6. Disappointed and Angry

Clarissa could understand if Yenny disagreed with her. Of course, just like any other friend, if they found out that Clarissa pursued their new teacher’s love, there would be sneers and sarcasm. But Clarissa was better to change her name if she would give up just because people saying.

"Yenny, the first step I got my point, so I will just keep going. Hm? I'm sure I can melt the hearts of our lecturer." Clarissa patted Yenny's cheek.

"Clay, it's better to focus on studying, you know. Don't think others. A lecturer, like Mr. Diaz, definitely wishes an elegant woman, not being silly, it's a little unclear like you, sometimes." Yenny's open mouth started to get out of control.

"Whatever you wanna say. Today is the first step. Everything leads to a noble goal, side by side with the ideal man, that I hope. Why should I think differently? Challenges are natural, make the struggle more meaningful." Clarissa moved to pinch Yenny's nose.

"Hey, keep your hand. You always do something like that," said Yenny annoyed.

Clarissa laughed, then she went to her room. The most relieved when she arrived at the room, lying on the bed is the most pleasant. Immediately Clarissa showered and changed clothes, then she jumped onto the bed.

As usual, Clarissa looked up on social media. Clarissa felt like she was melting away from seeing the things she found there. Posts from friends, looking for interesting info or seeing unique things posts that were sometimes just funny posts that were not important.

Clarissa wouldn't forget to check Diaz's account too. A little disappointed that nothing has changed. The lecturer didn't really like social media, it seems. There were no new posts there. However, there was one tag from someone's post that mentions Diaz's name. Clarissa watched carefully.

Group photos, such as family photos. Clarissa read the caption about the picture. 'Family is everything. It's nice to be together. Definitely miss being together again soon.'

Clarissa saw who posted it. A girl, still a teenager. Clarissa thought it might be Diaz's sister or her niece. From her look and style, she might still be in middle school or high school.

"Family is everything?" Clarissa whispered those words.

There was a sense of insecurity creeping in saying that. It was clear, for Clarissa, family, is not everything. All she felt in the family was disappointment and anger. Even though she didn't really care anymore, actually at the bottom of her heart, the disappointment and anger had never gone away.

Clarissa's memory was carried over to the sad story in her appearance. At that time, she was only in 6th grade, she would soon graduate.

"I regret marrying you. You are unfaithful! Why can't my blind eyes see if you're the type of man who can't live for one woman?!" Rosita shouted at Arlon, Clarissa's father.

"Hey! I'm not just looking for a woman. You're just an incompetent wife, that's why I have to look for another. You can’t handle the house and children. How can I feel safe as a husband staying at home?!" Arlon didn't want to lose against Rosita.

Quarrel after fight continued. Until a few months later, just as Clarissa graduated from elementary school, her parents separated.

"Daddy!! You won’t leave me, will you?! Daddy, please … just stay, for me!" Clarissa wept into tears. Her father hugged her tightly, asking her father not to leave the house. Arlon was ready with a large suitcase and was about to leave.

Arlon hugged Clarissa tightly. Of course, he loved his daughter, but the marriage he couldn't keep it. He and Rosita just blamed each other, couldn't talk to find a way out, they kept hurting each other. Breaking up seems to be the best answer.

"Hhufffhhh ..." Clarissa let out a heavy breath.

"Dad ..."

In the beginning, when Arlon left, Clarissa was still on the phone with him, visited at least once a week. Unfortunately, after Arlon remarried, he began to be busy with his new wife, with his wife's family who also needed support from him.

Moreover, two years after getting married, Arlon moved to another city. Communicate less and less. To be sure, the monthly money for Clarissa is never late in the account.

"Sometimes I really miss you. I wanna be like before, Dad. You played with me, making any joke, and made me laugh. But you are not for me now."

Clarissa's hands idly opened Arlon's social media account.

A happy family photo appeared before Clarissa's eyes. Arlon smiled broadly hugging a 6 years old little boy. He was so handsome. Looking happy in Arlon's arms. Beside them, a young woman also smiled cheerfully. Beautiful. Simple woman. That was the kind of woman Arlon wanted. And clearly much different from Rosita.

Clarissa's eyes filled with tears. Her cheeks were wet. A feeling of sadness now penetrated Clarissa's heart. She used to feel his warm embrace and pleasant smile. Now, Clarissa was like a mere memory for Arlon.

"Family is everything ... It turns out to be true for you, Dad. Mom and I are still like this. Just living life. Why can't I feel happy like you? Do I not deserve a happy family too?" Clarissa rubbed her cheeks which were still not dry.

The happy period of having complete parents were long gone. Clarissa didn't want to remember anymore or it would only add to the pain in her heart. But deep in his heart, she still hoped for it. The love of a father, who was always there when she needed it.

"Don't you miss me? Is it really enough to have a son and I'm not important anymore?" whispered Clarissa's heart again.

For some reason, Clarissa's hand was still scrolling on her cellphone. She just sent a message.

- I miss you, Daddy. How are you?

Then she put down the phone, lay down and she closed her eyes.

Almost asleep, Clarissa heard the vibration of her cell phone. She opened his eyes and saw who had messaged her.

Clarissa's eyes suddenly widened. Incoming message from Diaz. And Clarissa was even more surprised when she realized, the message she sent was not to her father's number, but to the number of her idol handsome lecturer.

"Oh my God... Clay, what were you doing?!" she said annoyed and feeling stupid.

- Hi, Clarissa. Are you alright?

That was the message Diaz wrote. Clarissa quickly replied to the message.

- Sorry, Brother, wrong post. I wanted to send my daddy. Really, unintentionally.

"Ouch, Clay, what a shame. Don't be dumb, uufhhh ..." Clarissa felt her face heat up. It was a shame.

- Oh, okay. Seriously are you okay?

Clarissa read Diaz's message again. He was a very good one. He really wanted to know Clarissa, why? Clarissa thought, would it be okay if she talked to the lecturer. But this was her chance to get closer to Diaz, right?

- Is it okay if I tell you?

Clarissa made sure her lecturer really wanted to know about her.

- Well, if you are okay to tell, I will listen.

Clarissa started writing long messages. She said she missed her father because she had not communicated for a long time. Sometimes it was just to say hello and give news. Her father was busy with work and his own family.

Somehow, all upset and disappointment finally poured out. Clarissa seemed to just write a short story to Diaz. Diaz wasn't surprised if Clarissa had family problems. It was looked from his behaviour that wants to be the centre of attention. But Diaz didn't think that this beautiful girl lacked love. Not only from his father who had left him, but also from his mother who did not understand Clarissa.

Diaz patiently waited for Clarissa to spill it all out. He wanted to understand very well what this special student was like. After the lines of writing, Clarissa closed with one sentence that made Diaz smile.

- I'm sorry, Brother, for making a mess because of the confusion that never goes away.

And Diaz's reply made Clarissa even more excited.