Chapter 6: Gone

‘Impossible’ I wanted to say if my breath hadn't been caught. But it wouldn't feel true even if I wanted it to be.

How else then, would he know that I died?

I wanted to shove him away, but his hold was firm.

“Valerie,” he called out his eyes in the same emotions.

“Answer me. Why did you come here? Is Alistair holding you?” he asked, the same strange sad desperation written all over his face. 

This couldn't be happening.

“No,” I breathed out instinctively. I wasn't answering his question, but the effect was still the same as he reared back. He looked hurt.

But I couldn't care less about him. Not when I couldn't understand.

Why? How did he know? Was this some sick joke from the Goddess?

“You have to go. Leave me alone!” I finally bursted, pushing him away with all my strength. I stumbled in shock but quickly recovered. He still looked like he was in a daze.

“Valerie.” he called out.

“How do you know?” I snapped, frightened.

“I don't…” he said, shaking his head, “I don't know how, but I saw it a few weeks ago.”

“Alpha Tristan hasn't been the sane since he suddenly fainted.” 

The murmurs of my former pack that I dismissed came back to haunt me and the puzzle pieces fit. 

“It was in bits and pieces. I can't fully remember everything but I know enough.” He looked up, 

“It's true isn't it? That you were killed. There's no way that was my imagination. Not when you're here. Not when you reacted this way.”

The way he spoke so unsurely…mentioning bits and pieces. That meant…he didn't know everything. 

I gripped the nearest plant to relax even if the rest if me was still tense. I didnt know whether to laugh or cry at the realization. 

Tristan tried to step towards me again.

“Don't come near me Alpha Tristan,” I said, emphasizing his title. He stopped but it looked like there was hurt in his gaze.

Had it been in the past, I would have accepted all of this. His concern and the sadness in his eyes. Unfortunately it was a lifetime ago, literally. 

Straightening I lifted my chin to look at him bravely, 

“Our story had been over for a long time Alpha Tristan, it's better to keep it that way,” I said. The faster I dealt with this the faster I could leave.

He resisted, shaking his head,

“Valerie, I know I made mistakes. We all did. I didn't see how much you did for us. You've done so much.” He choked out, 

“But now I can fix them. It's not too late.” he said desperately, eyes shimmering with tears as if pleading for me to understand.

How many times had I done the same? How many times did I wish for him to understand me. To see the love I had for him? To see me and not focus on Alyn?

Now he was offering everything on a silver platter but it was too late.

From the moment I woke up reborn it was already too late.

“Just leave,” I said, attempting to pass him only for his hand to stop me.

“What about our baby then?” He pleaded, making me freeze in my tracks. 

“I remember our drunken one night stand now. That was months ago, meaning that you're already pregnant.” He said, 

‘Perhaps that was what was holding him back this time,’ I realized. It had to be the baby.

 With whatever he knew, he would never have come after me, would never act this way if it wasn't for knowing of the baby. 

That and guilt, but I doubted he would have approached me.

All this concern he was showing. This newfound emotions that I once craved for was just because I was pregnant.

I’d craved his attention in the past, but not like this.

“Valerie,” Tristan called out and nausea rose inside me as he reached out holding my hands softly.

“We can talk about this later, after we get back.” he said,

‘What?’ it did take much to realize what he meant. He expected me to follow him back to the Eclipse pack. 

“I swear, things will be better. For now we have to leave this place. This pack is dangerous. They killed you once. I refuse to let it happen again.” He said stubbornly.

“I made a lot of mistakes, but I'll try to make up for them. I'll sure you're safe. Our baby will be safe.”

Was that all it ended with for him? My baby?

What about the pain he'd put me through. The way even in my death he was heartlessly focused on Alyn?

Spots grew in my vision and his hand felt more like hot coals. 

 I couldn't take it anymore.

“Leave.” I said in the calmest voice I could muster.

“Maybe what you saw was the truth. Maybe I did die and return back here. Maybe this was my second chance to fix my life, away from the pain and danger you and my family and the pack would put me through before I died forgotten and unappreciated by everyone I'd loved and sacrificed for.” I snapped, watching the blood on his face drain away.

It was strange to see him this speechless in contrast to his past when he would snap at me and it made the torn bond ache. 

“Maybe now I'm wiser and left before any of you could hurt me even more. What matters is that I'm gone. I'm never going back.” I said, watching him flinch.

When I left, it was with the assurance that I'd left my past life behind. Rejecting him hurt but I prepared for it knowing that he wouldn't care.

Facing him now felt more painful than back then. 

“The conflict that caused all this has been resolved. Consider it my last gift to you Tristan.” I said, ignoring the burning knot innmy throat and tears welling up in my eyes.

“Valerie-”

“No.” I snapped, panic rising. I had to leave.

“The baby-”

Those two words were my last straw.

“The baby is gone!” I screamed turning towards him.

Silence followed immediately after, tension suffocating the air with my four words. I hadn't expected to say anything so brash it's implications that our baby was…

His face was slack, eyes wide in a shocked look I'd only seen from him a few times before, never aimed at me.

A part of me wanted to take it back yet as a tear slipped from my eye, I spoke again, cementing his thoughts.

“There's nothing to fix. Not anymore.” I said, in a broken voice, reflecting the shattered pieces of my heart.

I didn't know whether I should feel regret at this moment, when my baby was still growing in my belly. I fought the instinctive urge to touch my belly to affirm it. 

As I met his gray orbs I nearly wavered.

The desperation had melted away, into something I had only seen once years ago on the day his parents, the former Alpha and Luna died. It looked like his world was ripped away from him.

I didn't want any of this. I just needed him to leave me alone.

His face looked shattered, but it looked like he was also going to say something. Whether it was a protest I didn't know. We were at a stalemate and somehow I couldn't move, or lose eyes contact. 

Before either of us could say  anything , the sound of someone's throat clearing broke through, making me flinch. There was someone else here?

“Is something going on here?”