Chapter 1

"What did you see in him? I mean, he's nothing extraordinary. He's handsome, yes, that I can see but so are all the men who will do everything for you to take one glance at them. He's rich but not as opulent as your family. If I were to rank him in the class, he'll be with the typical millionaires and playboys who parade their Lamborghini and Maserati in a runway. So, my dear friend, answer me. Why Trevor Scott?"

I gave Selena my signature sly smile before turning my gaze back into the man we are talking about who is just across our table. He's dining with Romanov Sloba, an Italian businessman who is specializing in communications technology. I know him and his young wife when they visited my mother in our rest house.

The love and devotion I saw in their eyes makes me crave to see it appear on Trevor's eyes when he looks at me. But who am I kidding? 

I have seen him sport that expression. I have seen the expression on his face countless of times. I saw them everytime he looks at Sandy. 

Trevor Scott. The guy I could never have. The hardworking, self-made millionaire on his own right, the apple of my eyes. 

My lips formed into an amused smile as I watched him eat his steak with gusto. 

Why did I like him? No. The question lacks that one magical word. It should be, 'why did I love him?'.

I don't know. I also do not have a single idea. One day, I saw him outside my mother's company, hands crossed on his chest and staring right through me as if he could penetrate my soul. 

Right at that instant, my heart raced like a mad stallion yearning for freedom. At that moment, I knew what I wanted in my life and that is to have him only for myself.

Never mind that he did not see me like I see him. I don't care if he loves another girl. Does that bother me? Yes, of course. It's what making my sleepless nights more restless than ever before. 

But that's the thing. I get what I wanted from the world. His elusive nature pumps me up. I have to have him or else I'll go insane.

That's what I thought in the few months that I observed him but now, all has changed. I want his all, his love in particular and I will not stop at nothing to see it come to fruition. 

"My Von is different from all the men you have mentioned because he is my Von," I replied while sipping on my margarita. "I can't quite put my finger on it. I just love him. Do people need to have reason for her to love a person? Love is itself an indescribable idea so how dare you assume I need to have logical reasons for me to love him. I just did. Period."

Selena who is seated on the chair infront me stopped munching her food and started laughing heartily that people from the other tables cannot help but take quick glances at us. 

"Love you say? Oh, please Jill! Stop giving mo those cheesy and hyper unrealistic lines you get from too much watching of romantic movies and stuff. They don't happen! Love my ass!" And then she laughed again. 

I gritted my teeth at annoyance. "I'm not forcing you to believe me. I'll just wait for you to experience it yourself. All I know right now is it felt so surreal and explosive when I'm seeing him. It's as if I'm whole everytime he's near. I can only be fulfilled if I'm with him."

"Oh, my poor Jill. Do you honestly think it's really love? Maybe you're just looking for a masculine figure to treat your lonely self. I understand you. I'd be as lonely as you are given your past exploits."

I did not like what she said but I let it slide for tonight. I'm too engrossed at looking at Von and imagining a life with him that I completely lost my former aggressive almost close to the dragon kind of outburst I usually blow at small remarks I hear from people that I deemed to be belittling me. 

I took hold of my knife and cut a small piece of my medium rare steak. 

"Yeah, I believe so. Maybe it's what happens to people like me who has everything this world has to offer. Or maybe I'm looking for a playmate to spice up my boring lifestyle. Or maybe love finally hits me. Don't you think so?"

Selena crossed her arms and eyed me intently. "I hate to say this but you have to hear it. Stop fooling yourself into believing that a man like Trevor would look at you and like you without considering your name and your status in life, Jill. People today in my experience have become so evil to the point of masking selfishness and ambition into love. Do you really think he will love you? Everybody in our circle knows how he dotes for the one and only girl he can't have."

I let go of my knife and fork which created a considerable amount of noise on my plate. My face went blank and emotionless because of what she said. I hated the mention of her name as much as I hated how Selena was right. I hated admitting defeat in the face of a struggle. 

"You are right when you said he can never have her that's why I'm betting all my hopes on that obvious fact. They will never be together which is an advantage for me. And before Von could even comprehend it, he will be madly in love with me, that I could guarantee." I lifted my chin to show my confidence even though deep inside I know how hard it is to make it a reality

Fake it 'till you make it. 

