. You should say it."

"Why are you nice to me today?" I blurted out.

He smiled warmly, "Am I?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Because i feel bad enough is why."

"Losing a baby isn't much of a good experience."

"I witnessed my mom lose her baby and it was quite traumatising for everyone in the house."

"I don't think I would want that for anyone close to me."

"Including me?"

"Yes. Including you."

And in that moment, I saw something in his eyes- something akin to sincerity.

"I heard it's your late dad's anniversary."

"It is."

"You don't seem like you would want to do anything special."

"Well, there is nothing special to do. Guess, I will just mourn like I do every year."

"Your dad. Could you tell me more about him?"

"He was sweet, very, he was how a good father should be."

"I see."

"How long have you lived here in Palermo?" He asked, curiously.

"All my life, I was born and raised here."

"Yet, you know little or nothing about the Matteo's."

"Oh. I know you run this city."

He chuckled and I continued, "I simply wasn't interested. Had other things in my mind."

"Like your mother's health?"

"Yeah."

"That's fine too. Her surgery is scheduled in the next two weeks."

"And you know this how?"

"Because i'm very much interested in her health."

"I..."

My phone began to ring, it was my dad.

"Hold on..I need to Pick this."

Picking my dad's call, I answered, "Hey dad."

"Princess." My dad called as he sobbed.

"Your mom..."

"Mom? What about mom?"

"She isn't breathing."