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Who I Am
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2024-05-24 02:46:39Related chapters
Let Me In Telling Dad
EvieI slowly dressed, reaching for the zipper that ran up the side of the blue gown I was wearing to my father’s award ceremony. My arms felt heavy and my fingers felt like they didn’t want to work. The very last thing I wanted to do was get dressed up. My heart was broken. It literally felt broken in my chest. I stepped in front of the mirror and grimaced when I saw my puffy eyes and pale complexion.Tonight was going to require extra makeup. I didn’t want my father to see my suffering. Tonight was his night. I would not ruin it for him. I would sit at his table, a place of honor, and smile. I would drink champagne and make small talk with the other people seated at our table. I would play the gracious daughter and make my father proud.I carefully put on my makeup, hiding the dark circles under my eyes and doing my best to make my complexion look bright and healthy. I left my hair down and put on some very simple jewelry. It took every ounce of energy I had to get ready. All I want
Last Updated : 2024-05-24Let Me In Gone
EvieThat was unexpected. “He doesn’t want me around. He made that very clear.”“Make him want you. He needs you. He doesn’t know it, but he does. He will push you away. I pushed everyone away. I didn’t want anyone to see me as weak. I refused to cry. I thought if I cried, it made me weak. It took me a very long time to come to terms with my grief. It was actually your mother who helped me to see it wasn’t my fault. Things happen. I had this idea in my head I was some kind of powerful creature capable of fighting fate. Your Xander is very much the same. He’s stubborn and bullheaded and he has the same mindset. He thinks he can do anything. This is going to be a blow.”My dad had never opened up to me. He had never been so honest with his feelings. I leaned forward and hugged him. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.”“I’ve coped. Now, it’s time for you to help him cope.”“I don’t know how to do that.”“Go to him.”“Not right now,” I told him.He smiled. “No, right now, I’d
Last Updated : 2024-05-24Let Me In I'm Done
Xander I stared up at the ugly ceiling with the plain tiles. There was a hint of yellowing in one corner. It was to be expected in an environment like this, I supposed. I wasn’t going to panic and demand another hotel room. I didn’t care enough to move.I’d made it to Oregon the day before and had yet to leave the hotel. I wasn’t sure what I was doing there. My dad would not be pleased to see me. The moment of kindness, if it could be called that when he called to inform me of my brother’s death, would be fleeting. I knew that as much as I knew the wind would be blowing at the beach.The ringing of a phone disturbed the total quiet in the room. At first, I assumed it was coming from the room next to mine or above mine. Then I remembered it was my new phone with a ringtone I wasn’t quite used to. The damn thing had been ringing pretty steadily since this morning.I knew why. I’d fucked up. I’d blown off the meeting. It was an important meeting, but it wouldn’t have changed my life, ex
Last Updated : 2024-05-24Let Me In Go Away
XanderIt was time to face the very thing I came to Oregon to deal with. I was putting it off, but that wasn’t going to make it go away. I grabbed the keys to the rental car I picked up at the airport in Portland and drove out to my father’s modest house near the beach.I knocked on the door, feeling an acidic burn low in my belly. When he finally opened the door, I immediately regretted my decision to show up unannounced. He was drunk. I could smell the alcohol coming off him in waves. His eyes were bloodshot, and it didn’t look like he had showered in days. I doubted he had. Probably not since he got the news.“Dad,” I said, unsure of what to expect from him.“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked.I shrugged. “What do you think I’m doing here?”“You shouldn’t have come.”He walked away from the front door. I followed him into the house and watched as he poured a glass of straight Jack before taking a drink.“I came to help with the funeral arrangements,” I said.He scoffed. “
Last Updated : 2024-05-24Let Me In Felon
EvieI cleaned myself up after discovering Xander’s absence, but I was still a mess. I found myself randomly bursting into tears for no good reason. Half the time I didn’t even know what I was crying about.I just felt fried. My nerves were raw. Every little thing made me cry for no good reason. I stubbed my toe on a chair leg and I burst into tears. I looked at the ocean and I cried. I felt as if I was grieving the loss of not just Kade but Xander.I’d lost him. I’d lost the man I cared for and someone I considered to be a good friend, a companion.I wanted to help Xander. I wanted to know he was okay. I was terrified for him. I hated to think he was alone. I was imagining all kinds of things. I did have an active imagination. It was why I was so good at my job. In this situation, that imagination was not working well for me. I pictured him alone in a dark room, sad and distraught and hating himself.I knew the relationship between him and his father was strained. Who did he have to
Last Updated : 2024-05-24Let Me In Not Easy
