Chapter Eight

Jordan walked towards the doctor’s office with isn heart in his mouth, he knew he had to go and see him and Dr. Nate rarely had any good news for him in his office. The last time he had been here, it was because June failed to get into a clinical trial because her body won’t react to it and they had no choice but to drop her off it. Jordan had cried his eyes out that day on the same hallway and many watched him break down with pity. Having a daughter that had cancer would do that to you and it was something he hated to have to experience again. 

He said a short prayer, he wasn’t the religious type but cancer would humble you. He knew he had to start believing in miracles since June made it past the three years the doctors had thought she would die and now she’s five and soon to be six. Majority of those years, she had spent them on the hospital bed either going through one trial or the other. His little girl had gone through a whole lot of shit and it pained him every day that nature chose to make her suffer for nothing. 

He took quick deep breaths before he knocked on the door of the doctor. He waited for a reply and he could only hope for the best. His mind was all over the place and he couldn't help the bad feeling that was starting to settle over him. He knew he shouldn't be doing this but he could hardly help it, he was supposed to stay strong for both him and June. He was failing miserably at doing that. He was tired too and he wanted everything to come to an end. He wanted them to live like a normal father and daughter, not like a sick daughter and an over stressed father. The doctor’s voice came for the second time and he pushed the door open to hear his fate. 

“Welcome Mr Wilder, I've been waiting for you. I wasn't on duty when you came by yesterday or else I would have given you the news. Please have a sit, you will need it” Doctor Roman said and He sat down right in front of him. He rubbed his sweaty palms together and he waited for him to say whatever he wanted to say. 

“I'm sorry to break this to you but June’s body is no longer responding to treatment and her body is too tired to fight anymore. Applying another treatment method would be killing her faster than intended and she has gotten to her limit. The drugs are no longer working for her. I know this is probably not the kind of news you are looking forward to but I'm so sorry about everything Mr. Wilder.” 

Jordan tried to process what he just heard but he couldn't. He tried to search the doctor’s face for any sign that he was joking but the neutral face confirmed his fears. The doctor meant everything he said and June was dying truly. He had a thousand and one questions to ask and he couldn't even bring himself to do it. 

“Do you mean that the current clinical trial that we thought would be her last isn't working anymore?” he asked in a shaky voice and Dr Roman nodded his head. Jordan took deep breaths and he tried to take control of the alarms going off in his head. This was a joke right? A dry joke that was only to pull his legs. Deep down he knew it wasn't and reality was finally setting in. 

“Do you mean there's no other clinical trial for her to try out? Even if they are no free ones and we have to pay to get in, we don't mind,” he asked in a shaky voice and Dr Roman shook his head in pity. His client wasn’t getting the whole point and that is kind of sad because he already broke it down in a very simple manner. 

“Mr. Wilder, this isn't about another clinical trial. This is about the fact that her body can't take it anymore. She wasn't medically fit for the last one I entered her into. I did it for you and now her body has deteriorated terribly and getting her into another clinical trial would cost me my license. I just want you to know that she had very little time left and you can spend that time making solid memories with her. We are taking her off the machine as soon as you consent.” He explained further and Jordan nodded. 

He didn't know how to feel or what to say anymore, he just thanked the doctor and he walked out. He could have headed anywhere but he didn't know where to go. He knew he couldn't bring himself to go and see June now without feeling like he betrayed her and he failed as a father. He kept wondering aimlessly until he got to the roof of the hospital. The whole place was chilly and it felt like the perfect place to empty your thoughts. 

“Mr Wilder, just the man I've been looking for. I'm Dr. Charles, a psychiatrist here  and I was asked to speak to you. I came here to clear my head too. Therapists are humans too you know” Dr. Charles announced before walking closer to Jordan who was leaning on the rails. He had no idea someone else was here with him too. 

“I I'm not crazy and I don't need to speak to a shrink” he deadpanned and Dr charlie chuckled. He knew Jordan was going to say that, almost every one of his patients did but you don't need to be crazy to see a shrink. 

