“A substitute?” I can't help but ask him, and he responds immediately."Hmm, a substitute," Rizzo says with a nod. "Gallagher uses a substitute for you, and uses the darkness to hide you in the crowd," he confirms, continuing to fill in the gaps of information for me. “While they both went out thinking we’ll chase them while someone will hide you from me.” He continued as the stunned expression on my face widened; I hadn't even considered it in this light.I’m still processing this as Rizzo's voice reverberated again, and he even clapped this time. He's clapping, and the amused grin on his face has reached his eyes, giving me a sense of familiarity as I look at him.“A good plan, indeed. Almost perfect, even.” he stopped his hand and said, with a sly glint in his eyes, "But it won't work on me. Gallagher miscalculated this time. I wonder how his face is right now.”So, ever since we went to that party, Zach has had this plan in place in case Rizzo ever comes looking for me. And he did
A few minutes later, the sound of the door opening reached my ears, and I immediately looked in its direction. Two women enter the door, wearing suits as well.They didn’t look like some maids at all but more like the bodyguards that Rizzo had. I watch them approach me, and after they are already at the foot of the bed, they both look at me and then bow their head as a greeting to me.My brows furrowed at this action. Is this a custom or what? This is too respectful for a hostage, isn’t it?They soon straightened up and looked at me again, and the one with short hair spoke first; her delicate appearance was really deceiving. She looks far younger to be in this world. I continued to observe them, remaining in my position.“Mist— Uhm, Miss Addalyn, we are here as your personal attendants. You can ask us anything you want, and we can deliver it to you right away,” she said with a smile on her lips, but with how she stumbled on her first word, I wondered what she was about to call me earl
Clive, I mutter that name inside my mind. A frown gradually appears on my lips as I raise my gaze and look at him seriously as if trying so hard to recall his face in my memory.Despite knowing this name for the first time, it had a familiar sense to it as I had already repeated it. Looking at him now, perhaps we have a history after all.I averted my gaze away from him, shifted to the food, and then started putting dishes on my plate. I might be in the enemy’s territory, and I don’t need to starve myself. Especially now that I suddenly have a goal in mind while staying in this mansion.And that is to know what is the mystery behind our relationship. Looking back, it seems Zach is always out of control when he sees me with Clive. That is not normal. I can think of many solutions, but the most logical reason is he also knew something I didn’t.Putting a lot of dishes in my mouth, I didn’t bother the man I was with as my grip on the food utensils had become tighter. The realization that
My hand shook as I turned around slowly and looked at him. My questioning gaze landed on him, yet nothing was visible in his expression, only gazing back at me with a serious expression as if what he said had not made my emotions become a mess.I knew that he wouldn’t say anything to me because he acted like this. Giving me that clue and then shrugging it off as nothing. My lips tremble, and I gaze at him fiercely.This feeling of knowing nothing of what is missing in myself is making me upset; no more than that, I despise this feeling. Zach is like this, saying some of the truth but obviously hiding something. While this man is also like this, but even worse.He is clearly saying some important clue yet acting as if clueless as well. What is it that they are hiding from me? This is seriously making my stomach churn from burning emotions.“Then, why don’t you accompany me?” I suddenly blurt it out of nowhere, and we are both stunned by what I said, yet I don’t intend to take it back s
“So you really do know something?” Despite the surge of emotions in my mind, I managed to voice out to him.His eyes drooped slightly as he stared intently at me. I know he didn’t have any intention of answering me. My lips trembles looking at him.“Why can’t you just tell me?” I asked another after his silence.How foolish of me to ask another question when I know fully that I won’t receive any answer from him. I just hate it, and resentment is starting to take root inside of me.What is it that they are hiding from me? If they don’t have any intention to tell me in the first place, then why reveal it to me? Now, I’m regretting that night. If only... I stop my curiosity.Then, I’m still only stressed with the marriage and nothing else. Suddenly, everything becomes even more complex with each passing day.“I want to,” he whispers as I look at him, “However, it’s not time yet. Everything will become complicated for you if I do so.”He seems sincere, and the way his green eyes an obviou
My pupils shook as I shifted my confused eyes from him to the rifle in my trembling hands and grasped it.The rifle is not heavy at all in my hand. It is even lighter than the one gun I held that night in the club. Yet, unlike that night, it is not cold at all but warm, hot even.I am unsure if this is really the temperature of this gun or if it is just my perception of it because of my emotions. Nonetheless, as I held onto it, my heart started beating loudly to the point that I could hear it directly in my ears.What did he mean that this gun had an answer to my identity? How come... am I supposed to be familiar with it? This is seriously confusing me. All of it.“Are you telling me that I’ve used this before? Is that it?” I asked again, and it was such a wonder that despite my emotions being a mess, my voice didn’t crack or tremble.I didn’t look at his expression and only fixed my gaze on the gun as if looking at it for long will miraculously give the answer I wanted. Clive removes