EvieNelle had no idea. “And now he’s gone. He wants nothing to do with me. He’s gone and that’s that.”She rolled her eyes. “And you’re just going to give up?”“He’s made his feelings abundantly clear.”“Would you want him to give up if the situation was reversed?”“What do you mean?” I asked.“Would you want him to be there for you if you lost someone important in your life? Imagine you lost your father. Can you imagine getting through it without him to lean on?”That hit home. “No. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t want to be alone, but it’s different.”“He might not know what it’s like to have someone. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”I groaned. “But I can’t make him want my help.”“Evie, I know you, like really, really know you. You broke into the man’s house, and now you’re going to throw up your hands and walk away? That does not sound like you. Pity Party, party of one, sitting right here.”“I’m not giving up, but I’m not going to make things worse for him.”“Oh, you mean by being the
Last Updated : 2024-05-24Let Me In The Funeral
XanderI parked the rental car on the opposite side of the street from the funeral home. I got out and leaned against the driver’s side door. A steady stream of mourners made their way inside. I had spotted my dad’s car when I drove by the first time. He was one of the first to arrive. Technically, I was first but I never stopped the car. I had been circling the funeral home for an hour.I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. It wasn’t like I would be viewing his body. There would be a big picture of him smiling.No, that wasn’t right. My father would have chosen a photo of him in his uniform. His celebration of life would be more of a celebration of his military career, something I was not a part of. I didn’t understand a lot of it. I certainly didn’t share in the joy of being a military man.A young woman wearing a very small black dress openly sobbed. I didn’t recognize her. Hell, I didn’t recognize most of the people making their way into the home. I didn’t feel like I belonged. I
Last Updated : 2024-05-24Let Me In Here for You
Xander“I know him quite well,” Evie said calmly.“Don’t,” I warned when he opened his mouth. “You can hate me. You can say what you want about me, but she does not deserve your hatred.”He shot me one last glare but didn’t get a chance to say anything nasty. Someone approached him to offer their condolences, freeing me from being trapped in a back and forth with him. Evie led me away.The moment I stepped through the doors into the packed chapel area, I saw Kade’s picture on a massive screen above a platform that was littered with flower arrangements. I didn’t move. I stared at the picture of him smiling and wearing his BDUs.It felt like he was looking directly at me. My heart lurched as I looked into my brother’s smiling eyes. A sound escaped my throat.Evie dropped my hand and put an arm around my shoulders. With a strong but gentle force, she began to lead me down the aisle toward the front row.“No,” I said, pulling back. “Not there.”“You are family. You should sit in the front
Last Updated : 2024-05-24
Latest chapter
Let Me In Epilogue Part 2
XanderLaughter floated out of the ballroom behind us. I was glad everyone was having a good time. It was the culmination of a lot of hard work over the year. Every person in there deserved to celebrate their success, including Charlie’s crew.“What kind of business?” she asked. “Are you guys cooking up another scheme to make ships even faster?”“No. I think I’m good for a while now. I have more important matters to focus on.”She touched my cheek. “I better be one of those matters.”“You are. You absolutely are.”“My dad is pretty excited to be a part of all of this,” she commented.“He should be. He made it possible, which is why I gave him a check for his cut of the profits.”Her mouth fell open. “You did what?”I shrugged. “Without him, I never would have gotten those first few ships to try out the new hardware. He offered suggestions that made it work even better. He deserved—no, he earned—that money.”“Wow. Did he accept it?”I laughed and nodded. “Oh yeah, he did. His name is a
Let Me In Epilogue Part 1
XanderOne year laterPride. That was what I felt in that moment. My ships were heading out to sea. Everyone else was already making their way back away from the dock. I couldn’t leave just yet. I watched the ships navigate out to sea one at a time. I didn’t have children, but I imagined what I was feeling was similar to what a proud papa would feel.I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Charlie next to me.“This is a big day,” he said.“It is. You pulled it off.”“You pulled it off.”“What do you think?” I asked him. “Is it going to work? Do you foresee them falling apart halfway around the world?”He shook his head. “My guys did excellent work. That shit is solid.”“Good. Those test ships seem to be holding up.”“Of course, they will. My team is the best. Your idea wasn’t half-bad either.”“Thanks,” I said, watching as one of the ships cleared the harbor.“You know, you could have made a lot more money with that plan,” he lectured.“I could have but I already have a lot of
Let Me In Shaking Things Up
Evie“I’m going to make love to you all night,” he promised. “This is just the beginning. This is to tide me over until we get home. I want you in my bed. I want me inside you.”“Yes,” I gasped, my head dropping to my chest as he slid in and out of me. Every stroke touched new places. Every stroke sent my body into a wild tailspin of desire and need. “Please. Please. Don’t stop.”He didn’t speed up his pace. He kept moving in that slow steady rhythm, sliding in, grinding his hips, and then gliding out and leaving just the tip inside me. The spasms rocking through me made it difficult for me to remain standing. I wanted to crumble in a heap at his feet with him still inside me.“This is just the first,” he said, his voice strained. “I can’t hold back. Your body is milking me. You are too tight. Too hot. Too fucking wet.”“Don’t hold back,” I told him. I needed his release. I could feel mine hovering just out of reach as if my body refused to give in until it had his complete surrender.