“You aren't crazy, you are tired. You are tired of having to be strong for your daughter. You are tired of having to act as if your insides weren't a crumbling mess. I know you are tired and I'm here to say that you are allowed to feel that way. It's absolutely fine to feel so because you are human. There's only a little to what a human can do.  Please listen to me and allow me take you through this healing process.” Dr Charles said and Joedan stared at him. He might not be crazy but he could totally relate to it. 

Dr. Charles plopped down on the floor and Jordan follows suit. He didn't know what made him follow suit but he wanted someone to speak with him badly. His only daughter was dying after spending everything he earned to make sure he stayed alone. He wished he would be able to look at her without feeling like he was a failure of a father. He had tried his best and he wished they discovered it fast. Maybe he wouldn't have been dumped and maybe they would have been happy family. Now what was left of their family is just pains and spiked memories. It was that sad

Jordan had discussion with the doctor who told him to take June home and wathc her becasue the clinical trial wasn’t working anymore and they shoukd spend the little time she has left as a family. It would help save money and he would get closure 0before her death. Jordan was heartbroken and he decided to eave her in the hospital, he felt terribly that his job was taking away the little time they could have spent together but he made a promise to be coming earlier than before and he should be informed if anything is happening. He went back to her ward and she was asleep with Amelia watching over her. 

“I have been waiting for you all night and you were no where to be found. June kept on asking of you so I had to lie to her that you stepped out for a moment. She already slept though. What's wrong? Why are you eyes red? Have you been crying?” Amelia rambled in one breath and Jordan flashed her a sad smile. He knew she was worried and he hated the way he made her worried too. After June, she was the second most important person in his life and he wouldn't trade her for anything. She has always been there for him days when he was too tired to hang on. His conversation with the doctor made him refreshed and he was willing to carry on no matter the outcome. June had lived life no matter her fate and his baby girl had been a strong warrior. 

“June is dying and I can't do anything about it. I have failed her as a father and I wished I could do something about it. I want to take away all of her pains and replace it with freedom. Every other six year old have a normal life, they go to school and do family stuffs. My baby is on that machine with wires attached to her body. I see her smile in pain everytime and I want to take it away from her. I want her to stop pretending like she is fine and happy when she want to run along the world without any care. 

Whats the essence of having a rich father then? All my money won't even save her and now her body is too weak to continue another clinical trial. Now I will have to watch her die slowly. Isn't that beautiful?” Jordan broke down and Amelia felt her heart wrench at each sob. She didn't want it to be like this and she really wished she had a superpower to make everything right. 

Jordan was tired already and he was barely hanging on to a little tiny thread. She could see it and they all could see it too. He had tried his best and he would forever remain goated in her heart for that. He has had several people look up to him and many of them never got the chance to meet the real him. She always wished people met the real Jordan Wilder, the man she loved and her best friend. He left her side before walking near June’s sleeping figure. He picked up her tiny hand and he shook his head at her tiny hands. She didn't deserve all of this pain but anybody could be next. He kissed her hands gently before whispering.

“Daddy loves you June. Even if the next few days will be me saying goodbye and you slowly breathing your last. I would forever hold on to that. I don't care but I'm proud of you baby. I'm proud of how you've walked into many clinical trials and you came out unscathed. Even if the majority won't work and you would still raise your head and not lose hope. You inspire me June, you inspire me to do better. No matter what life is throwing at me, I don't mind and I would forever be your superhero. I love you baby” He ended his speech by kissing her forehead and dimming the lamp. he adjusted the duvet and he walked to the door before Amelia followed suit. 

“Jordan, no matter what happens. I am here for you, I will be here for you, and allow me to be there for you on every step of the journey. I know it's hard watching your child die slowly but I want to hold your hands as you walk through everything and be your support. That's what best friends are for and I'm telling you that on each step of the way, you will see me there. I love you Jordan and I'm proud of your strength.” Amelia declared before pulling him into a hug. She hoped she was pouring all her feelings into the hug and this human realizes that she would be there for him if he let her. 

Jordan felt loved all over again and he knew if he would be grateful of people and things, he would forever be grateful that he had this woman in his corner. This was what best friends are truly for and he was glad that they were doing this forever thing together.