The moment Clive embraced me, my mind suddenly became conflicted, as if it became split into two. The other side urged me to push the man, while the other wanted to melt in his arms.It seems after I met him, a new personality had suddenly awoken inside of me. My mind seems a bit in an argument against each other. However, what my body needed at that moment won.I didn’t push Clive and slowly leaned against him and put all of my weight on him. The exhaustion from remembering something gradually appeared in my mind, and I had no time to question my actions.Clive is very warm, and for some reason, a familiar feeling once again envelopes me. It’s not something only because of something like deja vu; it is something beyond that. As if I’m so used to being in his arms before.Despite what I was feeling at that time, something became clear to me. This man... I’m finally sure that I knew of him before. Were we in some kind of affair before? That’s why Zach hates him and the reason he didn’t
We only remain in that position for a few moments, neither of us saying anything. The way Clive clutched my hand tightly never loosened even for a second, and it somehow helped lessen the pain from my throbbing head.It is only my illusion, but still, it works, and having someone by my side made me feel like I’m not alone. It’s pretty ironic that I don’t trust the man, yet I’m comfortable being with him. I don't even know my feelings now.However, my circumstances are really preventing me from thinking too much. Whenever I did, it seemed someone was hammering on my head. It is so painful, but I still endure it, not letting myself succumb to darkness once more.I don’t know why I’m being stubborn as well, but I forced myself to stay awake. I don’t know how many moments have passed until the faint sound of the door opening reaches my ears.My eyes remained shut, even though I also wanted to know who entered the room. The only thing I could do at the moment was to listen."Master," a sof
It started that day. I feel guilty, but the interval between when I go insane is getting longer and longer. And using the counteractive drug won’t help me much anymore, or it will make my condition much worse. "Clive," I mumbled amidst the dim light of my room. I’m lying in bed while he sits in bed beside me. I can’t see most of his expressions, but his side profile is deeply reflected in my pupils. He lowered his gaze and hummed in his baritone voice. "What is it?" he asked carefully.For some reason, it makes me think that I’m fragile and that any wrong word or move can trigger that madness within me. I hate this, but it's only in this rare moment when I’m sober that I can have a conversation with him. "Something is wrong with me," I say with much certainty. I’m not dumb. I know that there is something horribly wrong with me. I want to accuse anyone, but it makes me wonder why. Why is this happening? Am I truly insane? or some kind of substance within me? I don’t know. Clive t
As I calmed down, it gradually became clear in my mind that the memories of when I suddenly lost myself had flooded in. The fear that is sprouting in my mind completely resides within me. It’s like, I already know that something is wrong, but for some inexplicable reason, I don’t want to admit it either. The conflicting reasons are making it even harder for me to assess the situation. "Clive," I call his name, as his hand slides down from my eyes, and yet my eyes remain closed. "What is it?" he asked in a soothing voice, as though afraid to agitate my emotions again. A bitter smile emerges from my lips, and I’m aware that what I did earlier is truly not normal. Until now, I can still feel the way I want to kill everyone in my sight, as I kept on asking them, How did they know me when I don’t even know myself?This is fucked up, but I don’t have an answer within me either. "Will I get crazy again?" My low tone reveals my confusion as well as the anxiety that overwhelms me as I spe
I always ask myself, Is it real that I’m finding myself, or am I gradually losing myself? What is the real answer to this question? That is yet to be determined, or perhaps I already know it deep inside my heart. Lowering my head and suddenly falling silent, I only saw Clive’s feet on the ground after a few seconds; he is already in front of me. Slowly, I lifted my head, and our eyes met. Those eyes are still the same as the moment I saw them for the first time in that bar. They were particularly mysterious and oppressive, and yet as I stare at them, those green eyes seem to have a lot to say but can’t for some reason."What do you think of my skills?" He started grinning, showing his white teeth. "Impressive?" His brows playfully move. My throat moved after swallowing all the questions that were about to come out of my lips. Calling them questions is not appropriate either. In fact, they are all doubts... to which I am afraid to know the answer. "You are," I replied, not breaking