Let Me In Making Love in the Park
EvieI was being terribly irresponsible. I was not the girl who got naked in the park and had sex. Unfortunately, when I was with Xander, all bets were off.And he loved me. The words echoed through my mind over and over. He loved me. I would follow him into the fires of hell knowing he loved me. I didn’t realize just how badly I needed to hear those words from him.He loved me. I loved him. I didn’t know what that meant for the two of us, but damn if I was going to pass up the chance to find out. The way he was kissing me was different. Maybe it was mind over matter, but I could practically taste the love on his tongue. It was in the way he touched me. The gentleness of his hand on my cheek, holding me steady while his tongue plundered inside my mouth.“Over here,” he said as he broke his mouth away from mine.I felt a little dazed. His kiss made me feel drunk on lust. Again, I was ready to follow him anywhere if it meant I got more kisses like that. He took my hand and led me away f
Let Me In I Love You
Xander“Xander, I want to believe you, but I’m hesitant.”“I know. I expect that. It isn’t just the memories of Kade that brought me back. You. Memories of being with you. Thinking about this place and our time together. Those are all really good memories. I want more memories like that.”“You are saying all the right things,” she said with a smile. “You know I can’t resist you.”“I’m counting on it.”“I’m glad you are back,” she said.“Me too. Does this mean you will entertain the idea of having a relationship with me?”“I could be convinced,” she said.“I am going to work very hard to convince you,” I vowed.She sipped her wine. “How are you doing? Like really doing?”“I’m doing a lot better thanks to you.”“Thanks to me?”“You are a sneaky little lady,” I told her.She raised her eyebrows. “Me? Sneaky?”“I got a call yesterday.”“Congratulations.”“Oh, you’re cheeky too.” I laughed. I opened the picnic basket and pulled out the small cheese tray and peeled back the plastic. “You ho
Let Me In Forgive Me
XanderI was so close to losing her. I sensed it in her voice. I wasn’t expecting her to jump at the chance to see me, but I wasn’t expecting such resistance either.The sense of urgency I felt was making me anxious. I couldn’t imagine my life without her. It had taken me way too long to realize how I felt about her. Anytime I thought about my life in a month or a year or in ten years, she was there. I wasn’t sure how it happened, but I knew she was a person I wanted in my life. It wasn’t even a want. It was a need. I needed the woman like I needed air.I was prepared to chase her down if I had to. I would do whatever it took to make her hear me out. I knew there was still a chance she would kick me to the curb. I wouldn’t blame her if she did. I had fucked up. A lot. I would spend the next year trying to convince her to give me a chance. I couldn’t explain when things clicked but they had.It was like the light went on. I hated that I was so ignorant for so damn long. I hated to thin
Let Me In Our Spot
Evie“I don’t know,” I answered. “I didn’t take the call. I was in a meeting. And it wasn’t the kind of meeting that allowed me to answer my phone.”“Did he leave a voicemail?”“Nope.”“I hate that,” she groaned.“Me too. If it was important, he could leave a message. The guy has fallen off the face of the earth again. He hasn’t called or texted and now he blows up my phone? I’m not interested.”“Liar,” she shot back.“Okay, I am interested but I don’t want to make it too easy.”“You know you’re never going to be able to think of anything else if you don’t call him back and find out what he wants.”“Won’t that make me sound like I’m desperate for his attention?” I asked.“No. The man called you. Calling him back is just polite.”Truly, I was looking for her approval. She had given it to me and now I was anxious to call him and find out. “I’m going to do it.”“Let me know,” she said and hung up.I held the phone in my hand, tapping it against my forehead. I needed to mentally brace mys
Let Me In What Does He Want?
EvieI pulled up the images from a sweet-sixteen party I had planned about six months ago before I turned my laptop for the new client to see.“Oh wow, that is stunning!” the mother exclaimed.“I don’t want pink,” the spoiled princess pouted.I smiled, remaining calm. “You don’t have to have pink. You can choose any color you want.”“No,” the mother quickly interjected. “We are not having black.”The girl scowled. “I wasn’t going to say black.”I kept my smile in place. The affluent family had reached out to me last week. Initially, I didn’t want to do it. I was in no mood to deal with a spoiled teenager.“What colors were you thinking about?” I asked.“Purple,” she answered. “I want several shades of purple.”“Oh, that’s very regal,” her mother said with a relieved smile. “I like it.”“I was at a party you planned for my friend like a year ago,” the young girl said. “She said you were really good. My party has to be better than her party.”Ah, teenage envy. “We will do our best.”“We
Let Me In Go Fix It
Xander“No, I don’t suppose it was. You did it for yourself. You made something of yourself. I’ve kept my head in the sand, trying to ignore what you’ve been doing. I did a little research. You have changed the world, just like you said you were going to. You really did something remarkable. Your mother used to show me newspaper clippings with your name. I know I didn’t say it, but I’m proud of you. I’ve always been proud of you.”I put the bottle of beer down. I could not continue to drink it if he was going to send me into coughing fits every time he dropped one of his little bombshells. “You are?”“I am. I should have told you before. You are my son. I’ve said some pretty shitty things. I don’t know how to make them go away but I was hoping we could try and start over.”I felt like I was being pranked. Maybe I was dreaming. In thirty-two years, my father had never believed I was worthy of his last name. “You want to start over? I’m sorry, Dad. This is all coming out of left field.
