Chapter 9

I pull into Mum’s driveway; it’s a long wide road lined with pink flowering dogwood trees. It’s beautiful this time of year. Abbey and Quinn did an excellent job on the landscaping. The driveway opens up into a circle; in the middle of the ring is a small garden and bench seating under the shade of a large oak tree.

And here she is, Mum’s dream home. It’s enormous, but Abby and I both wanted her to have what she had always imagined. Mum has always been big on dreams. She never settled for tiny. They had to be grand, outlandish even; otherwise, what good was it to have an imagination if you didn’t use it.

We would talk about our dreams on the nights she was able to tuck us into bed. When we were children, I wanted to have the biggest ice cream in the world. My sister wasn’t much better; she wanted an everlasting chocolate bar. Of course, our dreams changed and developed into something more tangible as we grew. That’s the best part of dreams.

However, mum’s dream never changed; it was always the same. She would describe her perfect home in such detail that the house is forever seared into my and Abbey’s brains for eternity. So when we finally had the money, we decided to flip mum’s house in Megalong Valley. When we all finally settled down, Mum bought a tiny run-down cabin style home on acreage. After several flips, we talked Mum into going on a holiday. It took a lot of convincing, but she finally went on vacation with a couple of her friends for four weeks.

Long story short, the renovations took longer, and she spoiled the surprise just a tiny bit, but it was still awesome to see her jaw drop to the ground when she arrived home.

Several weeks later and her home was complete.

Mum’s home has a contemporary/farmhouse feel to the exterior of the house. It is painted dark slate grey with off white trimmings and gorgeous slide windows, although they don’t look like it from the outside, which is the point of modern meeting farmhouse style.

The interior is an entirely different feel; we have modern meets farmhouse meets traditional, meets Mum’s eclectic taste.

Mum is a traveller, and almost every room has a story of the places she has visited and her most treasured memories. For me, this place is a mess. I’m more, I guess, clean and minimal. Abbey found it to be almost hazardous for Lucy and a headache for herself.

It’s what Mum wants, and she got it; besides, she has plenty of room to do what she wants.

This house boasts seven bedrooms, six and a half baths, not including the primary and ensuite.

The lower level has a gym, a small kitchenette, and a bathroom. The ground floor/first floor houses the great room/family room, sitting room, library, office, sewing room.

A vast chef’s kitchen with an informal dining area attached also opens up to the deck, giving an indoor/outdoor feel. Plus, she has a formal dining room that is reserved for special occasions. The primary and ensuite are on the ground floor.

The next floor is the rest of the bedrooms and bathrooms, which leaves the attic. It has two large picture windows, giving unobstructed views of the valley a perfect spot for Mum to do Yoga or paint using the gorgeous views as her muse. On occasion, it converts into another guest room too.

The guest house is currently set up as a soundproof studio so Modus Grace can jam in there when they’re not in the city. It used to be my little home until I moved out.

Recently Abby and I had a pool installed with a fantastic outdoor entertainment area. Quinn has been doing the landscaping and working on Mum’s secret garden. I can’t wait to see it.

Yes, it’s a large house for one person, but we wanted to make her dreams come true, and by my Mum’s reaction, we certainly achieved that.

I let myself in via the garage, “Hey, Mum!” I call out so as not to scare her.

“Hi, Lilly! I’m in the kitchen. Can you help set up the dining table, please?”

I do as she asks, but I know that she will either proceed to tell me how to decorate the dining table or take over. I don’t understand why she bothers asking. I shake my head and smile.

Four rapid playful knocks on the door. I know who that is. “Oh, Lill can you get that please; I’ll finish up the table.”

See! Why do I even bother? I grin and answer the door to find three friendly faces. Stacie, Mel, and Joe.

Stacie squeals with delight. She grabs my arm and pulls me away; I glance back over my shoulder, giving Mel and Joe an apologetic smile and wave hello.

“Tell me everything!” She demands, dragging me to the great room for privacy.

“Oh, Stace, he is so out of my league!” I whine, flopping onto the couch.

“No, he isn’t!” she says with her hands on her hips; as an afterthought, she asks, “Why?”

“Lucas Craven is a very eligible bachelor. Like old money, a famous billionaire bachelor.”

“So, what? You’re a multi-millionaire; what of it?” she says incredulously

I throw my arm over my face, “I don’t want to find myself on social media being his latest fling. It’s embarrassing. That aside, Stacie, you know why.” I sigh. “Anyway, I don’t think I’m ready for dating. I need more me time.” I continue on my whine tour. Please purchase your tickets now before you miss the show.

