Touch Me, Trust Me

Seth's Point Of View

We lost.

Our third game this season and we lost.

We don't usually lose, like we have never lost except twice to Cornwall Caster back in Sophomore year and Freshman year. 

Nathan is pissed.

I could hear his voice yelling in the locker room. I pushed the door open walking in and closing it behind me.

"This is the worst we have ever played. Jeff, I swear I told you to pass me the ball because I had an open to score. God, are you deaf?" He yelled at our teammate.

"If I passed it to you, the other team would have got the ball, Nate. What were you expecting me to do?" Jeff asked him

"How about opening your ears next time? When we lose a match, we lose as a team and I hate losing. Do you guys think because these matches aren't the leagues we should just not give a shit?" He yelled at them.

"Nate, that's enough. It was just a game bro, relax. We will get them back another time," Mike said to him.

Nathan glared at him. "You know what, fuck it," he said, walking away to the showers.

"Guys, we could have done better out there tonight. Nathan may have gone the wrong way about it but we all know how he gets when we lose a game. Good work out there," I said to them.

They hit the showers and I sat down on the bench, wiping the sweat from my face. I closed my eyes waiting for everyone to finish showering. The locker room door opened and closed. I looked up and Amber was in there.

"Hey, how are you holding up?" She asked me walking towards the bench.

I stood to my feet to keep a safe distance between us. "What are you doing in here?" I asked her

"I came to see you," She said to me

"Amber, when I say we are done, I meant that we aren't in a relationship anymore. Don't talk to me either," I said to her.

"Seth we were good together. Why would you want to break up with me?" She asked stomping her feet.

"We weren't," I replied, shaking my head.

"Really?" She scoffed, folding her arms across her chest. "Is it another bitch or what?"

"You're a self-centered bitch. You never do anything for anyone but yourself. You have no dream of going further than cheerleading in high school. You talk down on people because you think you're better than them. Now get out," I said pointing to the door.

"You are gonna regret ever breaking up with me, Seth. You're meant to be mine," She snapped at me and then walked out of the room.

I frowned, shaking my head. "Fuck off, Amber," I said shaking my head.

"Are you ready to go?" Nathan asked from behind me. I turned around facing him.

"I haven't showered yet," I said to him.

"I can see that. You obviously had time to talk to Amber, though. Just do what you want because I'm going home," He said with his duffle bag on his shoulder.

"You're not mad at me are you?" I asked, confused.

"Emerson, I just lost a game and I walked out here seeing you talking to Amber after we decided you weren't doing that anymore. You don't have a reason to lie to me because I'm not your boyfriend. I just ask you to be honest and here you are talking to Amber but I don't even care. Now, I'm going home whether you follow or not," He said brushing past me and out the door.

I stood in my spot looking at the door and groaned in annoyance. I grabbed my duffle bag and walked out behind him. He was already out the front door of the school and I jogged to reach him.

I walked out the school and he was getting in the car with Nick. I sighed walking over to them and got in the backseat then he drove off.

When we finally got to their house, he got out slamming the door. Well, isn't he dramatic? I walked inside behind them and his parents were in the foyer looking at Nick and me.

"Did his team lose?" Leon asked.

"Yeah, but it was only 7-6. We will be better next time. I think we were just a bit rusty," I said to him.

"Well, he'll be fine by Saturday," Evan said and they left the foyer.

Saturday? But it's Thursday.

I walked up the stairs into the room and he was in the shower. Weird considering he showered at school 20 minutes ago. I locked the door and dropped my bag at the bathroom door. I knocked and then went in.

"Nathan it's me," I said, closing the door behind me.

"We could have tied. If only Jeff had passed the ball to me. There's no "I" in team. He should have passed it when I told him to," He ranted. I slid the shower curtain and he was showering.

"What do you want, Seth? I don't want to hear shit from you right now. You lied to me," He said to me. I stripped down naked joining him.

"I didn't lie to you. She came in the room asking why I broke up with her and we were meant to be all that bullshit. I want you okay, only you," I said to him. He turned around facing me. His head fell on my shoulder.

"If I ever find out you're lying, I'm running you over with my car, cut you into small pieces, and mail pieces of your body to your mother on Mother's day," He threatened, seriously.

I chuckled holding his face up. "You like me too much," I teased.

He stood up and scoffed, shaking his head. "Only you'd think that," He muttered.

"I am serious about Nathan, now tell me. Why are you so upset about a small loss?" I asked him

"We never lose Seth and I hate losing. Cornwall got a new midfielder and he is good. I want to prove that they aren't as good as we are but then look at this now. Their smug little faces when we go out in town they can laugh at us makes me sick. I dislike them so much you wouldn't even understand," He said to me

"I know how you feel Nathan. Have a rematch just us against them. Nothing professional but a normal game," I said to him

"That will make us look desperate and my parents never raised me to be a pussy. We are gonna do our best. We will beat them in the leagues. Determination over Desperation," He said to me. I smiled giving him a kiss on the lips.