I'll fake this truth until he'll fall for me. 

Selena shook her head in disbelief and sipped on her wine. 

"You going delusional and gaga over this guy is so not you, Jill. You run men on the palms of your hand but now look where you have shamefully put yourself into. You stalk this man, you wait for his scraps of attention, and now you are thinking of doing everything just to have him. Where did your brains go?"

In short, I have become crazy over Von. She's right, though. I go my own ways just to have a glimpse of my man. I followed his schedule, go to places he will be and my latest step is dining in the same restaurant with him. It just so happened that Selena was in the same establishment so it would be convenient for me to have her by my side. 

"Stop it, Selena. If you're trying to change my mind or my feelings for him then I'll tell you this instant that that won't happen. I've made up my mind. It's either I have him or I have him."

"You didn't give yourself another choice."

"That's right because there will be no other choice apart from what I want."

I returned my gaze at Von and got alarmed when I saw him leaving already. He shook hands with Romanov while standing and bidding him goodbye. I immediately stood up to follow him but Selena pulled me back to my seat. 

"What are you doing?" I sneered at him. 

She just looked at me with her big eyes squinting at me. 

"I should be the one asking you that. What are you doing?"

"Can't you see? I'm going after him. I have to know where he's up to."

Her grip tightened on my wrist. 

"Don't even bother thinking about it. What are you? A dog who follows his master? Jill Buenaventura, get a hold of yourself!"

I snapped away from her hold and stood up while picking my bag. 

"Sorry Selena but I really have to go."

"Don't make me call your mom, Jill. Please, stay here before you could embarrass yourself any further."

My feet stopped moving on its own when she mentioned my mother. The picture of a dignified, respected woman in her famous white elegant attire appeared in my head. I turned my head sharply. 

"What did you say?"

She sighed and tugged my hand. "Sit again."

I did what she said. "Okay, explain. I don't have much of the time. I need to go after him."

"Stop this madness, Jill. I heard from a friend that Trevor is working on a new venture but he can't seem to push it through without the help of your mother. Now think. If he learned about your crazy affinity with him then he might see it as an opening. He will just use you to achieve his ends. Is that what you wanted? To be used? To be fooled? So please, stop degrading yourself by running for this man. Don't let yourself be used by this kind of people."

She has said her piece as if she is really concerned for my well being. For other people who will hear it, she appears to be the kind of friend you will need beside you all the time, the one who will keep your back for you. 

I raised my eyebrow at her and gave her a look. 

"Really, Selena? When did you become so caring about my life and my company? If I remember it correctly, you sabotaged mom on her deal with Mr. Sanchez," I said pertaining to the deal with another mining company that was supposed to be inked but Selena decided to be a party pooper and deliberately cut off the negotiation.

My mother forgave her saying that she has reasons but I'm not buying any of it. I may not care a lot about our company as long as I have my monthly allowance but I care about my mother even though I don't show it much. I know how much she loves the company. She has dedicated all her life in nurturing and growing the Buenaventura Group of Companies. After dad died a couple of years ago, she fell into depression. Managing the company has become her saving grace. 

So I know better. I know how to recognize a pretender and I know a leech when I see one. Selena is one of them. I cannot keep acting just for the sake of my mother who sees her as her daughter. I'm not having any of it anymore. 

Her face whitened and I saw how she's just forcing her smile. 

"What are you talking about, Jill? We had long forgotten about that. Your mother cleared my name already because she found out that I was just framed."

I smirked. "Really? Seems like mom is not really the person everyone is telling her to be because how can she still nurse a snake in her house? It's..how do I say it? Ahm, counterproductive?" I glared at her. "Drop the act, Selena. Show me your true colors. You know I'm only being nice to you because my mother likes you but I won't hesitate to use my cards if I see you acting up again. Remember, blood is still thicker than water."

"No, Jill. You're mistaken. I only wanted to warn you about Trevor. He's bad for you. Don't think of it as my way of barging in your life or what. I'm just as concerned as your mother."

My temper shoots up to the sky. "How dare you?! Did I give you my word? Did I give you my permission to meddle in the affairs of my life? And who gave you an idea that I will want to accept any of your unsolicited opinion about me?" I stopped when I realized something. No way. Did she..?

Finally, it makes sense to me why is she acting this way. How did it go unnoticed under my observation?