Stace shakes her head in disbelief, “You are letting this guy go because of Dean! That’s just…that’s just stupid”, she finishes, “Is two years not enough “me” time?”

“I can take as much time as I need,” I tell her hotly. So much for friendship.

“Hey, we are best friends, right?” I nod, “Well, if I can’t tell you the truth, who will?” she sighs heavily and sits next to me, taking my hand in hers. “Lillian, you can’t be holding back because of that arsehole. You need to let that part of your life with Dean go. It’s not healthy to keep holding onto this. Not every man is Dean. Besides, he’s in prison. What could he possibly do that you aren’t already doing to yourself?” she sighs again.

Mum calls everyone for dinner.

“You should be happy; you deserve to be happy and to be in love a thousand times over. But, Lillian, you have to stop letting Dean get the best of you.” She stands and heads to the dining room, letting me stew on her words. Stace is correct, and it pisses me off, but for better or worse, she is right. I do keep letting Dean win, over and over again. Stupid really, he isn’t doing shit; it’s all me. Of course, I know it stems from what he did, but he hasn’t done anything physically to me in years….so why do I keep beating myself up? I let out a deep breath I had been holding.  

I’ve already been taking measures in the right direction, resigning from the centre. I’ll do the occasional guest speaking engagement. Now I need to take another step and open myself up to dating, even if it’s not with Lucas Craven. This seems easier said than done. I make my way to the dining room. When Dax walks in, Jack and Andy close behind him.

“Hey doll, how you doing?” Dax swings me around in his arms, making me laugh.

“Get a room”, Andy growls, storming down the hall to the kitchen.

“What’s up with Andy?”

“Boy trouble”, Jack grumbles, “Always fucking trouble.”

“No, it’s girl trouble”, Dax corrects him as he puts me down

“No, she’s seeing Richard or is it, Fred?” Jack scratches his head

“Nah, she stopped seeing Fred a couple of weeks ago. She’s been dating this chick. Shelley or Michelle or something like that”

“You two are worse than gossiping old ladies. Her name is Crystal, and his name is Derek, and I’m dating both of them together.” Andy huffs

“See trouble,” Jack exclaims and races to the kitchen before Andy smacks him.

“So, you're in a three-way…nicceee.” Dax gives his best devilish grin.

“Urgh, it’s not like that. We’re in a poly relationship. Well, I think we are. I don’t know right now. It’s hard to navigate one person’s feelings, and now I have two. I didn’t think it was going to be this hard so quickly.”

Dax leaves, putting his hands up. I roll my eyes; of course, he only wants to hear the juicy bits and not the emotional side.

“How did you all meet anyway?” I ask

“Derek and I went on a couple of dates, and then well”, she pauses, “He introduced me to his girlfriend.”

“Wow. You obviously took that well.”

“He explained before our first date that he was in an open relationship, and you know me. I give anything a go at least once. I’ve dated both men and women and figured what the hell.”

“That’s pretty incredible, Andy. I can just barely do one date with one person. Let alone date, two people, at once together.”

“It’s overwhelming. Derek feels he’s more into me than Crystal is and that I should make a bigger effort with her. Crystal can be rather sensitive, which is difficult for me to navigate. I’m not used to all of these feelings from another woman like this.”

“It’s a lot of responsibility. You want to talk about it some more?”

“Nah, I need a break. I’m just glad it’s fucking Sunday.” She laughs as we walk together to the informal dining room. Mum has the table rearranged as I knew she would.

Abby, Quinn and Lucy must have snuck in through the garage. Abbey’s avoiding me, probably because of our latest numbers on the house flip. We had a small fight and haven’t spoken to each other since.

I purposely go to her and give her a big hug, “Sorry for what I said.”

“Forget it”, she pulls back and smiles, “I heard you had a date. Figured that was why you were so grumpy.” She winks, knowing that’s not true, but I let it go.

“Stacie has a big mouth.” I glare at Stace; she resolutely avoids looking in my direction. I’ll catch up with her and her big mouth later.

Quinn gives me a quick hug, “You know she didn’t mean it.” He says in my ear. Quinn will defend Abbey until the day he dies unless she’s wrong, and that’s the kind of love I want. If I ever decide to look for a man in the very far future.

I look at Quinn; he’s handsome, ridiculously tall, like seven feet tall, possibly taller. He always makes me feel small, and Abbey would probably feel even smaller, seeing as she’s shorter than me. Not only is Quinn tall, but he has that kind of tan that only men who work in the great outdoors get; it makes his blonde hair blonder and his dark blue eyes brighter. He’s a good-looking guy, and Abbey’s lucky to have snagged him all those years ago.