"I like how you're thinking," I said to him.

He scrunched his nose. He looked so handsome.

"You stink," he said pushing me away.

I chuckled, burying my face into his shoulder and kissing his neck. I kissed his lips one last time and then we showered. Well, I showered and he ranted but I didn't mind that at all.

We got out of the shower and then went to get dressed. He puts on a joggers and T-shirt. After we got dressed, I unlocked the door and then laid down on the bed.

I broke up with Amber today and It felt good. I wasn't forced or anything. Nathan is worth it. He is amazing. He laid beside me kissing me on the lips.

"It's sushi night, you eat sushi right?" He asked me as he pulled away.

"Never eaten it before but I would try it," I said to him. He looked as if he was about to throw up.

"Just brush your teeth before you kiss me. I'm settling with fried rice and egg rolls," He said to me.

I grinned and was about to kiss him when his bedroom door knocked and then opened. I put some space between us and he cleared his throat.

"This is so weird. You guys aren't fighting anymore," Nick said leaning against the door. He does that a lot.

"What do you want? Is the food here?" Nathan asked him

"Well, instead of ordering like a normal person, you know our parents had to go to the place. They aren't back yet and I'm bored," He said walking over to the bed. He lay between Nathan and me.

"Nick, why did you come in the middle, don't you think the space is a bit tight?" Nathan asked him.

''Just shut up. I wanna break up with Melyssa. She is driving me crazy and I absolutely despise her stereotypes. Always talking bullshit about her future and how she's gonna marry a millionaire. I'm over it. I doubt the girl for me exists," Nick said sighing. We laughed at that.

"You remember Dad and Papa's story? Their soulmate was the same gender. Maybe that's the situation with you," Nathan said to him

"You think I wanna be with a guy and get married to a guy? Wait though, I've never thought about that. But shit what if I'm like secretly gay and don't know?" Nick asked.

"Maybe you should kiss a guy to find out," I said to him.

My phone chimed. I took it out and it was group messages from Declan, Collin and I's group chat. There wasn't a sleepover.

"Who was that?" Nathan asked

"Collin and Declan want to have a sleepover. Would your parents mind?" I asked

"Not at all but tell them to bring their dinner because they are probably on their way back now," Nick said

"Okay," I said responding to the text. They replied saying Kris was also coming.

"Kris is coming too," I said to them, then I remembered the cafeteria when he was flirting with Nathan.

Suddenly, I was jealous and my moor shifted immediately.

"Oh, well I guess Nick wouldn't mind sharing a bed with him," Nathan said shrugging

"What?! No!" Nick frowned and Nathan chuckled. "He's creepy and touchy. I don't want his hand wondering when I'm sleeping," Nick added, throwing his hands in the air.

"Sleep with Declan and let Collin share the bed with Kris," I said to them.

"Okay, that's good. So I'm gonna go downstairs and look what Evie and Lee are doing. I let you guys know when Dad gets here," Nick said getting out of the room and closing the door behind him.

"Do you like Kris?" I asked Nathan

"He's a cool guy, probably the only guy in the team I'm closer to so yeah," He replied, looking at me.

"I mean like, like him. Like you like me," I said to him

"No, why would you ask that?" He asked chuckling.

"I saw you guys at lunch. He was feeding you his spaghetti and shit," I said, my cheeks heating up. He gave me a confused look.

"Seth, everyone knows that's how Kris is. He's a creepy loving guy. He did it to you that time you asked him for chicken tenders. Do you like him?" He asked. I fold my lip sighing.

"I'm sorry. It's just that since we have been like this, I get really jealous seeing you with someone else. I um, I want you all to myself Nathan," I said to him. He grinned shaking his head.

"I like the look of jealousy on you. So I have been thinking, do you wanna have sex tonight?" He asked me chuckling

"You wanna have sex?" I asked as the warmness started flooding my cheeks

"Yes but only if you want to. We could run to the store and get what we need or you know wait until another day," He said to me.

"I already bought those. Condoms and lubes. I didn't want to show my face there too often you know," I said chuckling nervously.

"Oh, so you were just plotting it down when we'll have sex? I see" He said, scoffing.

"No, I am just prepared in case. Remember you'd be the second guy I have sex with," I said to him

"You didn't tell me you had sex with a guy. You said you kissed one," He said to me

"Well, I did," I said to him.

