Forty five

CHAPTER 45

GLENN

I gasped for air as I sat up suddenly at the edge of the bed, as I tried to catch my breath I thought again about the nightmare I just had.

Feeling a crack in my neck, I stretched myself and pulled myself away from the bed walking toward the window.

I swallowed, and couldn’t think of one thing to say about the moment. I was still perplexed about the whole incident with every bit of the pictures locked into one part of my brain.

It was still early but there was so much inconclusive feeling rattling through my skin.

The early morning sunlight creeped Into the room in rays—For one month my dreams had been freed from the thought of Santiago and today… He barely showed up today and I was seeing him in my dreams again.

My stomach dipped and I closed my eyes to shut out the feeling that appeared to consume every bit of my conscience.

I should feel bad for leaving him right?

To think that I did all of this to get myself out of the wallowing darkness that he had wanted to consume me with.

The truth beneath all of this was I might never be truly done with him.

My heart was filled with defeat and this time it was non-negotiable and couldn't be denied. I wanted him so much that the idea of seeing him again and probably having a conversation filled me with thrill.

I swallowed hard, I was standing right there at the doorway of my work, it didn't occur to me to walk in, the fear of yesterday and the events that had followed was fresh in my memory.

My colleague was right there at the table as usual, she looked up at me while I was walking in slowly.

"You are late again, you are lucky he is not around yet."

I groaned as soon as I reached where she was, I felt a sharp pain in my head and my finger's reached up to feel it.

"Are you fine?" She took my arm and gave me a smile, " Are you fine?" She asked

"Yes I am, why did you ask?" I gave a puzzled look that didn’t reach my eyes.

"You look stressed." She muttered. "Ever since yesterday you've been looking quite different, does it have something to do with the man that showed up?"

I rolled my eyes. " This really shouldn't be a case you know. "

" Well, I just feel you have a past with this man and you know I just feel it is part of getting to know you. "

" You know enough about me already. I don't think there is a need to know more, don't you think? "

At the moment, I was still having that complicated feelings that came with me overthinking all of this —

I had to say to myself that he looked totally different, in a way he had this bit of calm about him.

My fingers reached up to my lips in deep thought, a deep smile crawled up my face.

I had seen a different version of Santiago but the one that had walked into the mall that previous day had a bit of calm to him, he had this thing about him that I couldn't resist.

"You are smiling, look at you looking all smitten by this man." She muttered with a smile.

"Well—"

"Well." Ann placed her hands on my shoulder. "Look, I know you don't know me that much but trust me, I have your Interest at heart."

I watched her speak, in the core of her eyes I could see how sincere she was but when it came down to trust, that one word had done me more harm than good.

"Fine… I'd tell you." I sighed deeply.

She clasped her hands together, "Can't wait to hear what all this is about."

She added quickly. "I must say, he is a very fine looking man."

"In a suit yeah he is, but outside that all I see are wrinkles to his perfection. "

" Nobody is perfect, girl. "

Listening to her, I Inhaled deeply. My mind was demanding that I had the courage to speak and let it all out. Deep down I was hoping that I'd accept what all this was.

I tipped my head, not being able to look at her with the emotions that were right there in my eyes .It was far too real for me to risk exposing its true depth.

"You love him don't you?"

"What...Love?" I chuckled. " No way am I in love with him, he is …he is." I scoffed.

A warm rush of recognition ran down my spine as I met with her heavy gaze. The words felt too heavy to let go off—To admit to.

Deep down as my dark lashes fluttered leaving behind a brooding expression, an expression that was keeping all of these emotions hidden.

She was looking at me concerned. "Honestly, I know how frustrating it is to love someone and not feel loved in return but I do feel you should talk with him."

"What if all of this is just a façade. " I asked. " What if all these feelings are not real, and it would drift off sooner or later."

For the first time I was reflecting on the words for real, I was thinking about how serious the whole situation was, at least to my heart.

" What if you never get to love again? " She asked.

"I don't know if all this feels so wrong. " I fixed my gaze on her —I’d done this dance a hundred times, I had let myself so vulnerable and in return been hurt by those close to me.

However, this time my breath was enraptured right there in my soul, as I looked up at her I had to remind myself that perhaps her words held a bit of truth.

"He’s just a man, you can speak to him."

" I don't know Ann, I don't—"

" I kind of know where he is ." Ann interrupts. " Remember I left work early that day, I know where he stays, Glenn. Just say the word. "

My heart ricocheted.