They match perfectly with Abbey’s blonde hair and bright light blue eyes; she’s also tanned from spending time working outside.

Their daughter Lucy is a replica of both tall, slim beautiful blue eyes that change from dark to light pending on what she’s wearing and her ever-changing mood. She has the best of her parents. She is going to become a stunning woman.

Mum rustles Jack and Andy to help with placing the food on the table. Lucy quickly races to the kitchen to lend a hand. She loves helping her Gran.

They all come back with a couple of lasagna’s, plenty of garlic bread and a couple of fresh salads from mum’s garden. Quinn and Mum spend a lot of time together in the gardens. It’s their special bonding time.

Quinn is the favourite son in law. However, if I ever end up with someone, whoever he may be will have some considerable competition to topple him from the top.

My smile widens as I take in the room; these are my people. I’ve kept my circle tight for a reason. I dealt with a toxic person for more than a decade. I don’t need that kind of shit in my life anymore, so the best thing to do is keep my circle small.

Most of all, these people have all supported me in one way or another and vice versa. I would do anything for them, and I know they will do the same in a heartbeat. My heart swells; I almost feel like my heart will burst.

“This Lasagna is amazing, Esther!” Dax exclaims.

Mum blushed from the compliment, “Thank you, Dax.”

He winks, “You know I love your cooking.”

“Oh my god, are you hitting on my mum!” Abbey complains.

“He better not,” Joe grumbles, eyeing Dax, who smiles mischievously.

Mum blushes furiously; Mum and Joe have been secretly seeing each other. Well, not so secret, I caught them in the act.

It was the first time Mum was ever speechless in my life. It was incredible. Of course, they swore me to secrecy until they were ready to tell everyone. Right now, they’re enjoying the thrill of it all. But I’m pretty sure everyone has an idea of what’s going on.

Mum’s just lucky Abbey didn’t catch her because the entire world would know by now. Mum gives me a knowing smile and goes back to chatting with Dax and now Jack.  

She’s talking about the possibility of opening her home as a B&B. Megalong Valley is an excellent location for the City Slickers to meet the country without really having to travel too far from home. Mini vaca’s and stayca’s are all the rage these days.

But I’m hesitant; I don’t trust people or their motives. What if some sicko decides to stay here and they’re alone together.

I know Joe’s thinking of moving out here to be closer to Mum, seeing as nearly all of us except for Abbey live in the city. We just signed the paperwork to open a new bar in town, so it’ll be beneficial to have Joe out here, but I know he wants to be close to Mum and keep an eye on her. Maybe one day, I’ll do what Abbey has done and live out here. I probably won’t get the property next door, as she did. Still, I’ll have my dream home just like the two of them.  

Everyone is busy chit-chatting and talking about the shenanigans they’ve been up to this week. Stace always has great stories from being a Teacher. Lucy has almost finished her 8^th Year of high school. God, she’s growing up so fast it’s scary.

“Did you bring Benny, Aunt Lil?” Lucy asks, taking a seat beside me.

“Sorry Luce, Ben’s at home.”, I apologise, her eyes cloud in disappointment. Luce knows it means I’ll be going home after dinner instead of staying overnight.

“That’s okay, maybe next weekend,” she says, smiling again.

“Sure.” I make a mental note to clear my Monday to stay overnight.

We end up talking about boys, she’s having some minor boy trouble, but it’s like the end of the world to her. Oh, to be a teenager again, I would change so many things if I could go back. People say they don’t have any regrets. They’re lying. We all carry regrets, big or small. I have so much shame in my choice of men. Is it moronic to say I don’t regret my regrets? I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without them.   

Luce, though, I’m fiercely protective of her, and I want her to make good choices, better choices than I have made in my life. I know she’s young, and I know I frustrate the shit out of her, but I know Luce knows I’m only looking out for her. She’s so beautiful and innocent, and I want her to keep her innocence for as long as possible.

We can only prepare Luce so much for this sometimes unforgiving world, but we don’t all need to be tainted with trauma as I have been. That’s my wish for her, my sweet niece.

Mum starts to clear the table to get started on dessert, chocolate lava cake and homemade vanilla ice cream. YUM!

We all move around the table to socialize. Joe joins me after Luce hurries to clear the table for Mum.

“You haven’t been in The Bar much this week. ”

“I haven’t needed to come in. Besides, you didn’t need me to work behind the bar.”, it’s a lame excuse, but what else can I say.

“Stace said you were sick. Are you feeling alright, honey?”

I sigh; of course, she did. “I’m fine, Joe. Please don’t worry about me.” I tag on a smile, but I don’t fool him. I never have.

