CHAPTER TWO

Chapter Two

I lean over the toilet, expelling the minute contents of my stomach. Hot tears sting my tears as they rolled down my cheeks and into my mouth. I barely made it out of the hall before crumbling into a mess of hot tears and choking sobs on the floor. I forced myself to hug Cleo congratulations before making my getaway. Hopefully, she will be too busy getting congratulated to look for me. I do not want her to see me in the pitiful state that I am.

   I cannot believe that I am casted as the understudy of the Sugarplum Fairy. Cleo’s understudy. I feel like a pathetic failure. Ms. Azizen must be going blind if she thinks that Cleo is a better dancer than I am. She must be out of her mind!

   I can only imagine what the other ballerinas are saying about me. They must be laughing their leg warmers off by now!

   With a tired groan, I push my frail body of the floor of the toilet and push the lever. I watch the water swirl in the toilet bowl, taking the breakfast I had with it. I look into the mirror and a thin, sallow skinned girl stares back. “You have to get back what is yours,” I tell her. She nods in agreement, determination burning in her hazel eyes.

   I splash tap water on my face before going to confront Ms. Azizen. She is hunched over some paperwork when I walked into her office. Her face breaks into a smile when she raises her eyes and sees me.

   “Ah, Gigi!” she exclaimed, “just the girl I wanted to see.”

    I slump into the armchair opposite her, pleasantly surprised. “You wanted to see me, ma?”

   She bobs her head. “I was just about to send for you. How are you doing?”

   “I am fine,” I say, against my better judgement.

   Ms. Azizen smiles again. This is twice the amount of smiles I have seen on her in weeks. There is something about memorising ballet routines and perfecting your technique that keeps your smiles at bay.

   “The President of The Apex Ballet Company sent a letter of compliment to you. He wants you to know that the company is eager for your audition in a few months.” Ms. Azizen pushes a white envelope to me with the smile still frozen on her face.

   I cannot believe my ears. I grab the envelope, feeling it to see if it is real. A thought enters my mind and my happiness dissipates as the glee is replaced by anger and suspicion. “If I am as great as the President says I am,” I begin slowly, I feel my eyes narrow as I speak, “why am I casted as the understudy not the Sugarplum Fairy?”

    Ms. Azizen huffs and her smile wavers then disappears. She was waiting for this question. She knew I would not accept failure without a word; that was not how my Dad raised me.

   “Gigi,” she says as her gaze meets mine, “believe me when I said that it was not an easy choice picking Cleo over you—”

   “What did I do wrong?” I burst out. “I worked so hard, ma! I made sure I perfected my techniques! Everything was on time and I never missed a beat. You said it yourself that I am a skilled dancer.” I cannot believe that I am yelling at Ms. Azizen. It is something that is unheard of. I feel like I just finished a ballet routine.

    “Gigi,” Ms. Azizen says calmly, her eyes are still locked on my face and she is watching me with something that resembles pity on her features. I do not want her pity. “You are a star, everyone knows that. Your steps are like that of a prima ballerina but you lack something very important, something that cannot be practised nor taught. Something that Cleo has.”

   I sit up straighter in the armchair and lean in. “What is that, Ms. Azizen?”

  “Emotion,” she spits out. “Your steps are prim and poise but you display no emotion! No passion!”  She picks up the small statue of a ballerina and her desk and says, “You dance like this statue, Gigi. Now, do not be upset, you are a perfect dancer but you do not become your role. Be happy for Cleo, she is your best friend, isn’t she?”

    I curse Ms. Azizen under my breath as I make my way out of her office and back to my room.  She does not know anything about me! She does not know that ballet is the only thing that I know how to do.

   I push open the door to my room when I hear Cleo’s happy voice behind me.

   “Gigi!” The cheer in her tone makes me want to wince. Slowly, I turn on my heels to face her. She is still in her leotard and leg warmers. Her face has a nice glow to it and her plump lips are shiny with gloss. “Where have you been?” she asks as she pulls me into a hug. “I have been looking everywhere for you!”

   “I-I was just . . . around,” I reply pathetically.

    She does not seem to notice my pathetic reply and links her fingers into mine. “We can practise Sugarplum Fairy together!” she says, grinning from ear to ear, “that will be great, won’t it?”

    “Of course,” I say with a nod because I am not supposed to say anything else. Cleo is my best friend and she would have been happy if I was the one who was casted as the SuSugarplum Fairy“I cannot wait for us to practise together.”

   “I will be dancing with Adam,” she tells me with glistening eyes, “can you imagine?”

   I feel like someone took a hammer to my heart. I close my eyes and will the pain away. Cleo does not know about my crush on Adam. Despite being my best friend, I do not tell her about my crushes. I am simply too embarrassed. Of course she knows that everyone finds Adam attractive but I have not told her how serious my feelings are.

   I open my mouth to congratulate her on snagging a much wanted opportunity when I hear Adam’s tenor voice behind us.