Feeling kind of victorious, I poked her a knowing look. "Don't anwer me. I already know."

I stood up and throw the table napkin on the table. "Don't ever try to tell mom about this, do you understand? If you want me to give you a peaceful life, I suggest you stay out of my business. Cross the line and I'll finish you off." 

I turned my back but I backed a few steps and returned to the table to because I forgot to tell her something. She lifted her shocked pale face at me. 

"W-what?" she stammered.

I gave out my sweetest smile. "Stay away from, Von. Let's start from that."

Her mouth opened to deny what I explicitly stated in my eyes and in the tone of my voice but none came out from her. She just sit there, mouth wide open with a paler face. 

"I'll take that as a yes."

With a mocking smile, I left her in the restaurant with a lasting impression. No one messes with me. 

My personal driver opened the door of the limousine for me and we drove out. I don't have to look out of the car to see a couple of black cars tailing us. I shrugged off my shoulders. I'm used to it. Anywhere I go, my bodyguards are always behind my back. 

They don't visibly crowded me off. They kept a good distance from me especially when we are in a public place like the restaurant. Nevertheless,  I can still feel their presence. I hated it at first but I can't go out without them. 

I remembered when I was in my middle school, I get bullied because of them so I requested for their removal. My mother talked me out of it so I just stayed silent with all the whispers and giggles in our school. There was one time when I had it all, I staged a drama in order for my bullies to appear like they are ganging up on me and harassing me even though it's not possible given the number of my bodyguards. 

My mother fumed in anger, talk to some people and got my bullies expelled. I felt guilty that time so I decided to be homeschooled. 

My dad, overjoyed about my decision,  started teaching me about business mechanics. I pretty much got interested with the fundamentals because of him. 

I've always been a daddy's girl. My mom, no matter how hard her shell is got a spot for the both of us. They were both equal partners in business coming from both affluent families. 

Their marriage was arranged by their parents but it worked thanks to their cooperation. I sometimes see their relationship as more of a business one rather than a romantic one but that always changes whenever I see mom preparing bath for dad or dad massaging mom. 

Despite all the busy schedules they have to attend to, they always find time to see each other and bond with me though my dad is always the less busier one so he has more time for me. 

Growing up, I had a really wonderful life with them. I once asked for a sibling but mom declined saying it's too hard for her because of some complications in her uterus. I suggested a surrogate mother but dad refused. He said I'm enough for the two of them. Adding another member to the family will be both difficult for the both of them. 

Everything is falling in their places. Everything is smooth. I have a loving parents, excellent tutors, great friends and cousins and unlimited money to splurge my needs and wants. All is well until dad died one day due to an ambush.

My world fell apart. The once happy and ideal life I have become a nightmare. In just a snap of a finger, the foundation of our family was gone. My mom fell into a depression while I began to rebel. I have become the life of the party. I neglected school and let myself be drawn to peer pressure. This went on for years. 

My mom after recovering from depression through overworking in the company tried to reach out for me, to restore our mother-daugher relationship. But the gap was too wide. I cannot find myself back to her anymore. Everytime I see her, I am always reminded by our happy moments in the past with dad. I get bitter and the next thing I'm always doing is running away. 

I flew to Europe to pursue my dream to be a runway model. Slowly but surely, I started making a name for myself. Glitz and glamor compensated for my broken and empty self. It's just another band-aid solution, the one you need to keep on replacing the instant it shows signs of falling off. 

I went back home and that's when things began to take shape.

I met Von and the rest was history. At first I was reluctant to confront my feelings because they are so intense to the point of inducing me of emotions I never thought I'm capable of feeling. 

Just one glance at him and I'm transported to the days of my happy childhood. There's something about him that makes me giggle and blush. 

Maybe Selena was right. If he finds out who I am which I know he already is, he'll use me to his own advantage but who cares? There's nothing wrong with that. It will only be unethical if the person to be used is kept in the dark. If he'll use me then I am more than ready to participate.

"I have been always ready to the consequences of my actions as long as I know that he'll end up with me," I muttered to myself. 

The help I'm willing to extend does not equal to the happiness he's giving me. I have never felt this elated and scared at the same time because I know no matter how confident I'll be, there's still a possibility that Von will dump me.