Joe scowls at me, “I will always worry for you, Lill. You are the closest I’ve ever had to a daughter that this old bastard is ever going to get.”

I smile genuinely this time, “You gonna make me blush if you keep that up, Joe.”

“Like mother like daughter”, he chuckles.

“I don’t blush as quickly as Mum.” I wink at him when he looks around to make sure no one overhead; he grins when no one pays us any attention.

“Stace said you went on a date after that fellow spilled all my good liquor on you”, he jokes.

I glower at him. “It wasn’t a date. It was more of an apology coffee for spilling said good liquor on me.” I sigh as always; I can’t fool him. But unlike the others, Joe leaves the judgement at the door. “Alright, fine. I like him. I mean, he’s hot, intelligent, and kind, and we had a great conversation.” Again, I sigh, “All of those things are great, but I don’t think we’re compatible.”

“Compatible? You discovered that in a couple of hours?” he scoffs

“Luke is upper-class and old money, and I’m not, well, that.”

He huffs at me, “Upper-class, Really Lilly? You didn’t give him more than 2 seconds to know whether you’re compatible or not.”

“Those are the type of people he hangs with or whatever it is they do. He has a bodyguard, for crying out loud.” I throw my hands up in the air. I know I’m being dramatic but come on, they don’t know this guy, and everyone’s pissed at me for not giving him another chance. It’s stupid.

“What’s the real reason?” he cuts to the chase.

“For goodness’ sake!” I sigh, “I’m scared, scared that if I go somewhere with Luke that we’ll end up as front-page news. You know Dean will find me, and all that bullshit will start again.” I rub my temples, “Stace says. I shouldn’t let Dean get the better of me…. I don’t know” I look away and back at Joe, “What if I find out that Luke has a hidden side to him that I won’t learn until it’s too late.” I shudder at the thought.

Joe leans back in his seat, mulling over what I’ve just revealed. Finally, he moves forward with a severe look on his face, “Well, I’m only going to say this once, honey, so listen up. I think Stace is right”, he says grudgingly, and I burst out laughing. He sure knows how to lighten up my mood. “Baby girl, you don’t know anything about Luke. Don’t put assumptions on him because of what you’ve been through; that isn’t fair on him or you.” He takes my hand, “You have good instincts. Do those instincts tell you that he will hurt you as Dean did?” I shake my head because it’s true. I don’t feel like he has a mean bone in his body, and still, I’m not sure I can trust myself.

“How can I trust myself? My instincts?”

“You were in an abusive relationship Lillian. It’s been a long time, but the psychological damage will always be there, chronic PTSD is no joke, but you can’t put that on other people.” I’m about to argue with him until he points his finger at me to be silent. “But you know what to look for, and you will see the red flags this time. Plus, you have all of us here to support you and make sure this guy isn’t a dickhead. So take a chance, baby girl. You deserve it.” He gives me a side hug and glances up as Mum walks in with a tray full of mini chocolate lava cakes and ice cream. Joe’s eyes brighten as he watches her layout the dishes on the table.

“She loves you, you know. You make her light up the room when you are in it.”

Joe blushes, “I’m happy you approve. She wants to talk to Abbey, and then we will tell everyone else.”

“I know Abbey will be happy for you both.”

He smiles at Mum lovingly when she places our desserts in front of us, “Don’t forget your ice cream, sweetness.”

I laugh when we both answer, “Yes, dear.”

Conversations become lighter, and slowly everyone starts to drop off and leave.

“Have you made your mind up about Luke?” Mum asks tentatively.

“I don’t have his number to contact him.”

“You threw it out?”

I shrug, “Yep. I thought I was doing the right thing, but you, Stace and Joe have all made me think I didn’t give him a chance.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you see him again. Stace said he was pretty smitten, that he was watching you like a hawk.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better, Mum.”

“Now, sweetheart, you know I didn’t mean it like that.” She squeezes my shoulder as she puts the last clean dish away.

“Baby girl, the past should make you cautious but not judgmental. So then, if he comes around, give him another chance.” Joe says like it’s that easy.

“Alright, guys. Message received loud and clear. I’ll see you later Mum, thanks for dinner; it was lovely as usual.” I give her a quick kiss and one for Joe. “I’ll see you at The Bar.”

They both walk me out. “Good luck with Abbey, although I don’t think either of you needs it.”

“You told her?” Mum gasps, smacking his chest lightly.

“I told her you are worried.”, he tells her, rubbing her shoulders; Mum bites her lip.

“Abbey is a grown woman with her own family. If she has a problem, I’ll talk to her.”  

Mum laughs, “I suppose your right. Now go before it gets too late for you to drive home.” I give them both another kiss and hug goodbye.