Chapter 2

A week later, on the morning of the day of the Netherfield Ball, Darcy rose from his bed. It seemed pointless to continue to try to sleep when all he had was restless dreams involving the entrancing Elizabeth Bennet. Confused and jumbled dreams where there had been moments of him married to her and happy as well as married to her and scorned and ridiculed, mixed with images of her hair down blowing in the wind. surrounding them, enmeshing them, as he kissed her, leaving him frustrated and miserably entangled in his sheets when he awoke.

All his attempts to put her from his mind seemed doomed to failure. Not even reflecting on the unsuitability of her family connections did more than make him reflect on her own personal virtues. No, he would soon need to either flee or surrender, and flight seemed like abject cowardice and surrender seemed...

In actuality he could not determine if surrender would be more pleasurable or painful. Or rather if in the long term he would not have regrets, as he could hardly know if this... feeling was infatuation or something more. He hoped it was infatuation, something he could easily dismiss, but he feared it was not.

He could feel her hold when she smiled at him, when she teased him, when she argued with him, when... Everything about her seemed to call to him. Their recent encounters seemed only to ensnare him further. The walk from Meryton, the card party at her aunt's (why had he allowed Bingley to convince him to go?), their meeting between Netherfield and Longbourn. He had only just been able to resist asking her for the first set of dances at Bingley's ball. It was a distinction that he never extended to any woman, and if he had, he might as well declare himself and be done with it. If only her family were just a little more... anything really. The lack of decorum might be compensated for by fortune or connections, or the lack of fortune or connections might be overcome by a greater degree of decorum. Or perhaps if the youngest two daughters were sent to a proper school and taught to behave like ladies, their mother's improprieties might be more easily ignored.

When he found himself mentally going over a list of ladies' seminaries that might be suggested to Mr. Bennet, he knew he had to stop. This was the way to madness. And yet would it be so very mad? Darcy groaned at his uncharacteristic indecisiveness and wished the time would pass more quickly.

~o~O~o~

At Longbourn, Elizabeth Bennet who had spent yet another restless night now sat staring out the window into the yard, hoping for something, though she knew not what. She had a most foreboding feeling about this evening, mostly due to her fears of the behavior of her mother and her youngest sisters, and she rather disliked that feeling. She wished she could blame Mr. Darcy for it, but that would not do. Four days of rain had left her with far too much time to think about that puzzling, infuriating man.

For years she had prided herself on her ability to sketch a character quickly and accurately. And so she thought she had done with him. Only he had suddenly surprised her, showing a sense of humor not unlike her own, and he had an unexpectedly charming smile. It had taken her quite aback and made her wonder if she had not been mistaken in her initial assessment, especially since on the walk back to Longbourn he continued to be anything but the overly imposing, disdainful man she had hitherto thought of him as being. She hated to be wrong, but she also found complex personalities intriguing.

She had felt some measure of relief and annoyance when after they arrived back at Longbourn to see the more distant and prideful side reemerge in the face of the over exuberance of Kitty and Lydia as they told their mother of the incident in Meryton while Mr. Collins was trying to talk over them about the disgraceful behavior of that man in the presence of the fairer sex. During all of this Mr. Darcy quietly withdrew to the window where Elizabeth was not overly inclined to let him retreat alone. Happily, there was too much activity for anyone to notice her as she went and stood at the opposite side of the window, far enough from him so that there was no appearance of inappropriate closeness and mirrored his pose, staring outside. She said nothing, allowing him the opportunity to ignore her if he so chose to, but he did not.

"Miss Elizabeth," he said.

"Oh, do not mind me, Mr. Darcy," she said. "I was merely curious to discover the attraction of the window." She stared out. "I cannot say that the view is particularly inspiring. Perhaps it is the ability to get out of the fray." She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "As a lady, I find that I tend to be limited to concentrating on my embroidery. But today no one seems inclined to notice."

He glanced backwards. The rest of the room was still divided in paying attention to the two youngest Bennets and Mr. Collins; no one was looking in their direction. "You are quite perspicacious, Miss Elizabeth," he said.

"Not always, Mr. Darcy," she said, considering her sudden reassessment of her opinion of him. "But I do hope I am willing to admit errors when they occur."

"Do you?" he asked.

She smiled. "On occasion. And you, Mr. Darcy? I recall you said you have an implacable nature. Are your opinions immovable once formed?"

He looked thoughtful. "Not always, Miss Elizabeth. I have also on occasion found myself forced to reassess previous hasty decisions."

Elizabeth would have inquired further, but unfortunately at that moment her youngest sisters turned to her to have her agree with their account of the happenings in Meryton, and any further discourse between them was at an end, leaving her with much to ponder that evening.

While she now found him far less disagreeable, she was not inclined to overthrow all her previous opinions most specifically that he was far too proud for her tastes, quickly pushing away the unwelcome thought that it was more that he would not stoop to admire her that kept her wanting to enumerate his every fault.