"Whatever," He said heaving a sigh

"Do you still want to?" I asked hesitantly

"You can't leave your hoe ways somewhere else?" He asked amused

"Says the guy who has slept with almost all the girls in our year and never had a girlfriend," I said to him

"Ha, wow. We have to set some rules," He said to me

"Okay, I'm listening," I said turning on my side.

"I'll top," He said to me.

I immediately panicked and stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"I will be the top," He repeated, slowly.

"Um, I..." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "W-What do you mean?" I asked stupidly.

It's not that I didn't hear but the thought of being bottom excites me and terrifies me just the same because Nathan isn't small at all. Plus, I'm a bit scared because I never bottomed before and I don't know how it'll work out.

"If I can't fuck, I'll pass," He said to me.

"So, I'm just supposed to take what you day and not argue? We should compromise," I muttered with a frown.

"I fuck better," He stated.

"How'd you know that?" I raised an eyebrow.

He scoffed, shaking his head. "Okay, let's compromise. What do you suggest?" He asked me.

"Okay, how about you top 3 days a month?" I asked. He glared at me for almost two minutes.

"You're fucking ridiculous if you think that's gonna happen," He stated.

"Then what do you want me to say? You don't have any experience and you don't have a small dick either." I rolled my eyes, looking away from him.

"I don't think it matters. It's the same as with a girl except you don't self-lubricate. I'm not stupid," He hissed.

I looked at him, feeling the air thicken between us, my heart beating a little too loud in my chest.

It wasn’t just what he said, or the casual way he said it. It was the weight of it — the way it sat in my chest, pressing against everything I had ever buried about myself.

I looked away from him, then back, and finally just rolled over onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling like it held all the answers I didn’t.

Maybe I did have something to say, something I’d never admitted out loud, even to myself.

I've always kind of known.

Not in the way that’s obvious or dramatic or anything. Just… quiet. Like this part of me I kept in a locked box, one I only opened when I was alone — when no one could hear the thoughts I wasn’t brave enough to say out loud.

I like being held. I like being touched gently. I like feeling safe. I like… giving in. Not because I don’t want control, but because I want to give it. Willingly.

And it always sounded so stupid in my head. Weak. Vulnerable. Like, what kind of guy just wants to be the one on the other end of it? But that’s the thing — it’s not about weakness. It’s about trust.

I don’t trust people like that.

I never have.

The idea of giving myself to someone in that way — completely, with no mask, no pretending — that terrifies me. Because I know what it feels like to be laughed at. To be left. To be used.

But now… I’m lying in this room with him. Nathan. The guy I’ve been lowkey crushing on since we were sixteen. Since the first time he looked at me after a game with that stupid smug smirk on his face, telling me I was good but not that good.

I never let myself think anything would happen between us. Never let the fantasy get too big. But now it’s real. Now he's right here, in my space, asking for something so bold and certain — and I’m terrified all over again.

Because what if I say yes? What if I trust him, and it hurts? Not just physically — I’m not even thinking about that right now — but emotionally. What if I let him see this part of me and he doesn't get it? Or worse, he uses it against me someday?

But God, I want to.

I want to let go. I want to feel that connection. I want to be able to trust him with this side of me that I've only ever held in shadows. And I think — no, I know — if there’s anyone I would even consider doing this with… it’s him.

Even if I’m scared.

I turned my head slowly to look at Nathan, who was still watching me, waiting.

"I’m not trying to fight you on this," I said quietly, voice a little hoarse. "It’s just… I’ve thought about it. Being the one who… you know. Submits."

He blinked, then raised an eyebrow, saying nothing but clearly listening.

"I’ve thought about it for a while," I continued, sitting up a bit. “And it’s not just sex for me. It’s more than that. It’s trust. It’s giving someone the power to see me completely and not break me. And that scares the hell out of me."

Nathan’s expression softened, just slightly. He didn’t interrupt. That alone made my chest tighten a little — like maybe, just maybe, this was okay to say.

"I guess what I’m trying to say is… I think I’m more of a bottom. But not just the physical part. The emotional part, too. I want to trust someone enough to be like that with them, and I’ve never really had that with anyone."

I paused, eyes on him now, watching his every movement. He watched me closely, paying keen attention and I licked my lips.

"But I want it with you. Even if I’m scared. Even if I don’t know what I’m doing. I want you to be the one but I need to be sure first."

And then I just sat there, heart in my throat, waiting.

"Okay, I'll allow it for the first time. Or the first few times," He said, exhaling deeply.

I smiled and nodded my head. "Thanks, it means a lot."

"Anyway always use condoms, and don't have sex at school either," He pointed out.

"We can make an exception," I said to him smirking.

"You're disgusting, that's what you are," He said smacking my shoulder. I leaned down kissing his neck.

"It's being spontaneous," I said to him

"Don't speak, please," He said, shushing me.

Asshole.