Our tongues intertwine as I almost can’t breathe, as though Clive is determined to take all my breath away. I didn’t even know where we changed locations or if I walked by myself or if he carried me as my back was suddenly pressed against the hard surface of the table. A moan couldn’t help but escape from my lips when Clive suddenly bit my lips, letting me open my mouth for his invasive tongue to completely take over and explore the insides of my mouth as though he couldn’t wait to mark his territory. With my lightheaded mind that suddenly becomes filled with pleasure and the tingling that wells up in my gut, I hold Clive’s arms with my left hand, and my other hand encircles his neck. He is now standing in between my legs, his right hand holding my legs to steady them around his waist, while his left hand is holding my chin and tracing my jaw, deepening the kiss even further. I can't even seriously respond to the kiss, aside from the tingling and weird feeling that it brought. Ther
I don't know where it started but I am now looking at Clive in a different light. Is it bad to feel secure in the words of your abductor? Perhaps it really is. Have I gone totally insane, or is the influence of my past self slowly coming back to me? Is this what Stockholm syndrome feels like? However, even though I know that this is bad, I can’t seem to stop either. Without responding to him, I nodded my head and turned my head to gaze at the dark shooting target. Holding the gun in my hand, which seemed to become particularly heavy, I positioned my body, not minding if it was right. Finally, my finger clicked the trigger at the same time that my pupils seemed to narrow as all the instincts that this body had surfaced. My blood boiled as though celebrating after all the pent-up years, so I shot another and didn’t stop. Amidst the sounds of the gun, there is a ringing in my ears as I can hear the circulation of my blood as I keep shooting with my heart accelerating, yet my expressio
I roam my eyes around after entering the underground training room, it’s still the same as when I first came here. The only thing that is different is my current mood, which was way too tense last time and has now begun to relax. And my relationship with Clive was far too tense before—although it’s still now, it has made such considerable progress that I can look around this room without worrying. I have the time to look at the variety of guns and weapons inside. I don’t know their names and have never seen them before, but for some reason, they actually feel so familiar to me. This doesn’t stump me anymore; after the last time, I no longer try to deny my connection with the underground world. It is a step for me to accept my real self, even though I don’t know if it’s a good thing. I can’t deny myself. I reach out and take one gun off the shelf and touch it curiously. It is different from the rifle I used last time. As I look at it, it feels as though I have an insight, which ra
I fall silent, and my mind repeats my words in my mind. What the heck, what did I say? Seriously, I just blurted that out from nowhere and even so naturally.Clive is also looking at me, although I can’t actually read his thoughts at all. Is he going to tease me for it? However, the man is still staring at me like his soul has left him, and I am so shocked by what I said.I gave a dry cough to try to get rid of the awkward feeling in the room caused by my loud mouth. Then I pretended to laugh as well."I mean, I’m just joking." I start with my reasoning, which is clearly that I’m not good at this and I don’t even know what I’m saying. But since I already started, I have to continue, right? In the first place, I’m the one who created this atmosphere."Are you the only one who could joke? Whatever, I’m going to sleep." And then I averted my gaze, turning my back to him, before shamelessly trying so hard to integrate myself into the mattress as if that would make me invincible.Shutting
"Clive, who really are you?" Amidst the silence, I inquired as if it were random.I think it’s also random; it just came out of my mouth. However, I think it’s because I’m so curious and want to know him more. I feel like once i fully know him, the light of my past will expose itself to me.It sounds so ridiculous, but that’s really how I think at that moment."It depends. Who do you want me to be?" As his voice rang, I shifted my gaze to him. Like me, he is also looking at the green scenery in front of them.And when I glance at him, he turns and faces me as well. He still had his casual expression, however, and I can sense that there is something within.My brows furrow as I hear this question again. It comes from a different question, but it also means the same thing."Why can’t you just directly answer me? Is it hard?" I argued, although my voice was still low, and I emphasized my words to let him know I really didn’t like how he answered sometimes.Clive answers me and reveals th
My mouth slightly opens, and I'm about to ask him what the appropriate word is for him to respond, but it feels as if something lump in my throat is preventing me from saying anything.What is it that is stopping me from asking Clive? I shake my head, and a wry smile appears on my lips. Do I really not know the answer? Of course, I have an idea, but I don’t want to think about it yet.I don’t want to ruin this deceivingly harmonious atmosphere around us, and if I can, I want to hold on to it for as long as I can.The silence shrouded us once more. It isn’t uncomfortable, but it gives the illusion that everything is fine. Why does it need to be fake if it feels so stable and secure?“Are you sleepy?” I ask after another moment of silence, my fingers playing with the covers. Actually, I’m so drowsy that I want to lie down and sleep again.Yet, I also don’t want to waste time sleeping again, even though I know it’s a side effect of the medicine. I still force myself to stay awake and tal