The next evening they were engaged to go to their aunt Phillips', where she expected to be perfectly free of the puzzling gentleman. To her shock, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy were in attendance, though none of the rest of the Netherfield party were. It seemed that her uncle had extended the invitation, and Mr. Bingley had quickly accepted on both his and Mr. Darcy's part without committing any of the others.

Seeing how uncomfortable Mr. Darcy was, Elizabeth had to wonder why he had agreed to come. While she knew he might feel compelled to agree to other invitations, she could see no reason why he would accept this one even if he was with Bingley when the invitation was proffered. That the reason was a wish to see her again, she preferred not to consider, or at least not to consider seriously, even if his manner was slightly less reserved than usual when he greeted her. And seeing him, she wondered if he was indeed overly proud and above his company or just overly reserved and disinclined to be social. Whichever was the case, she was disinclined to see him stalk about the corners of the room and determined to point him in the direction of a couple of sensible gentlemen whose conversation she felt he could appreciate, and there was the hope that his reaction to her suggestions would show her which interpretation of his behavior was more correct. But as she spoke to him some mischievous spirit entered and wanted to provoke him just a little.

"Mr. Darcy, it will not do for you to stand about in such... solitude. I believe if you look around you might find some whose conversations are tolerable enough to tempt you," she said brightly, while watching him carefully.

His expression was hard to read as always, though she thought she saw a slight smile followed by a vaguely puzzled expression. "Is there anyone in particular you feel would be of particular interest?" he asked, the almost smile returning.

Is he flirting with me? she wondered, followed immediately by, Am I flirting with him? Believing that he expected her to answer by naming herself, she took pleasure in saying instead. "I do not know if you have met Mr. Peter Goulding, who is standing in a corner of his own just there." She indicated with a glance. "He too is of a quiet disposition, but he has a love of books and delights in discussing them, as interested in hearing disagreeing as much as agreeing opinions. You might find that engaging." She looked over in another part of the room. "However, if not, over there is Mr. Jonathan Martin, who has been learning to manage his family's estate and would be interested in discussing the latest farming methods, if you are interested there. Though as both are sensible gentlemen, I imagine that they could converse on other matters of mutual interest, provided you are willing."

"Who am I to refuse the request of a lady? However, I must warn you that I have not the talent which some people possess of conversing easily with those I have never seen before."

"And I do not play the piano as well as I ought, but I believe that it is because I do not take the trouble to practice."

"So you believe I should practice, Miss Elizabeth," Mr. Darcy said.

"If you wish to improve, Mr. Darcy," she said.

"Then, I believe I would also require a master or perhaps mistress of the art to help me in the endeavor."

"I would not call myself either, but as I am the one who has pressed you, I am willing to do my part," she said, leading the way to Mr. Martin who was standing with his sister, Henrietta, who Elizabeth knew was happily betrothed and shy, thus unlikely to test Mr. Darcy's forbearance.

He had made an effort and ended up speaking with both Mr. Martin and Mr. Goulding. She slipped away once the conversation had started in earnest, not willing to draw too much of her aunt's attention nor wanting to seem too eager for Mr. Darcy's company. However, as chance would take it, she and Mr. Darcy somehow ended up partnered at one of the whist tables, while Mary who had realized Mr. Collins was no more a card player than she was contrived to have them at the table with Lydia to play lottery. Mr. Darcy played very well and between the two of them they won rather easily. However, as Mr. Darcy was rather more reserved while playing cards than he had been earlier, Elizabeth felt more unsure than before and ended the evening more confused than ever, troubled by dreams of Mr. Darcy disappearing whenever she drew close to him.

The next morning, Elizabeth was feeling unaccountably cross and resolved to think no more of Mr. Darcy. That did not stop her from feeling unreasonably disappointed that he did not accompany Mr. Bingley and his sisters when they arrived to deliver the invitation to their ball at Netherfield. Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst were all charm and delight to Jane and superficial politeness to Elizabeth, while ignoring the rest of the family as much as possible. They did not stay long as the sisters were quick to make their excuses, leaving the Bennet family to the pleasure of contemplating a ball. Even Mary showed an uncharacteristic enthusiasm which was raised even more when Mr. Collins after a long-winded speech in which he threatened to dance with all his cousins asked Mary for the first two dances while apologizing to Jane and Elizabeth for not giving them the precedence due them as elder sisters.

Elizabeth who had no great hope that Mr. Collins was even an adequate dancer was relieved to be able to leave the house for a walk without having to commit to a dance with him. As she walked, Elizabeth's thoughts were in some confusion. While Elizabeth always enjoyed the opportunity to dance, she was still feeling a bit unsettled about Mr. Darcy and for once did not feel comfortable discussing her changing opinion with either Jane or Charlotte. She tried convincing herself that there was no reason to bother as there was no chance that an improved opinion of the man would matter as it was unlikely that anything would come of it, other than they could meet amicably if Mr. Bingley and her sister were wed.

Having no particular purpose to her walk, she had not particularly paid heed to her direction which was generally towards Netherfield. She told herself that the reason was that she was unlikely to meet anyone on this path, which was true, and she did want to be alone. The weather was cool but not unpleasant, and it did not take long for her to lose herself in the pleasure of nature. It became quite easy to push away unpleasant thoughts, but after a time, she noticed that the weather was beginning to change for the worse and turned back towards home. She had not made it far before she heard someone call her name and turning was surprised to see Mr. Darcy riding behind her. He stopped and dismounted before approaching her.

Their greetings had been somewhat awkward. Mr. Darcy seemed unusually hesitant with his words, and Elizabeth was not sure how to respond to that hesitation, but when he asked if he could accompany her on the walk back, she agreed. She asked about his morning, saying that she had seen Mr. Bingley and his sisters when they visited and understood that he was occupied with business. This last with a slight smile as it was Miss Bingley who felt the need (oh, so casually) to explain how very busy Mr. Darcy was, as if she were somehow in his confidence. That she had not taken seriously though she had been somewhat concerned with Miss Bingley's hints that the ball would be the magnificent end of their stay in Hertfordshire. While she believed that Miss Bingley wished it more than was certain, it had not escaped her notice that only Mr. Bingley was completely comfortable with the local society. She would not be surprised if Mr. Darcy was planning to leave soon, but she would not ask him.

"I finished some time ago and wished for a ride," he said. "I rather enjoy the solitude."

"I am sorry to have interrupted it then," Elizabeth said, hating the feeling of disappointment that welled up against her will. "I am not much of a rider, but I can understand the pleasures of a solitary ramble."

"I am not sorry for the interruption," he said, then added, "but perhaps I should apologize for imposing on your walk."

"No, I had enough solitude to restore my spirits. Company is not unwelcome," she said and then wondered if she had said too much, considering the pleasure she felt.

He did not seem affronted or annoyed, but instead asked, "Were you out of spirits, Miss Elizabeth?"

She forced a laugh. "Not particularly, but sometimes I feel a compelling need to be out of doors." She would not for the world say that sometimes she needed to be away from her family and alone with her thoughts.

"I can understand the compulsion, Miss Elizabeth," he said. "There is sometimes a peace to be found in nature that cannot be found in even the most elegant of rooms."

"I imagine it is a much greater pleasure for you in Derbyshire, as my Aunt Gardiner has extolled the beauties of that particular county, and I know that this landscape is quite tame in comparison." That was as close as she would get to inquiring about his movements.

"It is different," he acknowledged. "But that does not mean it lacks its own beauties."

Elizabeth was silenced for a moment as she felt as if he were not referring merely to the landscape, and then as Longbourn came into view there was no more time but for pleasantries before he left to resume his ride, leaving Elizabeth back in her confusion, as while he seemed to enjoy her company, he was still reserved and she felt disappointed that he had not taken the opportunity to ask her for a dance.

That evening it began to rain, a rain that lasted for several days, leaving her trapped inside without even the relief of a walk in the garden. Tempers became somewhat fractious, as Kitty and Lydia bemoaned their inability to walk into Meryton. Elizabeth was sure that Mr. Collins would become unbearable, except that unaccountably the more time he spent with Mary, the less time he spent making unnecessary speeches to the rest of them. Somehow with Mary he was just a little less tedious. Elizabeth did not understand it, but as Mary seemed content, she would not be one to complain.

Now the day of the ball had finally arrived and Elizabeth looked out pleased at last to see a clear sky. She sighed as she realized that she was still giving too much thought to Mr. Darcy, especially as she had become more convinced that while Mr. Darcy did not dislike her, he would never offer for her, which would explain his tendency to retreat and while he had unbent to a degree around her, she could still see his unease around her family. She hated the rain and the equally dampening thoughts they inspired. And she hated that she could no longer dislike the man entirely, as it would make it so simple to not care whether he came or went or whether he asked her to dance or not, and she could have spent the past days more agreeably engaged in thoughts of dancing in general rather than worrying about a specific unlikely partner.

She shook her head to try to clear it and considered it should not be too much longer before her mother was up and bustling about trying to get everyone overexcited and prepared hours before they need be. She heard a door slam and rushing movements and expected any moment to hear her mother calling for them to get up.

However the expected shouts did not happen, and curious she slipped into the hall to see Mrs. Hill hurrying past.

"Mrs. Hill, is there anything amiss?" Elizabeth asked, struck by the expression on her face.

"Oh, Miss Elizabeth, I can hardly say until Mr. Jones gets here," Mrs. Hill said. "It seems Mrs. Bennet has lost her voice."